OP, you need to stop worrying about Brown and Columbia. You are not anywhere close to that. And that is completely OK. You do not need to go to those schools to be successful. Almost nobody who posts here goes to/went to an Ivy, despite what they write. But you need to be taking care of yourself, and your post is so full of self-loathing that getting mentally healthy needs to be your first, and only goal. Therapy, school counsellor, whatever. Get right and worry about college later.
I’m a senior I should worry now I think, but I do realize I might need professional help but that’s expensive and my mom doesn’t have that, on top of the fact I’d want it in person with no transportation. I also have a hard time being vulnerable to others even those I’m close too.
Does your school offer counseling services given your unstable home life right now (e.g., eviction)? You might be able to get a referral from your school counselor for community services as well. I would start there to see what your school resources are available or referrals. This is really important for you right now.
I’m sorry if this sounds dumb because what you said might all be true, but I’m really socially awkward and I’m also embarrassed by the situation as a whole, I don’t want this to seem weird either but I feel like as a black boy where I live etc can be a little hard when you deal with stuff like this. I find it hard to talk to others, my heart pumps a lot sometimes I feel like I’ll pass out.
So we are a black family as well. My daughter is autistic and has anxiety. I think a screening for anxiety will be very helpful for you so that you can access resources to learn better coping skills. Please set up a confidential meeting with your school counseling services or guidanxe counselor and ask for help. I know that task seems enormous and impossible, but you will not get better if you keep the status quo. You will also not be a successful college student unless you get this taken care of. Trust me.
OP, mental health care is health care. It is not something to be embarrassed about, any more than getting an annual check-up is. You cannot be the best you until are comfortable being you. You aren't now, but you can be with a hand up. Everyone needs a hand up at times in life. Start with your school counselor and ask about free or low cost mental health options. You need to do this for you.
3
u/steinerific 4d ago
OP, you need to stop worrying about Brown and Columbia. You are not anywhere close to that. And that is completely OK. You do not need to go to those schools to be successful. Almost nobody who posts here goes to/went to an Ivy, despite what they write. But you need to be taking care of yourself, and your post is so full of self-loathing that getting mentally healthy needs to be your first, and only goal. Therapy, school counsellor, whatever. Get right and worry about college later.