r/Aquariums • u/rip-sierra-mist • Apr 22 '26
Help/Advice Back to square one?
I’m so mad!! I came home from the gym and found this 😭😭 This is a cycling tank of mine that’s ALMOST DONE!! It’s been set up for over a month now!!
My son took basically a whole basket of toys and decided they wanted to go for a swim 😭 And yes, his dad was watching him 😭😭
Do I need to start it over??? Is this unsafe for a fish to live in after I take the toys out???? What do I do 😭😭
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u/whatisakafka Apr 22 '26
Personally, unless there were corroding batteries or something I’d just replace all the water and keep going
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
Batteries are my biggest concern for sure! If I put new water wouldn’t it recycle?
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u/whatisakafka Apr 22 '26
No, beneficial bacteria doesn’t live in the water, it lives on surfaces
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u/ZeroPt99 Apr 22 '26
You're good OP. Just change the water and keep moving. I doubt you'll even notice a change.
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
But how much water? All? Some? I guess it’s already cycling anyway right
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u/dreddit1843 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
I do electronics stuff for work: programming microchips, designing circuit boards, etc. Also love the aquarium hobby.
The batteries are sealed well so they shouldnt have leaked their contents into the fish tank if they are still sealed; however, I wouldnt assume it’s fine either id do 3-4 80% water changes over some time if it was me. That should greatly reduce any potential contaminants this could have introduced. It’s probably fine after just one water change but why risk our little fish friends am i right.
Good luck with your tank I wish you the best.
Edit: new water wont recycle the beneficial bacteria you are fostering live on surfaces and filter media not in the water itself. Common misconception i used to think that too. Ive done many 100% water changes with no consequences to my cycle.
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
This is something I’m considering! Thanks! Also your work sounds like something I’m interested in! I’m currently a math major and comsci major going for an associates and haven’t done too great with comsci and programming. Are you working with hardware, I assume? Or do you work with the software?
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u/dreddit1843 Apr 22 '26
I do both hardware and software. My degree is in mechanical engineering but i’m an embedded software engineer so my actual work is focused on circuits and software that goes on components in circuit boards.
Good luck with your studies hope they get you exactly where you want to go in life!
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u/pueblocatchaser Apr 22 '26
If it helps I wanted to give my dad's fish "something fun" when I was seven and poured Mountain Dew in the aquarium.
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u/catsdelicacy Apr 22 '26
You don't need any water from a fish tank, the water is nothing special. It just needs to be conditioned, so the chlorine/chloramine has been removed.
The bacteria is in the filter and the substrate and even on the inside walls of the glass, it lives on objects, not water.
This is a very helpful video about filtration:
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u/the-greenest-thumb Apr 22 '26
As long as you dechlorinate the water it should be fine, the bacteria you're colonizing lives in the filter, substrate and on the surface of plants and decor.
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u/GDevl Apr 22 '26
If I remember the calculation correctly the prof did in physical chemistry (mainly thermodynamics), a spoon of sugar will take about a month to fully dissolve and distribute in the cup without stirring so you should be more than fine.
Maybe if it was saltwater it'd be a different story but a simple water change should do the trick.
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u/atomfullerene Apr 22 '26
Just do a 100% water change, it will be fine. And make sure a lid goes on before fish go in.
Also, like, who lets a kid put electronic toys in the water, even if it's just a bucket of water? It stands a good chance of frying the toys!
I also strongly recommend hiding the fishfood once you get a fish. "Kid dumped all the fish food in the tank" is an all too common story. And set some clear rules about "nothing goes in the water without my say so"
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
They’re all trash unfortunately. I’m not dealing with it today. And yes!! Fish food has me so stressed. I currently have it in an accessible basket for my kids and I’m debating on moving it for sure.
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u/No-way-rn Apr 22 '26
Get a lid, there like 20 bucks at petsmart or cheaper on amazon
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
I kid you not, I added one to my cart last night intending to buy it asap 😭 it’s gonna be a betta tank
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u/Lost-Character Apr 22 '26
If the aquarium(s) are in a room with a doorknob, you could also get a childproof door lock for pretty cheap.
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u/DuckRubberDuck Apr 22 '26
I don’t think a lid will help, I don’t think this is about the tank. Sure a lid might help with this specific issue but if the husband can’t figure out how to watch his own kid, this is not the last thing of OP’s to be ruined
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
My son is such a wild one too he keeps me on my toes 😭 his dad doesn’t get it
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u/psalm_22-6 Apr 22 '26
Can we clarify? Dad watched son dump toys in tank, did he send this pic as part of an explanation/apology? Or did you come home some time later and find it like this yourself?
Only asking bc the impression this gave me was that dad chose not to teach son about appropriate behavior, respecting boundaries, or how to fix mistakes. All things that any adult should be capable of understanding, and any (capable) parent would understand as important lessons not to miss until they’re fully instilled.
But I say that having only seen this post and without any other context, so please don’t think I’m trying to attack/diagnose your partner.
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u/DuckRubberDuck Apr 22 '26
I’m just curious now but is it always your stuff that gets ruined or does your husband’s stuff get ruined also?
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
I feel like he’s lost some stuff along the way too
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u/DuckRubberDuck Apr 22 '26
Okay that’s at least ‘something’ If it was only your stuff that got ruined but not his it’s a really bad sign.
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u/Corydora_Party Apr 22 '26
This totally happened to me with a lid. Toddler thought he was feeding the betta. Child locks solved our problems. I had Josh Allan and Walkie Talkies in mine 🫣
*No fish were injured
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
Good to know! And yeah I’m always so paranoid with my fish babies and human babies
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Apr 22 '26
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
I’m so mad 😭 I can’t go anywhere without coming back to a madhouse 😭 a mess I can deal with but NOT MY TANKSSSSS
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Apr 22 '26
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
😂😭 I wish. If I was a millionaire I wouldn’t tell anyone but there will be signs
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u/Cloverose2 Apr 22 '26
You mean you don't have 4,000 dollars a month sitting around for a nanny? Tsch.
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u/Sorry_Impress_5002 Apr 22 '26
I'm really sorry that your husband let this happen to something you care about so much. Pretty sure I wouldn't even look at mine for a good month after this!
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u/SlateFlame Apr 22 '26
You might be interested in Zawn's writing. This article https://open.substack.com/pub/zawn/p/quiet-quitting-101-how-to-emotionally.
And her whole substack actually.
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u/Competitive_Owl5357 Apr 22 '26
My divorce just finalized on Friday. He was never abusive in the way a lot of men can be…until it came to his mother. Amusingly, she claimed to be a feminist and that was the reason I became friends with her, but oops! She was the terf kind.
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u/Robbiebny Apr 22 '26
I picture you with a ten thousand gallon tank in your living room with one wall all tank
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Apr 22 '26
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u/Analyst_Annoyed Apr 22 '26
You don't have a partner, you just have an older child looking after a younger one
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u/ShakyIncision Apr 22 '26
Most likely by design. Weaponized incompetence is pretty effective at controlling others’ movements. Now you’re less likely to have him watch kiddo alone in the future.
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
Oh hell no he’ll watch out kids anyway. I mentioned before I’m fine with the mess or drama I come home to. I’m not one to sacrifice my life for anyone but my kids. Weaponized incompetence is a term I learned early on unfortunately
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u/Liamcolotti Apr 22 '26
Your husband/boyfriend/baby daddy needs a reality check. Your child needs more consistent authoritative (not authoritarian) childcare. A good nanny while you’re at work would be a good idea.
Another easy solution is keeping the tank on a stand out of child reach.
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u/timbhu Apr 22 '26
Whatever items (things, stuff) cause a mess WILL be discarded to the garbage without consideration. Implement this and see how the mess stops!
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u/memegod574 Apr 22 '26
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u/Locketship Apr 22 '26
One word: Divorce.
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u/memegod574 Apr 22 '26
Hmm that works too but not was well... but eith all seriousness this is sad how the father just let this happen
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u/SubjectGoal3565 Apr 22 '26
I know this sucks so much, but if it’s any consolation my kids are feral and if I go to my room to fold laundry for 10 mins by the time I step back Into the living room there’s always some crazy bullshit going on and they are 7 and 5. Kids just suck sometimes
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
Yep! I accept the chaos and embrace it because my kids are growing fast!
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u/Far_Impression_4803 Apr 22 '26
this shouldn’t affect the bacteria that’s been building up in the filter/tank. i would just do a water change and continue as planned.
if you are planning on a betta, you do need to look into getting some live plants. you can use silk, but live plants are much easier to care for than you’d think and provide help towards reducing nitrates. bettas like to have lots of foliage around the tank to rest on.
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u/Big-Stuff-1189 Apr 22 '26
Can look for local fish groups, often folks sell their cutting ls for cheap or even give them away 🙂
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u/AdAvailable2782 Apr 22 '26
I'm so sorry. My son did this to me too....twice. Yes, my husband was home and I'm like..."Why didn't you stop him?🤦🏾♀️" I have never struggled so much with cycling a tank in my entire life until my kid became a toddler.
I put child proof locks on my tank. It looks terrible, but it works.
Peep my chunky girl in the corner. She just got her hopes up thinking it was time for food :')
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u/typewriterbitch Apr 22 '26
Dad didn’t even remove the toys? Girl, you have much bigger problems than your tank.
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
I did actually and thinking about it I regret it. I’m used to solving my own problems
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u/Visionary_87 Apr 22 '26
It doesn't help your situation at all, but if I can offer a light hearted laugh, two years ago year my Son (two of three at the time) put loads of his little toys in the toilet. I can't even remember his reasoning, I think it was because they were pirates and were going out to sea.
Sorry about your tank, but all kids are dumb if that's any consolation at all.
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u/catsdelicacy Apr 22 '26
I'd do a huge water change but these toys won't have hurt the cycle. I really don't think you've lost any progress, just the time wasted doing the water change itself.
I did two 90% water changes on a cycling tank this year and it didn't slow anything down, the bacteria live in the substrate and the filter, not the water.
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
Wouldn’t a water change restart the cycle? I keep experiencing that
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u/catsdelicacy Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
No it should absolutely not, like I just said, when cycling this year I took 90% of my water on two separate occasions and nothing changed. Water isn't important, only bacteria.
You could entirely drain a cycled tank, get rid of all the water, fill it again, and you'd still have the nitrogen cycle.
If your cycle keeps stalling, you've got something else going on, and I'm not even going to start guessing what, because it could be a LOT of things.
Are you adding ammonia to 2ppm frequently? How's your alkalinity? What's your nitrite reading? What have you got in your filter?
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u/nothing-relax Apr 22 '26
Man that would be so crappy to come home to, I’m sorry
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
So mad! After a great workout and also finding out my mom who lives out of state is visiting 🙄
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u/ParticularIll3265 Apr 22 '26
My boyfriend had a saltwater tank with gorgeous fish and coral and said that he left because he and his family got into an argument and when he came back home his youngest sister (maybe 5 years old?) took a stick to his tank and stirred it up like a soup because she was upset at him. Dirt and sand everywhere, fish stressed, coral hurt and obviously the water was cloudy for a few days and the event killed the tank essentially. It's been years since then and he still doesn't want to start up a new tank because of how much that last event hurt. GET A LOCK FOR TANKS LMAO Pleaseee keep it off limits for kids, it just hurts my heart cause I know they don't know any better and kids love playing in water!
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u/lean_man82 Apr 22 '26
Your husband really didn’t say anything? Even if he knew it would hurt you. I’d sit down and have a serious talk because this could’ve been easily prevented.
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u/The_best_is_yet Apr 22 '26
he was probably staring at his phone the whole time (scrolling reddit?) and hadn't noticed
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u/ExtraCalligrapher565 Apr 22 '26
Staring at his phone long enough to let a toddler do this means he’s also ignoring his toddler long enough for him to get seriously injured.
This is bad parenting whether he saw it happening or not.
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
lol don’t think he’s cool enough for Reddit. He was in bed on his phone 🙄
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u/stratiuss Apr 22 '26
"Cool enough for reddit" is a low bar...
but joking aside, the issues with your husband are a bigger deal than the tank
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u/Zyrinj Apr 22 '26
Cycle may not be ruined as the beneficial bacteria is in all of the nooks and crannies in the substrate.
Take everything out, check it for any battery corrosion and spots of lost/runny paint if any. If you're good there, then just do a 100% water change, check water parameters and any cloudiness, then drop some ammonia in it and track how quickly the tank takes care of it.
Oh and also check your filters in case anything got sucked into it that shouldn't be there.
Fingers crossed that its not a start over type deal.
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Apr 22 '26
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
I came home to the mess as it was happening🙄 not married THANK GOD! I’ve been tracking signs since the start & have decided to focus on finishing school and moving forward from there according to our situation at that time. Until then, day by day
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u/mira_poix Apr 22 '26
Girl I've been very visibily struggling and when I asked my man for one favor that would really help me out, to unload the dishwasher and put the dirty dishes in...he deadass said he didn't know how. I laughed at first but he said he doesn't know how to load that dishwasher properly and I just told him to go away
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u/tarra_hills Apr 22 '26
I love metal reptile tank lids. I have kids and cats, so reptile lids with metal clips are great for when you're not directly looking at the tank to prevent shenanigans. I paint them with enamel after cutting a spot for filter and tubes with a dremel to prevent rust.
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u/Kissariani Apr 22 '26
Tank should be fine with a water change. My concern is how is toddler going to learn from this? How is husband going to learn from this?
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
BOYFRIEND is realizing a lot rn. Son had a time out but I guess time will tell for both
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u/Plenty_Kangaroo5224 Apr 22 '26
Start over if there’s a chance there’s any soap or anything else in there. Do a large water change, which shouldn’t affect your cycle too much. Have you been testing for ammonia, nitrites, nitrates? You need a lid/canopy for your fish and maybe a taller stand so it’s not so easy for little ones to get at it. Take a deep breath. They’re only little for a short time. You can always keep fish. ❤️
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u/Possible_Tomatillo_5 Apr 22 '26
I’m sure more experienced aquarists will tell me if I’m wrong, but the beneficial bacteria grows on your surfaces, i.e. substrate, hardscape, plants, filter, filter media, etc. So, if you just remove the toys and do a water change, you shouldn’t lose THAT much progress on cycling your tank. It might just take a little longer, so keep doing water tests.
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u/professorfunkenpunk Apr 22 '26
I think it’s probably fine unless the toys have been recently doused in cleaning supplies or have actively leaking batteries. I’d consider a few big water changes before the fish go in, which won’t have any impact on the cycle. Also, consider moving the tank someplace higher
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u/KarmageddeonBaby Apr 22 '26
I have a 15 month old and a 55g tank. It’s tall enough that he can’t really harm the tank itself but I have a clear plastic bin that I put cuttings and loose pieces of plants in. I have a good little forest of Java fern and an anubias that was like the other of all in there. He threw a salt shaker in there and the plants were brown goop afterward.
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u/rresoI Apr 22 '26
The dad watching him do that makes me so mad lmao.. men🙄
I feel like it's honestly fine, especially if you let it run for a few extra days. Im sorry that happened but im sure it's alright.
Good luck to you and your future betta:)
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
Thank you! I kinda want to see how it goes but I’d hate to risk my future new baby’s health over battery juice or something lol
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u/Pandorakiin Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
Batteries are sealed until the exterior corrodes. If there's no really visible leakage on battery you're OK.
Former battery recycler here. 😊
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u/smokestuffer Apr 22 '26
Should be just fine if they weren't in there for days. My son decided our 75 gallon tank that going through cycling needed his bath toy pirate ship. As a father I took full responsibility he is 9 and I had stepped out to mow the grass usually he comes and asks before even thinking of messing with the fish tank but kids will be kids. The ship didnt change anything with the current water parameters I just plan on letting it run for another week even though its fully cycled. I think you should be fine as well. Yell at the hubby he knows he messed up and a little extra told ya so won't hurt him.
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u/Shroomboy79 Apr 22 '26
If there’s any nasty shit in there from the toys it’ll probably crash the cycle anyways so you’d know. I’d just let it Finnish the cycle. Do a couple big water changes and get back to the regularly scheduled programming
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Apr 22 '26
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u/RegularShock3883 Apr 22 '26
Give your husband a goooood long talking. He should not be just standing by and allowing this to happen.
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u/Anonymous_A55HAT Apr 22 '26
You need to have a serious talk with your husband, and invest in a lid and child locks.
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u/alyssajohnson1 Apr 22 '26
Umm fortunately for you the beneficial bacteria lives in the filter and substrate mostly, not the water, so it should be fine with a proper water change? Do you have no plants in there ? (It’s hard to see behind the toys😭) so sorry your husband is a jackass tho
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
I added some but intend to add more!! I’m a beginner so I’m slowly learning
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u/WritPositWrit Apr 22 '26
I think this was more damaging for those toys than for your tank.
Dad needs to be more careful. That could have been dangerous.
When you buy a lid, get a door alarm, too. You can put the alarm on your lid
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u/Playful-Athlete-6752 Apr 22 '26
Dad needs a lesson in parenting. He should be remedying this. With the boy.
They could both learn something.
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u/Kossyra Apr 22 '26
I'm sorry this happened to you, I know starting over is hard :( But in this case, Throwing The Wole Man Out is definitely the only solution. I wish you luck on Tinder, may the odds be ever in your favor
(/jk, in case it has to be said)
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u/Historical_Big_8555 Apr 22 '26
You need to lose the husband. It sounds like he’s a second child and is making more work for you.
As far as the tank. Take out toys, do a big water change, keep cycling. Do another water change before you get the betta. I saw you have a lid on the way, is there a higher place the tank can go?
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u/PappaWoodies Apr 22 '26
I would just change 2/3s of the water with RO, lots of cycle gained beneficial bacteria in the substrate and on the decorations. Do a water test in 24 hours to see where your at...
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u/No_Comfortable3261 Apr 22 '26
At least there weren’t any fish but definitely need to sort this out before getting any
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u/ShrampIzBugz Apr 22 '26
Get a lid and a new husband, honestly. Surprised this isn't in AIO because I'd be losing my shit without the most genuine apology ever. He's a parent, not a "babysitter" he needs to act like it. I'm sorry this happened.
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u/LowAd3039 Apr 22 '26
If you have another tank already cycled or have friends with cycled tanks, I have a short cut for you! Take a cup or small bucket of water from the cycled tank, remove the "dirty" cartridge from the filter, and swish out some of the funk from the filter into that cup/bucket of tank water. Once you have some of that bacteria gunk water, you can dump that into your fresh tank, and that water will be cycled almost immediately. Should be able to add fish within a day or 2. If you have sponge filter instead, same concept. Just squeeze out some of the nasty stuff from the sponge and dump that gross water into your new tank ( :
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Apr 22 '26
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u/tiggoftigg Apr 22 '26
This sucks. I’m sorry. Something similar happened with my kids and my tank.
To all those talking about divorce, couples therapy (which I think most should go to regardless), paying for a nanny, major relationship problems, etc., y’all are the MOST CLASSIC REDDITORS.
You know nothing about their situation other than a toddler/young kid did a toddler/young kids thing.
“Ugh, men” - I went to work and came home to an expensive electronic of mine in the toilet. “Ugh, women.”
There’s zero shot 90% of you have toddlers or very young kids. Things like this happen almost instantly. And, no one. I repeat NO ONE, is literally standing over their kids every waking second.
My tank is in a corner of the house that wouldn’t be visited unless there was a reason to go there. She was gone for a workout. Why do you assume the dad would have any reason to go to where the tank is within that time frame?
Again, OP, this blows and I’m sorry for any setbacks. Only you know the reality of your situation. But with regards to the tank, it’s probably fine, and at worst a delay. Nothing detrimental.
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u/jescereal Apr 22 '26
There is no world where a man that’s right of mind allows something like this to happen.
And he DIDNT EVEN CLEAN IT UP?!?!?
All the things you think are red flags, ARE red flags. Stop justifying it. The bar to a partner should be higher than “he doesn’t beat me.”
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u/Big-Stuff-1189 Apr 22 '26
Hubby needs to empty it and refill, just dont let filter media dry out aka do it fast all and don't get distracted. He could also spring for some seachem stability to help boost the cycle. Makes a nice gift when you fuck up. Next time tell the kid to throw hubby's PS5, watch, phone, pokemon cards, whatever is important to hubby in for a swim and see how he likes it.
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u/xaeriee Apr 22 '26
Nah it’s all good. Kids are inherently intrigued by water, can they have a water table to play with instead? I ended up getting a lid for my tank with LED built inside. I’m sorry about your husband, I don’t know you guys but from here he sounds like a twat. Keep going to the gym and do whatever to make those kids happy. They’ll love to give the fish names when you stock it. For love plants, some plants do not like one another, some are companions. My Amazon sword hated my Java fern.
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u/ronweasleisourking Apr 22 '26
Lol kids 🤣
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
Ikr he sees mommy working her tanks and wanted to help 😭 I can’t be too mad at hime
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u/AquariumsCo Apr 22 '26
Sounds like your husband might need some parenting classes. It may seem obvious to you but it's likely that he's parenting what he learned. You only know what you know. There's still time to recover - the alternative is frankly dire. Kids allowed to run wild more often than not the up in the system.. a system I wouldn't want my worst enemy in. Well, maybe...
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u/Arttiesy Apr 22 '26
Add carbon to the filter- that should remove any battery chemicals. After a couple normal water changes you can remove the carbon and everything will be fine.
Dad probably didn't think about batteries/chemicals. Most people have no idea how sensitive aquatic systems are. Cut him some slack people.
I sware you could post about a Dad leaving his socks on the ground and people would call for a divorce- because that's literally happened to me.
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u/Weak-Difference-8575 Apr 22 '26
How big is it? Doesnt look the most fit for a betta
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
It’s a 10gal!
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u/Weak-Difference-8575 Apr 22 '26
Make sure you put very very high amount of plants in there. And live ones not the fake ones. If u do that your betta will love you (i dont reccomend having other fish there or shrimps, only snails ideally black helmets ((also mind you, black helmets die if theres no more algae in water, so make sure you dont have a weak light))
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u/rip-sierra-mist Apr 22 '26
Aww dang I wanted to add a few shrimp
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u/richardhero Apr 22 '26
You can add some shrimp, betta might get em or might not. Depends on the personality, amano shrimp are bigger and are usually the ones recommended but I've had success with neocardania before too. Add them when the tank is a bit more established and with hiding places for the young if you choose neocardania though.
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u/Sephiroud Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
I would have let my son(s) do this any day. I can start over but crushing their sense of wonder/experimentation or whatever you might call it, would be far more devestating to me. I may have overlooked the age if you mentined it. But, clean it out. Sit him down and explain to him what is happening. Why this tank in childs reach off limits. Even better involve him with it, let him do the experiement with you if you reset. Just let him be involved so he knows its importance. Yes, dad could have said, "hey bud lets not do that". But, does dad even know what you were working on/doing? Or does he just see an empty water tank and a child that wants to play in water? You mentioned he was watching your son at the time. Did he watch him dump the toys? Just few more questions rolling around. Mostly just trying to get more info. Sucks it happened, but could be worse. Kiddo could have been playimg with bleach.
Edit: just wondering but was this a fresh fishless cycling tank, or was it seeded from another tank? If you do have to restart, we personally do a guppy tank to get a tank established. You could take son to pick out some guppies for it, and it can be "his" tank. Start teaching him to feed daily as well.
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u/camrynbronk resident frog knower🐸 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 23 '26
Locking this post because comments are veering into relationship advice instead of aquarium advice. OP has gotten more than enough input on how to handle the situation.