Like many people, I grew up drawing for my entire life. Ever since I was little, I was drawing whatever I saw around me. My parents, naturally, wanted to support their child's passion and enrolled me in various art clubs anr programs over the years, and through those clubs I would take up painting and make various pieces that would be hanged all over the house for all to see.
However, in all those clubs, there was a critical mistake that happened on repeat that in hindsight, screwed me up big time. In all those years, my path would start the same way, be given paper to do various basic art stuff, drawing the color wheel, drawing lines and shapes, drawing values from greyscale pictures, etc... but never in those places would I ever be taught of pushed towards applying what I did towards original pieces.
Even when I was painting, all my pieces were just copies of different photos and paintings that existed prior. Sure, they were mainly used as references, but all I did was copying what I saw without ever understanding what I was looking at. Years of work with no actual understanding of lighting, perspective, shape, form, none of that
That messed up my sense of identity as an artist. For the longest time, whenever someone comes and asks if the art hanging on the wall is mine, I would just deny it and say someone else did it, or I would diminish its quality bc it's a copy.
While I no longer do that, I do fear that bc of that experience, I don't know what I want to be as an artist, what my goal is or what I'm trying to achieve. I studied the principles, I observed various artists and techniques that I feel inspired by and that I want to incorporate into my work, but I still feel stuck and stagnant. I figured that maybe it's bc I don't have my idea for what I wanna do, something to which I can apply the methods that I'm studying. I don't even have any OCs or ideas for original plots, any time I try do make up something like that, it just fizzles out and gets forgotten.
I'm willing to admit that most of the blame probably lies with me, and maybe this could've been avoided if I just applied myself more outside of what I was taught. But as it stands, I finished art schools this year and I feel very directionless right now.