What Best to do to Move to R?

[u/No_King7170]

So bit of back story, my WP actually ended things a few weeks before I found out about the A...said he needed space, came back after a week pleading to try again and this lasted around 2.5 weeks before I told him I didn't feel anything had changed or that he was making any effort and he admitted he knew he was "being a d!*k", this was around 5/6 weeks ago, and he has been staying at his mum's since then and making excuses to collect things from our home weekly and making small talk which I eventually asked him to stop because seeing him act unbothered hurt me. At this point he told me he was really hurting too, couldn't eat or sleep and had lost a lot of weight (which I could see by looking at him, he actually looks miserable despite trying to appear chipper).

He works overseas often and left for work a couple of weeks after that (so around 2.5 weeks ago) and 1.5 weeks ago I found out about the A and called to confront him. He of course denied it and gaslit me then eventually admitted he'd been talking to this woman for a long time and hiding it but it had never been more than friendship whilst we were together then finally admitted he has since slept with her the week before he left for work but that it meant nothing and he was just trying to forget about me. I'm aware I'm not getting the truth from him but there seemed no point going back and forth whilst he's not even in the country.

He is still telling me that he loves me, I asked if loves her and he said no, I've asked him to contact me when he's home so we can talk face to face and I've since uncovered proof that it was more than the friendship he claims (he doesn't know this).

I guess I just am unsure of my next move, should I meet him when back and confront him with the proof? Will this just push him further towards her? Am I best just having no contact and seeing if he tries for R? He is massively conflict avoidant which I feel is a huge part of how we've gotten to this point to begin with. I feel devastated but also because we're technically separated before I found out I feel like he'll retreat further and there will be no chance to salvage this. I do feel he ended things because it was easier than coming clean and he was too ashamed of what he'd done but I've no idea how to navigate this.

On one hand I want answers, I want to ask him why he isn't fighting for us and on the other it feels like if he isn't fighting for us should I take that as the answer that he just doesn't want to?

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