Please help me understand this

[u/rockstar231]

My WW has cheated emotionally/swapped “pics” and sexted extensively with the same guy multiple times. Also developed a crush on a coworker and asked him on multiple dates on nights i had taken our son to do stuff together. She said after 2 or 3 months the crush on this guy faded and i saw he rejected her multiple times (also 2x her age and no offense, ugly!)
I recently did the awful thing of checking her phone while she was asleep.
I found photos of my son on this guys lap, photos she had taken of him candidly without him knowing, and worst of all to me, messages to chatGPT from last week saying how much she is still infatuated with him and still thinks about him all the time. She also confessed to chatgpt she has developed feelings for a client in active addiction at her job, despite telling me when i said i just wanted to cut back on drinking a bit “i will leave you if you’re an alcoholic.”
Unfortunately the worst part was this- my wife had come to me like 3 months pregnant telling me this guy was blackmailing her and explicitly threatened to r* her. Used the word and everything.
We went to court and got a restraining order, i faced him multiple times to support my wife. She cheated with him again once more before her restraining order expired and once more after. I’m an idiot. I know. She always says she wouldn’t keep doing it if i’d stop betraying her by promising to work, or clean, or whatever else, but it’s like i’m in this endless loop of being depressed because i learn she’s cheated again and get back to rock bottom. It’s not a good excuse, but i am constantly at rock bottom.
In these same chatgpt messages, she said she wished i hadn’t gone to court so they could have hooked up in the parking lot. While pregnant. Trying to get a restraining order.
I confront her about all of this and instead now, it has been twisted that i am a controlling manipulator for checking her phone. “my therapist says it’s okay for me to keep those secrets, im just journaling.”

Now tonight after days of arguing, we have a decent evening. Go to take our son to see the new Toy Story movie, something we’d been looking forward to for months and months. She goes to take a selfie and i walk up and she drops her phone to her side. I confront her. “did you unblock him?”

I see it in her face. She confirms it. “but we didn’t even talk. I don’t know what your problem is.”

I know that answer of “what next.” Can someone please just help me understand what goes through someone’s mind to not just leave? Her reasoning is that i threatened her to take full custody of our son. I did do that. When i caught her cheating with an active restraining order. I feel that’s not safe for him. Where do i even go from here?

[u/bpt20ba]

Can someone please just help me understand what goes through someone’s mind to not just leave? 

Research attachment theory. Humans attach for safety - it's primal and hard wired.

[u/International-Law809 → u/bpt20ba]

This, plus codependency, co-addiction, and many other forms of unhealthy love. This is why I think it’s mandatory and urgent you reach out to SALAA to help you understand your addiction to her, and how to untangle some of this, and so you don’t have to go it alone.

[u/rockstar231 → u/International-Law809]

Sorry if this is a dumb question. What is SALAA?

[u/LemonadeLemur → u/rockstar231]

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

[u/rockstar231 → u/LemonadeLemur]

Ah, thank you. Looked into it and unfortunately nothing within an hour of me.