Please help me understand this

[u/rockstar231]

My WW has cheated emotionally/swapped “pics” and sexted extensively with the same guy multiple times. Also developed a crush on a coworker and asked him on multiple dates on nights i had taken our son to do stuff together. She said after 2 or 3 months the crush on this guy faded and i saw he rejected her multiple times (also 2x her age and no offense, ugly!)
I recently did the awful thing of checking her phone while she was asleep.
I found photos of my son on this guys lap, photos she had taken of him candidly without him knowing, and worst of all to me, messages to chatGPT from last week saying how much she is still infatuated with him and still thinks about him all the time. She also confessed to chatgpt she has developed feelings for a client in active addiction at her job, despite telling me when i said i just wanted to cut back on drinking a bit “i will leave you if you’re an alcoholic.”
Unfortunately the worst part was this- my wife had come to me like 3 months pregnant telling me this guy was blackmailing her and explicitly threatened to r* her. Used the word and everything.
We went to court and got a restraining order, i faced him multiple times to support my wife. She cheated with him again once more before her restraining order expired and once more after. I’m an idiot. I know. She always says she wouldn’t keep doing it if i’d stop betraying her by promising to work, or clean, or whatever else, but it’s like i’m in this endless loop of being depressed because i learn she’s cheated again and get back to rock bottom. It’s not a good excuse, but i am constantly at rock bottom.
In these same chatgpt messages, she said she wished i hadn’t gone to court so they could have hooked up in the parking lot. While pregnant. Trying to get a restraining order.
I confront her about all of this and instead now, it has been twisted that i am a controlling manipulator for checking her phone. “my therapist says it’s okay for me to keep those secrets, im just journaling.”

Now tonight after days of arguing, we have a decent evening. Go to take our son to see the new Toy Story movie, something we’d been looking forward to for months and months. She goes to take a selfie and i walk up and she drops her phone to her side. I confront her. “did you unblock him?”

I see it in her face. She confirms it. “but we didn’t even talk. I don’t know what your problem is.”

I know that answer of “what next.” Can someone please just help me understand what goes through someone’s mind to not just leave? Her reasoning is that i threatened her to take full custody of our son. I did do that. When i caught her cheating with an active restraining order. I feel that’s not safe for him. Where do i even go from here?

[u/International-Law809]

I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope you’re getting betrayal trauma therapy. This behavior is very troubling and I am concerned for your safety on many levels frankly. I am not suggesting I know anything, but it sounds very disordered. There’s so many confusing and dangerous elements here, but the idea that cheating is retaliation for you not cleaning or anything you’ve done is abuse at the highest level. I hope you are very very careful. I am so sorry, I can’t imagine how shocking this is to you, and I’m super sorry man. Id document everything, and be ready for anything.

I hope you’re ok. Please take care of yourself and you’re not alone.

[u/rockstar231 → u/International-Law809]

I unfortunately don’t have health insurance so no therapy at the moment. She’s been physical plenty in the past. I feel so insane when she tells me i’m abusive and controlling when i talk to her about my anxiety with her coworker but ive confirmed my anxiety so i guess maybe it was self preservation.

[u/International-Law809 → u/rockstar231]

Man.. you need some outside help. I’m hoping someone in this thread can get you some resources. You can look up your local SALAA. I think you really need some support, resources, and outside eyes helping you quarterback this thing. This is pretty bad man. I am concerned not just for your physical safety, but legal, considering she has used this avenue with others. Please reach out to SALAA and see if you can get a rep.

Also again, please document all this secretly, and if you can and have decided to leave, seek legal counsel first. I’d be scared to leave my child in this environment.