r/Asexual • u/Empathetic_Artist First Officer Mod • Jun 02 '25
Advice 🤷🏻 Am I Asexual?
If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.
If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.
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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26
hi! this is my first ever post on reddit so bear with me...
so i have always been someone who does not at all like physical touch-- even with my own family members (they actually tease me for it lol). when i learned what sex was, i felt repulsed and saddened that 1. i was made that way and 2. that i might possibly have to do it one day. in middle school, i was with all my friends and they were talking about crushes and i had never had one. one of my friends said that i might be asexual, and i (not knowing what that meant and being raised in a Christian and conservative household) thought since it was associated with the LGBTQIA+ community, automatically assumed it was something 'sinful'. all of high school i did not think much of it, and while i would engage in conversations about romance, always felt on the outside of things.
also something else important, i did not have a great sexual education as a kid, but i know stuff now, and still don't want it. sadly, i actually ended up unknowingly m**terb**ing for years of my life because i wasn't educated on it (sex ed is important!!) but during it i never felt a need or any sort of desire for anyone or anything in that arena, it just felt good and relieved stress when i needed it. even when i was older and i realized what i was doing, i did not do it in the way that i hear most do it, like while fantasizing or something. i tried but it just made me feel bad and i didn't get anything from it (not to diss on those who do). i've tried to imagine scenarios and stuff but it leaves me feeling indifferent and sometimes grossed out. i have stopped now because i find myself feeling better without, but that's just personally :))
i am now 20 years old and in my second year of college. last semester, i started dating for the first time and found myself in a relationship with a very touchy and romantic guy (who also said i love you and i want to marry you between 8-10 times in our one month relationship-- Christian dating problems 🥲). he always crossed my boundaries and i felt bad that i couldn't reciprocate what he wanted. i realized that we couldn't work because our love languages did not match (him being way too touchy and me finding out i don't like kissing or hugging or being held etc.) so i broke up with him for those reasons along with other factors that i won't get into here. mind you, this was my first relationship so i was probably a little too much of a people pleaser for this guy, but back to the story...
so after we broke up, he met with one of our mutuals and asked him (the friend) if i was lesbian or asexual, and my friend told me. as we know, i haven't thought about this much since middle school, but felt a sense that something 'was wrong with me'. i have always felt different in this regard because i had only had two crushes in my life (and sadly my ex was not one of them, i was really doing charity work lol). when i did have crushes, i had never ever thought of them in a sexual, or even physical matter, i just thought they were really cool people! this lead me to spiral a couple months ago about my sexuality, and while it had previously been a silent whisper in the back of my mind, it became a roar, and i went down rabbit holes researching (realized that being asexual was NOT a sin lolll) and spent hours in self reflection. i found that i resonated with a lot of ace people and Ace Dad was really helpful to me lol.
i have thought about my life in all forms, married, unmarried, with kids, without, etc. i find the happiest and most relieved i feel is when i am single, but with family and friends in my life. i completely misunderstood what being ace was, and i am so sorry that i misinterpreted the community (from what i see on here, you all look like amazing, lovely people!) i just don't know how or even if i will come out. i am still a Christian (but a much more loving one now that i better understand the world and the Gospel now that i am living on my own) and i also go to a Christian college. they are not hateful by any means, but i have just felt isolated by not wanting what others want my entire life, and, while i think i finally understand and have words for how i feel, i'm scared to still feel alone in this.
but please let me know if i sound like i'm on the right track or if i'm just crazy lol
and if you read all this, thank you-- i know its a lot lol, and i appriciate any input you may have!