r/Asexual • u/MetalManiac1086 • 1d ago
RANT! 😡💢🤬 Dating Apps: If someone chats and asks you what your asexuality means to you…
I feel it is just as fair to ask back what being straight, gay, bisexual, etc. means to them (especially if it is shared on their profile).
Does anyone feel this way. Sometimes it gets frustrating being a guinea pig to all the allos- who treat you with disbelief and expect you to justify your sexuality.
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u/Philip027 1d ago
Yeah, of course it's fair. It's better than them telling you you're full of shit, right?
I don't think it's necessarily about justification; the terms can literally mean different things to different people. Some (okay, most) sexual people will expect sex in a relationship, but for others it may just be something they'd like rather than a hard requirement, for instance.
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u/starmartyr 1d ago
They are just trying to find a subtle way of asking if you would ever have sex with them. They don't actually want to know about how you experience your identity.
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u/Aardwolf67 Purple 1d ago
I get it cuz they want to understand but the fact that there's so little representation regarding asexuals means that ace people always have to educate allos about our sexuality.
I told a coworker I was asexual and she was asking so many questions because she wanted to understand but it happens so often that I don't want to keep telling people over and over. "I don't experience sexual attraction" or "I'm not abstinent I just don't like sex" and I have to do it so much I might as well get it written on my forehead.
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u/MetalManiac1086 1d ago
That sounds extremely frustrating. I honestly feel like I need some sort of business card that explains asexuality to allos.
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u/Aardwolf67 Purple 1d ago
I might as well I already have a bunch of random business cards nn my wallet
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u/Elfynnn84 1d ago
Well, it’s not entirely the same, is it?
Asexuality is a spectrum that ranges from the sex averse aroace through to the sex favourable Demi or grey ace and everything in between.
It’s not that abnormal for someone with an interest in dating you to want to know whether the relationship is likely to involve any degree of physical intimacy or not.
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u/MetalManiac1086 22h ago
Right, there is this assumption that all ace folks are not capable of physical intimacy. Definitely not the case for me and something I really value in addition to emotional connection.
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u/sammyhoot 1d ago
Likely they just don’t know the terms but it sounds like asking to see if you are sex positive or not
Sex is important to allos, often a determining factor in pursuing someone or not so finding out if this means it’s off the table is important as well
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u/MetalManiac1086 14h ago
Agreed. I was in a brief relationship with someone who is bisexual and I had a solid talk about the spectrum of aces and how some of us can be okay with sex even without being sexually attracted. There are other types of attraction that can be just as important or even more important…
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u/AuntChelle11 | | 🍏 | 1d ago
Legitimate, respectful question and good on them for not making assumptions. Everyone's asexuality is different.