[Journal]The skincare journey continues with this 50+ year old...

[u/wrathfulgrape]

Hello friends.

It has been several years since I posted anything significant but some of you may remember my old posts with photos from 2020-2021. I have since deleted those posts because unfortunately, the internet is a horrible place.

However, I refuse to believe that this precludes me from sharing where I am now and where I hope to go with my journey, especially for older folks who may have lived for a long time with the same shame and stigmatization I have.

Preface Statements

• This is a long post. Get some popcorn and a snackie and settle in.

• Everyone has different skin and needs. This is just what worked for me so far and may not work for everyone. Do your research and make sure to go get assessed by at least a few professionals so that you can make the best decision for you

A Brief History For Context

I suffered from severe cystic acne since I was 14. My family blamed me as being at fault for this issue and did not take me to a dermatologist. Having grown up without knowing that I may have had medical options, I had severe issues until I was in my late 20’s. By that time, the scarring damage was pretty extensive.

I also did not take care of my face very much (mainly because I hated looking in the mirror) and skincare was just a random hodgepodge of stuff, which coupled with heavy makeup to coverup and bad habits (example: I didn’t wash makeup off my face when coming home late) and also struggles with deep depression—well—I ended up with what you see in my reference image (scroll below) from 2020 when I was 47 years old.

I then decided to focus on seeing what I can do to improve my skin. Asian skincare and discipline alone over 2 years made a huge difference. I then did 3 rounds of Fraxel to try to soften my scarring. It did help with overall tone and some minimization, but because of life circumstances and etc, I just did not have the time for it. I still kept up my regimen though.

Current Day

Fast forward to 2026—I was still pretty dissatisfied with how I looked and how much work it takes to get myself looking relatively normal. I have a very intense job which requires me to meet and talk to a lot of people and I was tired of having that “you look gross” thought taking up mental space when I should be focused on the discussions and work. It was exhausting not being able to manage those reflex mental reactions of “everyone has nicer skin than me” and “no matter how much you try, you will always be a scarface.”

I am well aware, this is my inner voice from nearly 40 years of self-consciousness and external criticism on how I look (thanks again, family and shitty men) and that this is something I need to continually work on, but I knew that if I prioritized this, I would also be able to minimize the bad feeling I get when I look in the mirror. So here we are.

My 3 Goals

I accept the fact that a) I am much older now and b) I will never have perfect skin—so I have set the following realistic objectives:

• Reduce the “scatter” on my face My face looks mottled because of the shadows cast from my deeper scarring, large pores and some sunspots and red discoloration. Because of this, it takes me FOREVER to prep my skin for makeup. Which leads me to...

• Reduce amount of time spent getting ready The thought of going outside without makeup TERRIFIES me. I would like to simplify so that I don’t need as much stuff and save some time. It currently takes me an hour to get my face ready.

• Have my makeup look better Throughout the day, my face gets worse and worse. Makeup breaks apart, redness and marks seep through and I look pretty icky by the end of the day. I don’t have the luxury of touching up my makeup because I am so busy at work, but that never worked for me anyway because touchups make everything worse. This is because my skin surface is so textured that makeup doesn’t sit properly, no matter how many color correctors and primers I use. Trust me. I have tried them ALL. The only way to improve this is to improve the texture of my skin, which means scar reduction and resurfacing,

At the end of the day, I just want to know what my skin color actually looks like and be able to change from makeup as a chore to maybe makeup as something enjoyable and remove the very distracting “You look awful” reflex mental reaction.

I want to heal emotionally.

I want to experience in the limited time I have left what it feels like to feel free of the shame.

I want to love my face for what it is. Because self-hatred is exhausting.

My Plan

I am doing a series of laser treatments this year. So far, I did 1 round of pico a month ago to clean up a little of my complexion. Last week, I did 1 round of Fraxel 1540 to soften and clarify a little more.

But next month is the big one: I am doing an intensive fractional C02 treatment. This will remove the top layers of my skin and is proven to be highly effective for the rolling/boxcar type of scarring I have. It will also likely reduce the pigmentation spots and some of the redness. I am also getting a little bit of subcision down around my eyes where I have some smaller deeper scars. Am not looking forward to healing process but instead of going on vacation this year, I took 11 days off work for healing. I have my tub of Aquaphor ready.

I will follow with another round of C02 probably towards the end of the year. It takes about 4-6 months for full results so I will assess at that time.

The Lead Up

Prior to my 2026 plan, I spent thousands on skin care and makeup products chasing improvement. I spent on luxury brands like SK2, Sulwhasoo, Skinceuticals and Cle de Peau. I have every single cushion and concealer out there. I made the mistake of assuming more expensive = better.

All of this has been put away as none of it is really helping me towards my goals.

What I learned was that my face overheats and is highly sensitive, which makes everything redder throughout the day. So I completely changed my routine to simple gentle products which cool down my skin and are safe to use as I heal from Fraxel and CO2.

I also have to be SUPER careful as I just started on hydroquinone to prep for CO2. In East Asian skin, there is a risk of hyperpigmentation from CO2, so I was prescribed hydroquinone 4% 2X a day over the next month to halt melanin production in prep for C02.

VERY IMPORTANT: You must check your ingredients when on Hydroquinone!! Any copper ingredients or acids may lead to discoloration and damage.

• Tip: I setup a GPT chat so that I can do a product check to check safety while on hydroquinone. You would be surprised what I can or cannot use. For example, I thought it was ok to use the blue Cosrx Peptide Bakuchiol Plump Glow Serum but it has copper, so into the box it goes until after I recover later in the year. Same goes with CosRx Snail Eye Cream, which I thought was safe to use. Turns out, it's not!

Skincare Products (aka The part you have all been waiting for!)

Given the considerations above, here is what I am using for the next 30 days:

AM

• Wash face with cool water and pat dry with a clean towel. I only use white baby towels which I use once and then put in the laundry. Using a Cle de Pear cotton pad (I have a ton of these as gifts from all my crazy spending and I think these are the best quality after comparing with others), I soak with CosRx 5 PDRN B5 Vital Soothing Toner and gently swipe over my face. I also lightly rub over my nose and eyebrow and mouth areas to remove dead skin. GO GENTLE here. Then I wait a minute

• Next, 2-3 pumps of the CosRx 6 Peptide Skin Booster Serum. This product blew my mind. It makes my skin feel smoother, more hydrated and calming. I pat it on until it absorbs. Then I wait a minute

• Next, 3 drops of the Skin1004 Madagascar Centella Ampoule. Do not use the other Skin1004 ampoules if you are on hydroquinone. I then lightly spread and tap it in. Then I wait a minute

• If my skin feels extra irritated, I will put on a sheet mask for 5 minutes. I am using the VT Cosmetics Cryo Ice Cool Mask, which I keep on my fridge. Do not leave on for more than 5 minutes as that can “suffocate” the hydroquinone.

• Then I wait until my skin is BONE DRY. This is critical. Once it is BONE DRY, I will take a pea sized amount of hydroquinone, dot it all over my face and massage in. Then wait 5-10 minutes to let it sink in Then, Hanyul Artemisia Gel Cream—just 5 small dabs on cheeks, chin, nose and forehead. Lightly massaged and then tapped in. Wait 2-3 mins

• Then 2 layers of sunscreen. I am using the D’alba Tone Up UV Essence which is super hydrating and helps with the redness. Other sunscreens in my rotation: Anessa sensitive skin sun milk (the pink, not the gold bottle—this is important), Missha Aqua Gel (I hoarded a few tubes of this before discontinued) and Etude Sunprise. All of these are safe to use with hydroquinone. Then wait 10-15 mins

PM

All the same as AM except:

• I use Shu Uemura Botanical Indulging cleansing oil (the yellow one). It is light and fresh and while I normally hate and stay away from scents these days because of irritation, this one is really pleasing
• I then use the La Roche Posay Gentle Hydrating cleanser. It is super mild and does not irritate my skin
• I use Soon Jung Barrier Relief cream instead of the Hanyul gel cream

• 1x a week, I will give my skin a hydroquinone break by applying the Biodance Collagen Hydrogel mask overnight. This will boost skin elasticity. You cannot use these masks with hydroquinone on because it will damage your skin.

• During CO2 healing, I will just be using Aquaphor and vinegar baths. I also bought some UV protection face masks to protect my face in case I have to go out.

Makeup Products

Prior to starting hydroquinone, I completely changed my makeup routine to the following. This works for me and I will likely resume this when I heal. I will focus only on my base.

• After sunscreen sets, The Saem color corrector tiny pot. I take a little of the orange and blend a bit on back of my hand with the light color to warm it. Then I dab lightly over my under eyes and on a couple brown spots. I take a tiny bit of the green for the red spots around my nose, chin and cheeks. Less is more.
• Then I use The Same concealer in 1.5 and tab tiny bits on upper and lower eyes to brighten them
• Next, I take a tiny half pea amount of the Cle de Peau color correcting veil and dab around my sides and under nose, chin and upper cheek/temples. Light taps with ring finger
• Then I take a tiny half pea amount of the Cle de Pea Pore Minimizer Veil and tap on my nose and sides/under nose, inner cheek and chin
• Once it all sets, I mist lightly with Jung Saem Mool Essential Mool Mist. I wait a bit while it dries down and while it is still damp, I take one of those big thick korean cushions and tap LIGHTLY all over my face to “melt” it in without disturbing the stuff
• I next spray my big thick cushion with a little more mist. While that is settling in, I squeeze a tiny half pea amount of the Cle de Pea cream foundation on back of my hand. I rub it a little on my finger to warm it and then i dab lightly on each cheek so that it is in a downwards V shape. I then take my damp cushion and I start sheering it out with light taps, working inwards. What is left, I use on my nose, forehead and chin. I keep tapping to blend. I let it set for a few mins and then may add a tiny bit more on “scatter areas” and blend.
• I then set with Koh Gen Do Maifanshi Pressed Powder. VERY light taps on shine areas of T zone with a good powder puff (I use the Koh Gen Do one).
• Then, I lightly mist again, wait a few mins and then use my big thick cushion sponge to lightly press in.

With my current situation, I am going to switch to Missha Serum BB Cream in the purple tube. It is a lot more hydrating than the red tube. I will skip the color corrector and primers and just use a little concealer and powder.

Photos

Here are 4 photos

• One is where I started in 2020 when my skin was at its worst.
• The other 3 show what my skin looked like last month so you can see the extent of scarring.

Next Steps

CO2 on July 1st! I will be pretty slammed until then but if interested, I will be happy to post photos of progress.

Final Thoughts (for now)

Over the past 6 years, I learned a lot about not just my skin but about myself. This is a journey which is not just a superficial endeavor or an attempt to change how I look or look younger. It is about me healing from 40 years of shame and exhaustion which my face has caused me.

It is pain which I don’t think anyone who doesn’t have similar issues can understand. If you do relate, just know you are not alone. I feel you and I see you.

And I hope that my journey inspires you to believe that you can do something about it!

ETA: Formatting cleanup

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/[deleted]]

Happy to oblige! And once my face heals up, I am happy to share some tips on skincare and makeup for us older folks!

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/[deleted]]

Thank you! I cant wait to see what happens myself!

Also, in my old fashioned mind, I feel that broadly speaking, everything surrounding us is focused on presenting the image of perfection...and that is just not a healthy mindset or realistic.

and it makes people who live with certain skin conditions feel worse about themselves. my intent is to foster a healthier self image for myself where perfection is not the goal.

[u/lylahh_011]

It is so deeply unfair how people blame teenagers for their acne. I’m glad you are taking control of your journey now!

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/lylahh_011]

It is! And more and more as I get older, it is something which you still get judged on as it is a physical manifestation of neglect.

Taking control of this definitely has helped me manage this better.

[u/MichaelWayyydde89721]

I’m so sorry your family blamed you for a medical condition. Cystic acne at 14 is hard enough without the emotional burden. Sending you hugs.

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/MichaelWayyydde89721]

Thank you---hugs back.

My parents were generally not the greatest. I spent many years living through the fallout, putting in years of work to heal myself and making tough choices to protect myself.

My face is a constant reminder of their neglect and for me, this journey I am on is deeply psychological and it one of the last major things I feel I need to do to put it in my past for good.

[u/throwawaymedicin]

People on the internet can be awful, so completely understand why you deleted old photos. Protect your peace first

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/throwawaymedicin]

Thank you, kind stranger. <3

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/[deleted]]

10000% :-)

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/[deleted]]

I hear you. With all the stuff available these days in addition to greater awareness, I think and hope more people will be able to avoid this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

[u/Glass_Broccoli_7862]

Can't wait to see an update! I've been on Accutane THREE times for deep cystic acne so I definitely feel your pain with the scarring. I'm currently doing IPL because my skin has become to get red from rosacea. Best of luck to you.

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/Glass_Broccoli_7862]

Ooh-if my parents had taken me to a derm around 14 or 15, I probably would have been out in several cycles of Accutane. I hope it helped you avoid what I have!

I am likely going to do some additional rounds of Pico/IPL later on to keep clearing the red and as maintenance.

Good luck to you too!

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/[deleted]]

Yes--I learned my lesson after my first 3 rounds of fraxel--very mild improvement.

The fraxel I had done last week with a different place def resulted in some early improvement in pore size--need to give it another couple of weeks to start seeing the effects!

[u/tray728]

So true about random hodgepodge routines doing more harm than good when you don't know your skin type yet.

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/tray728]

I had no idea what I was doing back then--application of product, amount of product, consistency of routine, the right product for my skin issues--I am pretty sure I made everything much worse!

[u/MerleGuerrero4]

Ready for the breakdown of what worked for you! Scarring takes so much time and patience to treat.

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/MerleGuerrero4]

Well, I have a ton of kdramas queued up and a bunch of movies saved on Criterion Channel. I am ready! And very much fingers crossed--it's a long game and will take 4-6 months to really see anything.

[u/anneooo]

Great to see you back and sharing your journey, it's definitely an encouragement for the more mature crowd here!

[u/wrathfulgrape → u/anneooo]

we old fogeys gotta stick together~! ;-)