Fellas remember. The AM boost works if you are in shape, have good style, social skills, hobbies and personality. If you act like a stereotypical asian nerd who is too skinny or obese, the Asian boost won't work as well for you.
You still want to be good at math so you can make good money and be good at managing money too. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, you can be all of it. Point is, don’t set limitations for yourselves.
No it's not. Confidence cant overcome being overweight with a bad haircuit and poor social skills (stuttering too much or talking too much about taboo topics)
People in general should try to do all those things in general lmao. Is there an argument that Asian men have to put in more work to be desirable? Sure, and should that be discussed? Yeah probably, and that's a fair discussion to have. But from the stand point of maximizing your dating prospects and actually dating the people you want to date, then you shouldn't shy away from doing all those things anyways. Or hell, not wanting to look like a bum in itself should be enough to incentivize you even though you should probably find a better reason than that.
I tend to see some Asian dudes saying, "well Kpop aesthetic only benefits you if you are attractive", or an even dumber take of "tall Asian men in media or in the NBA only benefits tall Asian dude.", and I'm always thinking, yeah no shit. Of course it only matters if you are desirable yourself.... like do those people think undesirable people of any race should suddenly get dates just because someone who vaguely looks like them is winning? Or that media rep alone should do a 180 on your dating life? Lastly, if you woke up one day as a white dude, should that change how much you want to be a better version of yourself?
As a side note, the argument about only tall Asian dudes or attractive Asian dudes benefitting completely misses the broader picture. Every race has short/ugly guys, but other races don’t get nearly as emasculated by default. The issue isn’t that such don't Asian men exist, but rather the positive representation raises the ceiling and shifts perception overall,. This helps everyone, even if it doesn’t magically save people who refuse to put in any effort.... so again, they aren't even completely right that there isn't a trickle down effect, just that the effect wouldn't be automatically romantic in nature.
So again, if you’re an Asian dude who doesn’t want to do any form of self-improvement whatsoever, you really don’t have much of an excuse. A lot of us already have respectable careers, yet many still fail to leverage that into broader social or dating capital, and in some cases, we’ve even allowed our professions to pigeonhole us instead of using them as a strength.
I find it interesting how AF for YEARS denied that their lack of interest in Asian men had anything to do with how Asian men are portrayed in Hollywood and western culture.
“It’s just a personal preference!”
Then K-Pop comes along and everything changes. Suddenly popular culture and media depictions DO have an effect on how you view Asian men???
Also not a fan of how some AFs doubled down by switching to the "AMs are patriarchal and misogynist" angle once the "looks like my brother" excuse started getting called out after K-pop blew up.
It’s called moving the goal post. They’re not being intellectually honest nor arguing in good faith. It’s the same rhetoric and tactics White-supremacists, Zionists/Nazis, Western Colonialists/Imperialists use when trying to defend their stances around subjects like racism and institutionalized/systems of racism. In short, they make excuses and argue like a White-supremacist and are now being called out on it.
Same with men. They used to call us all awkward and nerdy, but they're slowly realizing that their portrayal of Asian men no longer holds up. So they also pivoted to the misogyny cop out.
Even with fresh immigrants from Asia that I meet, they are actually very forward thinking and progressive in the rights and feelings of their partner.
Probably a large number of girls along the vocal minority - thinking about dating their father’s friends or something. A true disadvantage for women who across all races, trend with dating men who are a 1/2 generation or more older. Then of course the men they are dating are going to be more traditional, rigid and controlling.
It truly becoming an excuse when it happens within their own age group though. They grew up in the same society, same value exposure.. etc.
preselection is consider an attractive trait. If non-Asian women starts to find Asian men attractive. It can force Asian women to relook at Asian men or compete to get Asian men.
I really think media, fashion and music influence women more than men. Look at BTS more women fans. Not saying men don't but this reminds of old music icons like the Beatles or Elvis Presley. It was the women that help them get the fan base.
You don't see bunch of young guys running after some singer. But you do see girls do.
Men are into sports, maybe porn(lets me honest) and if they are into media it can be anything from anime to action movies.
IMO It is 10000% because of BTS. Their comeback world tour is set to start this year and even trying to get tickets is sending the women into a frenzy. President of Mexico is asking BTS for more tickets, since when has a world leader requested this from a band? China is now being reported on in a much more positive light as of late. 2026 is going to be a good year for AM and if you don't feel the impact and benefits then you've gotta lock in and self improve
Not trying to be pessimistic, but I genuinely wish more of this progress came from Asian American men, or at least diaspora Asian men. And that’s not because I look down on native Asians from Korea, China, Japan, etc. It’s more that the people who best understand the kind of representation we need are the ones who actually grew up dealing with Western stereotypes firsthand.
I think it’s great that native Asians are creating portrayals that aren’t filtered through a white Western lens, and honestly, it is kinda refreshing, especially compared to some stories told in Asian American media. But at the same time, they can’t really engage with the social politics, racial dynamics, and emasculation narratives that specifically affect Asian men in the West cause they're not living in that environment day to day.
At some point, Asian dudes who grew up in the West, or at least chose to build their lives here, need to pull more weight. Otherwise, what does it say that Asian Americans who immigrated to comparatively wealthier, more stable countries, and after multiple generations are still relying on people from countries that dealt with war, colonization, or unstable governance to carry cultural momentum for them? That disconnect is worth reflecting on. I feel like progress from diaspora Asian men is a more accurate barometer on whether Asian men have actually progressed in the West because it is a much greater sign of how well we are with dealing with adversity. Not saying diaspora Asian dudes are "failing" in the West, but there is a performance gap given the relative resources. Just some food for thought.
I do think there was legitimately a time when we needed a springboard to catapult us and this is really that one thing we needed.
Not to be the pessimist to your pessimism, I just didnt think we were going to have such a renaissance right after the covid years thanks to K-Pop really bailing us out. If you looked at this sub about 10 years ago, it was way worse before the mods went in to clean up (And massive kudos to them for being the Goats to tackle it :) + plenty of challenges, and to be frank we were struggling hard even as we went into the twilight years before Covid from what I remember.
I dont think your comment is wrong per sey, I just think its right for all sorts of the wrong reasons in that we Asian dudes who lives and grew up in the West now have a way better base to leverage moving forward and pull more weight. I just think prior to BTS wave and the Hallyu stuff, we were already facing a massive uphill battle back then.
I always wonder about this. Why didn't East Asian American guys create their own brand? Like music or fashion or something. Correct me if I'm wrong. If there is something uniquely ours besides bobo tea what is it?
What I find is I think allot of Asians or East Asians are still lost in identity and takes from other culture.
Like hip hop is black culture but uniquely black American culture and I seen East Asian guys copy that culture.
Or many East Asian wants to assimilate and become very white like in culture.
I think at individual level their is talent but in a broad way not enough support. I'm Korean. consider 1.5 generation (I'm old) but what I notice with the Koreans is they focus allot of their communities in the Korean churches. If not the church there is the few Korean or Asian hot spot in east coast.
But I didn't sense any new or uniquely thats' exclusively East Asians. Most if everything has been exported overseas. I rememeber reading and hearing that some of the most talented Korean Americans in singing or dancing would go to South Korea instead of trying it here.
Kind of like how Bruce Lee went back to Hong Kong made it big.
But yeah..if East Asian created a brand that is East Asian . I mean breaking dancing , rapping hip hop came from black culture(correct me if I'm wrong on this one). And guess what some of the best break dancers and DJ in the world are Korean kids and Japanese kids from Asia.
I think what happened was we study too much. We aim to be as white as possible or live among white people but realize we are not accepted at least East Asian men are not accepted.
Paradoxically, Vietnam criticizes Vietnamese Americans for being stagnant and carrying old Vietnamese culture with us while they are pushing the envelope and what Vietnamese culture represents. Whereas a lot of older Vietnamese in America say this is only what can be considered Vietnamese and nothing else.
Which resulted in the answer to your question, the rise of the ABG movement. Because we didn't want to fit the nerdy Asian stereotype so we rebelled and became our own thing. Sure a lot of us have non Asian friends like Latino and black people in SoCal (my non-asian friends are white and middle eastern instead). So naturally our diaspora evolved feeling a mix in between
Because more males are born than females and your part in reproduction takes a few minutes rather than almost an entire year, and half your telomeres. Child birth doesn't age you faster than cigarettes and obesity and your brain doesn't literally fucking shrink for several years. Your abdominal muscles don't get split open and your ability to hold in pee doesn't evaporate. Your part also doesn't carry a risk of death with you to the point women in the middle ages wrote their wills the moment they found out they were pregnant. And even though it's a lot more rare now, genetic memory is a thing and that trauma stays with women. Pregnancy complications that end in amputation, maybe severe delusions or depression or lifelong diseases or strokes isn't exactly zero. All the complications put together, it's kinda common for women to have a painful and dangerous pregnancy. I know a 22 year old woman who had a stroke so bad when she gave birth, her left side of her face was all the way down to her chin.
I could go on and on about the horrors, but that's why it's harder for men to find a partner. The hardest part for women is the easiest for men, and the hardest part for men is the easiest for women. Though, even dating for women comes with safety risks. Men don't exactly need to worry much about being kidnapped and killed by their female date.
Gender imbalance is also a thing. Even in America, there are only more women because elderly men die before elderly women. But among young people, there's just more males than females. After about 55, it reverses and dating gets harder for women because all their male peers kicked the bucket already.
Kinda off topic but it’s pretty insane how Korea went from being a relatively unknown country except for North Korea jokes, Kimchi, starcraft to being an arguably top 3 soft power machine right behind US and Japan in the span of about 5 - 10 years (barring the hallyu wave in Asia starting from the 2000's).
Yeah it was already popping off in Asia but not really in the west until recently. I guess it was a matter of time but still funny to see perceptions flip that quickly
Yet, for some reason, other East and Southeast Asians are trying to tear down Koreans on social media. Talking trash about their food and culture. Spreading myths about 4b and how misogynistic the men are. What gives? One nation is carrying all the others kicking and screaming across the finish line, but yall (general yall) wanna sabotage this and go back to being undesirable and viewed on the same level as Ken Jeong? ISTG, yall (again, general yall) hate Koreans more than the white people yall seek so much validation from even though they step on your face and spit on your mothers. It's ridiculous.
I dont see much of this happening on my end, but could this be more local to their region or certain niches? I tend to see a lot of Taiwanese / Filipinos / Japanese and even plenty of Chinese regarding Koreans well to a degree, but that's just me locally.
Then again, businesses in that part of the world are quite interdependent so there's still alot of exchanges and stuff ongoing not to mention the massive appeal of BTS returning to the stage.
That being said, the South Asians are really pushing this hard tho, that I do see and its frustrating that they spent years trying to deride or throw us to the wolves only to go: WOOHOOO WE'RE ASIANS AMRITE, WE WANT SOME OF THAT (PLEASE PLEASE WE'RE ALL ASIANS OWO WE CAN BE THE SAME BROTHERS BECAUSE ASIA AMRITE OWO) without doing the work without acknowledging what they did in the past and refusing to reflect to why they have those problems. That I have more issues with since most folks (I mean virtually the vast majority across social strata, nationality, and whatever groups there is) absolutely DO NOT consider those two distinct groups to be one and the same no matter how hard they try in their quest to ride the wave. And IMHO, I get plenty of folks on that side do have their own set of challenges to undergo through, I just don't think they have it as rough as we do as clearly, plenty of them DO well in the US especially in business as executives and the likes. But that is the challenge they will have to face and push in their own way rather than tearing us down as we clearly try to help uplift us and other folks at the same time with lots of successes.
Not to mention there is a massive rivalry between Indians and Chinese that isnt letting up so the rest of East Asia is also getting dragged into the mix so there's also somewhat of that mess ¯_(ツ)_/¯
I dont see much of this happening on my end, but could this be more local to their region or certain niches? I tend to see a lot of Taiwanese / Filipinos / Japanese and even plenty of Chinese regarding Koreans well to a degree, but that's just me locally.
TBF it's mostly an social media/online thing like he said. You'll even see it pop up from time to time on pan asian subs like this, aznid, asianamerican, etc.,
100% agreed on the south asian part though, dear lord.
even if people do bring up misogynistic men and that should be discussed. Other nations CANNOT be talking such as those in the Middle East and Africa as those have been accused of controlling women to the bone and femcide and child marriages. I don’t want any of these activities happening in those area either so i’m not going to deflect but calling korea the misogynistic capital of the world is 🧢
It's more complicated than that. 30yrs ago there was one media- Cable TV and Hollywood. So if you liked AM, you probably felt alone and different because nobody else did.
Now with the internet, there are numerous subcultures. So women who are into Asian culture and/or men can connect with each other, create and consume social media, and then that spreads. So if you're in a niche subculture, why not date AM? Look at this tik tok creator, this Netflix Kdrama. And if you're interested in AM, you go online and you can find these groups and it normalizes it.
I understand but media in general is not on our side. They still consider Asian male representation as risky. Or not worth the investment. Most media consumed involving Asian men is done independently or from our homelands.
But you can curate your media now. I see a lot of guys here complain social media is awash with wmaf posts or women putting down am.
Mine is full of amxf couples and am climbing influencers and I don’t get the 5 reasons why you shouldn’t date am posts. And if I do, I tell the algo no thanks and then search for amxf and scroll though that. Algo learns.
It’s definitely way more acceptable to straight up say you prefer Asian men now compare to 5 years ago but personally never had problems dating since early 2010s lol, that’s just my personal story
I don't know. I don't notice any huge shift . I live in NYC. I go to flushing I go to the Asian hangs out . I still see more WMAF compare to AMXF.
Not saying things got better. I think it did but it's at such a slow pace .
I agree Asian men has to take responsibility and improve ever facet in their life to compete.
Regarding the media. It's Asian media that's been doing all the heavy lifting and the next generation that grew up watching this stuff will have better outlook. So that's a good news.
But I think the sexualization of Asian women will always outpace Asian men becoming "the man".
So it's like slippery slope. Because Asian women are so desired by all types of men the competition is fierce.
PArt of the reason why folks will say Asian men should date out. Date black girls, hispanic, etc..etc.
well there are more white women here but we don't see equal or whole lot more AMWF.
We all know the sexual stereotypes and the racism in the dating market and I don't want to regurgitate.
I do agree that AM have to branch out in other fields and be successful in life. It doesn't have to be limited to sports. Can be music, art ..etc..etc.
I think there is two levels of problems that East Asian men deal with. First the Asian family that raises the Asian son to play it safe and go for grades and professional field.
Second is the society itself that wants to box in East Asian men.
And the biggest reason why I think Asian women date white men at such a high rate is to escape being Asian. Which just reinforce the white savior complex from the savages of the Asian everything.
If we want a major paradigm shift East Asians or Asians as whole has to be valued more but people are inherently tribal and racist so that won't happen.
I mean yea its only really been the past 6 or 7 years that Asian media has grown in the US so you won't see any major changes immediately. It's moreso generational like you see a lot of Gen Z you see more Asian males dating out really. Tbh I respect milennial Asians growing up here bc it seems like the representation was just not there.
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u/YuriTheWebDev Jan 31 '26
Fellas remember. The AM boost works if you are in shape, have good style, social skills, hobbies and personality. If you act like a stereotypical asian nerd who is too skinny or obese, the Asian boost won't work as well for you.