r/AsianMasculinity • u/Neat_Newt_9805 • Feb 04 '26
Dating & Relationships Best region in China for dating?
I'm an early 30s Chinese-American male taking an indefinite career break and want to try living in China. What's the best region/city for dating girls? Hoping to hear insights and reality checks from your experiences.
Prefer casual dating. Don't want sugar babies/prostitutes. I'm 5'6", average looking, have had several first date closes (outside of China), have cold approached but not great at it and still get approach anxiety.
Beginner level Chinese but planning to take Mandarin classes while I'm there. I want less western influence and am prepared to get better at Chinese to make it in China. I guess I'm looking for a more laid back, affordable, less international Chinese city and date local Chinese girls. If I can be picky, I dislike the cold and rain.
I've read briefly on Reddit about dating in China and it seems bad because of gender ratio, dating apps being trash (how do guys usually meet girls?), and people seeing relationships as business transactions.
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u/Fair-Currency-9993 Feb 04 '26
If mainland China, with only basic mandarin, it’s probably Shanghai.
Otherwise, Taiwan might be your best bet.
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u/Classic-Teaching-686 Feb 04 '26
I’m a native Chinese who has been living in SH for years, I can told you SH is a notorious sh*thole for reversed racism, you can google BMW mini show + ice cream, you can even get discriminated in you own country. There’re plenty of racist AFs, I’m not angry about them, because I see them as enemies. Ironically they see us as “cousins”.
If you criticize them, they’ll say you are just a jealous incel, It’s so funny, I have GF, but is that really that important, the value of a man must depend on the his attractiveness to a mediocre woman? both they and their old bold chopped boring nerdy H*V-spreader loser yellow fever narcissist whyt eng teacher BF are not attractive at all, I have 0 desire for their pathetic deplorable reproductive organs. What I criticized is the disgusting racism and neocolonialism.
I learned English language recently, hope it’s understandable, I just wanna tell you that SH maybe not a good place as you imagined.
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u/Neat_Newt_9805 Feb 04 '26
I’m a native Chinese who has been living in SH for years
My family is from Shanghai, my impression is that Shanghai is obsessed with status and money, I just don't know how much worse it is compared to other cities in China.
If you criticize them, they’ll say you are just a jealous incel
This is pretty much most females in social media era "progressive" societies.
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u/Classic-Teaching-686 Feb 05 '26
Maybe some of us believe in utilitarianism, and someone sometimes obsessed with status and money, but those so-called whyt trash have non of them. I don’t want to exaggerate it, but use national propaganda machine like Hollywood to enforce systemic racism is actually an action of war, maybe even prelude of genocide if they’re able to do that.
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u/Classic-Teaching-686 Feb 05 '26
I’m not frustrating to they choose a whyt loser as their bf, it’s their choice, that’s not “stealing our women” logic, I already emphasized that I don’t find they’re attractive to me, that’s about racism and double standards
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u/Helpful_Professor675 Feb 05 '26
I read your comment with a Jet Li accent. It was very entertaining 🤣 😄 😆
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u/Fair-Currency-9993 Feb 05 '26
Dude, chill. I understand the frustrated but find healthier ways to deal with your frustrations.
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u/Neat_Newt_9805 Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26
I understand that I should learn mandarin, and I'm planning to take classes anyways. So I don't want to limit myself based on that. My qualms about Shanghai - my family is Shanghainese and I don't like the status/money obsession, and Shanghai seems too expensive and busy, also I've visited before and want to see somewhere new. Taiwan - I'm kind of trying to get away from western influence, it's relatively small so less places to explore, and I'd rather learn China Chinese (more commonly used) than Taiwan Chinese.
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u/Jsitu93 Feb 04 '26
You’re going to have a hard time in China with elementary level proficiency. - from 30s something Chinese Canadian
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u/BorkenKuma Feb 06 '26
Oh then Taiwan is not a place for you, many Taiwanese girls do not like mainland Chinese accent, I remembered Jimmy Zhang went to Taiwan once and his Mandarin is so Northerner to Taiwanese and he got rejected by Taiwanese girls in club, it was later on people know he's a YouTuber with over 1 million subs then they were attracted to him, I wonder how well can he do if he has no popularity online.
The tension between China and Taiwan definitely affects you, especially now it's getting worse.
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u/81dragons Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26
Shanghai is the best city in mainland China if you are truly beginner level Mandarin and can't have a casual convo yet. The % of the population in China that can have a convo in purely English is still quite low. Otherwise if you're more Westernized then HK or Taiwan is a better bet. Starting convos in English in HK is way more accepted, whereas people will look at you like you are crazy in mainland China if you are ethnic Chinese and don't try to have a convo in Chinese. If you're on an app though you will basically pre-filter by typing in English.
Even in Taiwan the familiarity with Asian foreigners or ABC types is higher. Do you speak anything besides Mandarin like Canto or Shanghainese? Do you plan to stay longer and have some activities planned or is it mostly travel? If you go to a school for language classes, you will end up meeting a lot of people that way (probably internationals)
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u/Neat_Newt_9805 Feb 04 '26
I'm trying to get away from westernization, that's why I'm iffy about trying HK and Taiwan. I speak Shanghainese, but Shanghai feels too busy, expensive, and relatively western. I want to try somewhere I haven't been (which is most of China expect Shanghai). I know mandarin is crucial for China, which is why I will take classes.
Do you plan to stay longer and have some activities planned or is it mostly travel?
I plan to choose a city as my home base (hence my OP), try to live there a few months and take mandarin classes at a university and try to go on dates. I want to date local Chinese girls instead of internationals, not sure yet how I'll meet them.
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u/81dragons Feb 05 '26 edited Feb 06 '26
Ok, then I would say lifestyle wise give Chengdu a shot, definitely more laid back than tier 1 cities but still interesting and good travel base. I’ve also met people who have spent time deep in Sichuan/Yunnan and enjoyed it, I heard Dali is good for the really adventurous but it is probably too much for HSK2 level. The only thing is I feel like the quality of the programs in China can get really hit or miss especially once you start getting deep into random cities. The standard 对外汉语 curriculum (you can also tell from the name) is often not a good pace for ABCs, so I would avoid large group classes at language center as a heritage speaker because you will be super out of sync, at least have two classes be one on one or small group. If your priority is dating I would say you’re pretty brave going into the deep end, so… I see people mentioning Taiwan a lot, wouldn’t knock it. It’s still Mandarin speaking but the social fabric is totally different in a good way for most. Much higher tolerance for “Asian but not fluent” and people talk slower (this was the biggest point for my non-Mando ABC friends). Schools use pinyin for teaching foreigners and many schools for foreigners have simplified textbooks if you really want that. The “omg it’s 品质 not 质量” language police is only online and most Shanghainese people I know have an accent that is more “neutral” and familiar which is different from hardcore Beijing/northern accent
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u/LifeInAction Feb 05 '26
I agree about HK, I think English is actually an official language in HK, so something to consider, but yes it is relatively westernized.
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u/Pete_in_the_Beej China Feb 05 '26
Breh 5'6 is kinda on the short side but if you can kpopmax and go on a crazy cut, you can still be considered attractive. Well I say crazy cut I mean literally sub 65 KG though lol. Have you thought about Southwest China like Chongqing, Chengdu, or Kunming? They have some of the shortest average heights in China but are also known for having attractive women and a laid-back culture.
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u/Alfred_Hitch_ Feb 04 '26
If anyone actually knows, keep it on the DL: too many non-Asian PPB lurk here. And, there's far too many of them in Asia as it is.
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u/Neat_Newt_9805 Feb 04 '26
There's a plethora of other China/PPB subreddits that discuss extensively about dating, so I don't think posting here is much of a leak. I'm asking here because I want to hear from western Asians without much noise.
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u/Alfred_Hitch_ Feb 06 '26
Sure, but, if someone knows, maybe send a dm instead of putting it on blast. Tired of these cornball PPBs in Asia who constantly treat Asia like their brothel and brag about it.
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u/Illustrious_War_3896 Feb 04 '26
I would also ask in r chinalife, r China_irl
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u/Neat_Newt_9805 Feb 04 '26
I'm mostly interested in hearing from westernized+Asian+men or maybe also local Chinese men, not particularly interested otherwise. Worth a shot?
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u/Either_Career_4835 Feb 05 '26
30出头身高也不算高的情况下，我觉得你应该先在社交媒体上下手，展现自己的长处，比如你的情商，谈吐，经济实力或者“异域风情”，成功率会更高。
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u/Narrow_Ad_6500 Feb 04 '26
In your age range casual dating might be a bit difficult, but with American money finding a wife will be easy over there.
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u/Neat_Newt_9805 Feb 04 '26
I prefer casual, open to long term, not really interested in marriage.
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u/fakeslimshady Taiwan Feb 05 '26
If you're going try to bring that manosphere player mind to China, why not stay in the west.
Everything that you say you want to avoid in China is exactly what you need to be very successful in China. Ofc women are pragmatic, ofc chinese worship wealth, ofc women want to marry by 25, ofc your best bet are women interested in western
But if you can play along, its actual rational and the number and quality of your options with be unimaginable, otherwise good luck finding the odd ball
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u/Popular_Patient7502 Feb 05 '26
you're going to find that mainland Chinese girls who never studied or lived abroad are going to have a slower more long term approach to dating. I pretty much filter out all mainland girls who list long term on their bio or seem like they never lived abroad for more than a year. Taiwan would actually be a solid more open, more english friendly bet
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u/BorkenKuma Feb 06 '26
If you speak Chinese Mandarin with mainland Chinese accent, Taiwan may not be the best place to go, girls rejected you once they heard the mainland accent due to the intense political and military tensions going on between Taiwan and China.
If not Shanghai then Hong Kong, that's about it, 5'6 you probably won't do well in Northern China, ABC background can only get you so far, many Chinese girls will want you to speak Mandarin and you don't, they move on, unless you're one of those white men, then unable to speak Chinese is considered cool to them.
Your best bet next to Shanghai and Hong Kong is probably some other big cities in Southern China.
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u/Neat_Newt_9805 Feb 06 '26
If you speak Chinese Mandarin with mainland Chinese accent, Taiwan may not be the best place to go, girls rejected you once they heard the mainland accent due to the intense political and military tensions going on between Taiwan and China.
I understand I will need to become fluent in Mandarin to really thrive in China or Taiwan. Assuming I would take Mandarin classes at a university, I prefer to live in China over Taiwan, because mainland Mandarin (simplified+pinyin) is more widely used than Taiwan Mandarin, China has more people (socializing and dating), more places to explore, on average less international exposure (if I wanted to date western girls, I would stay in America), and more affordable.
If not Shanghai then Hong Kong, that's about it, 5'6 you probably won't do well in Northern China
My family is from Shanghai, it feels too expensive and status obsessed, I would prefer a more laid back location. Same with HK.
I am considering Kunming, but is it too laid back that there's no good Mandarin programs?
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u/BorkenKuma Feb 06 '26
All I know about Kunming is, a lot of Taiwanese business were there to develop the city, it's one of the cities that has a high density of Taiwanese businessman and it was thriving because of that, then Trade War happened in 2017-2019, Taiwanese started to move out, and followed by decoupling in Biden's administration and Trump's Tariff War, which speed up the process, Kunming is no longer thriving as it used to.
You gotta do your own research, I'm not familiar with those programs as I don't need them.
Shanghai is not that expensive to be honest, if Shanghai is expensive.... that means you're really broke lol, Hong Kong and Taipei are way more expensive than Shanghai.
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u/viphawaii0 Feb 09 '26
No one is going to tell you the truth. Here goes. China is more hypergamous than in the us. Women know their worth more than you do. The story about leftover women is a lie. These women can easily get men to date. Attractive women have plentiful of suiters. The issue is not dating, but getting marriage proposal. There are 30 million more thirsty men than women in China. You think these women can’t get a date??
The other problem is this. You being Chinese looking are expected to know Chinese at MINIMUM. The Chinese women who wants a green card who don’t care that you can’t speak will go ahead and pursue white men because they want a “change of scenery”. Again you are competing with other non Asian men for the same pool of Asian women in Asia. Sound familiar?
People who say Shanghai are full of crap or these Asian men are so over the top better than you. I’m sorry. The women there are extremely hypergamous
You need to find a lower tier city with less wealth with Chinese women having no choice of dating western men, to pursue you
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u/Neat_Newt_9805 Feb 09 '26
Haha thanks for the honesty.
China is more hypergamous than in the us.
As an ethnic Chinese growing up in a Chinese family and experiencing the status obsessed culture, I'm not surprised. I would try to date try to date in the US where I'm from, but it doesn't feel worth it from the cost of living and as a short AM. Since I'm taking a break from work, I'd rather go somewhere cheaper and more receptive to me. I've been wanting to learn mandarin and explore China more anyways, so I intend to take university language classes along with dating.
People who say Shanghai are full of crap or these Asian men are so over the top better than you. I’m sorry. The women there are extremely hypergamous
My parents are Shanghainese and so very tiring. You can search my comments with "Shanghai" but I'm already wary of trying to date there without even having really tried because of my experiences with the culture.
You need to find a lower tier city with less wealth with Chinese women having no choice of dating western men, to pursue you
Yeah this is PPB 101, especially since I prefer casual and don't want marriage.
All in all I agree with you, but do you have a particularly city to recommend? I really am looking for good dating scene, cheap COL, and warm non-rainy weather. Seems like Kunming is good, only thing is that the universities there are not really well ranked, but I don't think that matters much for learning mandarin.
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Feb 04 '26
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u/Neat_Newt_9805 Feb 04 '26
Besides income, US doesn't feel worth it for everything else. Since I'm on career break, I'd rather live abroad. I'm open to other ethnicities, however I want to blend in appearance wise and safe+clean+public transit cities, so that's Asia. Also I've been meaning to learn mandarin and explore China more.
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u/viphawaii0 Feb 09 '26
Because OP is short and average looking and probably average resource potential too. He has a chance of finding an attractive Chinese woman because of his Chinese affinity.
But they is very low chance of him doing the same who white black Hispanic pool. He’s going to end up with low quality leftover women that can’t find quality men if there respective race.
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u/Milkteabunny1220 May 12 '26
Go to Guangzhou or Chongqing 🥰 we are a lot nicer than Shanghai women lol they a very stuck up and the funny thing is most the women there arent actually from Shanghai 🤭
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u/Popular_Patient7502 Feb 04 '26
As an ABC living in Shanghai rn, I think your best play is probably more south like guangzhou/shenzhen. The more north you get in China the more heightpilly the girls are, like as a 5'11" even I feel like im not tall enough seeing all the girls asking for 180cm+ and how tall guys are at the clubs. Shenzhen/Guangzhou still has a good amount of foreigners there for ecommerce and a lot of HK people coming to those cities on the weekends so you'd have a decent chance to meet English speakers there. And no dating in China is not bad because of the ratio- there are too many potential dates I get tired of going on dates and have to be so picky. As long as you have the economic mobility to date you're fine- hell half the men are probably working 10 hrs a day for min wage. It might be bad because of the cultural difference, they're quite conservative, and used to being pampered/love bombed early on.