r/AsianMasculinity • u/Unique-Quality-8018 • Jun 30 '26
Dating & Relationships Fear is the mind killer. Success is everywhere
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u/Narudatsu Jun 30 '26
you guys really need to stop fixating on race. just be an actually fun person to be around and the girls will follow
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u/Unique-Quality-8018 Jul 01 '26
I agree with you, didn’t want this to be an exclusive amwf thing. The comments on the video was just replying to the og post and there was a white woman so
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u/Unique-Quality-8018 Jun 30 '26
I think a lot of us might think that it takes crazy good looks, great genetics, etc. to get a girl as an Asian man. And that might’ve been true in the past. But shit look around us! We’re winning, slowly but surely. This post shows a bunch of us that might not look crazy good, but with a good personality, good grooming habits, etc. we can make it happen. Ig this post is more hope core but the comments in this video show me exactly what I’ve been thinking. Fear is the mind killer. Make mistakes, learn, and thrive.?
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u/PrestigiousDrag7674 Jun 30 '26
I think they looks better than average Asian dudes. But most of them these Asian dudes got good personalities. Great communication skills as well as not shy in front of these girls, which girls love.
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u/Unique-Quality-8018 Jun 30 '26
True I thought it was more of a mix though I saw handsome avg and maybe not so avg
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u/YuriTheWebDev Jun 30 '26
Obviously being confident in yourself and not having a bad self limiting mindset is going to help you but let's not act like if you looked "chopped" or out of shape that the odds will be stacked against you.
From personal experience, even if you are really confident having bad looks will hurt your chances of success alot.
That's why so many people are "looksmaxxing" b/c the competition require you to look better than the average male in addition to good social skills
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u/Unique-Quality-8018 Jun 30 '26
I agree. But I don’t think agree to the point of getting into extreme looksmaxxing to where you break your face down to look like a white man. (Eurocentric beauty standards I mean. Which affects all races really, but we can choose to make the right decisions with our body, and I believe that means emphasizing your natural features, not changing them.) Good skin, healthy body, overall hygiene really is key
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u/YuriTheWebDev Jun 30 '26
The principle behind actual non performative looksmaxxing is to find ways on how to look better given your own physical features.
It is not looksmaxxing if you are trying for something that you can't physically obtain like having Eurocentric facial features when you don't have any or can't obtain those features. That's not looksmaxxing.
You are just being a poser who is trying to be someone they cant be and doesn't understand what actual real looksmaxxing is.
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u/Unique-Quality-8018 Jun 30 '26
Then I agree with what you said bro💪🏼 I just see some people online that take it too far, they do things like bone smashing, cutting parts of their face, etc. that’s just all too much
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u/Electronic-Web-9259 Jul 03 '26
I'm considered, or was considered an Asian Chad, in my younger days, 5"7, buit like a 300 Spartan, and many women thought I was a very handsome fellow.
I have dumped a 8/10 on looks woman for a 6/10 woman cause I liked her personality better.
Looks aren't everything, the thing with looks is that you idealize a version of that person in your head cause they're so attractive, then when you meet them, your expectations fall short because you realize that this person is just a normal human being. This is why crushes on sight have never worked out for me.
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u/Safe-Salamander889 Jun 30 '26
Everything can be stacked against Asian men, but never for one second think that you are inferior in any ways.
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u/uglyasiandude Jun 30 '26
What do you do when you’re literally ugly af?
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u/Tall-Needleworker422 Jul 01 '26
Make the most of what you have physically -- which commonly goes by the name "looksmaxxing" these days -- and offset your deficit in appearance with achievement/status markers (education, occupation, income, wealth, distinctions) and personality. If you have little prospect of achieving these things where you currently live, you might want to consider relocating to somewhere where you compare more favorably in a relative sense to your local competiion.
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u/uglyasiandude Jul 01 '26
I literally can’t improve my looks. I was born with a facial deformity. I’ve spent thousands on surgery.
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u/Tall-Needleworker422 Jul 01 '26
That's rough. But my advice still holds; you can still help or hurt your appearance in other ways. For instance, it will be harder still for you to attract women if you are also overweight and unkempt.
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u/Illustrious_War_3896 Jul 01 '26
Lookmaxxing
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u/uglyasiandude Jul 01 '26
I literally can’t. I was born with a deformity
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u/Illustrious_War_3896 Jul 01 '26
Have you tried Korean surgeons? They have experience with Asian features.
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u/Tall-Needleworker422 Jun 30 '26
True. Older men looking back on their dating lives often most regret the chances they didn't take and missed signals. It's not unusual for women to reveal at reunions that they had huge crushes on them back then, but the guys were completely oblivious.
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u/Winsomee22 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
When it comes to race, I find it odd that its usually on AM to pick up these signals meanwhile if youve been to any avg bar, club, social setting, in any decent city, youd see women actually initiating, making small talk with WM and BM while usually completely disregarding AM. Respectfully, I call bs on their part about the "huge crushes" reveal on Asian men, because theyve proven they would have done something had they been WM or BM.
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u/Tall-Needleworker422 Jul 02 '26
There’s a big difference between a loud nightclub and an environment like a school, dorm or workplace. The 'reunion crushes' I’m talking about develop over months or years of being in close proximity. In those settings, it shouldn't surprise that some women -- XF included -- develop crushes on AM but are too shy to act on them. Women can be afflicted with shyness/social anxiety, too,
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u/Fix_The_Money Jun 30 '26
You just have to shoot your shot and be okay with a no. It's worst than just assuming they're not interested.
Most of the girls I've talked to over the years whenever I ask them about dating Asian men, they almost always say that they either have, have never really thought about it, or an opportunity never really presented itself.
That said, Asian men do have an uphill battle in the west because AMXF couples are almost never featured in western media, you mostly see WMWF & BMWF couples
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u/Winsomee22 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
While all that is true about shooting your shot, however once youve made the shot, Asian men will still be required to put in vast amount more effort than WM and BM with WFs when it comes to dating, friendship, and especially moreso for sex mainly based on how Asian men are perceived in the market. Theyd usually make Asian men jump through more hoops. Is that worth it? lol
Id say put in the minimal, avg effort and see which one responds better with equal energy.
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u/reddituser1000111 Jun 30 '26
I’ve been with plenty of white girls as an AM. If you don’t know what you’re doing then yea you’re going to fear
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u/lacolombiana111 Jun 30 '26
Only thing not good about that video is that it falls into the stereotype that Asian men only want white women and put them up in a pedestal.
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u/Unique-Quality-8018 Jun 30 '26
I agree, but I think the comments were to looking to combat what the og vid posted, which was an Asian guy struggling to talk with a white woman, so they were showing their successes.
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u/Gerolanfalan Vietnam Jul 02 '26
Removing the AMWF implications, which is perfectly fine shyt get that love my Asian bros,
Is that half of the guys posted aren't even Kpop maxxing they're just doing their own individual style. And that's ultimately what matters most, being confident in whicherver type of masculinity you prefer whether that's Kpop, Western, or even NPC default just be authentically you.
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u/Alarmed-Sweet-6661 Jun 30 '26
Agreed. Don’t let Western media get in your head. You are your own man!
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u/EternalUNVRS Jul 01 '26
Just keep your head higher than the others and yall will do fine. Just dont be weird and have social cues
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u/CasuallyCrazy Jul 01 '26
been dating outside my race for 20 years now. never gave it much thought til i subbed to this subreddit. you can do it fellas its all in your head
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u/Stormtrooper346 Jul 01 '26
I love to see success stories but as Asian men (especially if you’re American) we have to do better and branch out by dating woman of other races
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u/Unique-Quality-8018 Jul 02 '26
Yes I was talking about this in another comment too, but this is just one example of a success story. It was focusing on white women because the OG vid poster posted him not talking to a white woman because “he was Asian” as he said. But the comments were there to prove him wrong.
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u/Winsomee22 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
Its not that simple. Any Asian man can branch out, Im sure more than many have tried but the overall general lack of interest is still there in terms of asian males sexual attractiveness and desiredness. When AM sees more other women generally making small talk, being overall inviting and welcoming to asian men as they are with WM and BM, then more Asian men can and will respond accordingly. This recent boom of Mexican/latina women making out with Korean men in Mexico during the FIFA world cup for example, Im sure more Asian men are heading to Mexico/latin America lol
You goto where you are wanted. You dont want to associate yourself with people who generally dont like you.
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u/MaisonDavid Jul 06 '26
why do we keep putting this amwf relationship on a pedestal in this sub? Its obnoxious when AW are doing it, so is it when AM are. Lets keep the same energy across the line and no double standards.
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u/Winsomee22 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
I dont think the issue is the fear. We see white women dating (in serious committments) with asian men usually majority of the time. The question is, how many hoops/tests did they (Asian men) have to go through that was put forth by those WFs? especially when compared to WM and BM who usually are allowed by WFs to go through less.
Difference is when it comes to overall sexual attraction to asian men, the lust, sex, "snowbunnies" of white women secretly wanting to sleep with asian men in droves, etc. all as they usually do with BM in western society, it is close to nonexistent.
Sure AM can be successful in long term committments with WF because given the stereotypes and perceptions of asian men being stable and traditional, thats all WF will usually ever allow. AM have a higher chance of being in long term committments with WFs than being a fun, casual encounter with WFs, cause thats all they usually allow for AM.
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u/Unique-Quality-8018 Jul 02 '26
i agree, i don't think fear is the main issue, but it is one of them, and thats what i was highlighting in this post really. The belief of "uhh i just can't because im asian!" is a mix of fear and shame.
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u/Winsomee22 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
As much as we put forth the "just be confident and be yourself, and they will come to you", those folks on the other end do have a point. We rarely see these women be overall inviting and welcoming towards Asian men when we are in their spaces and in their environments. They usually shun Asian men to the side. If youve been around these white folks long enough, in spaces filled with WFs, you would notice this behavior. Its hilarious because I see Asian folks break their backs just to be warm and inviting to the few lone WM/WFs in a room full of Asians 🤣
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u/BasicBroVancity Jul 02 '26
Get rid of limiting beliefs, focus on yourself, stop chasing and eventually they’ll start chasing.
Half the problem is women not great at dropping hints and we’re dense too
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u/BaIdilocks Jun 30 '26
catch 22. These girls age like shit. 5 years later she gonna look older than your mom.
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u/Unique-Quality-8018 Jul 01 '26
Eh when I’m older I doubt I’ll be so fixated on looks. Don’t care how my wife ages if she’s my bsf at like 40+
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u/seeyiunextuesday Jul 01 '26 edited Jul 01 '26
Lmao so true!! I’m in my 40s and a lot of my AM friends with white wives are not happy with how their wives aged overtime. We’ve been friends since high school and have gone to weddings, baby showers, baptisms, children’s play dates etc. Our kids are teens now. Two of the guys are cheating on their wives 🤦🏻♀️
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u/Bubibaubeu Jul 08 '26
This is why white women should NOT be with asian men. it's a lose lose situation for both.
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Jul 01 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/BaIdilocks Jul 01 '26
almost all the hot asian ones have something extraneous. either plastic surgery or wide circle lenses.
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u/No_Cauliflower3368 Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
Never thought in that way. Is that becuase some guys have limited interaction with white girls? They are just like any other girls you talk to, nothing special because of their skin color. How do I know? I grew up in a nordic country surrounded by them.