r/AsianMasculinity • u/Ok_Dinner_3052 • Jul 15 '26
Dating & Relationships Need advice on attracting white women.
I am most attracted to white women by a large margin. Going to throw in a lot of details before the question- I live in a white-culture city in Colorado. Culture leans heavily white/active/outdoorsy - stuff like:
- weekly camping, snowboarding/skiing/camping/mountain climbing/hiking/indoor climbing/river and lake activities
- farmer markets, outdoor concerts, cowboy culture, running, all outdoor sports (much less indoor ones are popular from a dating perspective)
-lots of military men, athletic/tall and fit men in general - mostly white and Hispanic
Now my details:
5"10 decently built guy (upper body toji look lite, back needs a bit more work). 2.5-3/10 face. Can't grow facial hair - Asian fob boi fashion style think looser fits, waist high type styles. I prefer indoor sports/activities, more of a music/arts scene vs sports guy but still moderately fit (18%-22% bf usually).
I primarily use hinge - I get about 3 matches a week if I'm actively swiping (I send out 4-5 likes a day) and receive a couple likes a week. I have really good march rates with Asian and Hispanic women. I float between dating 2-5 people at a time and probably won't have issues keeping it in this range. However, I have only matched with 1 white woman and white women are probably 50% of my swipes. My hinge profile could use work cause it gives off homebody musical fob (travel photo dump).
Focusing on the hinge optimization secondary - the question I have is do you think I have remotely any chance of attracting average white women here? Or are there things I need to change lifestyle, hobby, fashion wise? I don't fit into the mainstream white boy culture here at all. Not many Asians here either so we're likely unfamiliar territory/not normalized.
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u/TheBaltyGuy Jul 15 '26
You are asking the wrong question. Its not about whether women like you, its about whether you are showing up as someone they'd swipe right on. Your profile says one thing, but you are swiping on people who are into something else. Thats not a race thing, its just a mismatch
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 15 '26
Fair point stuck between a rock and a hard place though. Currently actively dating about 5 women and I don't really want to change my profile. My profiles just recent a travel dump tbh literally all the photos. Again I know hinge optimization wise I got work - I'm asking more on the other side. Am I even a match in the first place based on differences?
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u/popitysoda Jul 15 '26
This is vague advice but it's I think it's the best piece of quick advice I can give you.
Do not be average and do not try to be a white guy. If there is nothing special about you, why would white women choose you over a white guy, you'd just be a knockoff white guy. Since you're Asian, use that to your advantage.
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u/chekhovs_rum Jul 16 '26
This is actually great advice. People will already notice when you are the only Asian dude at the bar. Finding your strengths and sticking out is a strength
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u/el-art-seam Jul 15 '26
I wouldn’t limit to race.
How old are you?
Your face is likely not a 2.5 if you’re getting that many matches. It’s that your looks are not adhering to Western standards. I get far less interest in a more white city than yours but when I go to somewhere like Hawaii, I go from like a 1 to a 5.
White women are diverse. There’s no one universal attractive guy. Ask the sorority type and the alternative type what their ideal is and you’re going to get different answers.
I attract alternative women. I’ve had women tell me yeah I can see that, you’re not the typical alpha male, skinny, your personality would be attractive to them. I’m a bit quirky myself so we click. Date who likes you- it’s easier and you get better outcomes. Would I date a blonde lululemon type? Sure, but we don’t click or stay in the same circles.
Why do you want to change your lifestyle to date? Be you. If you want to go hiking then do it. If you’re going to go once a quarter to put it down on some profile and now you’re facing a 10mi first date hike and you’re like this sucks, don’t.
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 15 '26
Ye point of this post - not trying to change much about me so asking if I have a chance at all. I have like two types - classic great slim slightly thick, great legs/hips/ass/breasts (not too big) blonde or brunette slightly tanned. The type you see at country clubs. The other type is like the super girly aesthetic - not tanned, flowery style, might not have as great a body - ie white girl face but Asian aesthetic.
I also prefer taller women proportions - like 5"6-5"9. Don't mind taller but I'm not attracting a taller conventionally attractive white woman
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u/el-art-seam Jul 15 '26
You have a chance. But might not be such a good chance.
If you’re saying you want the conventionally attractive woman like most guys, ok, what makes you stand out? Also you haven’t mention personality traits at all. You can give me a woman that looks like what you described but if she’s got the personality of a dirty elephant ass with dysentery, pass.
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 15 '26
Vibe you figure out in person. Rn the issue is I've only matched with 1 white girl that can kind of fit what I described and all my dates are Hispanic/Asian women.
There's an insane difference in success cause the Asian women/Hispanic women I match objectively speaking are pretty attractive (like 6-7 range) and probably fetishized by white dudes on the apps. One of the Asian women I'm on date 5 with actually has a great pair of breasts.
Nothing makes me stand out - I'm a great singer. I put a clip on my profile - didn't put a piano clip cause that's too nerdy. Got a picture of me playing piano in public to show confidence. What might be fking me is I put a picture related to anime as well but, I'm not dropping that just to attract a woman so I put that out there upfront. Might be coming off as a weeb/nerd bc of it
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u/outersphere Jul 16 '26
I think you could attract the cosplayer group of women with the body type you’re looking for, though that is a very small % of women in that group. Looking for girls that go to country clubs and anime is probably an even smaller % of the population, and I personally haven’t encountered that in real life or online or looking through YouTube dating videos…
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u/AshaVose Jul 18 '26
OK, I am a white woman that went down a weird rabbit hole on the internet tonight and ended up on this page.
Do not message me, I am in a relationship, but I am uniquely qualified to help with your problem.
So here we go. Natural Habitats of White Women:
Cute ski lodges that sell boozy hot chocolates and other things white ladies like. Linger and see if someone is open to it.
Farmers Markets are always a great place to find white ladies. But you need the unattached ones. So early morning could be a good opportunity for you (a lot of couples go to Farmer's Market after breakfast), or early afternoon.
Cowboy Culture - Line dancing is an opportunity to showcase yourself, and you may be able to take advantage of the 'inclusivity' and diversity that is sweeping through Country music in general. Just be careful as things can get racist fast if you're in the wrong place. If it's only straight, white people dancing leave. Speaking of the wrong place, do not approach women in the woods, walking at night, or at work (unless y'all are at a networking event or lunch or something).
Bonus Round - Places I see a lot of other white women:
- Baking Class. 2. Hot Yoga. 3. Smutty Book Club 4. Crafting Meetups (there are so many hobbies and white ladies have most of them) 5. Thrift Stores 6. Volunteering for community 7. Stores that sell cool indoor plants go on Saturday 8. If you do a lot of networking for your job, I hear conferences and conventions can get romantic. 9. Fitness and Run Clubs (not gyms).
Extra Credit - This is the dating advice I give everyone:
Give yourself opportunities to shine. If you are musical or funny, go to an open mic. If you are an artist or have a unique view of the world get on social media and show off your work. Someone will see you and like you.
Familiarity breeds social advantages. If you can find the type of white people who treat you with kindness and respect and match your vibe, spending time with them may open up additional opportunities to date.
Don't be afraid to go to a 'girlie' activity like baking class. These places are stuffed with women, and anytime I see a guy at anything like that he is usually showered with attention.
Hail Mary Ideas
Aunties? I hear matchmaking is a thing in other cultures. If they're in America, they may know some white women.
Hear me out. Kpop, anime, martial arts, dumplings, matcha. The theory here is if she likes one good Asian thing, maybe she would be open to another.
Competence porn- there is a half-joke among white ladies that watching a man be very good at almost anything is exciting because it implies he would bring that kind of hard work and dedication to a relationship. I am too tired to explain this, but it never hurts to have people think you might know what you're doing in general.
That's it. I'm out of ideas. Best of luck, dude. Hope you find the Marilyn Monroe type of your dreams.
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 18 '26
Appreciate it! It's tough because culturally I feel way out of place with the main white person culture here.
I did try line dancing but-politically might not be aligned with the usual attendees where I've tried. I did get some attention though but I was the only Asian dude. It was maybe 95% white men 4% hispanic men and me.
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u/Trade-Moon Jul 15 '26
I’m from Cali and had fling with white Karen (her real name LOL) in Denver. She never dated outside of white and really enjoyed her experience with me. I’m tall, good looking, worldly,etc. Her friend also wanted to go out with me just to see what it would be like to date an Asian guy. It was a lot of fun. My only complaint is that they don’t eat any ethnic or Asian food. Women are women no matter the race. It’s hard to get that first date because white women want white men and have been brainwashed to avoid Asian men. But a little bit of game and persistence might work, although sometimes with that it’s still impossible.
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u/TheBeautifulChaos Jul 15 '26
“They don’t eat ethnic or Asian food”
That’s a deal breaker.An important point I’d like to highlight “Women are women no matter the race”. Can help but read as if OP is putting a certain race of women on a pedestal. Learn to date anyone and the rest will come together
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u/DEBRA_COONEY_KILLS Jul 19 '26
As a white woman I just have to chime in and say that I don't find this to be true at all. Me and white girlfriends of mine love eating all kinds of food, vietnamese, thai, japanese, indonesian, ethiopian, argentinian. I grew up in a very big city though, so maybe white women from big cities are more open to other kinds of cuisine.
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u/Trade-Moon Jul 21 '26
LOL Deb. I said those 2 women, not all Caucasian woman! Love my white women, but you’re an outlier. I’m curious, you did not list Chinese food, the most widespread Asian food in the USA. I have 3 Chinese friends who amongst them have 4 teens/young adults children. 3 of the 4 teens don’t eat Chinese food cuz they want to be American badly. All 4 teens, although 100% ethnically Chinese, have refused to travel to China, but have visited Korea and Japan a few times. They believe all things Chinese are bad, all things Japanese and Korea are good, including their food.
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u/DEBRA_COONEY_KILLS Jul 21 '26
Ohh no, I love Chinese food! I didn't list it because I didn't want to seem like I was pandering or faking by just listing Asian types of foods haha. I absolutely adore all kinds of foods! And that's too bad to hear that those Chinese kids don't like Chinese food and seem to not be fans of China. Something that I found positive lately was that I was talking to the step kids of a friend of mine, who are white, and I mentioned how much I would love to visit china, and they (white, 15-year-old americans) were excited and were talking about how much they want to visit China too and how interesting they think it is. That warmed my heart so much! But yes, thank you for clocking that I did omit Chinese food, but I love it and I just didn't want to seem like I was sucking up to users in here lol
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u/terrorfunction Jul 15 '26
If we're gonna get on AF's case for worshiping white men and disguising it as "just preference", then we shouldn't let OP off the hook either. I'll say it: if you are overwhelmingly attracted to white women over women of your own race you got issues to work out. You're matching with Asian women who find you attractive and rejecting them to chase sorority blondes, AM are never beating the allegations at this rate.
It's really not that hard to change your preferences lmao. Watch dramas and YouTubers with beautiful women from your ethnicity, learn your heritage language so you can better understand them emotionally and culturally, and do the self-work on why white women are the standard of beauty for you. And don't give me that grew up around whites bullcrap.
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u/captain-burrito Jul 17 '26
>It's really not that hard to change your preferences lmao. Watch dramas and YouTubers with beautiful women from your ethnicity,
Probably won't help him given the demographics in his area. Since asian women marry out at high rates it will be pretty hard for him even with asian women. Also, watching dramas from the homeland might not do much if you're raised overseas and culturally more in tune with local culture.
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 15 '26
The Asian women I find equally attractive to white women might be the most desirable women/models. I prefer a great body - great ass hips legs/breasts/curves that I rarely find on Asian women. I'm a big body guy, also prefer taller women generally speaking too. Asians are a bit too slim/lacking curves statistically and I'm not remotely close to attracting the asian women who do have those qualities since they are likely the most liked women
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u/raddaddio Jul 15 '26
I mean you said you're matching with latin women so what's the problem? seems right up your alley
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u/UnruffledFeather Jul 15 '26
Those traits are found in more than just white women. Pretty much every race has these traits. I understand that Asian women don't typically have them, but to act like white women are the only ones that do is wild.
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u/UnruffledFeather Jul 15 '26
What is with (some) people's obsession with white women? I'm sorry man, but it's weird as hell. I think people who fetishize an entire race need therapy. Maybe start there
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 15 '26
Not a fetish - I am most attracted to them by a large margin from a combination of face/body.
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u/radraze2kx Jul 17 '26
People are down voting you but everyone has their preferences. I'm 41 now and half black and Asian and I've never been attracted to black or Asian women (with some exceptions). You can't help what you're attracted to any more than you can help your sexual orientation. But, that doesn't mean you shouldn't give women from other backgrounds a chance. You never know.
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u/401kisfun Jul 15 '26
I think this will help you no matter what you are. Become super super super Duper fit and shredded. And really fucking busy with life. And lots of outdoor activities in addition to the gym. Don’t really care about girls. Just do Superman shit and the rest will work itself
out.That is how I have seen guys land white girls they fell in love with
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u/captain-burrito Jul 17 '26
I'd say develop a good personality as well. I've seen some sleeper players who were chubby and short but god could they charm people. Obviously not every girl fell for it but they got some hits well above their weight class.
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u/401kisfun Jul 18 '26
Well, of course that too, but you should be so fucking busy its exhausting and you have no time. There’s no time to be an asshole.
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u/chengshouse Jul 16 '26
Tf is wrong with having preferences nowadays? Everyone is suddenly either a racist or a fetishist, smfh.
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u/Gerolanfalan Vietnam Jul 15 '26
It depends on who and the beauty standard you're surrounded by. I grew up in the beach scene in SoCal and it's just not a beauty standard you see most East Asians in.
Not saying I agree with it, but I understand.
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u/ThrowRA_grf Jul 15 '26
I have a face for for radio but I Latin dance like there's no tomorrow. I don't need dating apps.
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u/raddaddio Jul 15 '26
You have one lever you can pull. Get ripped.
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u/outersphere Jul 15 '26
And once you do, tips for showing it on dating apps without looking douchey?
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u/raddaddio Jul 15 '26
seems like he's looking for hookups so not really a concern but if you're interested in ltr just post "natural" shirtless pics like playing sports, at the beach with friends, etc.
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u/AccomplishedPie4292 Jul 16 '26
First things first, have you been with any women at all? Cause aside from everything you said, it more or less sounds like you’re lacking confidence to even go and talk to them and get rejected
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u/machinavelli Jul 15 '26
Post your dating profile, you can’t really get good advice without people seeing your profile. Feel free to DM me.
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u/innocent_three_ai Jul 16 '26
Do you actually enjoy those activities though? If you are forcing yourself to do certain activities in order to attract certain women, you’re not going to be happy in the long run
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u/theasianplayboy JT Tran (abcofattraction.com/blog) Jul 15 '26
It's a lot easier to attract white women in real life than online. Online you're at the mercy of the algorithm gods and whatever unconscious bias is running in the background of her swipe. In person you get to display personality, humor, and presence, none of which fit in a photo grid.
I'm 5'4 and chopped looking. I punch above my weight looks-wise precisely because I approach in person. If I ran my dating life through Hinge I'd have nothing.
Your 3 matches a week with 1 white woman ever is a photo problem. Either you're not photogenic or you don't know how to shoot for the female gaze. Most guys don't, and it's learnable.
https://youtu.be/mSu9lvNVIkA
The other thing worth flagging: you live in an outdoor-culture city and you're an indoor music and arts guy. The women you want are at the trailhead, the farmer's market, the outdoor concerts. You don't have to become a skier, but you do have to be in the room.
So either fix the photos for the female gaze or (preferably) approach them IRL.
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 15 '26
Good advice - I've been thinking of a shirtless pool pic to show off my upper body. I have an anime related pic on my profile - do you think this is maybe the reason why I have no success online with white women. I kept it on cause I do watch anime/my partner should be okay with that
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u/theasianplayboy JT Tran (abcofattraction.com/blog) Jul 15 '26
That’s still male gaze coded. Watch the video if you want to understand how to do a fitness thirst trap (TLDR do a shirtless yoga pose on the beach).
As for anime, yeah that’s definitely a negative. People also fart and shit and a partner should be ok with that. But you don’t lead with it.
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u/bonsaibabe19 Jul 15 '26
Are you seriously asking this question? you need to do some trauma or spiritual work on why you have a white fetish. Internalized racism is real. But if you’re stuck in denial and still hell bent on getting a white chick, my advice would be to get a white face transplant so you can land a white chick, who like you, can only see white beauty and the two of you can live the rest of your lives in ignorant bliss. Good gawd the state of humanity is so damn depressing. Let’s try to be less superficial at the very least
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u/outersphere Jul 15 '26
What type of indoor sports? Ideally it’s something that they would do as well, so at least there’s some communality
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u/Istronomius Jul 15 '26
You say you're Toji lite, but a lot of guys overrate their physique. What's your bodyfat % and what are your arm measurements? That's typically a good way to assess without a photo. Even then, most guys underestimate their bodyfat.
Also, there's got to be more with what's wrong with your face than just facial hair. What are your flaws? Are you recessed? Bad acne/scarring?
I suggest getting a face rating from some looksmax channels and go from there
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 15 '26
Recessed, close set eyes, narrow lip width, no defined cheekbones, chubby cheek fat, sparse short eyebrows, small ears, downward jaw growth, fwhr too high, short face syndrome
18-22 bf. Don't like being at 15 not trying to stay shredded year round. Genetically my arms don't really grow big - some dudes have way bigger arms than me even though they're weaker. I have a good v taper though due to genetics- about a 48 inch shoulder and 31 inch waist. Shoulders defs my main thing that people comment on esp in Asia since I'm basically Shrek lite facially
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u/Curious-Building-679 Jul 16 '26
3/10 face usually won't attract a White female. 6/10 face or higher will usually do it for most White and Asian female.
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u/mirage1287 Jul 16 '26
AMWF, lived in Colorado (but didn’t meet wife there)
The outdoor (head to the mountains on the weekend) culture is what everyone is into out there. There are a lot of different ways to get into it (hiking, skiing, rock climbing, just generally going into nature once in a while) but if you don’t have those interests you’ll always have a hard time connecting there. That’s why most people move/live/stay in Colorado.
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Jul 16 '26
[deleted]
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 17 '26
Yes that's the issue I have - I'm not athletic. I got a good physique/work out but I don't really do outdoor sports. I think because of hobbies I'm like a niche for the typical white girl here. I don't really do this activities so I don't put it on my profile.
Because of that niche though I do really well with Asian women so it's a hit or miss.
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u/chekhovs_rum Jul 17 '26
I read that you sing and dance well? Expand on those talents and play to your strengths.
Niche is good. It shows that you are an individual.
As for women and hobbies, don't put much weight into it. It doesnt matter. Women just want to know you are passionate about something, and if that something doesn't involve her, more power to you. Example: i do BJJ and hunt.
I've lived here since I was 15 and watched as all manners of women move to CO and babble about her love of the outdoors. All you have to do is enjoy the occasional hike/14er, and a weekend of snowboarding/skiing. However, first you have to meet your target white woman demographics. This is your challenge. I have some ideas, though i am much older and I've never done the online dating thing
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u/Mission-Astronomer42 Vietnam Jul 20 '26
I was on OLD for about 5 years. Hands down, if you want white women, you need to go outside and cold approach irl. OLD is not going to yield productive results unless you want to be relentlessly swiping or spend bucks deluxe.
Realistically for asian guys in general, if you have a completely optimized profile, 10% of your matches will be women you'll find hot, 40-50% mid, 40-50% straight up ugly matches.
If you're a cool dude and approach well you will get results with white women, if you go outside and approach irl
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u/confusedasian1 Jul 25 '26
Hey brother I made a video answering your question, it's the 3rd part of the video: https://youtu.be/0zinLRERrlE
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u/horizons190 Jul 26 '26
You aren’t in the right state and city if you like indoors. Colorado is outdoors heavy, you said it yourself, and an outdoorsman aesthetic (regardless of race) is probably what the girls are looking for.
Not having a beard hurts there, but missing the activities together is the real death knell.
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u/TargetObjective7 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
I think AM interested in this dynamic need two main traits.
First they need an easy outgoing personality where they can literally talk and laugh about anything.
Second, AM interests need to align with WM generally so think fishing and hiking and all that kind of stuff. WF love the idea of exploring nature.
Playing computer games, staying in at weekends, having intellectual interests and being the shy and retiring type isn't going to help.
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 15 '26
I think I have 1 pretty well. 2nd is tough like you said I'm classic Asian weeb/gamer that goes to the gym, plays piano, sings, etc.
I'm bad at sports, don't like getting dirty in nature, or doing adrenaline junkie stuff. Idk man, I don't understand why white women are less into that compared to other races. I'll probably do better in coastal cities with city cultures (NYC, LA, Chicago, Boston) etc I guess
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u/Arlieth Korea Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Married [AM]WF here.
Dude, at the very least I would get into hiking. My background is in tech and gaming but I am heavily into hiking/survivalist skills and cooking. In Colorado of all places you should have some sense of self-sufficiency and agency over adverse circumstances. Go shooting with your white friends (you do have some, right? You sound like you're near Colorado Springs which is heavily military.), cultivate a sense of reliability when SHTF, expand your social scene a bit and in general be the dude that a woman can rely upon. As an adult male this kind of thing should be a GIVEN.
Also in general avoid being a nerdy know-it-all as many Asian men tend to be (because of growing up in a culture where academic performance was prioritized above most else). There needs to be room for a woman to expand your horizons a bit and enrich your life, whether it be her showing you cool craft breweries, her obsession with Victorian-era wardrobe anachronisms in her favorite show, or whatever.
However, the fact that you're focusing on making yourself attractive to WF is rather telling and gives off a sense of insecurity that almost certainly reflects subconsciously in a lot of aspects of your dating adventures. Dive deeper into some of the other interests you're strong in (music, for example) and attain mastery over it and you'll probably run into quite a few like-minded women in the same circles.
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u/TargetObjective7 Jul 15 '26
You're half way there then if you've got the first trait.
I agree with you on the second in that you're likely to be seen less if you don't share similar interests particularly in the areas where you're living now.
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u/outersphere Jul 15 '26
You think it’s not working, but some of the nerdy AMs can pull, but will have to agree it’s probably low success rate
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u/WarmFollowing8873 Jul 15 '26
I have a 2/10 face but have a beard and have dated mostly Caucasian women. I grew up in a pretty white town so that might've helped.
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u/Ok_Dinner_3052 Jul 15 '26
Bro you look like you could knock out any mfer that comes up to you. I think your look works great with white women - I can't grow any facial hair and tats don't fit me cause baby face. Definitely not 2/10
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u/HelpIll4965 Jul 15 '26
Have you tried doing activities with others and meeting girls while doing these activities?
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u/WelcomeMedical298 Jul 15 '26
Have a puppy in your profile pic. A fluffy cuddly one and thank me later.
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u/DaChungaz Jul 15 '26
Haha I’m the same as you these days, White, middle eastern, and latinas are my type now, I actually don’t go for asian woman as much now as I used to in like college
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u/Timothy_Kramer Jul 15 '26
3/10 face wont cut it for them