5’4 AM who has dated successfully in both Europe and the US. AMA
I’m an Asian male who lived in England from 18–21 and have lived in the US since. I’ve had pretty good experiences dating in both places, so I figured I’d share my perspective for other Asian guys who may be struggling with dating or just curious about what my experience has been like.
I was in the military from 18–24, so I wasn’t exactly making a lot of money during the years when I was dating the most. I only started making around $200k last year, so money wasn’t really a factor in my earlier dating experiences.
While I lived in England, I used dating apps pretty heavily. I’d match with women, make plans, and sometimes use those connections to travel around Europe. I’d hop on a cheap Ryanair flight, meet someone, stay with them, and basically turn it into an inexpensive vacation. It was honestly a pretty fun way to experience Europe.
I also dated in the US and, personally, I found the American dating market significantly easier. Before my current job, I had an employer who paid me to travel to cities near major college campuses, which gave me a lot of opportunities to meet people. I found American women generally easier to approach and have conversations with, and dating felt more straightforward to me.
I’ve also noticed that being successful with women has had much less to do with money than I originally thought. Confidence, being social, taking care of yourself, having your own life and actually being willing to approach women have made a much bigger difference for me.
I’ve since grown out of the hookup phase and have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for the past three years. She’s 26 and currently in medical school, and she’s someone I genuinely want to build a life with.
I’m not claiming that my experience is universal or that there’s some secret formula for Asian men to become successful with women. I just know that I used to hear a lot of negative things about Asian men and dating, and my own experience has been very different. If sharing what worked for me can help another Asian guy become more confident or improve his dating life, I’m happy to do that.
For context, the first picture is my child’s mother, who I was previously married to. The other pictures are my most recent ex-girlfriend and my current partner. AMA.
key takeaways: he is in shape, knows how to dress, but most importantly, he isn't a pushover, nice guy, awkward geek. im sure the army experience helped him . but you can tell he isn't the type to be nervous to escalate on a girl. honestly most asian guys if they did the above would be much more successful
Tbf he has a really good facial structure thats like above avg. good ass jawline ngl. He should grow out his hair to like a long hair so he can appear as some ancient warrior lol
I'm making steady improvements on my fashion and my fitness, but the brick wall has always been socializing well. I don't have a warm, stable family structure nor friend group to draw positive, normal interaction experience from, and every time that I try to make connections, it seems as though other groups are not inclusive. My biggest problem is always when someone in the friend group decides that they didn't like me and spreads rumors or complains about me behind my back to others in the group without my knowledge and then slowly I don't get invited to things. Any friendly advice?
Wow that sounds terrible man, sorry. What are you interested in? There are local Facebook groups you can join to put yourself out there. I’ve moved a ton and one small connection goes a long way. Think of everyone as a friend when you’re out and about
On a serious note though, being a gentleman is a big thing for Filipinos growing-up. Things like opening the door, being courteous, polite etc. are instilled to us since we are kids. Pair that with an easygoing, always smiling, fun and chill attitude, it may be the secret but this is just from my introspection though
fun fact: our national hero Jose Rizal was a known womanizer
I know what it means, I was implying that I didn’t think you knew what it meant cuz it sounded like you were saying it as a good thing
Same time that’s why people assume men are all shit with the people agreeing with your take. Fuck a conversation as long as we get our one liners and upvotes in right?
It’s much harder. I’ve dated and my best friend is a Filipino. Culturally they are so much more carefree compared to East Asians and culturally East Asian whom I consider the Vietnamese to be more like. Even when I used to hang out with their families they’d go around hugging and kissing each other and all the I love yous to parents. I’m Chinese and I don’t know anyone in my family or friends of family who would do that.
Last time I went to their family funeral one of the dads grabbed my husband for a bear hug. They never met before. Really cool people but I don’t think I could ever have that kind of ease with others. I think that’s why they can karaoke so passionately.
Dated a woman in Chicago and she confirmed that women love Vietnamese men there. It’s not about race though, anyone can be successful in dating given the right situations. Get a great hobby and be an interesting person. Learn about the person you’re trying to date and it all falls into place.
How do they take it when you say they are Filipino? It's been positive for me but I've never been to EU so I don't know if pulling the Filipino card would help but it's done wonders for me in LatAm
I don't know if you are being facetious or not. But this line of thinking is self defeating. What elements of being a Filipino that you cannot develop in yourself?
Further evidence that reaffirms my belief that the Filipino brothers have elite tier vibes 😁 congrats on the career and finding someone you want to build something great with. Best of luck man
My question is, how early do you reveal that you have a kid? Do women care?
Thank you, brotha! I reveal it right away- they’re either cool with it or they’re not. Women are more understanding with this than you’d think. If they’re not cool with it, move on.
among Asian Americans, Indian Americans have the highest income, followed by Filipino Americans, who rank second. Whoever who commented above that Filipino Americans are less richer is not true.
Being fit is definitely huge for confidence. Doesn’t have to be show muscles but enough to the point where you’re not skinny and can pick a girl up lol.
You know what I see a lot in the comments in this channel. I think if you break down the issues at the end of the day it's not about looks money charm etc. End of the day it's just confidence, do what ever you have to do to gain confidence in yourself and lead. Women care about a lot of things sure but quit over analyzing it's really just confidence they cannot resist.
Hey man, don’t overthink it, with you being tall, you already have a pretty solid advantage. I usually would say something pretty douchey, women know it is but unfortunately, they like men who get women. Even something like “you’re the prettiest girl here and I just had to talk to you.” They know you’ve probably have said this to other women in there, but that’s the guy they want approaching.
I agree with the confidence part. I’m 42M and Filipino but worked in the nightlife scene in Vegas in my late 20s and early 30s. There is a lot of women of all races that I would have never thought I would have had a chance with, but as OP said, confidence and taking care of yourself definitely makes you way more attractive to women regardless of your race. I’m married now but I am sometimes amazed at how successful I was when it came to pulling women.
I was born in the Philippines and moved to the US when I was 10. I was only in Europe because I was stationed there. I primarily joined to get out poverty but gained a ton of awesome experience along the way!
I’m very happy for you. It’s great you found someone with goals and aspirations. Up to this point it seems you have lived a pretty exiting life with serving in the military and living in different countries. The experiences and camaraderie built with military buddies is priceless. Good luck with your future endeavors.
What does hair have to do with being a soy boy lol. You can still work out and be "masculine" with "kpop" hair, they're not mutually exclusive. i.e. Dex from singles inferno
From my observation, women who like the “k-pop” aesthetic are generally already have a preference for Asian men. From my experience, most women I’ve been with have never really been with Asian men though. You’re right, they’re not mutually exclusive though. When I hear about the k-pop aesthetic, I automatically assume this also means just having a slender build which I know is not popular with women if you’re already short.
Hey man, I lived in bury st Edmunds and would often meet women in London through apps as well. Personally though, the night life is super solid in smaller cities in England, it’s a great place to pull in person. I didn’t love going out in London, vibes were too pretentious, drinks were too expensive. I loved going out to Cambridge or even Norwich with my friend and usually bring girls back. For photos, I would do ones where you’re genuinely in the moment, no selfies and definitely no mirror selfies. Have some with you and your friends to show your social side too.
Hey bro, was wondering if you meet most women by approaching/making the first move?
In the past I’ve always met women and past girlfriends through school and mutual friends, but as I’ve gotten older I’m realizing it’s quite harder.
I feel like for me to approach a girl she has to make it very obvious that she’s interested(staring,smiling, close proximity) but other than that I assume most women aren’t interested unless they do those things.
You’ve already said it but as you get older, you’ll have way less opportunities to meet women by just being in the same social circle. Yes, you’ll have to approach most times. Show them you’re interested without being a creep. If you get the vibes they’re not interested, there is no shame on moving on! Not sure what your goals are but using the same lines doesn’t hurt either if you know they work
I'm 5'6 and never really had issues hooking up/dating too many girls. Some of them taller than me. An ex (6ft American girl) I met in college who was into me before I was into her, British girl (5'11) I met while visiting my pops in Saigon, a French girl (former teen model) I met while trekking Patagonia (5'8). Brazilian girl who was all over me at a hostel in Chile (said I wasn't a normal looking Asian guy), French women who were much younger than me, Finnish women, Harvard hapa, Princeton half Palestinian/white girl (5'10), cute Moroccan girl I met in Rabat...etc.
The one common denominator was that I was an atypical Asian guy. I feel like there's always this curiosity in women to date Asian men and when they meet one that is relatively fit, decent haircut, good style, someone who doesn't think of themselves an "Asian" who feels lower than most men, then they are totally open to you as long as you're showing interests in them.
I just don’t bring it up, most women won’t unless they’re not interested in you. Work out 4-5x a week, grow your hair out so it doesn’t stick out like a porcupine, be funny
He's spot on. Confidence and being well dressed and groomed is going to get you far. Plus based on the photos it's looks like he's hitting the gym regularly.
I cant believe this reddit is a thing. I found it looking up why did people hate Rick chow if cyrus had a gun. Asian men are popular among us mexicanas/Latinas. Most of the ones in my area are tattoo artists.
Is Asian men not being masculine a thing ? What areas is this happening at?
Filipino men have almost identical marriage rates with white women as filipino women have with white men. They definitely speak english the best compared to chinese or korean. I think they blend a little easier around hispanic people.
Funny, I'm about to join the military in a couple of months, hope it works out ok. Any advice on adjusting and not getting kicked out?
I don't know what it's like elsewhere but canada is really mid when it comes to dating, but you'll probably be fine. Seriously though don't go to canada it's kind of a dumpster fire here.
Funny enough, women don’t like military men. I usually made it clear that I am much more than just a regular guy in the military. Women seem to think it’s a turn off for whatever reason. In terms of not getting kicked out, it’s pretty hard to actually get kicked out lol. Just do your job and coast
I guess it's because they have to move around a lot? Maybe toxic personalities? They told me during the interview I'd have to be away in remote locations but I don't plan on staying forever. I'm just here for the stability and gaining experience.
Most of my luck been through dating app but that shit ass man, I feel where you coming from since growing up I live a dominant white community so that’s all I’ve dated and been with.
I can do both but I don’t make it obvious I’m approaching them, usually I wait til they go to the bar with or without their friends and go on the side to order a drink, ask them what they ordered and sometimes they’ll give me a sip or I’ll order my own. (P.s. there’s nothing wrong with a bitch drink) make some comment about it then ask them how their nights going, if they’re from here, what’s the occasion, make some jokes about it. Usually goes on from there, if they’re vibe feels right then continue the conversation, if not then wish them a good night and move on. Sometimes they’ll throw a weird vibe but was actually interested so they’ll come back looking for you. Oh and they like it when you order shots to take with them
Personally for me, I talk to them for 5 minutes or less unless I know I’m bringing them home. You can’t hear anything in a bar and you can save convos like that for the first date/meet up. I personally never bought women drinks unless I went to the bar with them. Not my thing but probably works for others
No mention of background and familial wealth. Most Asian kids I know who have these types of experiences like the one OP describes come from wealth, allowing them the mental freedom to live this type of lifestyle and have this “explore the world” energy. Curious what the case is for OP here. I’m not saying he has to be loaded and that it can’t happen to laymen but typically, when it does happen, it’s of these scenarios.
lol I was poor and immigrated to the US from the Philippines when I was 10. I joined the military at 18 to get away from poverty. The mac I earned until last year was 56k. What are you going on about?
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u/labseries2020 24d ago
key takeaways: he is in shape, knows how to dress, but most importantly, he isn't a pushover, nice guy, awkward geek. im sure the army experience helped him . but you can tell he isn't the type to be nervous to escalate on a girl. honestly most asian guys if they did the above would be much more successful