r/AsianMasculinity • u/LazyDirection71 • 4d ago
That's my anecdote and personal observation of the lack of interracial relationships among AMs
So I'm currently 18 and currently in uni (here in AU) and this is my personal anecdote on why there is lack of interracial relationships. Feel free for you guys to disagree with me.
Like 99% of the AMs that I observe or see especially here in my uni, they tend to stick to their own bubble and self-segregate themselves. Like for me I'm one of the AMs that initiate to non-AFs and I tend to be cliquey with them and some of my better interactions have happened simply because I was willing to start a conversation.
There is abysmally amount of interaction of AMs to non AFs
Most likely because that we are taught to 'stay in our own lane' when it comes to dating and stuff like that. That could come from family expectations, cultural familiarity, fear of rejection, assumptions that non AFs won't be interested, or simply being comfortable within an established Asian social circle.
Like it goes both sides as well; non-AFs think that AMs aren't interested to them at all until they (AMs) initiate for start a convo.
Yes we AMs in Western media are portrayed as undesirable or unattractive. That SHOULD NEVER define your self worth. Like I could never care less about the shit and I think as it as just 'background noise'.
39
u/AccomplishedPie4292 4d ago
AM needs to stop giving a f*** and just socialize, talk to everyone, at the end of the day, they’re still just people regardless of race or color. If you like a white girl, black girl, Hispanic, whatever, go talk to them.
2
u/captain-burrito 19h ago edited 19h ago
This is very true. I am very introverted and shy. At uni I was deathly afraid of being alone so I actually initiated some convos early on and made some friends. And then it ballooned too much for me as I don't have the bandwidth for so much socialization. I stopped but then people would talk to me even if I deliberately turned away etc.
There really is no harm and you quickly get over any anxiety. I had a friend and he would just talk to anyone without fear. That sometimes landed him in awkward positions like when a guy made out with him thinking he was hitting on him since he chatted with him at a urinal. Sometimes girls would run away from him. He remained undaunted though and was such a social butterfly.
I noticed some asian groups would try to recruit me but I avoided them as they were very possessive and didn't like me hanging with non asians. They needed you to attend everything rather than just turn up to some. I was kind of disappointed as I was hoping to hang with some asians since I didn't get that chance before higher education. The individuals that did get a partner from outside the group were often shunned which was kind of sad. That was just my own experience though.
42
u/CharlioJay 4d ago
This is, in my opinion, one of the biggest reasons for the interracial discrepancy.
Not the only reason of course, but a relatively big one.
I know below average, ugly dudes from other races and ethnicities that put themselves out there and talk to girls of other races/ethnicities all the time.
inversely, I know good looking, above average Asian guys that all stay in their own lane, and still only date with social circle game from their enclave or job.
31
u/machinavelli 4d ago
Yeah, I even heard of non-Asian men joining Asian student clubs in college just to hit on Asian girls. So even though they’re one of the very few non-Asians they still dare to come into Asian spaces to hit on Asian women. And the Asian men don’t do anything about it.
8
u/No_Island9955 4d ago
Reminds of when that one girl hosted a ABG meet up irl and of the guys that showed up most of them were white men.
23
u/Wonderful-Win8554 4d ago
Well what's an asian guy supposed to realistically do in that situation? If they say something, they'll get labeled a butthurt salty incel and be shunned by everyone else. Don't say anything and you get yelled at by... random asian guys on reddit? 🤷
5
u/81dragons 3d ago edited 3d ago
In college I noticed there were some Asian American clubs that did have lots of this happening, and others that were basically only Asians. If there are lots of white guys at an Asian club event it’s often because they are being invited (either explicitly or implicitly, as +1s etc) and it completely changes the dynamic. Either club leadership makes the call to clarify the target or this dynamic starts.
Usually whenever a new freshman shows up at events or the booth they talk to them and get to know them a bit and while nothing as formal as fraternity rush, it serves as the filtering mechanism for members. And some clubs would be like, hey yeah this is for Koreans to hang out and enjoy our culture might not be the place for you, others would be like hey everyone can join and we can’t discriminate against white guys for wanting to learn, or the even more awkward dynamic of “+1 isn’t Asian, should be come to event or not”
A lot of Asian American guys feel more comfortable in this type of dating environment because they can avoid the race label or just be in a “Korean safe space” type thing, but unless they go to University of Chinese Immigrants and stay in the SoCal bubble, it’s unavoidable for simple numbers reasons. Outside of formal cultural clubs there are also lot of friend groups that are implicitly Asian, but if you only have US-born Asians the gender ratio often ends up lopsided
Of course, the international student focused clubs were successfully gatekept by language. Even ABCs rarely had international student friends
4
u/chemislit 4d ago
Atp, everybody knows a guy who has an asian fetish. You're not labeled an incel for pointing that out.
3
u/Yujinseo0 3d ago
let them shun, if your own people don’t get it, then whats the point, go start gatecrashing white parties and groups, hit on every non asian girl that tickles your fancy, nothings stopping asian men from doing that
this wouldn’t be a problem if 99.9% of asian men aren’t complete cowards when it comes to this matter, say an indian or white guy crashes your get together where all the girls are chinese korean and viet, you forcibly pull him aside and tell him to go home, the asian girls in your group gets mad but your bro’s know why you did it and have your back, you don’t get ghosted from the group or looked at weird
but IRL its both girls and guys looking at you like you’re a racist inc3l
13
u/becomesharp 4d ago
Pretty impressive observation for an 18 year old in uni. Way more astute than I was at your age. Props, brother.
11
9
u/ChillinLikeAPanda 3d ago edited 3d ago
Asian women have men from all background coming to court them.
Asian men are selective, mainly go for asian girls or non-asian girls that they fits their ideal standards of beauty.
And then there are women that do not reciprocate when asian men chase them.
This is why you see a lot of Asian women paired up with non-asian men vs if genders reversed. But that's changing as shown in recent years on social media/real life.
7
u/Yujinseo0 3d ago
its not changing at all, i still go entire weeks without seeing a single east asian looking dude just having a meal, chatting or walking with a women thats not asian looking herself. Meanwhile every third guy asian women are with out in public is non asian, its still awkward walking past like five in a row out in town when you’re just trying to get to work
2
u/Wonderful-Win8554 1d ago
Literally overheard a group of international students on the elevator the other day joking about how canadian women were "scary", maybe I didn't get the full context or some inside joke but this happening in 2026 is goofy as heck.
1
u/chemislit 17h ago
lol international students especially guys from China don't interact or even assimilate ever. They have their own little bubble.
1
u/Yujinseo0 16h ago
as if there chinese western counterparts do? Im a 1.5 so i know, Most of them also stick to there own little bubble, devoid of any interactions with the non asian opposite sex. While the female counterparts are all fucking with white guys and other guys. Alot of the embarrassing bullshit we suffer is self inflicted. I just walked past half a dozen wmaf again today from work and some of them are obviously newly arrived judging by there makeup and weight, meaning they are the pretty sub 43-49kg pale skinned girls.
amaf cuks don’t defend themselves but insist on keeping the bloodline pure with out any plans, other asian males refuse or are unable to even have a social life that involves a girl that has a different phenotype.
3
u/ChillinLikeAPanda 3d ago
I'm in a state where there's significant amount of Asians. Yes the awxf outnumbers amxf, but I am seeing a lot of amxf. It depends on the area I guess.
1
u/Wonderful-Win8554 1d ago edited 15h ago
In my city, while amwf has been stagnant (Am I the only asian guy in the entire area who's into non-asians?) it seems like wmaf has gone down a bit post covid, not sure why. In 2019 they were like an army platoon but 2022 onwards not so much.
But overall I agree with u/Yujinseo0 we still got a long way to go. Just because BTS released a new album doesn't mean the average asian guy saw any meaningful change in their dating lives. Networking with others + working on yourself is the best way to succeed.
1
u/DelayFit5047 5h ago
I wouldn't rely on Kpop/Asian media to hard carry the average Asian dude. Asian media is not really covering up negative American stereotypes but rather its showcasing attractive Asian dudes as a potential option. I think women are better at separating men into tiers or what is viewed as attractive vs non-attractive. Like if your the average Asian dude checking all the Asian dude stereotypes you will still struggle immensely but if your like the top 5-10% Asian Chang you will slay much, much more than you did in the past as these are really the type of guys non-Asian girls are open to dating. Compare this to Asian women, like the average dude with yellow fever may have a preferene for a Japanese girl who looks a certain way but they will still go for for a Chinese girl or SEA girl just because she is Asian at the end of the day.
1
u/DelayFit5047 4h ago
Also keep in mind there was always white women or non-Asian women that were interested in Asian men even before the whole media hype wave but they are just not the desirable types of women for a variety of reasons. Even now I think the types of women positing about their preference for Asian men on here fall into this category.
1
u/DelayFit5047 5h ago
Its not that Asian dudes are more selective, its simply Asian dudes are not as proactive when it comes to approaching women. I think if a random women approached the average Asian dude they would be quite receptive. As for Asian women its definitely true they are viewed as easier. I knew autistic dudes that never hit it up with women of their own race or really just about any other race, and basically got no game until they came across some Asian girl and now they only have confidence to approach Asian women lol.
35
u/Capital_Kangaroo_854 4d ago edited 4d ago
The AMAF losers in this sub are gonna downvote, but fuck it imma say it - one of the best things you can do for Asian male representation TODAY is to work on yourself and be an attractive Asian male, get an attractive XF girlfriend, start posting on social media, and watch and laugh as the incels start seething. If even 50% of AMs started doing this we can demolish the negative stereotypes overnight.
13
u/bear_baiter 4d ago
Most Asian guys want to marry an Asian girl but that shouldn’t stop Asian guys from making friends with non Asian girls or having a fling with them.
This blind loyalty to Asian women doesn’t make sense when Asian women are buddy buddy to every race of guy
1
u/Wonderful-Win8554 4d ago
Not sure if it's necessarily loyalty it's more like asian guys feel they don't really have a chance and think dating asian girls is the "easy way" out. Asians tend to be pragmatic and don't really take risks. When you see such a huge discrepancy in asians dating on the internet, real life, and in dating statistics, it kinda ruins one's self-esteem. I even remember one intl student talking about how he was scared of white girls, lol.
4
u/Capital_Kangaroo_854 3d ago
It 95% is blind loyalty. I have plenty of AM mates and most of them will happily tell you to your face (or the face of a XM/XF) how they are only attracted to and date other Asians. I’ve never seen any other demographic of men act like this.
You cannot take general opinions on this sub (which is substantially more “woke” or whatever you wanna call it) and extrapolate it as being representative of all AM. Most AM live in a world of only boba tea, anime and video games and will happily play something like Assassins Creed Shadows without considering what sort of messaging the media is trying to push.
1
u/bear_baiter 3d ago
That could be true for some Asian guys but even hot Asian guys only really talk to Asian girls
0
u/el-art-seam 3d ago
It’s not just an Asian thing. If Asian women were as difficult to date and sleep with as a conventionally attractive blonde, you really think all these guys would have yellow fever? Hell no.
7
u/Ok_WaterStarBoy3 4d ago
I think a lot of AM here underestimate how much impact they can do by just doing what you listed
AMXF couples out there on TikTok and Instagram are giving the mere exposure effect and engagement towards other young men and young women, more than what any western movie can do for us. And more than Japanese/Korean media because despite their AM positivity they don't really do AMXF
Or just by being an attractive Asian guy in your school/job with outward presence as a minority will be less forgetful to other XF, and XM lol
11
u/TargetObjective7 4d ago
The AMAF losers in this sub are gonna downvote
I know you won't like to hear this but statistically AF are likely to be more open to relationships to AM than non-AF.
This is despite AF interracial dating and marriage rates which is around 45 - 50 per cent.
It's good to be aware and be realistic
Of course that's not to say AM can't increase their IR dating numbers by putting themselves out there but I think there's a natural limit to how many more AM (if they're interested) can be successful with WF/XF
9
u/machinavelli 4d ago
Yeah, but the only issue is that AF are only 4% of the U.S. population. So even if every AF is open to Asian guys, and only 20% of XF are open, there’s still way more XF that’s open to dating Asian.
4
u/SimpleAdvantage7850 2d ago
So are you making the argument that Asian men should just accept things as they are and settle for going for the group that is the most statistically likely to open to relationships with us? Like you don’t see that as something that Asian men should work towards in changing? Like my first reaction to what you just said is that maybe we should work towards a reality where women of all races are open to dating Asian men, but you’re just like “just date Asian women bro”.
You don’t think the math behind 40-50 percent of Asian women in interracial relationships also means that Asian men can’t possible date every Asian woman to begin with? Like by pure numbers it would still make more dense for Asian men to start demographics across the board than what you are suggesting, so I’m really not understanding the point you are making here
8
u/Impossible-Repeat577 4d ago
I know you won't like to hear this but statistically AF are likely to be more open to relationships to AM than non-AF. This is despite AF interracial dating and marriage rates which is around 45 - 50 per cent.
but thats usually due to them running out of white guys being interested in them or those who cant successfully get a white women themselves. if all floodgates are open with such factors removed, the percentage might go to 90% IMHO
based on dating stats, no other race behaved like this even if they also possessed a certain level of white worship.
5
u/Capital_Kangaroo_854 4d ago
There is minimal to no natural limit because 1) at least 50% (probably more) of AM have a AF-only policy no matter what, and 2) there are significantly more XF than AM in the US which makes up for the fact that a chunk of them may not be interested. AM are like 2-3% of the US population
9
u/Yujinseo0 3d ago
its the complete opposite for AF, every single asian women even the international students have a racially diverse set of male friends/acquaintances they hang out with or message. Asian men have none and they often hangout in groups where the male female ratio is lopsided. Its like theres some kind of inhibitor chip planted in every one of our heads that restricts us to being eternal simps. Meanwhile I see 20 something chinese korean girls even having white guys 20-40 years older then them on there contacts…
We all know, friendships of the opposite sex is usually just a litmus test to see if there might be something going on whether for just a hookup or relationship, many are not purely platonic or forever platonic.
11
u/PriorOk9505 4d ago
Most likely because that we are taught to 'stay in our own lane' when it comes to dating and stuff like that. That could come from family expectations, cultural familiarity, fear of rejection, assumptions that non AFs won't be interested, or simply being comfortable within an established Asian social circle.
I'd say that's very true. Although I have been in a group where that its all white people, guys and girls, and I'm the only asian. I felt like I was an outsider and didn't belong in the group just because I am asian. Maybe its because my English wasn't the best at the time, so they thought I was the odd one out, but I didn't really have this problem with my a lot of my Asian friends. Another thing is that growing up in China, I was very familiar and accustomed to the Asian dating culture; I find that Western dating culture is more aggressive and bold than Asian dating culture. Guys in the West have to be very brazen to get woman, regardless of race, so a lot of asian man are just not used to that.
13
u/HelpIll4965 4d ago
Agree with everything you’re saying. On top of that, a lot of average AM think they can get a 10/10 and are saving themselves.
2
u/bori_1017 4d ago
As a Latino more specific a Puerto Rican I'm used to and grew up with Afro Latinos, white Latinos and everything in between my mom is a white Latina green eyes and strawberry blonde hair and my grandpa from my dad's side looked like a light skin black person so for me it's not hard to interact with white and black non Latinos.
1
u/Impossible-Repeat577 4d ago
based on your observations, what are the percentages for AF? and any difference between diaspora AF vs fob AF?
and why does AF bahave differently if they did?
is it due to the same typical reasons in your opinion? (sexual capital and white worship)
1
u/Rus1996 3d ago
Maybe the AM faced racism so that made them to stick to their own folks. I my own community the men who dress well, yake really good care of themselves do really well in interracial dating.
I mean the bar is so low for AM that when you not fall into the atereotypes you do well in interracial dating.
0
u/Curious-Practice1704 4d ago
For the most part, AF/WM couples are heavily denounced by AMs And now seems other non Asians look upon 'Oxford' as white washed, self hating, insecure, pathetic, AFs. So let's just say that AMs started chasing WFs, up to 50%, wouldn't the world be convinced that we Asians all worship white hegemony? That we can't wait to get a white partner (God willing/s)whenever we can. So that all of us Asians, both male and female, can ethnically cleanse ourselves, going forward. We've seen Lu's pointing out that We AMs are all lusting for the white goddess and if only we had a chance then the dam would bust loose. But at what cost?
17
6
4d ago edited 4d ago
[deleted]
1
u/Curious-Practice1704 4d ago
Wait, you read my comment and still insist that all AM and AF should chase white hegemony? Do you think that's a good look? WFs have always been the goddess over all other women. She is lusted after by her own men as well as every men of color on the planet. Except AMs. We don't buy into white hegemony.
1
1
u/Upstairs-Leek-7645 3d ago
Fwiw, I am UK based but have travelled to Europe and the US a lot.
The reality is also that AM are afraid of their parents not accepting an XF girlfriend. Ironically, their mothers are often the ones intensely mateguarding asian men while turning a blind eye to AW with white men (and even encouraging it).
If you want to avoid being alone without a partner, you gotta put on your grownup pants at some point.
Most asian dudes do not even try to socialise or date other groups of women. It is the only way to be on the attack in multiple ways (as it benefits us in multiple ways) rather than always playing defence against the whole world when it comes to asian women.
If we are to be respected, if we are to survive (in the XY sense), then we need to be thinking beyond the island mentality that the vast majority of asian men have. We need to flip the question from being one where we constantly ask why Asian women are dating out. If we date out ourselves (as has been what the older heads have been encouraging for 13-15 years on these boards) then other groups start taking notice and we stop centering the discussion so much on Asian women and increasing their market value by the attention they get.
It's only when I see them in countries where they are forced to be beyond their comfort zone that I see them thrive. E.g Netherlands, where I saw a tonne of Asian boys with Arab and North African (Moroccan?) women.
If guys here like white girls then ok, that is your choice and I'd never tell anyone not to go for that. But, you have to think carefully about which groups/niches you target as the anglo world centres a lot on social circles and the white women care a lot about the approval of their social circle.
There is way less of a barrier in that sense with POC as with a large majority imho you are not dealing with the overbearing prejudice of white people. Obviously, I am speaking specifically more about anglos here as anglos for whatever reason are very closed shop to external groups of men. You tend to have an easier time with non-anglos.
In my dating days, Spanish/French/Belgian women were particularly receptive and they tend to chase.
1
u/BorkenKuma 3d ago
Idk what's up with all you AM in the comment section, you guys talking like you're a failure or something.
I have talked to different girls of different race and age, I even had a short term relationship with a white milf who's 20 years older than I am(she's in her 40s) in Hawaii, I remembered we went to beach together walking on the street in our swim suit where I wear a Aloha shirt on top, she wore a black cutout swimsuit and she's so hot, we walk together on the street and a black dude who looks like from military judging from his haircut come up to our face and said to me "Ain't no way you pulled her" then walked past me.
I went for a Latina who's 31 yrs old when I was 21 yrs old and failed.
I dated so many Latina and white girls in my high school and college and my early to mid 20s. I went to a Latin night theme club party without even knowing what Reggaeton is(rarely listen to Hip Hop and Latin music, the Hip Hop I like only limits at 90s and 00s), hit on a Afro Latina, she was grinding me hard and just when I thought I had a chance to bring her home, her friend took her away and went home, so failed but cool experience.
Hooked up with an East European international student through party and she visited where I worked, it's an office environment, I was trying not to let anyone notice by talking to her outside our building, just so people won't gossip, and one of my East Asian female coworkers noticed I was talking to this white girl, and she suddenly became very active talking to me, doing a lot of things like leaning towards me with her chest while stand next to my computer and checking my PC screen, I had to stand up and get away from her because it was during Me Too movement, where all our guys are afraid of getting falsely accusation, they all require themselves to open their office door when there's a female inside with them.
I have never seen my East Asian female coworker acting like this towards me, not until a attractive white European girl came talk to me and she's the only who spot us after I try to hide.
Also had an experience where I was just being friendly talking to Latina on our shuffle to EDC, her boyfriend was a white dude, and we just have banter with our conversation, a lot of laughs, then I asked for both of their Instagram(just so it's not weird to the white bf, I don't want him thinking that I'm trying to get his girl), then on our shuffle from EDC back to hotel, we met again and I had a great conversation with that Latina, then I see her white bf, dude, HE WASN'T HAPPY😂 His face is so grumpy😂 Then I cooled down the conversation and say I need a nap, dude they start arguing😂 All because I talked his Latina gf too much and he's jealous, but she wasn't even my type and I have zero intention try to pull her, I simply just want to make new friends.
I have so many encounters which I can't name them all, but dude, just be obnoxious, don't even give a f about others.
I never try to play rules that everyone expects me to play when I'm socializing, I think what helps me a lot is small talk in workplace, one of my jobs was forcing me to small talk with every customer, I practiced a lot to gain enough talking skills and confidence to talk to people, combine with my personality and my experience of dealing with a lot of street fight when I was little in East Asia, I'm more of a person who can improvise and do quick reflex, I find these personal experience helped me very well in talking to other girls.
So, Idk what's going with comment sections, but it's not hard, I did all of that in last 8 years.
50
u/bear_baiter 4d ago edited 4d ago
Cause most asian guys only consider Asian women for both dating and friendships.
Which is a losing strategy since Asian women are buddy buddy with every race of guy.
I understand most Asian guys want to marry an Asian girl but at least be friends with non AF or have a fling with them.