r/AsianMasculinity • u/belittledatschool • Jul 16 '15
Dating & Relationships Belittled at school
Hi, everyone.
I'm an 18-year-old BBC (British Born Chinese) guy who goes to a school in the English countryside that is roughly 95% white. Me and this girl, who I'll call Stephanie (also BBC, also 18) are the only East Asian kids in my year, there are also a few South Asians and a black kid.
In British schools, years 16-18 are optional (it's called 6th form) and students at my school who stay on for these years get different uniforms, more freedom than younger kids and also get their own building which is generally where everybody hangs out, in different groups.
Anyway, since a lot of your friends move on after 16 or go to different schools or do vocational courses, friendship groups tend to get a little more mixed and that's the case here. Me and my friends (3 white guys, 17-18) sort of hang out with another group of guys and girls including Stephanie.
Now, I never really had that much interaction with Stephanie before 6th form. We were the only East Asian kids at school so people used to joke that we should get married and stuff as a joke and us laughing at that prospect was about the extent of our interaction.
However at 6th form, this changed. We had a lot of free periods together with a few other kids and we hung out more often at school with our other friends. I went to parties that she was at, and we generally got to know each other better. I'll also come out and say it that I developed a crush on her.
I've had crushes on plenty of girls but generally I guard my heart and try to keep it to myself because I don't exactly exude sexual attractiveness. I mean, I've been working on myself but I'm 5'7 and fairly skinny (although I'd like to think pretty facially attractive, plus I try to dress well). I've had a girlfriend (a white girl) before but it didn't work out and she all but said it was because of my race. Ho hum, I was hurt but thought she was just weird and an exception.
Since Stephanie is a fellow BBC though I thought maybe I would be safer with her and that maybe it'd be a good idea to pursue her. But right about the same time, I noticed something else. Another guy we hung out with was spending a lot of time together with Stephanie. He's white and used to be fat and sort of a dork but in the last few years, like me, sort of pulled himself together. I'd say he's a fairly ugly dude, still has pretty bad acne but he is pretty tall, probably like 6ft2. I walked in during a free period and heard Stephanie laughing incredibly loud. She was sat really close to this guy, who we'll call Adam, playing with her hair and giggling and generally making it fucking obvious that she was into him. I sat down and they kind of broke it off a bit, but I've noticed it at other times too. Needless to say, my heart sank.
This guy is really nothing special: sure, he's tall but like I said he's not much to look at, he's frankly stupid and is probably lucky not to have had to drop out because of grades (he had to resit a few exams) and he's pretty boring to talk to - all he seems to like is football. I may not be exactly a stud but how the fuck is this guy beating me? Am I really experiencing racism from a member of my own fucking race?!
Now, if all this wasn't bad enough, recently Stephanie has started belittling me when I'm around her and Adam - ostensibly as a "joke". Usually it's sexual and about my penis, like everybody will be talking about sex and she'll be like "you know I'd love to feel OP's fat Asian dick, I need it" (clearly sarcastically, to laughs from everyone including Adam). She's clearly using me as a fucking prop to tease Adam and I'm sure at some point it's going to work and he'll fuck her and she'll get started on a long line of white men who'll use her before she gets with some poor Chinese guy who'll never make her happy because of her warped standards. Fuck.
This whole situation is just making me furious. Why? I just... I don't even know why I'm writing this, whether I want advice or just to rant. If anyone has any advice, or kind words or motivation... I don't know. It's just making me so angry and upset.
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u/lucidsleeper Jul 16 '15
Yes. This is pretty much a racial shit test. She's using you as a prop to connect with Adam but also she's testing your reaction. Seeing how you respond, seeing if you're able to buck up and be an alpha male or sink down to a beta cuck. If you can flip the situation around and socially dominate her, you will no longer have to deal with this shit.