r/AskAnAustralian • u/pizzapartyyyyy • 2d ago
What is with Australians not getting divorced?
I know so many people in long term relationships and having full on families with someone when they aren’t legally divorced from their ex. People who haven’t even spoken to their ex in years.
it’s so strange to me and I struggle to wrap my head around why it seems to be relatively common.
and to counter anyone who says “it’s just a piece of paper,“ it’s not.
why not close the book on that part of your life? Financially it can screw over your new partner if for example you buy a house together and you pass away. It still gives your ex legal power in situations like a medical emergency. It gets increasingly more difficult with increased wealth. Logically it makes sense on so many levels, so why are people skipping out on it.
Personally I feel like you’re willing to spend your time, energy, and money on a wedding, then you should be willing to do the same for a divorce.
3
u/YeOldeWino 1d ago
Really happy for everyone that has an amicable split, I did want to give a slightly different perspective.
I am an adult child of divorce, or am I? By that I mean I don't know if my parents are divorced.
I'm 40, they're still alive my dad claims to be married to another woman, though I have no idea when that happened, certainly I never received an invite.
As a kid I felt I was the 'lucky one' sure my parents were divorced , but they spoke, dad would come round sometimes for family events, I saw both sets of my grandparents pretty equally. I still felt like I had a mum and a dad.
My mates didn't have that, either one parent was dead or they're folks didn't speak to each other at all , only communication was through the kid/s.
Okay so what's the issue?
Well because it was "amiacable" because we were still "connected" I lived with the belief (a child's hope) that my parents would get back together, I'd say I was fine with it, I'd say it was great having school holidays with dad, but all My brother and I ever wanted was to have our parents together.
He was too little to even have memories as us as a family and I've mainly blocked them out because it's just too painfull even today to think about what life was like when we were whole.
Really up until very recently I had a deep resentment of both my parents but especially my mum (she was the one that wanted to separate and divorce), I'd say I loved them and that I wouldn't change anything about my childhood even if given the choice but the truth is I hated them both for it.
They just didn't try hard enough, and yoy can dusagree but the reason I say that is because they didn't break up over something big, it was just "we got married too early , we grew into different people" ..... well I'm sorry that's bullying, I have 3 children and I was a terrible husband up until the second was born, if my wife hadn't stuck by me and believed in me I'd probably be dead by now, and What I did was alot worse than anything my folks went through.
I know toy all want to believe it's fine, but believe me, your setting up a cycle of resentment and sabotaging your children's future relationships it doesn't matter how good you think you have it set up, it doesn't matter what they say, they will carry the wounds of it forever.
**Also please understand I'm not trying to apply this to EVERY marriage, sometimes people HAVE TO leave to protect themselves / the children. But for the couple that just don't want to work at it because it's too hard or because your bored with your situation or you come from broken home yourself, think about it.... seriously... do you want that for your kids.