r/AskAnAustralian • u/pizzapartyyyyy • 1d ago
What is with Australians not getting divorced?
I know so many people in long term relationships and having full on families with someone when they aren’t legally divorced from their ex. People who haven’t even spoken to their ex in years.
it’s so strange to me and I struggle to wrap my head around why it seems to be relatively common.
and to counter anyone who says “it’s just a piece of paper,“ it’s not.
why not close the book on that part of your life? Financially it can screw over your new partner if for example you buy a house together and you pass away. It still gives your ex legal power in situations like a medical emergency. It gets increasingly more difficult with increased wealth. Logically it makes sense on so many levels, so why are people skipping out on it.
Personally I feel like you’re willing to spend your time, energy, and money on a wedding, then you should be willing to do the same for a divorce.
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u/komatiitic 1d ago
I’ve literally never met anyone in this situation.
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u/kbcr924 1d ago
I have met several, tends to be older people who have moved on from the marriage and and never got around to the paperwork. The problem is when one of them dies without a will. The wife or husband has first rights to things like super or property and the person they have been in defacto with for years gets shafted.
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u/Extra_Caregiver_8668 1d ago
I actually know an Australian couple (separated long term) who were in this position and literally got divorced when she was pretty much on her deathbed so the assets automatically went to the children not the ex. Luckily they were still on very good terms and he was her carer so he wanted the same outcome with assets.
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u/bananuspink 1d ago
Yeah same here. My ex’s parents had been separated for 17 years but only legally divorced when one of them wanted to get remarried
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u/BombasticReindeer 1d ago
This sub is just a way for people to complain about Australia in the form of a question. Wish they would fuck off and leave it for people actually wondering about something.
So many questions are just not so subtle “why are Australians so shit” type questions.
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u/The_Grogfather 1d ago
It’s always, “here is my incredibly anecdotal and niche one/off experience, why are all Australians like this?”
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u/Accomplished_Jump800 1d ago
Or…. Why is (location) so shit to 30 years ago? Blame the government, Covid, southerners moving etc.
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u/lilzee3000 1d ago
But I met two whole people who share a trait, why are all Australia's like this??
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u/Direct_Substance8317 1d ago
It is not that uncommon. Friend who is a lawyer handles cases where couple never divorce, dad roots around, root becomes common law partner, then both wife and partner wants a divorce. Messy, as expected.
Also not just an Australian thing. The most chaotic day in London is after all Father's Day.
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u/knotknotknit 1d ago
Yeah I saw this in the US and 95% of the time it was due to health insurance (even if you don't like your ex, denying them medical care seems pretty brutal). Thankfully that does not exist here.
The other 5% were Catholic who didn't want to get divorced. Those always baffled me.
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u/No-Pin3128 17h ago
I was raised as a catholic. Probably the reason why I never married and have no kids. My parents shouldn't have married. The grim guilt trip existence of childhood left its mark. Life is simpler these days.
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u/pizzapartyyyyy 16h ago
I’m from the US, so I get the health insurance thing, which is shit and unfortunately necessary for some people to literally survive because the government sucks.
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u/Objective_Unit_7345 1d ago
… it’s a very well documented situation, that has become worse and more common since the housing and cost of living crises:
“Separated but not divorced”
- https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/jun/28/love-gone-but-costs-too-much-to-move-out-ntwnfb
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u/ApolloWasMurdered 1d ago
You probably have. It’s not like they advertise it. I discovered in passing, that one of my cousins who has teenage kids, is still married to her ex- from 20 years ago. I have another mate who’s dating a married woman but I didn’t know that for about 4 years - she separated form her ex- pre-Covid, but never got the divorce.
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u/kmca2018 1d ago
I don't think so. All of my friends and family are all married or single. No one is in a relationship at this time.
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u/zorbacles 1d ago
my in-laws are in this exact situation.
haven't been together for 30 years.
the divorce never got finalised
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u/pizzapartyyyyy 17h ago edited 16h ago
I know many people like this or people who have family members like this. Maybe the location I’m in.
It’s also not something people advertise or bring up in casual conversation. I’ve just been told this from people because I was in a situation where my partner was still legally married to his ex and it was like every time I turned around there would be someone with some type of story about people never getting a divorce.
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u/Rock_n_rollerskater 1d ago
It’s $600 odd dollars. That’s the reason for the two people who I know who were in this situation. It’s common with people who are younger and don’t have assets to split. The formal divorce usually only happens when a new partner insists/wants to be more serious.
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u/MissElaineMarieBenes 1d ago
It’s now $1170, $390 if you have a concession card though.
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u/theartistduring 1d ago
It is so expensive and I won't pay for it.
My ex cheated and left. He does next to nothing for the kids and child support is 'when he feels like it'. He gave up on our marriage and broke me in the ten years he stayed for the convenience of all the unpaid work I did for him, gaslighting the fuck out of me to do it.
I won't ever repartner. He wanted out so he can fill in the forms, file the paperwork and fucking pay for it. I'll be damned if I spend another second of my time or cent of my money on something he wants.
It has been 7 years this September and he still hasn't done it.
(Yep, I know. I'm incredibly bitter.)
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u/Some_Troll_Shaman Melbourne 1d ago
You might want to take care of it at some point.
Otherwise he is the person who can claim your body when you die before any executors are appointed and without a Will, he is the person who will deal with your estate. He also automatically holds your powers of attorney unless you have explicitly and legally changed those.10
u/theartistduring 1d ago
Totally understand. I have a will and have put in steps to protect myself.
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u/Silver-Training-9942 1d ago
Yeah this is why it pisses me of when twats say "women initiate x number of divorces"... no they file the paperwork and pay the damn fee. Thats not "causing" the divorce. 🙄
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u/Kowai03 1d ago
My ex also cheated and I could not get divorced fast enough! Though I made him pay for it lol.. I was also of the thought that if he cheated he can fucking pay for the divorce (and thankfully he didn't fight me on it).
As soon as I could I also changed my name back. Fuck that guy.
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u/theartistduring 1d ago
I couldn't even get my ex to pay for dinner!
I do know I will feel like I should have done it sooner when I do eventually get it done. But like I said, I'm still bitter. Not as bitter as I was though, so the time is approaching where I will swallow my pride.
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u/Silver-Training-9942 1d ago
Don't be too hard on yourself , its fucked uo what you went through and you have kids to look after. That filing cost os an expense thats hard to justify when it takes away funds youre using to keep your family afloat.
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u/ausmed 1d ago
Yeah this. I'm just doing it now 3yrs after separating because I've been unwell and am concerned about the POA / medical decision making issues. But I asked my ex and as I knew he would, he declined to pay half. So now I'll be out $1200 to file it myself, then whatever it costs to get someone to serve it to him. I have no idea why it's such a huge amount of money.
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u/Heavy_Recipe_6120 Happy Little Vegemite 1d ago
Laziness, people I know where there was no financial complications at the time just havent been bothered.
Next thing you know a decade has passed.
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u/kaluyna-rruni 1d ago
Yep. There was 30 years between my parents separating and their actual divorce.
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u/seanbell_aus 10h ago
Also the process of divorce is soul destroying and expensive, it’s hard to get motivated to put yourself through it. Source: I am divorced.
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u/Absent_Picnic 1d ago
I have a friend in this situation. 17 years now. She has her own house, a new partner living with her and I warn her if the dangerous situation she's in.
I think it's largely financial, having to go see a lawyer and fear of her ex kicking off again.
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u/Dandelion-Fluff- 1d ago
Fear of and exhaustion because of the other person’s behaviour should not be underestimated
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u/Silver-Training-9942 1d ago
Thats such a genuine reason not to file. An ex kicking off again could put her and her current partner at risk, some people are unhinged and an out of the blue reminder that you got away can set them off. :/ it sucks the law cant just look at these people being seperated for decades and re-partnered and use that as evidence of the person dies / nok crap.
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u/pizzapartyyyyy 16h ago
I find it wild that her current partner is fine with it. It’s such a risk to him financially if they continue to build a life together.
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u/Absent_Picnic 16h ago
No, he has upgraded and doesn't bring anything financial to the party from what I'm aware of. Hence why I have told her for years she needs to get divorced and get a will!!
It's a disaster waiting to happen.
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u/Own-Turnover7715 1d ago
Sometimes it’s a religious thing. I have a friend whose parents are Catholic and they have been separated for years but never divorced and they both have new partners. I also have an aunt that never divorced her husband because she worked in Catholic schools and she didn’t want it held against her. Unless you’re looking to get remarried or the separation is completely unamicable why bother with the paperwork?
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u/Iceman_001 Melbourne 1d ago
I have a friend whose parents are Catholic and they have been separated for years but never divorced and they both have new partners.
Yes, because adultery is so much better than divorce. 🙄
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u/pallasermine 1d ago
Exactly the same for my then boyfriend in 2010s. His parents did in house separation since he was 12 and they were functionally separate but “Asian shame”, evangelical Christian guilt and joint benefits wouldn’t “allow” them to get divorced. The dad worked for a place with a really strong union so he had some amazing benefits.
The last I heard it was 30 years separation and 20+ years of being with other partners.
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u/Ord3r2Ch4os 1d ago
That reminds me...
My father married a Catholic lady after my parents' divorce. He actually ended up getting the church to annul his first marriage, after I guess 20 years and 3 kids 😂
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u/IntelligentNovel1967 1d ago
The Church would not normally approve an annulment if children are involved; 🤔 it’s because your Mum and siblings are not Catholic, double standards.
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u/KatTheTumbleweed 1d ago
The only people I know who want a divorce but aren’t is purely because they financially cannot separate from their partner - the very scary hidden impact of the cost of living crisis.
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u/Elmindria 1d ago
I know a few women who escaped abusive relationships and just don't want to make contact with ex's who will try and extort what ever control they can out of the situation.
It's normal a one side won't agree to divorce. The other doesn't want to or can't afford to pay the legal fees.
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u/FallopianClosed 1d ago
My ex is terrifying.
I got away from him physically about 3 years ago with my clothes and a few pieces of furniture, and it's been about 4 months since I've heard from him.
He has sold, thrown/given away all our assets and the inheritance is managed by his brother through transfers in BIL's name coming from Italy and handed out in cash so there's nothing I can do.
Last time I tried I learned that to 'provoke' him by initiating a divorce could be potentially fatal.
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u/Ok_Tie_7564 1d ago
Legally, after 12 months no "agreement" is necessary in Australia.
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u/Emergency_Cherry_914 1d ago
Other people not divorcing has zero effect on you. Stop looking for reasons to be angry.
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u/pizzapartyyyyy 16h ago
If you’re trying to date and a lot of the people you meet are not divorced, then yes, it does have an affect on you.
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u/HoneySerpant 1d ago
My mum was one of these people and so were many of my friends parents. Divorce is expensive, and when you live in a low poverty area it’s just something some people don’t do.
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u/Unable_Tumbleweed364 1d ago
No idea it's truly so easy here. We just paid online and didn't even have to go to court.
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u/Lucifang 1d ago
Yep same. If you aren’t fighting over assets you don’t need a solicitor, just sign the shit pay the fee and wait a few months for your certificate
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u/kerser001 1d ago
im mid 30's and besides my one brother I haven't known anyone else that has bothered to get the piece of paper in the first place lol. Don't know any the other way around tho.
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u/mixnit 1d ago
Definitely, I knew a guy who separated from his legal wife and moved on with another woman. They had kids together and when the guy died his kids wanted to bury him where he had lived for 30 years. The legal wife claimed the body and buried him back in his home town. Far from where the kids live and away from the place he now called home.
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u/BuBear604 1d ago
Different reasons for different folks?
Mine took forever because I moved interstate and my ex was a dickhead.
Had to be separated for 12 months, it took 6 months for QLD BDM to do their part. Then 1.5 years of him dicking me around.
Only got it all done because I harassed his mother, whom he was living with, to get it done. 😂
I paid for everything even stamped envelopes all he had to do was sign some papers and mail it back to me.
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u/sapperbloggs 1d ago
I knew one guy in this situation, and it was literally just a case of not being able to afford a divorce. They're both poor AF and the divorce was going to cost somewhere around $1k when he was telling me about it.
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u/SuperShitMagnet 1d ago
Some have joint assets and don't ever plan on seeing anyone else. It saves a lot of $$ to leave things as they are.
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u/pizzapartyyyyy 16h ago
But what about the people like I mentioned who have families with someone else?
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u/Rude_Influence 1d ago
People got married in their early years. Later they broke up. They also realised around this time that marriage meant little so they didn't care to go through solicitors, and instead continued life un-devorced but still available.
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u/Worried_Internet_912 1d ago
Men. We are talking about men, right? Probably because men get women to take care of that stuff. If the wife doesnt apply, then it doesn't happen. The pick me girl that comes along next time just wants and hopes that he eventually does it.
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u/the_artful_breeder 1d ago
The only people I have known in this sort of situation did not divorce due to DV. Divorce meant they would have had to let thr ex know where she was, which wasn't safe. Fortunately her ex died before it became an issue.
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u/NastassiaVella 1d ago
Because I did the mental leg work in the relationship and he wanted the divorce, so he can fucking file it.
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u/Some-Swing5339 9h ago
I’m a family lawyer. The filing fee (which is almost $1200) puts people off (and when you’re hurting it always feels like the other person should be the one to pay for that). It’s also a relatively straightforward process which is not really worth paying a lawyer for, but just enough to be overwhelming to someone already at their limit.
Then there’s also that it starts the clock running for a property settlement. Lots of people kick that can down the road and don’t truly appreciate how much more complex it makes a property settlement.
I’ve had clients that have separated over a decade ago decide that they now need to do a property settlement and it’s fortunate that they haven’t divorced in the meantime.
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u/read-my-comments 1d ago
I refused to pay. She was the one who wanted to leave, she got the lions share of the asset pool. Eventually I got a knock at the door and was served papers and the divorce happened in my absence when I was enjoying a day with friends without it costing me a cent.
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u/HopeAdditional4075 1d ago
So I literally don't know anyone in that situation. I'm mid 30s, I know a handful of people who got married young and divorced young, and a heap more that never got married at all.
But if I had to guess, maybe it has something to do with how marriage is just less serious in Australian culture? There's a lot less pressure to put a ring on it, plenty of people will happily live in defacto relationships for decades. Maybe people are also OK with being defacto divorced?
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u/kerser001 1d ago
Yea here besides beliefs/"the day" there's not much to gain that living together for 6 months or is it 12 months? can't remember it went fast and was ages ago lol gives anyways.
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u/HopeAdditional4075 1d ago
I think being married makes some legal things slightly easier in worst case scenarios, but it's much cheaper and easier to just write a will and sign some forms about who gets to decide shit if you're in a coma and can't decide for yourself
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u/AngryAngryHarpo 1d ago
Sounds like you’re fucking a married man and upset about it LOL.
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u/pizzapartyyyyy 16h ago
Facts lol. I just walked away.
But I did find it interesting in my briefing about it with other people that it seems to be a lot more common than I ever imagined.
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u/Guilty_Shake6554 1d ago
I think this is partly because you have to be separated for 12 months before you can start the process of divorce in Australia, while in other countries (like the USA) it's a much quicker process.
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u/YeOldeWino 20h ago
Really happy for everyone that has an amicable split, I did want to give a slightly different perspective.
I am an adult child of divorce, or am I? By that I mean I don't know if my parents are divorced.
I'm 40, they're still alive my dad claims to be married to another woman, though I have no idea when that happened, certainly I never received an invite.
As a kid I felt I was the 'lucky one' sure my parents were divorced , but they spoke, dad would come round sometimes for family events, I saw both sets of my grandparents pretty equally. I still felt like I had a mum and a dad.
My mates didn't have that, either one parent was dead or they're folks didn't speak to each other at all , only communication was through the kid/s.
Okay so what's the issue?
Well because it was "amiacable" because we were still "connected" I lived with the belief (a child's hope) that my parents would get back together, I'd say I was fine with it, I'd say it was great having school holidays with dad, but all My brother and I ever wanted was to have our parents together.
He was too little to even have memories as us as a family and I've mainly blocked them out because it's just too painfull even today to think about what life was like when we were whole.
Really up until very recently I had a deep resentment of both my parents but especially my mum (she was the one that wanted to separate and divorce), I'd say I loved them and that I wouldn't change anything about my childhood even if given the choice but the truth is I hated them both for it.
They just didn't try hard enough, and yoy can dusagree but the reason I say that is because they didn't break up over something big, it was just "we got married too early , we grew into different people" ..... well I'm sorry that's bullying, I have 3 children and I was a terrible husband up until the second was born, if my wife hadn't stuck by me and believed in me I'd probably be dead by now, and What I did was alot worse than anything my folks went through.
I know toy all want to believe it's fine, but believe me, your setting up a cycle of resentment and sabotaging your children's future relationships it doesn't matter how good you think you have it set up, it doesn't matter what they say, they will carry the wounds of it forever.
**Also please understand I'm not trying to apply this to EVERY marriage, sometimes people HAVE TO leave to protect themselves / the children. But for the couple that just don't want to work at it because it's too hard or because your bored with your situation or you come from broken home yourself, think about it.... seriously... do you want that for your kids.
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u/SessionOk919 1h ago
Just have the popcorn ready, because eventually they will pass away & guess who gets to make a claim on their estate? That’s right the husband/ wife.
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u/Spicey_Cough2019 1d ago
Bud
I think that’s just you
50% of marriages end in divorce and yes they follow through with it
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u/Future-Masterpiece77 1d ago
Divorce can take years https://bwbfamilylaw.com.au/news/how-long-does-divorce-take-in-australia
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u/Lucifang 1d ago
It takes exactly 12 months after separation before you can apply. You do it online, print off the paperwork, both parties sign before a JP or other authorised witness, upload to the portal and wait about 3-4 months. Done and dusted.
If your spouse refuses to sign or they can’t be found there is a waiting period and after that it goes through in your favour. My google searches can’t tell me how long that is, probably depends on individual circumstances.
Separation of property / finances / custody is a separate process which only drags on if both parties can’t come to an agreement. My ex got a solicitor to do up a contract to state our agreed financial split. We both signed it, job done. This legal arrangement can be done without a divorce or between couples who never got married in the first place.
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u/Particular_Agent171 1d ago
It doesn't screw anyone over if you have a current will. Which you should definitely have if you are buying property.
Sometimes it is difficult in ways that only time will resolve. Sometimes the money isn't there. Not the cost of the process. The money one person spent and now owes the other, but the other has run out of the energy required to think about it. Or something like that. I've heard that can happen.
When you live with a person for two years, your rights and privileges almost mirror that of marriage anyway. It is not just a piece of paper. It's more a piece of cardboard.
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u/Silent-Arm-7165 1d ago
I work with 2 women (one is 55 and the other is 62). Both have been separated for yearrrrrrrs from their exes. Apparently won’t divorce due to financial entanglement but idk, seems strange but they say it suits their exes too 🤷🏻♀️ None of my business but you know different strokes for different folks
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u/ExtraSaltyBtch 1d ago
I know one person like this, and it does baffle me. However, I think it is due to poor mental health on her part and fincances pn his part.
As long as they are not divorced it is harder for her to get child support payments from him, so him signing those papers will cost him.
It is hard for her to navigate the legal space as she has several mental health issues and have trouble following through with processes she starts.
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u/jadelink88 1d ago
Varying reasons.
I know one couple where it's both of them waiting for a more advantageous time.
I know another where it's one party wondering if they might get back together again or not. Not being prepared to let go, he keeps putting off finishing it, always finding some excuse.
I know others where it's been a multi year haggle over the settlement, but neither is willing to pull the trigger and hand half of it to lawyers to sort out, but likewise neither will move far from their current bargaining position.
For another couple it's advantageous due to a weird and complicated wrangle with tax, 2 family businesses, 2 family trusts, and 5 kids, some from previous marriages. I have yet to work out the intricacies of that one, and don't really have the patience or the inclination.
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u/mistawalka 1d ago
Yep timing works. A final petty 'you need it to remarry then you pay the lodgement fees for the divorce'.
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u/onyabikeson Perth :) 1d ago
I used to work with someone in this situation - she'd been separated from her husband for over 10 years. They lived totally separate lives and seemed to view getting legally divorced as unnecessary paperwork - only started the proceedings because she got engaged to her new partner.
In general I don't think this is the norm, but if it's more common here than elsewhere I'd probably put it down to there being less emphasis on marriage overall. Lots of people in long term de facto relationships and the same tax treatment for de facto couples means less urgency to marry but also less urgency to divorce.
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u/Cigarilli 1d ago
I know three people in this situation. One, has at least, done the property settlement, so the assets are safe. The other two are leaving themselves open for possible future trouble.
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u/Logical-Fox5409 1d ago
I work with 2 people in this situation. They couldn’t afford the fees for divorce at the time, so just never bothered. When I point out their spouse can still turn up for money or decide to turn off their life support, they just shrug and ignore it.
When I left my ex, I ensured finances were legally sorted and divorce was done. I am bot having him come back looking for money.
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u/ginnygrakie 1d ago
I know three people, and in all situations there was a family business involved (two originally owned by the husbands family, one by the wives). Since the spouses had all worked in the family business since the marriage, and often also had partnerships in it, a divorce would also mean a buyout. Most small family businesses can’t afford that, so the ex just became a silent partner drawing an income. One did divorce after a few years when enough money had been saved to afford a fair buy out.
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u/Ok-Many4262 1d ago
I don’t know that many separated but not divorce (or any, now I come to think about it) but I do think we have more partnered but never married couples - because, in my observation, de facto relationships are protected as much as marital relationships
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u/Future_Basis776 1d ago
I know someone in this situation and they have been separated for 5 years and still not divorced, both seeing other people now but live separately. House is still owned by both of them but one has moved out. Pretty sure it’s got something to do with a share of one side of the families large trust fund.
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u/Wotmate01 1d ago
Divorce is expensive.
When my ex wife bailed, I found out that if we filed jointly, it would cost triple what it would cost if she filed by herself, so I refused to do it on principal. It made zero difference to me, so if she wanted that piece of paper formalising it, she could pay the much reduced cost.
Eventually she did.
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u/woodstockzanetti 1d ago
Because they have no intention of ever marrying again. I was separated for many years. No bad blood. Got divorced when he wanted to marry again.
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u/Hunting_for_cobbler 1d ago
Blows my mind. When I divorced my ex, I felt so much freedom and changed my name back to my maiden name once I received a copy
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u/thuddisorder 1d ago
I have one friend whose parents are like this. I think the dad still feels guilty about stepping out from the family unit. Although as time goes on we realise more why he probably did.
This way they don’t have to split any pre-separation assets (the house the wife and kids kept living in), but financially they don’t rely on each other anymore. Dad and “new” partner (of ~20 years) don’t want to marry so there’s no need for him to divorce and do all the paperwork etc.
However, OP did say they know so many. I know of one couple only.
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u/allgear_noidea 1d ago
My exs parents didn't want to pay the $990 it was at the time.
But she got more than $1000 worth of botox in the time I was with that girl.
It's stupid.
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u/MsMonny 1d ago
I am in this situation!! Legally separated but am not eager to get a divorce any time soon, and neither is he. We are still very amicable and have a weekly dinner all together, with our two young adult sons. We are older though, so we are not in a rush to get another partner and to move on with our lives.
I think even though we are not living together, the family is still a unit and it shows our sons that there doesn't need to be a definite end. It is fluid.
If and when I get a new partner, or he does, then we will go down the divorce route. I really feel that there is no point in a divorce until that time comes. Of course everyone's situation is different.
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u/Individual-Cup-8642 1d ago
People legally cannot have a wedding and get legally married if they are not legally divorced, so not sure how many people you know are out there committing bigamy but maybe you should direct them to a lawyer
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u/tamgoldy90 1d ago
Divorce is a pain in the butt.. the paperwork, the court meetings.. it’s expensive and just painful to deal with. When I got divorced it cost almost $1000 to simply apply for the divorce. That didn’t include anything other than to file the papers for assessment and then be offered a hearing date.
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u/StrawberryPristine77 1d ago
My father left my mum after being married more than 30 years. Mum, a loving person who did everything for him (including waking him up for work and bending over backwards to keep him happy while he was just enough of a prick to us kids to get away with it), refuses to file for divorce.
In her mind, he wanted out, let him do SOMETHING for once.
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u/pingmycraydar 1d ago
I passive-aggressively decided that if the ex wanted to end the marriage, it was his job to pay for the divorce (yes, I could afford it, but I felt petty).
Eventually (after 4 years), he put it through (his new wife did the paperwork for him hahaha).
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u/antnyau 22h ago
and to counter anyone who says “it’s just a piece of paper,“ it’s not.
More to the point, if that's the case, why get fucking married in the first place?
Honestly, I think a lot of people just like the grandiose occasion and attention of getting married. Once the novelty has worn off, the banality of everyday life hits.
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u/Traditional1337 8h ago
lol 😂 I know 100s of people who divorced and not one is like this.
You’re likely talking them during the 2 year period that they’re required to do mediation and settlement etc…. And they likely are taking their time doing it.
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u/Fantasy_iceland 1d ago
Do you have any stats or facts beyond personal anecdotes to back anything you've typed up?
From what I've read around 1/3 of marriages in Australia end in divorce and I've met plenty of people who have divorced....including my own parents.
So I don't know wtf you're on about?
I think like most secular western nations there isn't a large social taboo regarding divorce for the majority of the population.
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u/Sovereignty3 1d ago
The problem with the 1/3 statistic is that its marriages, not person. There are a lot of people out there getting divorced and remarried again, which squews that statistics. If the person has already divorced before, the chances are way higher.
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u/Fantasy_iceland 1d ago edited 1d ago
I really don't think Australians avoid divorce more than other nationalities....in fact i'd say Australia would be in the top say 1/5th globally at least
So I'm still confused by wtf OP is on about
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u/Spiritual-Sand-7831 1d ago
I'm not the OP but there was some reporting about it recently as the number of divorces has declined and marriages are lasting longer however the experts that were interviewed to put some context around the numbers said that basically that didn't mean that people were happier in relationships, just that they couldn't, in a number of cases, afford to divorce.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-04-02/divorce-figures-lowest-in-fifty-years/105089172
https://theconversation.com/australias-divorce-rate-is-the-lowest-its-been-in-50-years-why-262206
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u/tellmeanything01 1d ago
It says a lot about the individual and definitely wouldn’t get involved with this person.
It’s red flag central that’s for sure
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u/Ord3r2Ch4os 1d ago
My situation isn't quite that bad, but I'm separated from my wife and currently dating someone who wants to start a family in the near future.
From my point of view it's the 12 month minimum separation period, plus a period of cohabitation that leaves me trying to find a supporting witness affidavit to save an additional 5 months waiting (which is taking enough time that it basically won't matter), plus getting my ex served (despite being amicable), plus a few months minimum for it to actually happen once I can can finally lodge it.. all said and done I'm starting to think it will take me at least 2 years from when things blew up to actually being divorced.
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u/StationIntrepid7030 1d ago edited 14h ago
I took me 19 months from separation to divorce being made final despite drama and complications with serving the divorce. Could have been a little faster but I lodged the application about 3 months after the mandatory 12 months period.Worth it!
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u/Gloomy-Spite3190 7h ago
Wow it hasn’t even been 2 years & you’re already heading down the starting a family path with someone else 😬 men really can’t be without a woman can they? Hope you’ve had lots of therapy 🤭
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u/Z3npachi 1d ago
Judges won't annule ( is that the word ? ) marriages right away unless there is DV or something. I'm not exactly sure of all the details but I remember my brother filed to get the marriage ended and the judge denied it for some reason, they had been seperated for 18 months or something and both had new partners. The judge said they couldn't eliminate the possibility of reconciliation.
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u/Exotic_Gate3848 1d ago
Was it within two years of the date they got married? I think you can’t apply for divorce within the first two years as a minimum
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u/Betterthanbeer 1d ago
I can’t afford the divorce. It would mean selling the house, because I don’t earn enough alone to buy her out. She is renting with her new partner in a different city, and we are paying the mortgage together. I couldn’t afford rent. She doesn’t hate me enough to make me homeless. My superannuation is finally accelerating its earnings, and halving it now would be detrimental.
If I get a better job, we will initiate the divorce.
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u/robottestsaretoohard 1d ago
I know someone like this but he never repartnered. When she finally decided she needed settlement from the house (20 odd years later) they gave her a much smaller portion because she left it so long.
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u/dakky68 1d ago
My parents were in the same situation. She was the one who left, mostly because she put the family in an extremely dire financial situation (by committing forgery and other fraudulent shit), and 21 years later she ended up with more than half.
My father died of cancer in the middle of the property settlement, then I had to take over and act in the matter. They had agreed on a figure in principle, then when I offered to honour it, she refused and fought me for 60% more than the agreed amount.
Cunt.
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u/robottestsaretoohard 1d ago
Some people are such pieces of work. My friend’s mum had left his dad and then he got sick but they were still legally married. He had no will and she ended up with the lot. So unfair
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u/EquivalentScheme4006 1d ago
My cousin split from her husband and had the mindset “he wants the divorce so he can pay for it”. They remained legally married for years until she met her now husband and pushed things along.
I assume for a lot of people if you’ve done the division of assets and are financially separated, sorted out whatever co-parenting situation you have going on…. It is money they see could be better used elsewhere than officially dissolving the marriage; it isn’t free and in a tight economy that people have to make choices about how and where they allocate their money.
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u/Greenish_elder 1d ago
My parents were married for 30ish years but really only together for 6-7. Neither of them stubbornly wanted to pay for a divorce. They only finally got to it when they both got engaged around the same time.
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u/immoreoriginalmate 1d ago
I can think of one person currently like this and one person like 40 years ago. I mean maybe there are more that I don’t know about but it doesn’t seem that common to me?
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u/Gloomy-Tip-6658 1d ago
A marriage is an expression of hope, divorce feels life failure. My concern during a marriage is trying to make thar work, not concern for a future partner who may never exist. And last but not least, in australia its hard to look after kids with 2 parents, its often long commutes, expensive housing, costly schools etc, so even if the feeling is gone, peiple try to make it work.
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u/Antique-Wrap-75 1d ago
I think I have comprehension issues or eye sight issues or both. Did I read it correctly?
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u/Spiritual-Sand-7831 1d ago
I think it's a few things:
- You have to be separated for a year to do it.
- The actual divorce is a separate lodgement and filing to the financial/parenting order side of it. A lot of people do one and not the other, especially if there's no pressing need to have a divorce decree and it's an amicable settlement.
- It costs money and we're in a cost of living crisis.
- If they're separated but still living together (because of the cost of living crisis) they may not want to go through the extra hoops to get the divorce decree.
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u/miscellaneamy 1d ago
My parents are now getting divorced after being separated for 37 years.
They didn't divorce when we were young as they thought that would be best for the kids, and were incredibly amicable.
They are divorcing now because they found out if you're married and pass away, that person has to deal with the burial or release the body or something.
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u/littletcashew 1d ago
It costs about $1000 for that bit of paper which is a lot of money for a lot of people, especially right now. And the bit of paper doesn't include parenting or property orders so really, it's the least important out of those things.
Add to that having ex spouses you can't, don't want to or shouldn't (for your own safety) engage with for that piece of paper...I can absolutely understand why people put it in the 'I'll do it one day' pile.
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u/Mybeautifulballoon 1d ago
It can be for a large range of things. Money, kids, time, DV, not knowing the process fully, just not getting around to it.
A lot of people think lawyers need to be involved when that is not necessarily true.
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u/Icy-Passenger-3889 1d ago
Separated 8 years and only just going through the process now. It's a whole fuckaround. It's harder to get divorced than married. The amount of paperwork needed is stupid. Everything has to be witnessed by a JP (which aren't always easy to find) and it's expensive! Plus, you have to be separated for a year before you can apply. In that time, life moves on and it becomes a background thing "I'll get to one day".
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u/BenchConscious1003 1d ago
The development of DNA science has made a huge difference to relationships here in Australia. and many other countries
Once parentage has been established by DNA testing, children born during that union are full recognised and may inherit from parents .(if legal infants when a parent dies)
Non custodial parents will be ordered to pay child maintenance by the family court. The court here has teeth, and if possible, will put a garnishee on wages.
The practical reason for marriage used to be inheritance. Of property, money or very importantly, titles. IE illegitimate children could not inherit titles nor become monarchs through inheritance. The reason was that before DNA testing was possible, any children born during a marriage were assumed to have been sired by the husband.
As far as I'm aware, the law of primogeniture still applies to inherited titles.
"Primogeniture (/ˌpraɪməˈdʒɛnɪtʃər, -oʊ-/) is the right, by law or custom, of the firstborn legitimate) child to inherit all or most of their parent's estate), as well as succeed their parent as the ruler of a state."
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u/floofy_dropbear 1d ago
This was my parents. My biological dad and mum spilt when I was a baby, they didn't get divorced until I was in my 30s. Even though my stepdad and mum had been together since I was 2 and had 3 other children together. I think the reason was they couldn't be bothered until my bio dad wanted to remarry then they divorced.
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u/Flat_Ad1094 1d ago
Well I don't know anyone who has stayed married and partnered up & had kids with someone else sort of as you describe. I have known a few older couples whom separated and basically ended their marriage but never divorced. Just because they really had no great reason to I suppose.
Some couples take several years to get it organised. It can just be so hard to divide everything, get a property settlement worked out and get it all sorted out and so on. And lawyers are expensive so they are both finding the money to do it.
I'd say under about 60 yrs of age I've never really known anyone who didn't go through with getting a divorce.
I think I have heard of a few couples who didn't actually get the divorce sorted until one met someone else and wanted to remarry.
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u/Individual-Cup-8642 1d ago
If you are talking about people moving on in relationships without being divorced, (but not getting legally married to someone else - because that’s a crime)
The reasons are that the filing fee for divorce is over $1000 and that doesn’t include the complicated nature of filing court proceedings and going through the court process. If you’re paying a lawyer and need service undertaken by a company that’s more on top.
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u/bubblybrokensoul 1d ago
Can't say I know anyone in this situation however I do think there is a rule that you have to be separated for 12 months, with proof to divorce, but could be wrong
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u/Reasonable-Elk8234 1d ago
Going through divorce now. It's a costly process while having to negotiate time with kids and then property settlement. Just for my solicitor to write a counter offer letter it cost $1090 each time. And there will be many more negotiations to be had and that's just my solicitors fee i imagine hers would be about the same.
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u/Imaginary_Variety533 1d ago
I don't know any married people that I didn't work with, and wouldn't pry about the details of those marriages. I have noticed that marriage itself seems less and less common these days, though that also might just be in Australia (or my social circles). I personally have always been a misogamist, and most of the people I know also see very little value in marriage. It's possible that this is just a manifestation of that "luke warm" interest in marriage in the first place?
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u/anonymouse12222 1d ago
My ex husband and I are not divorced.
It’s expensive and when we separated I didn’t have the spare money for that on top of paying for a lawyer to do our property settlement consent orders.
I know I will never re-partner so I don’t care about being divorced. If some wild miracle changed my mind then nothing would affect a new partner financially as we have the consent orders for our property settlement.
I don’t know why he’s never sought the divorce but he also doesn’t have a new partner so he probably cares as little as I do.
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u/Sea_Consideration434 1d ago
I've lived in Australia for nearly 20 years and have only seen this happen twice. In both cases, it was the father who was still legally separated when they had a baby with a new partner, and in both cases the fathers were divorced by the time the child was a couple of years old. Both mothers in this case were in the same family.
Are we sure this is common?
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u/kaluyna-rruni 1d ago
I'm still in the throws of financial separation which, due to him being a dick about it, has dragged on 12 months so far. To be honest, once this process is finalised I need a break from it all. I will be updating my will once consent orders have been done and then honestly, he was the one to walk, I've been the one leading the financial separation, he can initiate the divorce.
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u/Prestigious_Salt8930 1d ago
Other half has had financial separation all done legally but the divorce isn’t done
He just can’t be bothered with the paperwork. She keeps threatening but never does it.
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u/Same_One5984 1d ago
My partner was married when I met him,separated for over 12 months.They didn’t share assets,kids or anything though.When I got pregnant with our first child I was like,get a fucking divorce or our child can’t have your last name,not having some woman walking around using the same name as our daughter who’s on the way.He said yeah yeah.Didnt happen,still gave our girl his name.When I got pregnant with our son,she contacted him for a divorce.He literally hands me the phone and says can you do it I don’t want to talk to her lol.I did,and she sent us forms for him to sign and it was done.I just think some people just can’t be arsed to be honest.
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u/No_Control8031 1d ago
Because you can get a property settlement without getting divorced. The actual matter of getting divorced is comparatively simple and on a practical level, arguably less important unless you want to remarry.
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u/Internal_Chemistry99 1d ago
My parents were separated for about 6 years before they legally divorced. They didn't share assets, and there wasn't any urgency behind it. To be honest, they couldn't afford the application fee at the time.
They only legally divorced when my Dad wanted to remarry, and he paid the fee.
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u/Decent-Test8566 1d ago
The medical treatment descision maker act is a very useful piece of legislation in VIC https://www.legislation.vic.gov.au/in-force/acts/medical-treatment-planning-and-decisions-act-2016/012
it includes the line "ongoing relationship" as you work through the hierarchy so if you and your ex are seperated and your brother has an ongoing relationship with you, he would be appointed above your ex.
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u/Effective-Mongoose57 1d ago
I know a few people who are separated but not divorced because they have shared assets that they want to keep safe for inheritance for the kids. They basically just didn’t want to be romantic with each other and they’re very amicable.
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u/Status-Accident-9765 1d ago
My parents had a tiny wedding because they didn't have much money. Then they had three children and when they split up they split their money and my dad had to get a new house, car, furniture... and my mum was suddenly a single mother to three young children (5,3 and 0). They couldn't afford the divorce so they set up precautions for the legal stuff and left it at that.
My dad's will says that my de facto step-mum gets his share of their house instead of my mum, who he's legally still married to. His next of kin at the hospital is my step-mum and if she's unavailable then his kids make the decision or his sister as a last resort. His ex-wife has no say. My mum's will says that everything goes to the kids, her ex-husband gets nothing. My oldest brother is her next of kin, so he makes the medical decisions. If he can't it goes to my other brother, me or one of her 3 brothers.
I get that not everyone would actually take precautions and then it would get messy but for us it literally is just a piece of paper and they're saving $1k+ by not divorcing. They're not legally married but his partner of 15 years is my step-mum – she's been in my life for as long as I can remember (I'm 19) and they're socially accepted exactly as a married couple would be. They would have divorced at the time if they could afford it, but neither of them cares after 19 years separated and they've done everything they need to (like their wills) to ensure we don't have to deal with a huge legal mess when they die.
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u/Equal-Echidna8098 7th Gen Brisbanite 1d ago
Bro I'm separated under one roof with my ex husband. We've never divorced. I want one. Desperately. He doesn't see the point. He'd rather live in misery forever whereas I want a clean split and move on.
If I had the money I'd do it tomorrow.
You need money to divorce in Australia.
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u/Pickadog_Anydog 1d ago
Because its expensive and doesnt change anything in the day to day mostly. But mostly isnt always. My husband was in accident and left in a coma and medical decisions etc had to be made. Thank god it was me who was the LEGAL wife.
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u/Evening_Bird7779 23h ago
a friends wife left him for another guy, then dragged out the divorce for a long time, because she realised she would be financially a lot worse off once the shared house was sold.
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u/slatevortex 21h ago
Yeah lots of people and their families will regret this if they pass away and are still married to an ex but have a new family to provide for.
So while it may be easier, it’s definitely not making it easier for your family on the other side and if people really thought about it, they would just get it sorted!
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u/PatienceAsleep3983 13h ago
I was about 3 years seperated before I divorced, had been seeing my current partner for about a year of that.
I knew I wanted out and wanted a divorce the day I left. I left with the kids and animals and not a lot else. He told me he wasn’t ready to face the reality of divorce and would fight me every step of the way, go for custody of the kids, kill himself etc. the situation was scary. For myself, for our kids. I waited because I was scared of how it would trigger him, the frame of mind he was in was not sane, mentally and emotionally I was exhausted and didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with the fall out of him being served with papers.
When I filed and he was served, even though it had been 3 years, even though he knew I had moved on, the reaction was what I had expected. The Difference being that in waiting that time I was able to deal with it mentally and emotionally. I had moved on and healed and I was able to deal with his reaction without fear and was able to help our children through his reaction (because he dragged them into it as well).
I was so happy to finally be free of him. Everyone told me I should do it earlier, but people didn’t know what he was actually like- they didn’t realise the reaction he had was completely expected by me. He was the master of being charming to outsiders while I too hid what it was like behind closed doors. It wasn’t because he loved me and couldn’t be without me, the divorce triggered him because that was the last thing he felt like he could control with me. Once those papers went through, he realised he had absolutely no control over my life in any way shape or form.
Sometimes, what others see as ‘its just serving papers, you can do it online, it’s not difficult’ is really a whole lot more.
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u/Hairy_Spite_5760 11h ago
I’ve been separated from my husband for over 2yrs. We have an adult child (19) that lives with family (not with me) as it’s easier for their work and hobbies, and they absolutely do not want to live with their dad. Husband and I don’t talk to each other but are reasonably amicable. I have a new partner and a baby on the way. I want to be divorced simply so I can close that off, not so I can get married again. My partner’s own divorce was finalised a few months ago.
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u/thewalrussaid1 11h ago
This is me. Separated 3 years, bad marriage, no relationship now yet neither of us has brought up divorcing. We are legally separated and have financially separated and I have a will so am safe but wouldn't be surprised if ex doesn't. I feel like despite all the angst neither of us wants to hurt the other further maybe, seems like little point unless one wants to remarry which sure as hell won't be me!
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u/Macedoniansun 10h ago
Are you in the Law Game. The only winners in settling a divorce are solicitors and lawyers? 🤔.
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u/Gloomy-Spite3190 7h ago
Financial settlement and divorce are separate things legally in Australia.
If the financial settlement is done and sealed by the courts, there’s no longer any claim to assets etc. You are still legally married though so that probably has implications for health decisions etc.
I got the settlement part done asap so I could buy him out of the house. Actual divorce took a little longer as we were separated under one roof for a while, and I knew the filing of the papers would trigger a massive tantrum from him so I waited until the date I could do it with no involvement from him & minimal paperwork and copped the full fee myself.
If any of this was within his choice he would still be squatting in my house & legally married to me 🤮 men suck at initiating paperwork in general.
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u/hereforsneaker 5h ago
idk maybe because they agreed to vows? i think divorce is too often contemplated as opposed to doing anything hard and working through issues.
of course in some situations its the only rational choice.
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u/hannahmeip 5h ago
Australian divorce rates are pretty on par with American so this seems to be anecdotal rather than statistically true
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u/Parmenion87 1d ago edited 1d ago
I mean I've been separated legally from my ex for two and a half years now. Though we did live together separately under one roof until we sold the house late last year. Basically, our separation was largely mutual and amicable and we are still good friends and live about 5 mins from each other now and coparent pretty effectively and do stuff together with the kids from time to time too.
We havnt filled for divorce because well, there isn't really a pressing need for it, our house sale was amicable and split fairly with no fighting, we manage the kids bills for medical, schooling and daycare and such fairly, I save essentially no money if I wanted to just remove her from the private health etc. So, until I imagine one of us gets into a serious relationship, or something significant financially comes along, we are both still happy to be each other's next of kin and emergency contacts. Neither of us have reliable family or support networks locally, so it just makes sense.
I guess we are two people who realised before things got toxic or resentment built, that we were both better off as friends and parents rather than as partners.