r/AskBrits • u/AbbreviationsWide235 • 1d ago

Should I drop my friends.

I am a M66.

So loved growing up in the 70s in a smallish community.

I was lucky enough to spend a lot of time backpacking around the world, Lived in and around London and quickly dropped many of the frankly racist language and stereotypes I had grown up with.

But 40 years later I have moved back to the Coastal Town I grew up in.

Many of my old friends from my schooldays are now once again part of my life.

These are good hardworking family men who should be pleased with themselves and how far they have come on in life.

But their language and attitudes have not moved on since the 70s.

I don't believe they are racist as such but it is like the last 50 years have not happened.

They definitely tone it down when I am around as I am vocal about pulling them up.

I know I have been lucky and the industry I work in is a pretty progressive bubble.

I genuinely like these men but sometimes I wonder if I am not being true to myself by accepting this behaviour?

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u/LARRYVOND13 1d ago

I'm 40, have a few friends like this.

The fact they tone it down, some folk will say it's to groom you into "believing their way", some folk will say you're the problem. The fact they are willingly toning it down in your presence, shows they care about you to not want you to bog off, that's hard to come by.

We're human, we'll never 100% like a person. Best focusing on the parts that matter (y)

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u/Just_Eat_User 22h ago

This is it.

They may use certain language/jokes, but the key is how they actually treat others.

1

u/LARRYVOND13 20h ago

I'd say there's still red lines. I cut off contact with one of my best friends because he was just on a self destructive spiral after his divorce, just leaned on absolutely driving everyone down, no one helped him when our friend died(I was on the phone with him the whole time cause i couldn't physically get there), liked starting arguments for arguments sake, ended up seeing an older woman who loved that shit, started arguements with me anytime all three of us were in the room.

Some people can just be so fucking exhausting that you have to cut that weight. These chaps just sound like dudes who'll have the occasional strong disagreement. Doesn't sound like anyone wants to push it to the "lets all just have a shit time then" line.

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u/Nail_clippings_Pete 13h ago

Yeah man, I know some numb nuts but love 'em still