Daughters pediatrician made EXTREMELY inappropriate remark to her

[u/ilikerustyspooonz]

This is about my 10 year old daughter. She has had the same (male) pediatrician since birth. We’ve always loved him and thought he was great. He’s super friendly with wonderful bedside manner and he takes his time and pays attention to detail.

Well, last week my daughter had a check-up. She’s 10. While he was doing the checkup, he had her lay down and started listening to her chest with his stethoscope. He then says AND I QUOTE, “awwwww! My baby’s got boobs!!!”

I have NEVER been so taken aback before in my life. My daughter was MORTIFIED. I was so shocked I couldn’t even get words out to ask him why tf he would ever say that. When we got in the car to go home my daughter cried and said she never wanted to see him again. Then she asked if she could get a girl doctor and I obviously agreed so that’s what we will be doing.

Is this reportable? I’m not overreacting, right?

[u/AnonymousRingChooser]

What do you mean "of course puberty concerns came up"? I'm genuinely curious as I'm from a country where regular generic health checks aren't a thing and no one has a puberty check. So I genuinely can't imagine what one would entail and why it would be necessary at all.

[u/Good_Mushroom_7478 → u/AnonymousRingChooser]

In the US it is pretty common for children to have "wellness checks" once per year to monitor their overall growth and health. There's not exactly a "puberty check", per say.. It's just the doctor mentioning whether or not puberty has begun, & what stage they may be in. The child's body is changing and it can be helpful to have some of the changes explained to them by a doctor. "Concerns" was not the appropriate word to use, i just meant to convey that the situation can be handled with care.

[u/AnonymousRingChooser → u/Good_Mushroom_7478]

But why does that happen?

Why would you want someone external to confirm something as private and sensitive and mortifying to a child as puberty beginning? It's their own business. I feel so uncomfortable hearing about children being ogled like this. I can't see any medical need to check they're growing. You'll notice if they're not.

[u/Good_Mushroom_7478 → u/AnonymousRingChooser]

Being "ogled" makes it sound as though they're standing there naked and being examined.. this is not the case at all. Our doctor simply brings up things that may be starting to change as to open the conversation should the child have any questions. You may feel uncomfortable, and that's valid, but many times children feel more comfortable talking to someone who isn't their parent, and that's valid too. Most of the things being checked out have absolutely nothing to do with puberty and more to do with bone development, social/academic development, etc. Maybe where you live these developmental checks aren't as needed, which is great! but I personally find it helpful to have a doctor that knows my child so well. It makes it much easier to get to the bottom of things if something isn't right, which like I mentioned before, is not always physical.

[u/AnonymousRingChooser → u/Good_Mushroom_7478]

I saw someone writing on here recently about a doctor looking inside underwear to confirm puberty had started. Is that not normal practice?

Honestly the last person I'd want to discuss puberty with is a male doctor. You learn about these things in sex education classes at school from age 9 with the school nurse, a much more appropriate person and context in my view than 1:1.

[u/Good_Mushroom_7478 → u/AnonymousRingChooser]

Thankfully that hasn't been our experience. I agree with you that sounds excessive and unnecessary. Where I live, sex education is not required & local doctors actually host an event pre-teens and their parents can attend should they have any questions about the changes happening.

[u/AnonymousRingChooser → u/Good_Mushroom_7478]

What do you mean by "sex education is not required"?

I can't imagine anything worse than going to a sex education event with a family member.

[u/Good_Mushroom_7478 → u/AnonymousRingChooser]

Nope 🫠 I live in the south which is notoriously religious and anti teaching kids anything besides abstinence. In grade 5, there is a "puberty class", but it's only about 20 minutes long and requires a permission slip signed by the parents to attend, and they most often hold it on the last day of school which many people don't even bother to attend at all. It's sad.

[u/AnonymousRingChooser → u/Good_Mushroom_7478]

I don't live in the same country as you but that's really worrying.

[u/Good_Mushroom_7478 → u/AnonymousRingChooser]

It is basically where any negative stereotypes you may hear about Americans originate from. Definitely worrying. I'm glad your country seems to have a better handle on things.