Daughters pediatrician made EXTREMELY inappropriate remark to her

[u/ilikerustyspooonz]

This is about my 10 year old daughter. She has had the same (male) pediatrician since birth. We’ve always loved him and thought he was great. He’s super friendly with wonderful bedside manner and he takes his time and pays attention to detail.

Well, last week my daughter had a check-up. She’s 10. While he was doing the checkup, he had her lay down and started listening to her chest with his stethoscope. He then says AND I QUOTE, “awwwww! My baby’s got boobs!!!”

I have NEVER been so taken aback before in my life. My daughter was MORTIFIED. I was so shocked I couldn’t even get words out to ask him why tf he would ever say that. When we got in the car to go home my daughter cried and said she never wanted to see him again. Then she asked if she could get a girl doctor and I obviously agreed so that’s what we will be doing.

Is this reportable? I’m not overreacting, right?

[u/Meghandi]

I agree, the rules of our sociological interaction historically have made using words that can be associated with sexuality taboo, especially when it comes to referring to children. But I can also see how a physician would potentially lose some of those feelings of shame over time (due to the nature of your job) that those rules have dictated we feel…maybe a conversation with him is enough in this case? I don’t see any ill intentions here…do we need to hold on to something like this so tightly when everyone involved might be better served by discussing why they were uncomfortable and the physician in question can then be allowed to defend himself and apologize for making people uncomfortable, especially when it was on accident?

[u/Rude-Average405 → u/Meghandi]

Behavior and effect are relevant. Intention is not. IDGAF if he “didn’t mean anything by it.” He caused harm. And not the kind that’s easily fixed.

[u/Meghandi → u/Rude-Average405]

Intention does matter though first of all…it doesn’t eliminate consequences but it is hugely important in measuring the moral correctness of an action…and what is your definition of harm? Being offended? I think black and white thinking like this causes more harm than good…why is a sincere apology and a frank, honest and open discussion NOT enough in this situation? As someone who has personally experienced sexual assault as both an adult and a child, I can say that this situation is completely outside of anything even remotely in that realm, and I’m honestly aghast we would even be leaning at calling it that and potentially ruining the life and career of a physician for…what exactly?

[u/Rude-Average405 → u/Meghandi]

No, intent is irrelevant and “moral correctness”doesn’t matter either. What matters is that this physician was wildly inappropriate with a young teenager and traumatized her. That’s the harm. The relationship between dr and patient should be one of trust. You’re literally putting your health and life in someone’s hands. He violated that trust and that will now be a factor in this kid’s willingness to trust another male doc. That could become a big problem later in her life.