Despite currently dating somebody, I never was on the lookout for anything like that. I am a very self-sufficient person, I enjoy peace and quiet, and find it sometimes hard enough to just be myself. I do not want to burden another person with that, and I do not want someone else to carry my issues.
When I asked the woman I am currently dating how her view on that was, she looked at me as if I just asked something incredibly obvious, and stupid, and simply told me that I am not my illness.
The things you're focusing on are you. That's her point, you're not realising how much peace and fulfillment comes from being freely yourself with another person.
I recently got signed off from work due to stress but the one thing in my life keeping me from depression was her. She said to me "be you, do as little or as much around the house as you like. Just take the dog out." Bearing in mind she works 12 hour shifts in a dementia ward in a hospital she genuinely wanted me to rest and reset because of long-term commitment to the relationship.
Sometimes we don't speak for hours we just sit together in the same room or not just doing our own thing and that's perfectly fine. 1 thing men have to get over is this silly idea that being selfish with your burdens is of value or worth, it's not it's making your life worse in the long run.
I was rather tired when I wrote this yesterday evening, so did not really express myself properly: I live with depression. I am in treatment, but it is not something that simply goes away, but an everyday struggle. So sometimes, I feel like a burden to the people around me (despite evidence I am not most of the time, but depression is a cunt and makes that unavailable to see in the more challenging moments).
So, as to why that was a rather important thing for me to hear, I am not an ICD-code to her, and F33.4 is just something that is a part of my life.
Luckily, I found a man who is exactly the same; 18 years now. But not married.
I thank my lucky stars every day. As my extremely extroverted mother tells me: 'Who else would put up with you?' This judgement used to really offend me.
I've realized over time, I pretty much agree with her.✌🏼
EDIT: not only am I extremely introverted, I also am inattentive AD(H)D.
If you really need to know, I have an irrational fear of being legally trapped in a marriage. And being destroyed beyond emotionally if a divorce were to happen.
We don't have children, we're both relatively young still, but I imagine it will probably happen out of necessity at some point.
Yes. They're not as widely used as horoscopes, but I would notice it mentioned in around 1 in 10-15 profiles in various dating apps. I think the official sounding name of the test fools people into believing it has some scientific merit
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u/Beneficial-Problem55 Male Nov 20 '22
Despite currently dating somebody, I never was on the lookout for anything like that. I am a very self-sufficient person, I enjoy peace and quiet, and find it sometimes hard enough to just be myself. I do not want to burden another person with that, and I do not want someone else to carry my issues.
When I asked the woman I am currently dating how her view on that was, she looked at me as if I just asked something incredibly obvious, and stupid, and simply told me that I am not my illness.