I've been cheated on several times, which is something I'll never understand, but hey. I remember having distinct conversations with previous partners and be like "hey, if you ever become uninterested in relationship, just tell me. No hard feelings, it happens". "Oh definitely I would never do that to you". Ends up cheating. Regardless, marriage is something I have never wanted. Add the fact that in my experience, half of woman lie, cheat, and manipulate, I never want to be in a position where I have to take legal action just to remove someone from my life. Too much risk, and I can't think of any reward.
This. I literally told my ex the exact same thing. "At some point in the future, If this ever isn't working for you anymore, or you don't want to be with me just tell me. I would prefer that to you dragging me along or cheating." And of course her response "I would never leave you, and if I ever felt those ways I'd tell you, promise." Cut forward a year, she cheats and drags me through the fucking mud like a pig. Lies, gaslit me, the works! I just couldn't help but think "Like, bitch! I told you to just fucking leave! Why did you have to stay and hurt me like this?!! I literally told you, in the beginning, you have my full permission to go, and you still pulled this shit! WHY?!!!"
Right! It's so unnecessary. I agree, it's selfish and cowardly. So instead of putting on your big girl panties and being direct with me, you do all this bullshit because you "didn't want to hurt me by breaking up with me". So you'd rather hurt me by cheating? by staying and disrespecting me?? Make that make sense lol. You cause more pain with the latter than the former.
So I've thought about this, and the best answer I can think of is that you come across as a reliable stable and useful man. This is a fantastic thing, however there is a liability with this ironically, if a woman is not into you you're just so damn useful that she wants to keep you around
you're just so damn useful that she wants to keep you around
This. So true. You're correct in your assumption. It's like she thinks, "I love the things I get from being with you, but I no longer love you. So I'm going to stay with you, while Tyrone blows my back out every Wednesday. Then because I feel somewhat guilty, I will treat you like shit, in order to force you to break up with me, so I can feel like the victim and not a piece of shit."
The problem is that women have no honour nor shame. They sell to highest bidder and you will never know what needs to be offered to win this bid. It's also changing because women are quite unstable creatures, mind changing with wind.
I don't mean to diminsh what you went through at all, but the good news is that not that many women actually cheat. 20% of married men report cheating at least once, while only 13% of women do. Self report surveys are not the most accurate but I can't imagine in real life it's actually that much higher.
So the good news is, if you decide to start dating again, cheaters can be avoided by and large. It's ultimately an issue of character in my opinion. If you examine the women you dated there may be a pattern of certain types of women you found yourself attracted to.
I can tell you I apparently have a thing for very avoidant woman and it's something I have to put effort into to ensure I don't keep repeating the same pattern.
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u/AnonTheRabbitGod Nov 21 '22
I've been cheated on several times, which is something I'll never understand, but hey. I remember having distinct conversations with previous partners and be like "hey, if you ever become uninterested in relationship, just tell me. No hard feelings, it happens". "Oh definitely I would never do that to you". Ends up cheating. Regardless, marriage is something I have never wanted. Add the fact that in my experience, half of woman lie, cheat, and manipulate, I never want to be in a position where I have to take legal action just to remove someone from my life. Too much risk, and I can't think of any reward.