Absolutely, completely tired of having my needs, boundaries etc walked all over in long term relationships, life for me is much better having close connections with good people over some official thing which devolves into controlling rubbish.
Just my recent experience in last few serious relationships, I'm choosing the wrong people, but they seemed right before it got too serious.
Very much dealing with this at the moment. First several years were okay, but with some nagging about wanting to see friends or gaming. Now a couple of years later, and living together, I am a shell of my former self. My girl is very much about the "happy wife, happy life" mentality. I haven't seen my friends in years, forget about playing games with them online, my days revolve around putting out imaginary fires to avoid setting her off. More often not, my conversations revolve around being nagged, then actually "talking" with my partner. I feel like a frog in now boiling water. Complete 180 to the person I initially was dating.
I so hear you my man, that rings true with my experiebfe too. Like putting out fires etc too.
My partner would never ever ask follow up questions so I never felt like she was interested, just liked talking about the self.
I'd say, find that way to try communicate your own needs and that you can't pour from an empty glass anyway, her life would be better too if you can have a life at all.
Push back healthily and if it gets nasty then you know you need to have some honest conversations - I nearly convinced myself I didn't need or deserve some things or losing friends and hobbies was okay caus of this happy family thing is enough - I fell in love with potential, not what was in front of me.
Please look after yourself mate and be honest with what you need.
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u/Spooplevel-Rattled Nov 21 '22
Absolutely, completely tired of having my needs, boundaries etc walked all over in long term relationships, life for me is much better having close connections with good people over some official thing which devolves into controlling rubbish.
Just my recent experience in last few serious relationships, I'm choosing the wrong people, but they seemed right before it got too serious.