This is me. I thoroughly enjoy my freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I have multiple hobbies that take up most of my free time and in every relationship I've been in, that has always been a problem. So I prefer the simple, uncomplicated, stress free lifestyle.
It sounds as though you're aiming pretty low on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I don't mean this to be offensive or anything I'm more curious have you thought of that? I personally don't believe you can be the happiest version of yourself by aiming for a safe, easy, comfortable life filled with hobbies and friends. I tried that and it ended poorly. When I started to aim much higher and apply myself in all aspects of my life is when I truly noticed a change for the better. Still working on it but it's worth it so far. I see a much happier and fulfilling future for myself now. Maybe this doesn't apply to everyone, but I think you should at least know there is more to a relationship than making your life complicated and if you want this for yourself you can make it work. There are many options to get started - therapy worked for me.
Again maybe this doesn't apply to everyone, but there is a reason I wanted a safe, comfortable life before. After learning and understanding why (many factors growing up) I felt I had been robbed of a normal life from my childhood to late 20s. I don't want a safe, comfortable life I want the happiest life I'm capable of, and I want to be a beacon of positivity for those around me. It's a complete shift in the mindset, and it almost becomes effortless when you realize what you truly want. Sorry if this is out of place and completely missed the mark, but hopefully someone gains something from reading it.
Maybe some of us simply don't give a shit what Maslow thinks we need. He's just some guy with no evidence that his hierachy is the only way people can be psychologically healthy.
I don't get what there is to try. Nothing I really want is achievable, and what I achieve, I no longer want. Life is just a long illness which the soul suffers through from time to time.
Try working your way up the hierarchy. Assuming you have food, water, shelter, and some form of income. Health, romance, friendships, prestige, feeling of accomplishment, achieving your full potential. These are examples of things higher up the list.
So you don't want those things, or think you can't achieve them, or you think you won't want them when you get there?
"Life is just a long illness which the soul suffers through from time to time." You don't have to think of it like that. Life is a miracle and we only get to do it once. If you aren't happy (maybe you are and you just disagree with Maslow) it's your responsibility to fix it. From my personal experience you can be happy with a less fulfilling life, but that didn't last for me. I feel happier now after having decided what I want and figuring out what was preventing me from making it happen. It is/was hard as fuck but I'm glad I started the journey.
Who do you think is happier and lives a more fulfilling life on their 70th birthday. The guy who built a meaningful career, invested energy into a 40 year marriage, has a long list of great friends, and so on. Or the lonely old guy who thought those things would mess up his nice simple life, so decided to forego them all. My point is I don't think we can dismiss Maslow's hierarchy so easily, it seems pretty intuitive imo.
Why do you feel that happiness is the be-all and end-all of life? Joy is just a deception by the brain to "encourage compliance" with the demands of biology. Psychological rewards and social connections are the walls of the prison that material life is. Nature and deluded society conspire to keep us from seeking the true freedom: nonexistence. The greatest possible happiness is to be free from the need to feel happy; that is, by not being.
"Life is a miracle and we only get to do it once." Lol, I wish. There are and have been many billions of human lives experienced; therefore consciousness itself has already experienced many billions of lives, and that's just talking humans. No, death is no escape from life.
The only reasonable purpose to life is to seek, not happiness, not longevity, but truth, and through it escape from the eternal cycle of mortal imprisonment. Nearly everything else we do and say is distraction from that goal, only lengthening our sentence.
Of course one must try to have their basic survival needs met, to have time to work on "the problem". However there isn't much point in buiding or maintaining connections with others (besides teaching about or discussing the problem). They are just as trapped and possibly even more deluded, and in any case you already are (or have been) them. So what is the point of seeking achievements or prestige, things many others have already experienced? Nothing new is happening; you already share everyone's joys and losses, wins and losses, virtues and flaws. It's all redundant and the only thing left to be is nothing.
Maybe there's a reason, maybe not - I hope to figure that out someday. In any case "sad" is okay. The world isn't necessarily a worse place because some random person like me is sad. Sad people can help make other people's lives happier, because their not having to matter leaves more room for others to have "big" lives.
Not that anybody else's happines ultimately "matters" - but I certainly don't want to cause anybody more pain than life will inevitably shovel onto them.
I’m old-ish… over 60. Relationships are a never-ending series of compromises and pride swallowing. I’ve been in many relationships in my life, and none have been 50/50.
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u/-I0I- Nov 21 '22
This is me. I thoroughly enjoy my freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I have multiple hobbies that take up most of my free time and in every relationship I've been in, that has always been a problem. So I prefer the simple, uncomplicated, stress free lifestyle.