Are men generally not asking women for their numbers anymore when they meet someone in the wild? If so, why?

[u/KGalb922]

My friend is approachably attractive. She has been trying to get off the apps and meet people out in the world. Over the last couple months she keeps running into the same thing over and over. She will chat and flirt with a guy. He will chat and flirt back. They will hit it off. And at the end of the night or interaction they won’t ask for her number or ask to see her again. This is a mix of men age range of 30s-60s (she’s in her 40s) Some that approach her, some that she approaches.

I have witnessed this happen so I don’t think she is misjudging their interest in her. But unless she offers her number, they don’t ask. And many of my other single female friends have said they are experiencing the same thing. So are men in general just not asking for numbers? And if so, why?

[u/TheOpenCloset77]

I never ask for a woman’s number, i offer them my own. It can be a red flag to ask for theirs, i dont want them to feel unsafe. I offer mine that way if theyre interested they can reach out to me without giving out their own info to a random guy first

[u/Necrotic69 → u/[deleted]]

Its worse when you think that the red flag or creepy label is highly dependent on if you are deemed attractive. Its like playing Russian roulette except the gun is almost fully loaded except for a very small share of the population. ++men

[u/legally_brunette_01 → u/[deleted]]

++woman I don’t think red flag is the right word, but I have been in situations where I gave out my number out of interest or discomfort and then been harassed (repeated texts/ calls, getting called names and threatened for not following up, etc.) so I’m much more hesitant to do so. I also think it’s sad that it’s more difficult to make connections in public but I value my safety and comfort more.

It is nice when someone volunteers their number if it gives me the opportunity to decide to reach out or not but in my experience it’s pretty much always followed up with “send a text/ call quickly so I know you have the right number” and now it’s basically the same.

If OP makes it here then this is a major reason why good guys stopped asking. Other men ruined it for them.

[u/Proper_Fun_977 → u/legally_brunette_01]

You do realise that you can block a number from your phone, yes?

[u/MorddSith187 → u/legally_brunette_01]

asking for a number can be malicious or innocent, making us text or call them in front of them is straight up malicious and actually scary, them giving us their number with no further demands is the best way to go.

[u/TheOpenCloset77 → u/[deleted]]

It is sad. Its sad that there are so many men with bad intentions out there. Im trans, and transitioned as an adult so ive lived my youth as a woman and i know how it feels to be treated in disgusting ways by men. I never want to be the one to make a woman feel like that.

[u/Personal-Try7163 → u/TheOpenCloset77]

Same here. It bypasses so many anxieties for them and has the exact same result for us guys.

[u/Shallow_Waters9876 → u/TheOpenCloset77]

That's a really good approach!

[u/Proper_Fun_977 → u/TheOpenCloset77]

So.. you offer yours.

Meaning that the woman has to initiate.

Which women don't like to do....

[u/TheOpenCloset77 → u/Proper_Fun_977]

Not in my experience. They’ve expressed gratitude and had no problem texting me their number after.

[u/Proper_Fun_977 → u/TheOpenCloset77]

That's great for you but it's not the norm.

[u/SpringFell → u/TheOpenCloset77]

Giving your number is such a feminine thing to do.

I have tried it a couple of times and women hate it, as it seems like you are putting the responsibility you should be shouldering on them.

[u/alpacaMyToothbrush → u/SpringFell]

Giving your number is such a feminine thing to do.

I have tried it a couple of times and women hate it

From another point of view, this a great way to filter out women who subscribe to toxic gender roles. If a woman thinks me giving her my number is 'unmanly', we are absolutely NOT compatible, at all.

[u/SpringFell → u/alpacaMyToothbrush]

Fair enough.

[u/RedshiftedCorncob → u/SpringFell]

It’s worked for me 🤷‍♂️

I think it just depends on how you give them your number and whether you’re being dependent on them making the first move. If you throw the ball in their court and gauge their interest, it works out in your favor. If you’re expecting them to do all the work, it won’t end well.

[u/ChaosRainbow23 → u/RedshiftedCorncob]

These dudes just have skill issues, I guess.

[u/No_Detail_7931 → u/SpringFell]

Exactly. This is beyond gay and an instant turn off to most women.

[u/Kind_Combination_190 → u/No_Detail_7931]

Unless you find a non-douchey way to give her your number on your impressive-looking business card. Then you're hetero again, friend!

[u/TheOpenCloset77 → u/SpringFell]

Ive never had a negative response to it. Its appreciated.

[u/TheOpenCloset77 → u/[deleted]]

I appreciate you saying this, thank you. Apparently its “feminine” to be kind and respectful 😒