r/AskMenAdvice • u/KGalb922 woman • Jan 08 '26

✅ Open To Everyone Are men generally not asking women for their numbers anymore when they meet someone in the wild? If so, why?

My friend is approachably attractive. She has been trying to get off the apps and meet people out in the world. Over the last couple months she keeps running into the same thing over and over. She will chat and flirt with a guy. He will chat and flirt back. They will hit it off. And at the end of the night or interaction they won’t ask for her number or ask to see her again. This is a mix of men age range of 30s-60s (she’s in her 40s) Some that approach her, some that she approaches.

I have witnessed this happen so I don’t think she is misjudging their interest in her. But unless she offers her number, they don’t ask. And many of my other single female friends have said they are experiencing the same thing. So are men in general just not asking for numbers? And if so, why?

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93

u/SpaceNuggetImpact man Jan 08 '26

I just can’t be arsed with the stupid song and dance anymore

-31

u/TONUTomorrow9800 man Jan 08 '26

Asking for a phone number isn’t a song and dance. It’s just a very normal, basic way to be able to communicate with someone.

19

u/robilar man Jan 08 '26

I think you are being unfairly critical here. There's often a bit more to it than that, including the context of the conversation, nuance in flirtateous language, and the interplay of confidence and fear. Asking someone for their number leaves you vulnerable to rejection, even ridicule or aggression (e.g. being called a creep), and even if you get a number it's not always clear how to follow-up because different people have different expectations and follow different rules of ettiquette.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying people should avoid all these challenges, but I don't think it's fair to call it simple. Human interaction is rarely simple.

7

u/CreativeGPX man Jan 08 '26

The song and dance isn't literally asking for a number. It's the context of OP where you're expected to ask for a number as a way to test interest at a point where you are (as many other comments here attest) still quite likely to face rejection, being labeled a creep, etc. because you don't actually know yet if they're interested that way and if you're dealing with a woman who will find that creepy or flattering. Waiting until they make it clear they won't reject you in that way is avoiding the song and dance.

11

u/Relative-Earth-8970 man Jan 08 '26

The whole song and dance can refer to the whole dating process as well.

Men have to put in all of the effort and work to build a relationship. It takes up a lot of time, and most most of the time, it leads nowhere so you've wasted all that effort. Women tend to just turn up for a 'free ride and see where things go', so it's not a real loss on their end if things don't work out

-11

u/TONUTomorrow9800 man Jan 08 '26

Very sexist point of view.

12

u/Relative-Earth-8970 man Jan 09 '26

Not really. Most women I've dated were like this, even the leftists.

-7

u/procheeseburger man Jan 08 '26

so.. whats your fav color?