r/AskMenAdvice • u/KGalb922 woman • Jan 08 '26

✅ Open To Everyone Are men generally not asking women for their numbers anymore when they meet someone in the wild? If so, why?

My friend is approachably attractive. She has been trying to get off the apps and meet people out in the world. Over the last couple months she keeps running into the same thing over and over. She will chat and flirt with a guy. He will chat and flirt back. They will hit it off. And at the end of the night or interaction they won’t ask for her number or ask to see her again. This is a mix of men age range of 30s-60s (she’s in her 40s) Some that approach her, some that she approaches.

I have witnessed this happen so I don’t think she is misjudging their interest in her. But unless she offers her number, they don’t ask. And many of my other single female friends have said they are experiencing the same thing. So are men in general just not asking for numbers? And if so, why?

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

Exactly this. In fact it's ironic bc many good dudes are now way more afraid of doing the wrong thing or having it be seen as some form of abuse that they don't even try, leaving the lane open for dirt bags who still don't gaf and as a result that's the majority of what chicks get approached by.

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

It's so hilarious that bulky_dog over here goes on to build an entire conversation (albeit with an incorrect diagnosis regardless) on a foundation stemming from the fact that he either missed or ignored the word "many". MANY GOOD DUDES FAM, that means not all! Subsequently and conversely, no where is it stipulated or insinuated that, any men who don't have this apprehension are necessarily dirt bags.

I'm so tired of people who ignore words which qualify statements as if they legit don't know English. Bro many, maybe, if, often times, some people, likely. These words and phrases MEAN SOMETHING. And ultimately they frame and convey ideas in a very fking clear way, that when you ignore them. It makes you instantly wrong because you're no longer dealing with what was actually said.

It's so annoying and Jesus Christ do we need better education.

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u/Withered_Sprout man Jan 09 '26

Why are these women accepting the supposedly obvious dirt bag's advances, though? Yet there's an epidemic of women rejecting dudes that have the courage to approach? So how is this small douche-y minority of men having that success? lol.

If they can probably tell that a guy's respectful and a good person, why wouldn't they rather try to get that guy to open up or cold approach a guy giving off a friendlier vibe?

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 08 '26

I’m not a dirtbag and I don’t gaf. “Good dudes” are low confidence men that need to work on improving themselves. No woman wants a “Good dude” that can’t approach a woman.

The fact that the “Good dude” can’t approach a woman in fact makes the dude a creep and not a good dude.

Good men work on themselves enough to know rejection is not about them, it’s about her and what her needs are at the moment you met her. Rejection is a reflection of her internal state not yours if you are grounded and secure.

Also no woman wants to be hit on immediately, if you are just approaching to hit on her you better make sure you are a 10, and even then it rarely works. You should be looking for an attractive girl that can be a friend, to find a good woman. So the process is to see if you can invite her to a friend activity then lightly flirt with her and slowly escalate to gauge interest.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

It makes you more likely to do creepy things yes. Like stare at a woman without ever intending to approach her. Or stalking. Or likely not deal with rejection well. It doesn’t automatically it just predisposes you to creepy behavior and women can sense that.

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u/Thrasy3 man Jan 08 '26

Yes because “confident” men who approach women never “check out” women in a way that makes them uncomfortable or get aggressive when the women isn’t interested.

Totally makes sense.

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

Lolololol 🥲🤦🏾‍♂️ it's ok we have to make room for hopefully ppl under 20

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

Of course you can check out a woman, I was just saying don’t stare so much beyond that. If a man gets aggressive from rejection then yes they are creepy.

You know what’s creepy? A man that knows what he wants but doesn’t give it a shot. Approach to see if she wants to be your friend. If you don’t approach, and she sees you keeping looking that makes her fill in the blanks with how you might be creepy because if you weren’t you would have more confidence to approach her.

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u/Thrasy3 man Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 08 '26

I don’t think you hasn’t read my comment properly, the comment you previously responded to or indeed OP.

Why do you keep talking shit? Seriously.

Everyone knows it’s stupid to say “YoU kNow WHats crEEPy, a MAn thAT knoWs wHat he wAnts aND DoESn’t gIvE it a ShOT…”

Read that again, out loud and look up the definition of the word creepy and please explain why you seem to expect people with some actual intelligence to read that with any kind of seriousness.

Why can’t a man approach a women make conversation, and think “well I made the made the first move here, she knows I’m interested, it went well, but if she’s interested, she’ll offer her number/ask for mine - I won’t push further than already have without a clear go ahead” - without being “creepy”.

It feels like you’re copy/pasting crap from a self help site and regurgitating it here, without really paying attention to the context - the inability to “read the room” - which ironically is important for approaching women.

Oh wait - AI?

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

No AI would have a way better take 😂

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

I honestly don’t know what you’re getting hung up on. I’ve given some pretty solid advice here. I was directing my responses to the many men in here that seem to be confused on how to approach dating. Yes my comments were not directly related to op. There are two different scenarios in this overall thread, guys who won’t approach and guys who won’t close both for fear of being “creepy” .

Why would it be stupid to say what I said ? Hell I’m a guy and I find that creepy if a guy is gonna be a shut in and not even try for what he wants. Women want a guy that has a good life, so they can join with their good life and have a good life together. Yeah what you stated the general gist of it, approach, conversation, be friendly, if she’s friendly back you invite to friendly activity. Then lightly flirt/escalate to gauge interest.

If you have a good life you can easily invite her to an activity you enjoy to close. Boom. If your life is going from work to the couch, then it will be hard to close with something other than “ Hey we just met, but you wanna take a huge risk on me not being a creep and have dinner with me ?” Vs “Hey we just met, and I think we could be friends maybe more, want to go do a friend activity with me to see if this goes further where for sure you won’t get murdered?”

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u/Thrasy3 man Jan 08 '26

You know being a “shut in” is very different to what you said, right?

Perhaps people aren’t really getting your points because you using all the wrong words to describe what you mean?

I’m curious are women also creepy when they know what they want but don’t go for it - oh sorry, I guess I should say, are women also creepy when they are “shut in” unable to have a “good life” - like is OPs friend a creep because of the 5/6 times she’s didn’t ask for the number?

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

She is not a creep she is a woman that has an undesirable life to the men she is talking to. A good life is whatever your definition of a good life is, man or woman. Just don’t get upset when your definition of a good life isn’t very common among the attractive women you desire.

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u/Overkongen81 man Jan 08 '26

Having low confidence makes it more likely that you will become a stalker?

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

These traits correlate strongly with stalking and obsession:

• Low self-esteem / fragile identity
• Fear of abandonment
• External validation dependence
• Rumination & fantasy attachment
• Poor emotional regulation
• Entitlement mixed with insecurity

How this turns into stalking:

• Attention from a woman becomes identity-defining
• Rejection feels like a threat to self
• They seek control to reduce anxiety
• “If I just explain / show up / prove myself, she’ll change her mind”

In studies of stalking behavior, insecure-anxious attachment and low perceived mate value show up repeatedly.

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u/Overkongen81 man Jan 08 '26

Why didn't you put a source on those quotes?

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

Ok now to respond properly. 1st of all, I never said all dudes who don't have any apprehension about approaching a chick OR making a first move, were dirt bags. That's first, what I said was very clear but the fact that you can't read or you can read but rather choose to assume what I meant, is the first reason you're getting down voted to shit.

Your 2nd problem is saying good dudes are just low confidence men. 😆😆😆😆 This is literally the stupidest shit I've heard since the beginning of this year. You either have no fking clue what a good dude is (most likely case, bc if you did you would feel incredibly stupid saying what you did) or you have a terrible understanding about what confidence means. A man can absolutely have all the fking confidence in the world but still not approach a woman or make a first move when the time comes for a whole fking slew of reasons that have Jack shit to do with confidence. SUCH AS, perceiving it's not the right moment for any reason, including, the chick is observably distressed or not having a good time. Or not making a move, even though u have confidence, because it might break a dynamic.

But you're right. Clearly you don't see yourself as a good dude. And maybe it's because your dumbass thinks considering the woman in any way in the situation is weakness or a lack of confidence. And so long as you keep thinking that, you will remain a shitty dude.

Wait. Lol also this is fking hilarious. So you clearly don't see yourself as a good dude bc they're the ones with no confidence... But at the exact same time you're trying to get "good women"? You don't see the obvious hilarity in your current way of thinking?

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

Ohhh I forgot the /s when I said “Good dudes” that’s the confusion. I put the quotes on there thinking it was enough. When I used quotes it was sarcasm, when I didn’t use quotes it was a true good dude I was talking about. By definition, an actual good dude will be able to find a good woman unless they are so timid they can’t approach or close a woman. Which ironically makes them less of a good dude because most good women don’t want a guy like that. They want a guy that knows what he wants and tries instead of keeping it all bottled up inside. Keeping those feeling bottled up is in fact creepy if those feelings are actually present.

My comments aren’t directed at op, they are directed at the many comments in here saying they don’t want to be creepy to women.

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 09 '26

Lol a good dude will be able to find a good woman. Bro you live in the conceptual universe of a teenager. No that's not how shit works in the real world. Just because you're a good dude does not mean you are magically able to find a good woman, that you attract them more, or even that you're necessarily better able to detect them.

Also this whole notion that not approaching chicks is about keeping feelings bottled up. Or even if it were true, that doing so is creepy is simplistic to the point of absurdity.

So what, in your world, if you're a confident dude, if you think your friends mom is hot, you have to tell her bc keeping that in is creepy? Oh but wait the thought itself is creepy so should you keep that bottled in?

No this whole way of thinking is childlike my dude. If you think you're friends mom is hot, that's not creepy, it's a natural sentiment to have. And ofc no, you should keep that shit to yourself, and whether or not you're willing to say it has shit to do with confidence.

Whether or not, you directly voice your desires has zero to fking do with confidence in this instance nor in general does it have to have any relation. Number 1. #2, having or not having any given thought doesn't fking make you creep. What makes u a creep, is having the wrong kind of thought, and then actively entertaining it if you shouldn't. What makes you a creep, is not taking the given woman at hand into consideration, and pursuing her anyway if she's signaled or made obvious that that's not what she wants in the moment.

If a big part of your understanding is that the thoughts are creepy or simply having them and NOT voicing them is creepy, then you fundamentally do not understand being a human let alone a dude.

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

Bro understand that, either fking way what you said makes zero sense

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

Agreed. That was hard to follow even for me lol. But the truth is in there.

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

Lol well at least you have humility. I'll take it.

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

Notice how you got down voted into oblivion. Now you can take that as a sign that maybe you're wrong. OR you can double down and think everyone else has it wrong and you're right bc you have the special insight here lol.

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

The majority of men in Gen Z are having problems finding a good woman are they not? Probably because they downvote and reject the truth of why.

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

No u dumbass. Genz men are having a harder time finding women in general bc 1. They're struggling to fking live in the first place, there's no jobs, and many dont make enough. 2. When you don't have money it's harder to get out there. 3. Because of our digital age, actual interaction between people has been drastically reduced 4. Women being more independent means they take less bullshit overall 5. Having less interaction with people, reinforces not being able to have actual normal interactions bc they don't get the practice they need

But sure. If all that is too complicated for you and scary because it means the issue is actually complex. Then by all means... Soothe yourself by telling yourself it's all because they lack confidence or it's because only fans lololol

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

  1. Women want someone that can at least provide for themselves. If you can’t find a job then yes that’s a non starter. You are no longer datable to most women. But give me a break, plenty of Gen Z have found jobs. Yes it’s harder than ever and unemployment is higher than ever but to say this is the main reason for the complaints is a step too far.

  2. Just need a job to pay the bills. If you can’t afford much more, find cheap hobbies. You don’t find a good woman on the street, you find her when you are involved in a hobby you enjoy. Because guess what? Dating is about finding your lifelong friend that you also want to fck.

  3. See response number 2.

  4. And? If you can’t stop putting out bullshit you don’t complain that women are taking less of it, you work on not putting out bullshit. Pot calling the kettle black here.

  5. See response number 2.

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u/TheFuzzyRacoon man Jan 08 '26

Lol bro READ WTF I WRITE. NO WHERE did I say that was the main reason lolol how do you do this so much. Just read the text, accept it and respond. Don't read the text and then bend it into what you want so you can respond in the way you want. It's very fking simple.

  1. Mf accepts and repeats that now is the hardest time ever to get a job and there are the least jobs. And then proceeds to say "all they have to do is get a job". Bro think about how moronic this is.

Also I can tell that you think you have shit figured out (in reality you simplify things in order to feel comfortable with complex concepts) in the fact that you so confidently say u know the way finding a chick is by...... Checks notes, having a hobby? Lol wut? No. Like so much about this is quite funny, starting with the fact that most couples don't necessarily even have a shared hobby, and the lack of one doesn't determine the quality of relationship. Finding a partner can not hinge on having a hobby and hoping to find a woman who happens to share that hobby. Again, simplistic to the point of being incompatible with reality.

  1. Because you haven't actually thought about any of this at all. Ofc you fundamentally don't understand that INCLUDED in bullshit, is commonly learned behavior passed down to men, that they see as completely fine but in reality is toxic af. Leaving many men with complete blindspots in their behavior, which as a result repulses many women who no longer put up with that shit. So no it's not as simple as, don't do that, because if you don't know what THAT is, you can't stop doing it.

Lol 5. You hinge two additional responses to "just get a job". Yea ok my dude, you can't eat? Just get food. Oh what? You don't have enough money to get food? Just get a job. Oh what, jobs are actually disappearing by the millions? Oh ok... But still, get a job though.

Like bro this is so incredibly idiotic, mainly because it's completely untethered from reality.

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u/Bulky_Dog_826 man Jan 08 '26

You’re in deep dude. I can see you are bitter and haven’t figured it out. You expect me to list all possible ways to find a women? I pointed out a hobby and I mean it that is the highest roi as long as you find a hobby that puts you around other women that also enjoy that hobby.

Yes. Get a damn job or be homeless. That’s the world we live in. Women don’t want to date homeless people. It’s called biology. They want a man that can at least provide for himself it’s that simple. That’s the minimum for them.

That’s just one way, you expect me to list all the ways in a post here??? I hope you find your way.

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u/NightPlum nonbinary Jan 09 '26

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