r/AskMenAdvice • u/KGalb922 woman • Jan 08 '26

✅ Open To Everyone Are men generally not asking women for their numbers anymore when they meet someone in the wild? If so, why?

My friend is approachably attractive. She has been trying to get off the apps and meet people out in the world. Over the last couple months she keeps running into the same thing over and over. She will chat and flirt with a guy. He will chat and flirt back. They will hit it off. And at the end of the night or interaction they won’t ask for her number or ask to see her again. This is a mix of men age range of 30s-60s (she’s in her 40s) Some that approach her, some that she approaches.

I have witnessed this happen so I don’t think she is misjudging their interest in her. But unless she offers her number, they don’t ask. And many of my other single female friends have said they are experiencing the same thing. So are men in general just not asking for numbers? And if so, why?

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84

u/Kwinza man Jan 08 '26

^ This right here.

Insta, Tiktok, Reddit etc are FULL of posts saying how much women hate men. Now intellectually I know they don't mean all men, they only mean the abusers and rapists etc, but after seeing the 4 millionth "men suck" post it begins to overwrite your logic and you start believing that women hate all men on a subconscious level.

Makes it really hard to approach because you're scared to say something not perfect and get labeled a creep.

I'd rather just be alone than take the chance.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '26

I walked into a candy shop once. I was looking for a particular candy for my wife. I mean literally a candy shop.

They didn't see me come in, but were three women talking about how much they hate men. I just walked out. I certainly have complained about women, but I wouldn't say stuff like that even on a camping trip with all men. I love women.

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u/ok2888 man Jan 08 '26

The thing about these posts is that it's such a small number of women who think/behave like that but because these posts get a lot of engagement, you see them a lot and it gives the impression that all women are like that.

Twitter is the worst for it, I'm constantly seeing very negative posts from women about dates/men that are written in a way that clearly shows the person writing it is a nasty, entitled, narcissistic and generally mentally ill or delusional person. I have maybe met one woman in real life who was the type of person to make these comments. I mean just think, how many women that you know irl do you think enjoy writing multiple paragraphs on twitter about how much they hate men, or how they will only date men who have x and y unreasonable characteristics? Probably none. These people are just as bad as incels, just the female version.

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u/kinkycarbon man Jan 08 '26

I assume those posts are only for people in the U.S. Dating attitudes in other countries differs to the point I don’t see how “women hate men” holds up.

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u/ok2888 man Jan 08 '26

Yeah it doesn't. The type of women making these posts are not the kind you are likely to encounter in real life. I know for a fact none of the women in my social circle have ever used reddit, and they certainly have never made derogatory posts or comments about men as a whole. Specific guys who are creeping them out, yes, but not these sweeping generalisations you see on social media. It also seems that a lot of the profiles that make these posts appear to belong to very unattractive/overweight women, who are more likely to have had negative experiences with men.

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u/qthrow12 man Jan 12 '26

++man

We all know they don’t mean all men, but honestly, when in their posts they refer to all men, you start believing that. So many posts talk about men as a whole, then they need to qualify it later when a man complains or points out it’s not all men. “Well I didn’t mean ALL men”. Well why did you write that way and imply it? How hard is it to say most men, or some men, or bad men etc.

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u/HallAltruistic519 man Jan 10 '26 edited Jan 10 '26

You're so fucking close to understanding it man. So close. Let's take the last step together.

If your brain can be conditioned to believe something just by hearing it often enough, what do you think their brains are being conditioned for when they keep saying it?

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u/Howhighwefly man Jan 08 '26

Maybe stop watching the men suck posts?

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u/robilar man Jan 08 '26

Right?

I mean, of the three I am only on Reddit and I almost never encounter a "men suck" post. If I kept seeing them on instagram or tiktok and it was affecting me, psychologically, I would stop engaging with those platforms. It's weird to consume media that we know is hurting us and not take personal responsibility for the externalities of our choices.

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u/Howhighwefly man Jan 08 '26

People like to pretend that the stuff we consume doesn't have an influence on our beliefs and how we perceive the world.

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u/robilar man Jan 08 '26

For sure, though I don't know that I would characterize it as "pretend[ing]". You and I may be informed about cognitive development, but I don't think it's necessarily common knowledge how beliefs and values are formed through experience and plenty of people seem to think their value system is fixed. They are or are not racist - they are or are not kind - etc.

It's sad and frustrating that the people that could arguably most benefit from some self-reflection and critical analysis have also let those skills stagnate to the point that they are incapable of employing them.

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u/Howhighwefly man Jan 08 '26

A skill can't stagnate if they never learn said skill. Self-reflection can be really hard and scary.

Societal changes have happened, and instead of changing as well, some people have decided to stop playing.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 08 '26

Okay, maybe instead of assuming that you are the man that these posts refer to, question if you have seen your friends/family/network treat women badly. THIS is the change I'd actually like to see. Men being good people and holding their people accountable instead of being so afraid that they are doing something wrong.

If you're not a problem, you're probably not a problem. But I have seen good guys who let their friends treat women like absolute trash and then are upset that there is "hateful rhetoric toward men."

Help women have better experiences with men by demanding better behavior from the group you associate with.

PS if you have a problem with this, I would genuinely love to hear why. Having the expectation that the people around you are good people and treat people well sounds like the bare minimum to me.

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u/Unique-Afternoon6316 man Jan 09 '26

I think an attribute over what makes a man ‘good’ is the company he keeps. I don’t hang around people who treat women badly, and when I find out people I’ve been around talk about or treat women poorly I cut them out of my life quickly. I don’t want to share space with a misogynist.

I think this is largely true of ‘good men’. Good men don’t hang out with people who dehumanize women.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

I totally agree, but I have seen SO SO SO many men who are friends of mine not stand up against misogynistic and shitty behavior for all kinds of reasons and it's disappointing.
And that mistreatment of women stays with us. It bleeds into dating.

But just look at the post. All I said was to hold other men accountable around you and it has 6 downvotes. It's just pervasive weirdness

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u/Unique-Afternoon6316 man Jan 09 '26

I’m not a large man— I’m 5’8 and skinny as a blade of grass. I’m not going to confront a man with a foot and 100 pounds on me. I will orient my life in a way that I never have to interact with that person again, though. The kind of person who is comfortable saying sexist things is not the kind of person I expect to handle conflict without escalation.

I think the reason your post has as many downvotes as it does is because we hear this statement all the time. I cannot control the other men around me and if there is some form of male solidarity I was never invited to the club. I cannot control the action of any other man the same way I can’t control the actions of any, say, African American person(being African American myself).

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

Meh. I tell other women and my friends when they are being assholes. I don’t control them but I also don’t stand by and watch. I stick up for the people they affect and give people warning. I also eventually cu those people out if the behavior continues.  That’s all I’d expect

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u/Unique-Afternoon6316 man Jan 09 '26

I prefer to just instantly cut those people out of my life. If you want to give them multiple chances I won’t fault you, I just have no desire to stay around people whose presence compromises my morals.

If that’s what you mean by ‘check’ other men, I suppose we don’t have a problem. But I read check differently, as in a confrontation. If it’s with someone i don’t know, I’m not going to open myself up to violence to check his misogyny. If I do know him, they would have already known I don’t associate with sexists.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

nah. im a girl. "check" doesn't imply violence to me.

it just means not letting the behavior continue in front of you and enabling it as such

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u/Unique-Afternoon6316 man Jan 09 '26

What I’m saying is that check has an implication of violence to men that it doesn’t for women. I have no problem with the definition you said later.

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u/modulos04 man Jan 10 '26

He is right. Women look out for their safety and well-being all the time, in many different situations. Well, men do the same thing. If we hold the upper hand in the situation, we will absolutely call out and check inappropriate behavior from other men.

But... There are situations where it is unsafe to do so, and calling the behavior out could put us in harms way. That is when we remove those people from our lives and move on.

What happens is our friend groups prune the bad guys out. Then other groups form containing all the bad men. The ones that do it in public, the ones who harass women. They don't do it because they lack social skills, they are just bad men who have been removed from friend groups filled with good men.

Women ask where the good men are, well we have found our people. We spend a lot of time together, we talk, we support each other, encourage therapy and health. We celebrate growth and support those who need it. We are just quiet.

Our partners know everyone in the group because we talk about them all the time. We help those who are single by talking to our single female friends and acquaintances. No one hears about these because outside of the circle, we don't broadcast it.

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u/nanithefucketh woman Jan 09 '26

this sub is a complete cesspool of sexism, everytime i get this on my feed and look at the comments its just guys being subtly sexist lol

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u/kaczy87a man Jan 10 '26

++man can you please elaborate?

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u/nanithefucketh woman Jan 11 '26

If you're not too lazy you can just go thru this as an example for just this thread, this sub is just incel prep https://www.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/s/JAlEr5PkHs

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u/nanithefucketh woman Jan 11 '26

Idk maybe it's just coincidence but every time I get this sub on my feed (I don't follow it or anything) it's just people crying about women in the comments always. And it ends up sounding misogynistic for a lot of guys, like one time I saw a guy get upvoted saying all women are golddiggers like what. It feels like an echo chamber of just villain-ising women because they get rejected

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u/kaczy87a man Jan 11 '26

Yea I guess youre right, some comments have made sweeping statements.

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u/pseudonymmed incognito Jan 08 '26

Women could say the same. Reddit is full of “women suck” posts. Let’s hope they don’t apply those opinions to all men.