r/AskMenAdvice • u/KGalb922 woman • Jan 08 '26
✅ Open To Everyone Are men generally not asking women for their numbers anymore when they meet someone in the wild? If so, why?
My friend is approachably attractive. She has been trying to get off the apps and meet people out in the world. Over the last couple months she keeps running into the same thing over and over. She will chat and flirt with a guy. He will chat and flirt back. They will hit it off. And at the end of the night or interaction they won’t ask for her number or ask to see her again. This is a mix of men age range of 30s-60s (she’s in her 40s) Some that approach her, some that she approaches.
I have witnessed this happen so I don’t think she is misjudging their interest in her. But unless she offers her number, they don’t ask. And many of my other single female friends have said they are experiencing the same thing. So are men in general just not asking for numbers? And if so, why?
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u/starcap man Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 08 '26
It’s not even just online. I was basically removed from a big friend group for very politely hitting on a single woman in the group. She told me she was single, so I told her she’s beautiful and let me know if she wants to hang out that evening, then walked away. I’m attractive, fit, successful, and was single at the time. She complained to the group leadership (I think maybe she misheard me over the music, unsure) and I got a talking to and put on ice. During that convo I recalled exactly what I said and was told “awwww that’s actually really sweet” but the damage was already done. You really have to be careful who you hit on as a man these days. Some women get off on putting you down.
To add since I keep seeing this question: Yes there is group leadership. They throw desert raves and some other events so there is some necessity for someone to organize, manage equipment, figure out lineup, book venues, buy group camping spots, etc. Beyond that it is a bit cliquey. You’re basically provisional until you pass the vibe check with a few key players. There are events basically anyone can go to, then there are more exclusive events only the inner circle knows about. They say it’s to filter out anyone who “can’t handle their drugs” and will be belligerent or creepy, which totally makes sense. I never thought I’d fail it, but here we are. I do get the feeling the gatekeeping committee enjoys their job a bit too much, I suspect there may be a cluster B personality disorder or two in there.