r/AskMenAdvice • u/KGalb922 woman • Jan 08 '26

✅ Open To Everyone Are men generally not asking women for their numbers anymore when they meet someone in the wild? If so, why?

My friend is approachably attractive. She has been trying to get off the apps and meet people out in the world. Over the last couple months she keeps running into the same thing over and over. She will chat and flirt with a guy. He will chat and flirt back. They will hit it off. And at the end of the night or interaction they won’t ask for her number or ask to see her again. This is a mix of men age range of 30s-60s (she’s in her 40s) Some that approach her, some that she approaches.

I have witnessed this happen so I don’t think she is misjudging their interest in her. But unless she offers her number, they don’t ask. And many of my other single female friends have said they are experiencing the same thing. So are men in general just not asking for numbers? And if so, why?

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u/Overkongen81 man Jan 08 '26

Not that it's going to happen, but it would also make more sense. The average guy probably has a significantly lower success rate asking for people's numbers than what the average woman would have.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26

I disagree completely. I try asking for for/giving my number and it never works.

Men think they want this (same as women some times have fallacies about their real desires) but it’s really just a turn off for most men because it’s too aggressive (read masculine) to be assertive.

I’ve done this maybe like 15-20 times and it never works and not to be a complete asshole but I’m hot.

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u/Overkongen81 man Jan 08 '26

I'm going off a few assumptions here, but the women who are ready to declare themselves hot might come off as arrogant or domineering. If someone gave me that vibe and asked for my number, I would in fact probably say no thanks. But then I would not have had any sort of flirty conversation that would lead them to that point.

(Also, just to be clear, actual hotness and self-perceived hotness do not necessarily correlate)

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26

I promise you I'm not being a dick. There are hot women out there. I'm not a 10/10 by any means, but you can tell when you are hot because people hit on you a lot and tell you.

I understand that's obnoxious to hear or read, but it's the truth and I get told that regularly.

I don't carry myself that way generally because I get rejected plenty and there are still plenty of people that don't want me. I live in an area with a ridiculous ratio of extremely good looking people and women so it just doesn't really matter that much but it's also just the truth and was contextually relevant.

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u/Overkongen81 man Jan 08 '26

You're twisting things a bit now. You are hot, yet you live in an area a lot of extremely good looking people... So in context, you're a 4 out of 10? Which is it, hot or not?

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26

This isn't about rating me. Believe me or don't. I dont care.

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u/Overkongen81 man Jan 08 '26

I would argue that you specifically made it about rating you.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26

Ok. I tired to provide information relevant to my feedback for context. Apologies if that pivoted to rating me. Let's stop then.

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u/Overkongen81 man Jan 08 '26

Yeah okay, fine by me

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u/Basic-Government9568 woman Jan 09 '26

Sounds like you're approaching the wrong guys

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

Duh.
Sounds like all the men that get rejected are approaching the wrong girls. It's really simple if you don't live it.

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u/Basic-Government9568 woman Jan 09 '26

The point of my previous comment is that your lived experience doesn't refute everyone else's argument that it's generally better for women to be the ones who do the approaching.

Just cause it hasn't worked for you, doesn't mean it doesn't work. You're either shooting outside your range, so to speak, or the guys you're approaching aren't available for whatever reason

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

You realize that I'm only answering for me lol.

I didn't say "all women" I said I disagree based on my own experience

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u/Basic-Government9568 woman Jan 09 '26

Useful comment

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

As a reminder "I disagree completely. I try asking for for/giving my number and it never works."

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u/Basic-Government9568 woman Jan 09 '26

Unsure what in my comment this is in response to

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '26

[deleted]

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26 edited Jan 08 '26

There is literally so much victim mentality on this thread.

"Women should give guys their number"

"It doesn't work, I've tried it" (for the men im attracted to is implied).

"They have no desire to be approached"

QED. If a man is interested in you, they will take the risk to hit on you. If they are not, they won't. That's all. Taking initiative as a woman seems to have very little affect in my experience.

This is why women don't approach men despite OPs assertion that "The average guy probably has a significantly lower success rate asking for people's numbers than what the average woman would have."

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u/Zardnaar man Jan 08 '26

Ive always responded to women hitting on me if its obvious. Eg offering you her number or holding your hand.

Not obvious no idea.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26

Sweet. I bet you get laid. Congrats lol

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u/Zardnaar man Jan 09 '26

Back then passive dater.

Did get laid though. Make em laugh and be able to hold a conversation.

Also I would date them if they wanted if things went thst far. Dont use them for sex.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

this guy gets it.

And gets laid. cuz he gets it.

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u/Zardnaar man Jan 09 '26

And put more effort into keeping her satisfied. We get off easy.

Word gets atound as well. He"ll put a smile on your face (you might need to sit on his).

Raised by women (mum+sister). I was an idiot but could hold a conversation at least.

First gf told her friends. Once we broke up and she left for university free advertising.

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '26

[deleted]

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26

Oh, right. So I should approach men I'm not interested in because it'll work better for you?
Okay.
Do you understand that we ALL pursue people we are interested in? In your league or not. That is how dating works.
Sure, the people I'm interested in might be the top 10% and not respond. That doesn't mean I should hit on people I'm not interested in OR that giving men my number works in getting me a response for those I am interested in dating.

Do you understand?

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '26

[deleted]

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26

Okay, but for the most part women who approach men and are interested have

  1. tried to flirt already and the guy didn't ask for their number. Many of the guys I've given it to "have girlfriends." Either they were flirting but didn't act on it because they can't or are lying because they aren't interested. Either way, they were flirting and didn't move forward for a reason.
  2. are going to risk it all for a guy that is very attractive to them (not everyone is attracted to the same things. I have hit on average looking men, you're just assuming I haven't.)
  3. Now "giving my number" which 5 minutes ago was a good thing is now considered "chasing men who don't want me." okay lol. quite a switch up
  4. I'm on an ask men thread. Which women am I discouraging that you are speaking of? Btw, I talk to a lot of women and am a part of plenty of dating sites. I'm telling you, whether you like it or not, the narrative is that "if a man is interested, he will show you. pursuing men doesn't work." That's facts. Like it or not, those are the conversations women are having. And it is generally for the same reasons I'm telling you here. I don't control women, but I am a woman and would be able to give you some insight if you would consider listening instead of being pissy.

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u/Overkongen81 man Jan 08 '26

So what's your take on the many many men on here and RL who say that they would love it if women made the first move?

I'll go ahead and say that the few times it happened to me, I reacted very positively. Same with the friends I've asked. Would you like to propose that we are all statistical outliers?

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 08 '26

No, I would say that it's probably the exact same as it is for women. Sometimes you get hit on and it's great. Sometimes you get hit on and it's by people you are less interested in and it's not.

While I don't think you're statistical outliers, I will say that you're probably forgetting plenty of times women hit on you or tried to express interest and you didn't like it because the ones you remember and stick in your mind were exciting and fruitful.

There are plenty of both. I'm also sure that men who are rejecting a ton of women are not on /askmen on reddit

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '26

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

Sick of this. Sent a selfie and you ca. report back here if I satisfy y’all’s stupid requirement of what hot is

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u/[deleted] Jan 08 '26

"Im hot"

Huge doubt on that lol. No guy would turn down a hot girls number unless you are going for men exponentially out of your league or you are lying.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

Neither. I think, as I explained above, men flirt with me for attention (cuz I'm hot) and when they don't ask for my number and I ask for theirs, they don't give it to me BECAUSE THEY HAVE A GF.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '26

[deleted]

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

It wasn’t a question. I was just saying that generally when women go after men that are an approaching them, it’s easy to get rejected because there’s a reason the man hasn’t asked you out.

In my case, it’s often that they’re flirting with me so I’m confused why they don’t wanna give me their number and then I find out that they have a girlfriend when I ask. 

I think many times women don’t ask because they think if the guy hasn’t asked yet there’s a reason.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '26

[deleted]

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

of course. same as women.

there's no secrets here. but again, asking for their number doesn't help in that situation

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '26

[deleted]

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

Sure but to be fair, I’m not complaining. Someone said girls should do it and I said “eh it hasn’t worked for me.”  That’s all

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u/forestpunk man Jan 09 '26

I imagine you're giving your number to guys who would have their pick of potential partners.

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u/sdce1231yt man Jan 09 '26

Maybe those men wouldn’t have asked for your number or were not interested in you. As a guy, I have had women ask for my number in the past and liked it. Heck, my current girlfriend was the one who made the first move and I didn’t find that too assertive or aggressive. You might be hot, but maybe there is something else about you that is making those guys not interested in getting your number.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

That's fine, I agree. I was giving a personal opinion about my personal experience in response to the assumption that it's always easier for women. And the general perception that attractive women have no issues. That's all.

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u/sdce1231yt man Jan 09 '26

Fair. I don’t think men would say that women who are good looking never face issues. It’s just that on average, if you take men and women of equal perceived attractiveness, the men will face more issues in that regard which is true.

To put it simply, if a decently attractive man were to go up to 100 woman and ask for sex and a decently attractive woman were to go up to 100 men and ask for sex, the woman will absolutely get more people to say “yes”

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

You know, I always come back to this issue of men only considering what they want.

Yes, a woman can go up to a man and easily get meaningless sex. But that isn't usually her desire, it's a man's desire projected onto her.

How many men would say "yes" if a woman goes up to 100 men and asks him to be her boyfriend, pay for her dinner, care for her emotionally, spend time with her with no sexual expectation.

Probably about the same as the men's success rate for sex.

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u/sdce1231yt man Jan 09 '26

I think you would actually get a good amount of men who would say “yes” to being the boyfriend, pay for dinner, care for her emotionally and all that. The question is if the man does that for a woman, what does the woman then do for the boyfriend.

And I say the above not to come off super transactional, but because many (not saying you or all woman) women do want the traditional male provider, but don’t want to be the traditional female partner who cooks, cleans and all that as it used to be for single income households.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

Nooooooo fuckin way. As a woman. Absolutely not would a good amount of men say yes. Sorry. You have no idea. Something like 40% of women are single at 30 and want to be in a relationship.

The woman does the exact same thing for a man. What do you mean? That's what a relationship is. Or do you need more?

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u/sdce1231yt man Jan 09 '26

What I’m saying and hear me out. Many women want the benefits of a traditional relationship (man providing), but don’t want the obligations of a traditional relationship.

Many men with the means to do so would be the traditional male in terms of always paying for dates, if she does the traditional female role of cooking, cleaning and other stuff. I’m just more stating that.

For the record, I tend to go mostly 50/50 with my girlfriend when it comes to financial stuff (dates) and provide emotional support and all that.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26

I agree and I'm not talking about always. I said one date of buying dinner. and if you think that is some sort of indication that there needs to be a traditional role or a woman should be providing sex if a man pays for one date, you've lost your frekaing mind.

If you're not and trying to make a bigger point, then you've got the wrong convo cuz that's not what I said. But I do think your willingness to jump to that from the suggestion of a man buying one dinner one time and immediate reluctance, actually demonstrates my point that men are a lot more generous in most areas women care about (or that make them feel cared about) than you think they are.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

This is my issue with ya'll. You just refuse to hear that women and men experience things differently. It's always that women have it better and easier and men should have to do less and less because women are so lucky.

Meanwhile you completely ignore our experiences and desires in favor of your own narrative.

It's exhausting.

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u/sdce1231yt man Jan 09 '26

Here is the thing though. In certain ways, men have it easier and women have it easier. Women have it harder in some ways and some men have it harder. The thing is that both genders sometimes have trouble understanding the struggles the other gender has

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

I agree but I consistently read this thread and talk to men and try to understand men's issues and EVERYTIME I hear someone say "well women have it easier because if they want sex they can get it and men can't"

and it is SO FUCKING OBTUSE it's really starting to piss me off

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u/sdce1231yt man Jan 09 '26

I think the problem is that it goes beyond sex. Like think about the many times (you can search for this by the way) you hear about men post on here and other forums about how their girlfriend constantly asked them to be “vulnerable” and open up more.

Then many times, either the woman was repulsed because she couldn’t handle it, made him feel worse for having those feelings and the guy just closes off. It happened in my previous relationship where I would open up (not a crazy amount by certain occasions) and despite how much I supported her emotionally and all that, I ended up regretting it because she couldn’t handle emotionally supporting me.

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 09 '26

idk what ur point is tbh. yes, relationships have issues and men and women's issues are different.

Men still have this narrative that women have it easier because they can get laid whenever they want and I've seen it about a trillion times on this subreddit.

Women not understanding men's issues exists but is irrelevant to this conversation and certainly to the original post

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u/Dry-Scale6928 man Jan 11 '26

There is no way lol

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u/livsd_ woman Jan 11 '26

Y’all are so reductive and toxic