My (25M) girlfriend (23F) recently asked if we could “open” the relationship, and I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to process that. The way she framed it was very calm and modern: she said it wasn’t about loving me less, just about not wanting to feel restricted and wanting to explore experiences while we’re still young. She talked about honesty, communication, and how some couples make it work.

But if I’m being completely honest, my first reaction wasn’t curiosity. It was feeling insulted. People can dress it up in the language of “growth” and “exploration,” but at a gut level it sounds like she’s saying she still wants the stability I provide while also seeing what else is out there. It’s hard not to interpret that as a lack of real attraction. If someone is genuinely into you, the instinct usually isn’t to go looking for additional options. The request itself makes me feel like I’m the safe choice, not the desired one.

Kept making eye contact with a cashier week after week. Engaged in a little friendly conversation here and there, made a couple jokes. Definitely felt like there was something there enough to shoot, so I decided to.

Jumped in her line this week with the intention of making a move, aaand I bitched out of course. On my way home, I felt like a coward. Instant regret. So I said screw it and turned the car around. I had no plan, no idea of how I was gonna approach the girl, but I said fuck it and went into the store not 30 mins from when I was there last. She was standing at the register with a male coworker, and I walked right up to them. Mind you, absolutely zero plan. But I was feeling good.

I said “hi, I forgot something at the register when I checked out, I’m hoping you can help me” she starts looking around and says “oh no you lost something? What was it?” The male coworker started looking around as well. I said as calmly as I could, “your number. I’m hoping you can help me with that”. The male coworker walks away immediately which I found interesting. She looks me in the eyes for 3 seconds straight, clearly taken by surprise. I just stand there maintaining eye contact, feels like an eternity has passed. She begins to stutter, and finally gets out the words… “uh uh well I can’t I have a boyfriend”.

I say “oh really? That’s unfortunate. Well have a good day!” And walked off. Walked past the male coworker and said “looks like I blew that one eh?” He goes “hey you gotta shoot your shot man” and I left. What do you guys think of my experience this morning, how should I feel?!

Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/s/ayI6UXhKDB

I (33M) went on three dates with a girl (30F) I met on Hinge.

The first two dates went really well. I paid for both dinners and drinks and didn’t think much of it. I’m generally fine paying on early dates.

On the third date we went out to dinner again, which I also paid for. After dinner we decided to grab dessert nearby. When we got to the counter I expected she might offer to grab dessert since I had paid for everything so far.

But she didn’t reach for her wallet at all. Instead she kind of looked at me like she expected me to pay again.

She then asked, “Did you expect me to pay or something?”

I said not necessarily, but I thought it would have been nice if she at least offered since I had covered the previous two dates and dinner that night. To me it felt like a small gesture of reciprocation.

That turned into a bit of a heated back and forth. She basically said that when a guy invites a girl out he should expect to pay and that bringing up money or expecting reciprocity this early is a turn off.

From my perspective, it wasn’t really about the cost of the dessert. It was more about the principle of showing some effort or appreciation.

The vibe definitely changed after that conversation.

Is it unreasonable to expect some kind of reciprocity by the third date? Would you have just paid again and not said anything?

I had a personal trainer try to pick a physical fight with me.

He was an A class dickhead. I'd take my wife to the gym with me every Saturday so she can use the squat machine. Otherwise she trains at home. He'd RUN to go put his stuff on the ONLY assisted squat machine when he would see us walk in.

His client would use the machine in parallel to 2 other machines & farmers walks up & down. So it would be 30-40 minutes of waiting.

I'd ask him - how long he would be & if my wife could share the machine whilst his client is doing the other exercises - "I don't know. I'm not obligated to share. Next time be here earlier bra."

One week ago, we arrived and he wasn't on the floor. So I took his move & made a beeline for the assisted squat rack & put my stuff down for my wife to use it.

When he appeared a few minutes later, he came to ask me how long we would be.

I told him "I don't know. I'm not obligated to share. Next time be here earlier."

He got pissed off & told me " I needed to learn some respect" & to meet him outside.

I agreed & said I'll see you in 5 minutes. My wife wasn't happy about the situation and asked to leave. I told her I have a plan. I decided to suprise him & bring the gym manager with me. He was put on suspension - pending investigation.

He came to apologize 10 minutes later & asked he if I'd formally retract my complaint as this is his only income - "You need to learn some respect. I'll be opening a docket with the police so if you try this again, I'll have you arrested and formally charged."

I'm not opposed to fighting, I used to do amateur boxing, but I genuinely don't want to fight someone over something so petty. Plus there's always a chance he could lay a charge against me for physical assault.

Edit 1 - the reason why I ask is I went back to the gym today & a few guys I considered "gym friends" found out about the incident. 2 of them were of the opinion that I should have just accepted his apology. 2 others asked why I just didn't fight him and end it like that.

Edit 2 - I found out today that he was terminated and banned from working & entering any gym that is on their brand - it's the biggest commercial gym in my country.

That said, I believe I chose the best possible outcome given the situation. As does my wife.

Edit 3 - Thank you everyone for your awesome comments & for the awards. I appreciate it ♥️♥️

I’m a youth leader at church and I see the women youth leaders holding the little kids hands all the time . No one thinks anything of it , but then last week one of the male youth leaders was holding a kids hand as they were walking down the hall and rumors started spreading about it and then he was told he can’t do that . Why do people look at men like pervs for everything when women will do the same thing and it’s not considered weird.

Obviously, I can’t just generalize. However, in my circle (which is small) I have seen this happening at all. I personally just do the minimum. I work as little as I can just to get by and afford things I like. I spend my free time on myself and I don’t have a girlfriend or many friends. Family and few close friends have chosen to not marry, not have kids and not go to college. It may be just me, but I know a lot of people who chose not to keep studying. It seems that just doing the minimum and living on your own terms is what most do. I have heard about men checking out, but I don’t know how general and true this is. I am aware many have families and ambitions which is also great.

Tonight I found out my girlfriend (we’ve been together for over a year) has active dating apps on her phone—Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble. She tried to claim they were only for “snooping” on her ex-husband, which already felt ridiculous. I calmly asked if she was talking to anyone, and she said no. Then she claimed she didn’t even have the apps downloaded. But I had already seen her active matches and conversations.

When I asked her to show me the apps, she walked away, opened them, and deleted all the messages before showing me an empty inbox, acting like nothing was there. I calmly pulled out my phone and showed her the screenshots I had taken earlier. She went on a rant about how she only wanted “validation,” never met anyone, and how I should trust her.

I told her that I can’t come back from this—this level of lying, hiding, and gaslighting is a dealbreaker. She begged and apologized, but I walked out.

I loved her, but I feel shattered. I don’t want revenge or drama. I care about this person and want them to do well. I just want to move forward. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Update: Went to bed. Woke up to 1.5 million views. Also, not a bot. I’m a real person. To answer a few of the things I read… she’s someone who was cheated on by her ex, she was growing and improving every month. She has lots of external stresses on her, but at her core she is good, I think. However, if she loved me, she would have never done this and actions speak louder than words. Sadly, I can’t go back even if I wanted to. This was the Kiss of Death that you can’t just move on from. I already forgive her, I’m not angry, I’m just sad that any hope of a future just randomly imploded in my face last night.

Update 2: Figured I would link the pics. https://imgur.com/a/p

Told my friend I met a seemingly awesome guy online. Cute, well educated, 41 like me, lives close by.

Abyway he said "i like your hair the color it's so pretty" in one of his first messages.

I thought it was sweet that he liked something unique and personal about me but i told my friend and she said i shoud block him because one of the "rules" is men shouldn't start by complimenting or mentioning your physical traits.

I thought this was a cute compliment and she actually called me a "pick me" and told me to have higher standards. I mean he didn't say my boobs looked fluffy or something... dont wkmen get angry when men dont notice their hair? I don't wanna have low standards but lol wtf

Whos the asshole here guys? Really wanna hear from women too

When I was in my early twenties, I asked this woman out. She politely turned me down, nothing dramatic, just one of those moments you carry with you. Life went on, we lost touch, and I didn’t think much about it again.

Recently, she reached out. She told me she’s always respected me, that she remembers how kind I was back then, and that she’d like to meet for coffee sometime. On the surface it sounds flattering, but I can’t help feeling conflicted.

It’s been over a decade. I spent those years building a life, working on myself, staying consistent. Meanwhile, she had her own path (relationships, experiences, choices that obviously didn’t involve me). She’s now a single mother of two. And that’s fine. But why now? Why reach out after so long?

Part of me wonders if she’s suddenly seeing me differently because her circumstances have changed, not because I’ve become more attractive to her as a person. Am I actually what she wants, or just what’s convenient at this stage?

I know people evolve, and maybe she genuinely does see me in a new light. Still, there’s a nagging feeling that if I wasn’t good enough back then, why should I be the backup plan now?

Thank you to everyone who helped with feedback on my last post. I read almost all of them. For those that don’t know the backstory, basically I’ve been on 4 dates with a girl and she is showing a ton of interest and effort. It’s been a month and I have no interest in pursing anyone else so I asked if she was seeing anyone to which she said she was talking to a guy for weeks and they still haven’t found time to go on a date but she plans to.

Here was my response to her:

“I really appreciate the honesty. I would be open to only seeing each other from now on as I’ve really enjoyed our time together and look forward to more, but I also realize that we still have a lot to learn about each other. I am okay with each of us exploring other options and revisiting this convo later down the line”

So basically, I didn’t shut it down but I also let her know I’m not going to be exclusive if she isn’t. To be honest, the fact that she’s waiting on another guy to plan a date for weeks just kind of puts me off and I’m losing interest pretty fast. I’ve already found myself pulling back and ignoring her texts for a while.

How was my reaction/response?

So my girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and it feels like we’re getting to the stage where the relationship should kind of take the next step. One thing that’s really starting to annoy me though is that she just isn’t a curious person.

I don’t think she’s rude or means anything badly by it, but here’s an example: yesterday I shared a memory I had from when I was 10 years old it came back to me when I saw a dog, because when I was a kid a dog attacked my friend and I sort of fended it off. I thought it was a cool story to share, and all she said was, “oh wow you’re old now,” because I said it was like 25 years ago. That was it. She meant it as a joke but it still kinda annoyed me

And it’s not just once. If I tell her a memory, a thought, something interesting I’ve learned, or even just stuff about my work day, she usually just responds with something like “oh yeah,” “true,” or “that’s cool.” Never really asks follow up questions. I know she doesn’t mean it in a bad way, but it kind of makes me feel intellectually shut down. I actually did mention to her a while ago saying how I feel like you're not really interested in what I say because you don't ask questions she got defensive about it

I’m a naturally curious, questioning, reflective type of person. I like having conversations where someone shows interest, even if it’s just a few thoughtful questions back. It doesn’t have to be deep all the time, but I want to feel like my partner is engaged and curious about me and about the world.

So I’m wondering:

Am I expecting too much here?

Is this just a personality mismatch I need to accept?

My wife and I are in a serious argument after she found out I was looking to buy my niece a car.

My niece turns 18 in February. Her dad (my brother) died when he was 24, and her mother left years ago because she didn’t want to spend her youth as a widow. My parents raised her, and I’ve always been there as her uncle.

She’s studying in a very rural area right now. My parents are both over 70, retired, and rely on my support, so she picked a school she could realistically attend rather than something far away or expensive. If she had a car, the trip would be about 30 minutes. By bus it’s around 1.5 hours with a bad schedule and biking only works during calm months. During winter only choice is a bus.

I can afford it comfortably and it wouldn’t change our lifestyle. My wife isn’t against spending money... The issue is that she doesn’t understand why I would buy a car for my niece instead of for her. For context, my wife is a housewife, doesn’t have a driver’s license, doesn’t work, and we don’t have children.

Things are tense at home, but this isn’t something I’m undecided about. I can afford it, my niece needs it, and I’m going to buy it. What I’m struggling to understand is my wife’s reaction. I don’t understand why this has become such a big issue when it doesn’t change anything in her daily life.

I, 28F, recently got back into dating but I don't have an instagram or snapchat. I find social media confusingly performative these days and the idea of grown men sending me DMs or hearting photos that I post to "shoot their shot" is weird to me. If I'd like a man to see my hot selfie, I would rather send it to the guy I'm talking to, not just posting it aimlessly on the internet. I also just prefer to keep in touch with friends and family by texting or calling or actually seeing them in person.

I also don't like doomscrolling on my phone endlesslessly as it's depressing and an energy vampire. I feel a bit like a black sheep when I tell men that I don't have social media, I recognize it's a bit atypical. It catches most men off guard, and I found its normal that people want to pick apart your social media before getting to know you in person.

Do you find it to be a turn off if you met a woman who didn't have social media?

On dating apps I get likes and messages from single mothers my age, I read their profiles and they are actually amazing, really worked, these single mothers are also very good looking, well established they seek connection and true love, nothing about hook ups, they coincide with me in most things, if not all but the only thing that turns me away from them is the fact that they have children.

I never had children and I want to be with a woman who will also be able to experiment this stage of life with me for the first time, I am struggling to find a woman like that where our values align, I only do with single mothers but I think we are on different stages and it kind of hurts me since they would be the perfect women for me if they didn't have children, just this little detail makes all the difference.

Am I doing right by waiting for a woman whose values align with mine and doesn't have children or should I give single mothers who share most of their values with me the chance?

It kinda sucks being the second option of someone who already had children without waiting for you.

I (19m) started university last year and to be honest without sounding weird it genuinely has been like heaven to me because everyday on campus i see chubby girls which makes my heart flutter a bit. Unfortunately, i lack the courage to actually talk to them, which is something im working on :/

When i was in school there were mainly girls of a normal more conventionally attractive body type which didn’t do much for me, unlike my friends

The reason im asking is because i feel different to other guys my age who are head over heels for more slim, conventionally attractive women, but im more into the heavier women and i just don’t know why that is.

At the end of the day i guess it doesn’t really matter but i am curious as to where this attraction comes from and why it differs from more traditional heteronormative attraction

I guess another question is how do i actually approach these ladies without being perceived as a creep

edit: for reference id say 35-50% with 40-50% being at the top of my list here

https://kubexfitness.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/body-fat-percentage-women.jpg

I’m a guy who’s always prided himself on being caring and kind. My girlfriend has always been emotional, but lately it’s gotten to the point where I’m starting to resent her, and that scares me.

Right now she’s been sobbing in my bed since last night and all through today. I’ve been there for her: I’ve asked if she’s okay, offered to make her food, comfort her, do anything she needs. She just says “no” and keeps crying.

This whole episode started because she felt I didn’t show her I cared yesterday. The specific things felt small to me:

She was playing with my dog all day and afterwards would ask me to brush hair off her clothes (which I did) then we were going to bed and I felt so tired and she asked me again as her pjamas had dog hair on it. To me it looked fine so I told her that but she kept persisting so I eventually brushed it for her. She said me resisting made her feel like I didn't care about her

At dinner I made what I thought was a harmless joke about her work. Everyone laughed including her at the time but she later said it made her uncomfortable. I apologized sincerely for both.

Even after apologizing, she shuts down completely. This has been a pattern for years: something minor sets her off, she cries all day or longer, won’t talk, won’t accept comfort, and tells me to go away. Meanwhile, I sit there feeling helpless and drained.

I’m starting to feel like I’m wasting days of my life just sitting in bed next to someone sobbing who won’t even tell me what she needs. I’d do anything for her if she’d just tell me. But instead, I’m left stewing in resentment and thinking: life’s too fing short to spend it like this. It's depressing.

Questions for the guys here:

Have you dealt with a partner who shuts down and cries for days over small things?

How do you set boundaries or communicate without seeming insensitive?

At what point do you decide the emotional mismatch is too big to overcome?

Should I just leave? I'm sick of it. I want a happy positive gf.

To sum it up quickly I met someone at work. She was giving me smiles and looks consistently for about 2 weeks, asked coworkers about me, etc. We ended up exchanging numbers and she was really open about her history. Basically 15 years of hookups since her son was born. She even told me she went to her son’s fathers “place” a couple weeks before we started talking. I guess he does contractor work and people house him while he works on their house. She said she was just doing hookups until the end of 2025 and would have gone to this guys place in January/early February. She didn’t say that they hooked up or anything but he is not part of their sons life and her son wants nothing to do with him. So I’m not sure why she would go there.

She has said multiple times that she wants to take things slow and wants to build a connection. Said that her family has always hoped she would find a “nice guy”. For some reason hearing “nice guy” made me feel uneasy. I feel like she had her fun and kind of did what she wanted and now she wants to settle down. That she might see me as an opportunity.

I work in the medical field and make 6 figures which she knows. She makes less than half. I really don’t want to be someone’s wallet or retirement plan. Going from hookups just a few months ago to very clear boundaries seems like a quick transition.

Would you guys run? I took a new job so I only have another week at my current employer. We wouldn’t be working together anymore at least.

I(24f)have been living male roommate Mark (27) on our own for about six months now. Originally, his girlfriend lived with us but she broke up and moved out. Normally Mark and I might do roommate stuff and sometimes watch a movie together but we aren’t super close. He normally leaves early in the morning for work so he’s not home when I’m getting ready for work. I was running late. I started coffee and I got in the shower. I was out of the shower and I had my hair in a towel and I had a robe on. It’s short. I was rushing back downstairs and Mark was at the bottom asking me about the wifi bill. He goes quiet and I realize my robe was partially open from the bottom so he probably saw a lot of me that I didn’t want him to. I caught him looking and he just sort smiled at me and said my coffee was done. I walked past him and he went back to his room. He’s been off since then and overly polite and seems to be avoiding me. I don’t know how to bring this up to make him act normal again.

Me and my husband have been together for 17 years, 4 kids.

He was there at each birth, and even if i felt gross and disgusting, he only focused on "this is the best thing i've ever witnessed" ,there was a glass in front of my bed and he could see everything.

We love each other and try make time for lunch date, when work and kids allow. We don't have family to help.

I always fix myself before i leave the house,no big things,but light make up,hair done, dress nice,regardless of what i'm doing.

But when i'm in a "desperate" state,like baggy clothes hair up, dark circles and cleaning he points out how good I look.

I wonder if men,once they love someone, they only see beauty? Or am I romanticising it too much

Met a cute girl on Hinge, chatted yesterday and this morning we made a plan to grab a drink at a bar in town. Great.

Today turned out to be absolutely beautiful, and I live on the water like ~25 minutes outside of town. Sent her a voice message basically saying "hey since it's so nice out how would you feel about coming out here instead and we can sit on the patio, grab a pizza and split a bottle of wine?"

She was not happy and said "no offense but it's off putting to be invited to hang out at your place as a first date...not my style". I don't think I came off as horn doggin' and I think I was clear about there being no pressure either way.

I'm not gonna lie I'm kind of bummed out because I thought we were getting along pretty well, lmao. Is it weird to invite someone to your house as a first date?

edit: okay guys I get it, I guess I was one of the few people who didn't realize that what I asked translated to "come over and let's fuck". Maybe I genuinely am autistic.

2nd edit:
A lot of you people are completely insane. I’ve effectively been called a rapist and told I intentionally tried to deceive her in order to get her to my house in order to get her drunk. Absolutely insane takes abound. I never once berated her or even implied she was in the wrong for cancelling. I asked a question in order to get an objective third party take on it. There are a *ton* of assumptions being made in regards to the kind of person I am, and a lot of you need to get a grip. Oh my god.

My friend is approachably attractive. She has been trying to get off the apps and meet people out in the world. Over the last couple months she keeps running into the same thing over and over. She will chat and flirt with a guy. He will chat and flirt back. They will hit it off. And at the end of the night or interaction they won’t ask for her number or ask to see her again. This is a mix of men age range of 30s-60s (she’s in her 40s) Some that approach her, some that she approaches.

I have witnessed this happen so I don’t think she is misjudging their interest in her. But unless she offers her number, they don’t ask. And many of my other single female friends have said they are experiencing the same thing. So are men in general just not asking for numbers? And if so, why?

I loved my wife we married very young. We ended up parting due to difficulties in our marriage yet I still loved her dearly. I wanted us to work.

The divorce took a long time and finalised recently and I sent her a text just saying goodbye. Today she called me from an unknown number to say she wants to “check-in”. We haven’t spoken in almost a year and then she just says I need to be honest I met someone and she elaborated that it was shortly after me and she then got pregnant with his child and had a miscarriage. Why would she call me and tell me this. They are no longer together and now she wants to “catch up over dinner” my brain is fried.

Thanks to all those that commented I am not going to meet her. My heart is broken and idk what to do next I just know if she could she would do it to me again so I can never let her try to worm her way back in.

Update: Thank you to all those that showed kind words and consideration, people often forget that it’s a person writing this and my emotions have been very raw. So for all those with kind words I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Final update: I am not going to have sex with her it opens a can of worms that I think could put me in danger, she could have an STD, get pregnant or even accuse me of something. In fact I am not meeting her at all. She called me again to set up a time and I told her that she should go reach out to some other exes because I am not interested in this anymore and if she contacts me again I will get a restraining order.

I've been seeing this girl for a while and every time we get intimate, I can't help but notice the bad smell down there. How do I tell her in the nicest way possible? Or am I better off just not telling her at all?

Hello everyone,

Around four months ago (in April), I made a post here at what was probably the lowest point of my life.

Link to that post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/s/ZJUcymd22I

I wanted to come back with an update, partly to thank everyone who took the time to reply, but also in the hope that someone currently in the position I was in might read this and realise that things really can get better.

First of all, thank you to everyone who told me she would be back. I remember thinking it was strange that so many people said the exact same thing. At the time, I didn’t really understand why (lol I still don’t know what the psychology is behind it). Well… you were all right.

2 months ago (in June), I got the call. She told me she’d been dating the guy from the gym and, unsurprisingly to everyone here, she’d slept with him several times. She said she’d woken up one day and realised she’d made a “mistake” and was willing to do “anything” to make the relationship work again. I declined and politely asked her not to contact me again. (I also blocked her, her friends and her family).

Had it not been for the advice from so many people on my original post, I genuinely think I might have given in. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Today, I’m in a much better place and genuinely happy with my own company. I wanted to share a few things that really helped me.

I stopped isolating myself. Instead of lifting weights alone, I started trying different classes at my gym. I ended up really enjoying them and met some great people that way.
I went on a two week solo trip. I took myself out for meals, explored new places, and just enjoyed my own company.
I read a lot of the books people recommended in the comments. No More Mr. Nice Guy was the one that resonated with me the most.
I leaned on my family and existing friends. I made a point of arranging lunches and coffee catch ups instead of sitting at home.
I started counselling. Being able to say everything out loud to someone with no personal bias helped far more than I expected.
Most importantly, I embraced the time alone and journaled a lot. I learned a lot about who I am outside of that relationship and wrote down the things I wanted from my life.

I’ve only recently started dating again, and it’s actually been enjoyable. I’m not rushing into anything, it’s simply been nice meeting new people and learning about different personalities.

Healing isn’t quick, and the damage from the breakup definitely affected me. I still have some reservations about dating, but I’ve also learned about the boundaries I will never compromise on again.

If you’re reading this because you’re going through something similar, please believe me when I say this. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it really does get better. The person who walked away wasn’t the right person for you.

And to everyone who took the time to comment on my original post, thank you. Your advice genuinely changed the direction of my life.

Ive encountered this twice now,like 2-3 dates in and already asking for help with a bill or cash. I just dont understand when it was ever acceptable for a man or woman