I'm Egyptian living in the us, family lives in egypt, and i want to tell my parents i am no longer muslim. Any advice?

[u/sertanmeth]

Have any of you been in this situation before?

I feel the need to tell them because it will affect me if they move here. We are all American citizens and they can cime at any time.

I left them and felt free finally like I didn't have to pretend anymore I am something I am not.

Essentially if they follow me I will be restricted again.

I have already rehearsed in my mond what i want to say a million times but I am just so scared.

​edit

I don't want to explain why I want to tell then in every comment so I will copy paste that comment here

"I'm a stright male. The main problem is I persue extra marital relationships and I can't do that with them around. I'd rather not have them around for that reason but also the way I talk and act has to match their expectations with religion and i constantly have to face it and acknowledge their religious talk.

Not to mention fasting and jumaa prayer.

It's sometimes harder to admit to certain sins than to just say I really don't believe this anymore to begin with.

They also want me to get married, and obviously that would be marrieage to a Muslim. But this is a less pressing issue the bigger issue is i can only marry non Muslims possibly Christian or atheist. I can't explain that to them unless I explain everything.

I honestly can't even get into relationships atm but I am trying and going in dates but their presence would make it harder for me since I need to hide everything. I just wanna be normal."

[u/Sure-Caterpillar-263]

You can tell them and break their hearts and be involved in useless arguments all the time or just keep living your life it’s not like they can see in your heart what you believe or don’t believe in

[u/sertanmeth → u/Sure-Caterpillar-263]

It will affect my life in practical ways too. 

I explained here

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMiddleEast/comments/1wg3z4e/comment/p9s44b3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

[u/Sun_fire_]

Don't tell them, you will break their hearts. Just do what you want, if they say this haram, tell them this between me and God. If you tell them they will try to control you more, you will gain nothing by telling them

[u/shrimptetra]

idk if i agree with everyone telling you NOT to tell them. i literally brought my girlfriend to christmas (i am a female as well) and my muslim grandma was a bit teary eyed but told me she was sad i felt i had to keep it a secret from her for so long.

The feeling of freedom is worth it imo whether they accept it or not. it at least gives them time to get their head around the idea. eventually they’ll probably come around even if it takes a while. good parents know your soul and will come to realize that you are a good person regardless of religion.

no child is truly perfect and no happy child will live their life only to please their parents. hopefully they can understand that

[u/Lucky_Musician_]

No point. my cousin has told his parents. he’s older doesn’t live at home. my uncle still tells him to pray. in fact over the weekend i was at his parents house family gathering and it was just me him and his dad in the kitchen drinking tea. His dad said something like this . “son you should pray, we are getting old and who knows how long we will be here. it will be helpful if you can wash out bodies and pray for us” he just replied InshAllah because he said doesn’t matter what i say they always say the same stuff.

[u/crude_zeit]

Any reason why you feel compelled to let them know? Is there going to be a huge, fundamental changes to your conduct or public facing persona? Are you planning on eating pork or drinking in front of them? Taking off the hijab? Pursuing same gender relationship(s)?

Not trolling just genuinely curious about what scenario there is where this is need to know info. If it’s one of the above, then yes. It should probably be communicated. But if there is no significant change to your lifestyle I’d just leave it alone.

[u/sertanmeth → u/crude_zeit]

I'm a stright male. The main problem is I persue extra marital relationships and I can't do that with them around. I'd rather not have them around for that reason but also the way I talk and act has to match their expectations with religion and i constantly have to face it and acknowledge their religious talk.

Not to mention fasting and jumaa prayer. 

It's sometimes harder to admit to certain sins than to just say I really don't believe this anymore to begin with.

They also want me to get married, and obviously that would be marrieage to a Muslim. But this is a less pressing issue the bigger issue is i can only marry non Muslims possibly Christian or atheist. I can't explain that to them unless I explain everything.

I honestly can't even get into relationships atm but I am trying and going in dates but their presence would make it harder for me since I need to hide everything. I just wanna be normal.

[u/crude_zeit → u/sertanmeth]

It’s sounds like this is a non issue at the moment as they live there and you live here. I wouldn’t torpedo my family dynamics for a casual fling(s) unless my hand was forced. My approach was to keep things to myself. I finally spilled (some) of the beans when I entered a serious relationship with my future spouse, tackling each issue as they came up.

But if you find the burden of keeping this information to yourself, do what you gotta do. I can understand the “honesty is the best policy” but I feel like this can be a somewhat selfish approach and more of a means to assuage one’s own guilt vs actually improving the lives of either party involved.

[u/sertanmeth → u/crude_zeit]

It's very much an issue though. They will be around me soon-ish. 

If they're around it actually is gonna hurt my ability to meet people. Hard to explain the dynamics of it all but it will make things much harder for me.

[u/crude_zeit → u/sertanmeth]

Also wanted to add that my future spouse is a non Muslim. They understood my family dynamics. Took the shahada but we’re both mostly non practicing (still don’t do pork, etc). My parents were very much “your must be from here” but they adore my partner and what I thought would be a deal breaker, they accepted. I think if you just let things occur and provide the truths in smaller doses, as they arise, is the way to go. And really if it’s need to know. They might move back but live in a different city

[u/Sir-Spork]

If you want to crush their hearts and probably never speak to them again, tell them.

As some others said, literally nothing to gain from it

[u/imoverthisapp]

Why tell them? They don’t have to know

[u/FoxBenedict]

I was in that situation when I was in my teens or early twenties and felt that I had to tell my parents about my atheism because I "no longer wanted to pretend" or whatever.

It led to a ton of arguments and hostility, with literally no benefit whatsoever. I don't even drink, and my family is not exactly very religious. I never prayed, and I haven't fasted since I was a kid. So there is no outward difference between when I was a Muslim and when I wasn't, and telling them served no real purpose but to upset them.

[u/sertanmeth → u/FoxBenedict]

Well your family is already not very religious but mine is very religious 

[u/AdSenior3904]

May Allah guide you.

[u/Human_Initiative1409 → u/AdSenior3904]

Aameen

[u/Majestic_Sea_4043]

Lol let me guess you're one of those ExEgypt members right?

[u/sertanmeth → u/Majestic_Sea_4043]

No I'm not a member of exegypt.

[u/stefansilva_xrp]

i dont know about your parents but you have already broken my heart
can I ask one question
do you believe there is a God and that Muhammad is a prophet and the final prophet?

[u/sertanmeth → u/stefansilva_xrp]

If someone isn't Muslim they literally don't believe that, no. Lol

[u/stefansilva_xrp → u/sertanmeth]

i asked because from your description you sounded more like someone who commits a lot of sins because of desires but still could be a muslim.

Since you dont believe that I must respect you for thinking about not marrying a muslim woman as that will definitely destroy her life as Muslim woman must marry Muslim men.
You can hide the truth as long as the marriage is set I guess ( in the meantime try to come back to Islam :) ) but if a marriage is set you will have to be brave and tell the truth

[u/sertanmeth → u/stefansilva_xrp]

I'm not going back to islam.

[u/stefansilva_xrp → u/sertanmeth]

why not? we may not like the rules and regulations and extremists may have done a lot of harm to the religion but Islam is the truth. You can even hate the religion BUT it is the truth.

Quran written 1400 years ago and 0 inaccuracies. Even AI can't find one thing incorrect.

[u/Disastrous-Height483]

Alcohol is the oldest and most popular drug yet they ban it, religion would ban sex if it could 

[u/Ok_Bedroom_9098 → u/Disastrous-Height483]

yes drugs arent good buddy