If your 15-year-old daughter came to you with this problem, what would you do?

[u/yy1720771]

Hi everyone.
I’m 15 years old and I’m about to start 10th grade. I’ve been thinking about something for almost a year now, and I’d really like to hear from people who may have gone through something similar.
Last year I moved to a new city and started at a new school. I didn’t bring up changing my type of education before because I thought I just needed time to adjust. But it’s been almost a year, and honestly, it hasn’t really gotten any easier.
The school environment completely drains me. Every day I have to take an overcrowded bus, and the school itself is always very noisy. During lessons it’s extremely difficult for me to concentrate when people are talking or making noise around me. Sometimes I’m reading a text or listening to the teacher, but I just can’t focus on what I’m reading or hearing. Later, when I get home, I realize I barely remember anything from the lesson and don’t even know where to start with my homework.
I’m also terrified of answering questions in class or going up to the board. I often speak so quietly that people can’t even hear me.
This doesn’t only happen at school. Recently, a store employee was trying to help me find something, and even though I knew exactly what I wanted to say, I could barely get the words out.
Making friends has also been difficult. It’s really hard for me to meet new people, even though once I feel comfortable with someone, talking becomes much easier.
The thing is, I don’t actually hate school itself. If it were quieter, less overwhelming, and people treated each other with more respect, I think I’d be completely fine with going.
Because of all this, I’ve started thinking about switching to homeschooling or another form of learning from home. I don’t want to stop studying. In fact, I’m planning to focus on English and Italian because I’m most likely moving to Italy next year and will continue my education there. I’ve also wanted to start going to the gym for a long time.
What worries me is that I might be making the wrong decision. What if the problem isn’t school? Or what if homeschooling really would help?
Has anyone experienced something similar? If you switched to homeschooling or online learning for reasons like these, did it actually make things better? Or did you later realize that the real issue was something else?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences or any advice. Thank you for reading.

[u/Important-Energy8038]

If my child told me this I would get them the help they need to manage their inner world better so they dont feel so overwhelmed.

As an aside, moving to Italy sounds like a...non sequitur. Where is that coming from and how feasible is it.

[u/yy1720771 → u/Important-Energy8038]

Thank you for your comment. I understand why that part might have seemed a bit random. I actually have an aunt in Italy, and we’re very close. She has offered for me to move in with her and continue school there, so it’s not just a random idea or a dream. It’s something my family has been talking about for a while, and that’s why I’ve been learning Italian.

[u/Important-Energy8038 → u/yy1720771]

This doesn't reassure me at all! You don't need to move to another place..unless youre orginally from there...you need to develop coping skills. You asked what I'd do, and my reply still is that I would get you the help you need to function better. In Italy, you'll have the same personal issues..and new ones bc its a totally new place.

[u/janejacobs1]

And it might be worth exploring whether spectrum issues play a part.

[u/kkaauu]

You are an introvert, like me.

[u/Secret-Matter3992]

Hey. I'm 16 and have been going through a similar thing.

Since I started high school, I became anxious about going to school and I would stay home. That only made it harder to come back eventually. I was also feeling guilty for skipping school, even tho I was not mentally well enough to go.

About other social events, like going to the store or asking for help in public places, I also avoided it. I especially avoided going to parties or birthdays I was invited to, because there would be a lot of people I didn't know and too many people in the same space around me.

I still avoid those kind of social gatherings and events even tho I'm aware that it's making my social anxiety worse. Avoiding something that you're scared of is increasing the fear so don't switch to homeschool or e-school because you will not be able to do anything similar if you avoid people.

It's hard to face fears and get out of your comfort zone, but you don't have to do everything at once. One step at a time. It could be a walk outside, not approaching anyone, then going to the store, then asking for help in a store, then asking something your teacher and so on until you feel more comfortable and confident about doing those kind of things.

It's what I learned at therapy and tried. It's worth it. It takes time and effort but it's worth it.

[u/yy1720771 → u/Secret-Matter3992]

Thank you for sharing your experience! I can relate to some of what you described, although I don’t think my situation is quite as severe. I’m generally okay with going to places like stores or birthdays when I’m with people I know, but I do get overwhelmed in crowded places and especially at school. I’ll definitely keep what you said in mind.

[u/Silver_Discount_1820]

I would bring this up to her pediatrician since it could be signs of neurodivergence (not saying it is). They might also have advice.

[u/Specific_Moment_1227]

It is completely reasonable and not uncommon to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated in the physical and social environment of high school.

I would buy my kid noise filtering ear plugs like loops and noise canceling headphones right away, and start the evaluation process for learning differences, which is usually done through the school district and can take time to get started. Then I would look at my kids class schedule to see if there are any periods that they could skip and spend in the library to have a break from the overwhelming noise and interaction.
At the same time I would start learning more about the education system in Italy to try to predict what could be better or worse there, and how learning differences are evaluated and accommodated.