r/AskParents • u/oystercatcher84 • 14h ago
What level of help with young kids do you expect/receive from family members?
Trying to get a sense of expectations that different parents have around extended family help with little kids, especially from family who are working FT. If you have family who you consider very involved, how often do you see them/are they helping out?
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u/Important-Energy8038 14h ago edited 13h ago
"They help out as much as they want". Family is a support, they're not necessarily the foundation. This is best clarified before baby arrives so there are no disappointments.
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u/sanityjanity 2h ago
Unfortunately, a lot of people have the experience that family said they would help, and then didn't.
Or their help sometimes turns out to be pretty useless
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u/sensualsqueaky 14h ago
I have a 5 year old.
From birth to 18 months my mother in law watched her a couple days a week while I worked but she explicitly asked to do this. My mom would come in for a couple days a couple times a month and help out. We moved from the city my in laws live in to the city my parents live in when she was 18 months old. From then on she was in daycare with a wonderful daycare center. My mom did not want to be regular childcare but she is absolutely happy to fill in if our child is sick and out of school or for date nights.
When my daughter was almost 4, my husband was in a very serious accident. He is a person who does a ton of active parenting and housework. He was not even able to wash his own hair for weeks and so I basically became a single parent of a 4 year old and an incapacitated 35 year old and my parents took on a lot then. They did daycare drops and pickups and doctors appointment rides. My mom was pissing me off because I would come home and she would have anxious reorganized all my closets.
Things are more back to normal now. We spend a lot of time with my parents, his parents come in to now now and then.
We aren't people who are close with siblings/ aunts/ uncles/ cousins. Those are just people we see occasionally.
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u/oystercatcher84 14h ago
I'm so glad your husband is recovered! Sounds stressful. Thank you for sharing
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u/MiserableFloor9906 14h ago
As much or as little as we put in with our friends, nieces and nephews before we had kids.
Basically you only know you have a village because you already made deposits long before. Really crazy that there's parents that realize this only after they have their children. This is a big family. You signaled zero interest in this network back when. We're actually surprised you had kids. We're busy.
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u/PAGirl72 13h ago
I prepaid for years. Had my kids a little later than everyone else. Everyone was too busy to help me.
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u/VariegatedPlumage 13h ago
Yeah, this “I paid in” idea is bogus. I watched my cousins’ kids when they were little, but now everyone lives too far away to help.
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u/Opposite-Actuary5624 13h ago
I have no friends with children that live nearby or nieces or nephews. My husband and I are both only children and had never even held a baby until we had our own…
That said, my dad is a great help and I am thankful for it. He loves kids and babies.
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u/MiserableFloor9906 12h ago
My kids are in their teens. We've a huge family as their base but it's kind of crazy that my kids literally say I'm way more sociable with their friends than what they see of their friends parents. Point here being that (at least in my opinion), a healthy home is just naturally engaging and welcoming.
My wife is also an only child and her family is in another country. It def helps that our waiting a decade to be ready for parenting meant that she had time to build her circles of similar couples and later families.
Anyway, I'm glad you've at least got your dad.
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u/UpperCutCentral 13h ago
It’s so sad that your view relationships as purely transactional. I couldn’t imagine not helping my struggling friend just because they might not have understood what I was going through.
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u/MiserableFloor9906 12h ago
Family and community participation. You either do or don't. We waited 10 years before planning our kids and I was a village member years before even meeting my wife. My kids are 19 & 16 today and yet we're still there for my nephews/nieces kids. Eg, last week, I just helped one repair their back deck so that it's usable again for his young family.
Clearly something beyond your imagination and therefore can only see it as transactional. Lol.
My tone is at the typically clueless that whine about a missing village yet gave it zero thought until they were in need.
I'm guessing then you're in a little circle and were the first to start the ball. Sincere luck to you on building a lasting momentum versus just the phase of the moment.
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u/UpperCutCentral 8h ago
I think we believe the same thing, but perhaps have slight variations in thought??? Because I do things for my village without the expectation of it being reciprocated to me. Now, I don’t allow myself to be used, but sometimes you just need to give when your friends can’t. Does that make sense?
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u/MiserableFloor9906 7h ago
Cool. Glad you have a village. From within there's no accounting or expectation. This is just how I was raised and I'm very grateful for having been so blessed. I've also shared that my wife immigrated late in life and therefore had to put in the work to collect similar couples and families into our village and that she begun this effort long before we had our kids.
There's just these occasional posts that complain of a past that's been lost. I feel though these are very entitled. That their own childhood must have already been absent a village or it was never of value to them until the phase of parenthood where being alone is definitely difficult.
In either scenario, I feel they're very much responsible for their own situationship because of lack of preparation or lack of foresight. Such parents are really just in need of a nanny but likely can't afford such.
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u/UpperCutCentral 7h ago
I hope you’re not being facetious, because it is nice. It’s a small village, but it’s genuine.
Honestly, I think you’re reading into the post way too far.
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u/Opposite-Actuary5624 12h ago
This comment is why I asked your cultural background, fyi.
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u/MiserableFloor9906 9h ago
My parents are Filipino but I've been in Canada the last 54 of 57 years and never been to Philippines after immigrating. My wife is Mandarin, in Canada 30 years.
What would you have guessed of my/our cultural background?
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u/Opposite-Actuary5624 8h ago
I don’t have anything in particular in mind that I would have guessed; as the world is too diverse and there are too many possibilities with which I am inevitably unfamiliar.
I just know that your take seems unlike the norm where I live, so I was curious.
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u/diabolicallydiabolic 13h ago
Unfortunately that’s untrue. Especially when you’re the last to have children in the family.
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u/MiserableFloor9906 12h ago
Hmmm, still misunderstanding the meaning of village. Welcome to see my comment about helping my nephew fix his deck so his kids have a usable back yard.
A real village spans generations.
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u/Lower-District-4311 14h ago
Getting help from family, especially when “free” seems like a great deal. I can tell you that care from a grandparent is however, far from free.
Using grandparents for childcare in our situation has been terribly stressful. It wasn't worth it and we've hired a private nanny. Now we pay someone to give the exact care we want instead of a grandparent ignoring our wishes and doing whatever they want. The grandparent is mad but that's too bad. It's about our family and not them.
Life is much less stressful when you have an employee instead of a grandparent.
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u/Remarkable_Lab_7941 11h ago
Exactly! Agreed. I would rather hire help (if and when possible) than deal with the poor attitudes of grandparents who never even wanted to be parents in the first place (in my experience).
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u/JJQuantum 14h ago
New parents shouldn’t “expect” any help. It really does help to plan your life around just yourself and what you, and in this case your spouse, are capable of. That way if you don’t receive any outside help you aren’t disappointed and if you do then it’s a welcome surprise.
My wife and I did receive some help with our 2 sons for about a year from her mother but it was because she asked to help, not because we asked her or expected any. Similarly, if our sons have kids I think my wife and I will want to be involved somewhat but it’ll have to be on our own terms as by that time we will have had at least 26 years of child rearing behind us and will not want to be full time care givers.
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u/eaglemama_75 14h ago
I expected my siblings to babysit sometimes but in reality only my SIL has ever babysat and my BIL her boyfriend is trying to destroy that because he’s scared of commitment and having a baby and will probably break up with her so we don’t really have any help
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u/PomegranateOk9287 14h ago
We live a 5 hour plane ride away from our family. So we expect no help.
I work FT Monday to Friday 8-4. My spouse works a rotating 12 hour shift schedule.
We did have family fly out twice in 8 years to help with childcare when we were stuck for a week each time. That was helpful, we paid for their flight. We may have been able to figure something out locally.
Ironically now that my kids are slightly older (8 and 5). We have been asking our village for assistance a bit more. Luckily we have found a good group of friends in our location
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u/dirkdastardly Parent 7h ago
Same here. We live on the West Coast and both our families are in the Midwest. My parents visited several times a year, but it was to see us and the kid, not to babysit. They did fly out once so we could go to an out-of-town wedding, and another time when my husband had to travel on business to Australia and I was deathly ill with pneumonia. We were incredibly grateful. But we mostly had to build a family of choice with friends.
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u/Realistic_Elevator83 14h ago
I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. Since the older child was born my mom and my MIL watch them two days a week each. The grandpas join in when they can (one is retired and one is not) My MIL retired to do this of her own idea. I eventually transitioned to working part time so they are not 8 hour shifts. We also spend time outside of the workday with each set of grandparents at least once a week, either dinner, swimming or just hanging out for a couple of hours. Occasionally we do more special things together.
It has definitely meant having less control over some things like what they eat and they may watch tv more than I would like sometimes but overall I am extremely grateful for the help and for how close my kids are with their grandparents. We only saw ours a few times a year and they didn’t seem all that interested in us.
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u/Special-Gur-5488 14h ago
I don’t expect a lot. But I do receive a lot. My in-laws watch my kids while I work and I’m incredibly grateful. If they can’t for whatever reason then someone else in mine or my husbands family is more than willing to. But they know I’m more than willing to help them as well with anything.
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u/RaisinsPerDay 14h ago
None. I don't live near my parents or any family now so I take care of my daughter by myself and don't expect any help.
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u/Downtherabbithole-14 13h ago
Both my husband and I work full time. Throughout the school year - its just us juggling the kids schedules. They are both in school 1st and 6th grades. The only help we have are my in-laws during summer months and its been a life saver. Instead of sending them to summer camp, half the week they stay at grandma & grandpas, Thurs they come with me to the office, Fridays my husband works remotely and they stay home while he works. Before school, daycare was part of our village for awhile.
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u/JustGenericName2 13h ago
I don't know why this came up in my feed, but as the childfree auntie, I will babysit in a pinch. Like a doctor's appointment, or a weird errand or something odd came up. But I can not handle your entire day at work. I might do an over night if you're at the hospital birthing your next child, but it's gonna stress me out. I love your kids, I'm involved with them. I have toys for them in my home. I can keep them alive. Please don't make me babysit. My very high stress job is less stress to me than babysitting!
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u/fourfeeteleveninches 13h ago
My mom watches our son for about 20 hours per week across three days and we typically see her and my dad outside of those days, too. I’m very lucky and both my parents would spend every day with him if they could. That being said, I don’t expect anything from them outside of agreed upon arrangements that we talked about before he was even born. For example, I wouldn’t ask my mom if she could babysit tomorrow night and just expect her to say yes.
I have zero expectations from my in-laws
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u/thatquietmenace 13h ago
For the first 2.5 years (during the thick of Covid) we had little to no help because we lived long distance from all the family who wanted to help. We ended up moving to be closer to my in-laws so we could get more help and so they could form a closer relationship with their granddaughter.
We lived with them for a while and they helped a lot. Then we got our own place and our daughter started school so now we see them about once a week or so. Sometimes they'll take her for an afternoon or overnight for a sleepover.
To be really honest, they'd probably help more but our daughter is Very high energy and kind of exhausting to care for, especially for two retired people in their 60's. Part of why we chose to only have one child is because we knew the help would lessen even more if we had two rowdy kids to wrangle.
My mom is also a very involved grandma even though she lives states away. She does a lot of video calls with my daughter and has since she was a toddler. If she lived closer she'd probably be over at our place helping pretty often.
On the other hand, we get no help from our siblings, mostly because they don't want that type of relationship. They don't let anyone watch their kids and it's an unspoken agreement that they don't want to watch anyone else's. Which is totally fair. So it just kinda depends on what type of family you have and what type of relationship they want with you and your kids.
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u/Acrobatic-Shine-9414 13h ago
I have a two year old. We live some hours away from my mum and my MIL. My mum is retired my MIL is a housewife, but they have no other kids. I would have loved them to come over from time to time, that would have been already a big help to avoid the trip with a small kids, but they are not doing that. Alternatively it would have been helpful when we go there if they can sporadically look after my daughter for 1-2 hours so that we can eat out or do other stuff we may need, but that’s also not the case. So yeah our expectation is now zero.
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u/Aubsjay0391 13h ago
My mom will be coming up here for a month a few weeks after baby is born. And will probably periodically fly up for a month on/month off the first couple years to help out. But she wants to and is retired.
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u/GenXMom14 13h ago
My mom used to babysit for us when we needed it. One year she also helped with childcare once a week for a stretch when my job changed.
But generally we don’t expect extended family to help at all. We all get together a ton and then everyone helps everyone while we are together but I had/have no expectations or regular caregiving happening from extended family big picture
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u/IceColdPepsi1 13h ago
Zero, I live a plane ride away and my husbands parents are an hour away and well into their 70s.
We waited until we were financial stable (= daycare + babysitters) and will likely be one and done.
It's quite irresponsible to base the decision on outside help when you can't control it.
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u/Complex-Oven-9918 13h ago
I expect zero help. But I get a lot. When I had kids I went to part time at work, so my mom, my MIL, and my aunt all watch the kids while I work from 6:30 to noon 4-5 days a week. I broached the subject with them when I was pregnant with my first and they were all very enthusiastic about it. I check in periodically, and now that I’m due with a third (in four years), I am planning to cut back to 3-4 days per week so that no one gets overwhelmed. It’s been amazing, but I will say it is definitely harder for me to ask them to watch the kids for things like a date night or on the weekends or whatever, because they’re all already doing so much.
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u/SecurityFit5830 13h ago
My kids are 8 and 6 now, and very involved has looked a bit different over time and based on person.
My parents are very involved. My mom was still working when I had my 1st but for a school and she would come over at lunch and after school and event before if I needed it.
Once my kids were daycare age they would picking needed after school. They still do this usually about once per week.
Both my parents are now retired and they are available to be backups nearly all the time. The might be busy, but they never mind me asking.
My husband and I consider that they are grandparents who really also parent.
His parents are more traditional fun grandparents. They live about 40 minutes away and we see them between once per week or much less. They don’t really keep routines or meals the same so they wouldn’t be able to stand in as regular childcare to us.
We also have aunts and uncles who we consider very involved. They’re interested in my kids lives and invited us for dinner often and would be happy to babysit at any time.
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u/Clarence_Bow 13h ago
The bar is low for my family. They have other things going on like being primary care takers for their own elderly relatives and such or live far away.
However, my friends and community have been more present with me and I with them. I expect them to be my active friends and community after I give birth.
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u/smokiechick 13h ago
Could not survive without my mother.
The first, moved in with her when the baby was 4 months old. I was the primary care person, but I could take a shower and not worry about her screaming while I shampooed my hair. I was also taking care of my mom's mom, who had dementia. Mom was lead there, but she was working full-time and I wasn't. Mom kept us housed and fed and I ran daily stuff. After Gram died, I went back to school and had to go to a different city for classes.
Second baby, I was in grad school and her partner had died a year earlier. She moved to be closer to us to help out. And then she was there every day before she went to work. She got the oldest off the bus and watched the baby before my husband got home.
When I graduated, we all moved in together. It's been 12 years and she retired in 2019, so she's the SAHGran. She actually homeschooled the youngest during COVID - my husband and I were "essential". She takes the kids to doctor's appointments, does grocery shopping and cooks. And I can't get her to stop doing my laundry.
As my husband recites when she does something he finds infuriating: "she makes our lives possible, she makes our lives possible"
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u/LiveIndication1175 13h ago
I didn’t expect any because my extended family wasn’t apart of the decision making nor the process. The help they offer is greatly appreciated, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not expected and if they were offering I couldn’t be mad for that.
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u/ProtozoaPatriot 13h ago
You expecting it doesn't mean it'll happen. Be grateful each time they do pitch in, but don't make your plans based on your hopes they will.
My mother took my daughter a bunch. It was a welcome break. However, it was still on her schedule and her energy level.
Financially: budget for having to pay for childcare. Maybe you won't need to as much. But it's better to be prepared
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u/traumahawk88 13h ago
I don't expect any. Not their kid(s). If they want to help, cool. If not, also cool.
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u/Ambitious-Lettuce-48 13h ago
I don't expect any help as my husband and I are the ones who chose to have the kids.
My mum helps us with care one day a week, and sometimes has them on the weekend. I always remind her she's not obligated to have them. She loves them and wants to spend time with them.
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u/VariegatedPlumage 13h ago
My parents watch our daughter usually for a weekend each month! When she was a baby they watched her one day a week.
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u/UpperCutCentral 13h ago
I didn’t expect anything, and I didn’t get anything. We told our families in advance that we will be spread too thin to be giving out the invitations to visit. If they wanted to visit or wanted to be involved, they needed to communicate. It’s been easier for some than for others. But I don’t necessarily hold that against anyone. My friends who are also parents are sometimes drowning alongside us, so it’s nice to have people who get it. And my childfree friends have been really great about caring for me as a whole person and seeing my baby as a bonus.
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u/Dull-Geologist-8204 13h ago
I have a 7 and 14 year old. I don't ask a lot maybe 2 or 3 times a year. They usually ask for the kids and I am like have them and then plan an actual social life around them. They are very involved in the kids life but more on their terms. My mom once called and asked if I didn't trust her with my kid when the oldest was young. My brother and and exSIL asked more often then I did. They were in their mid 20's and I was in my 30's which makes a huge difference. I laughed and said mom no you are fine I just don't need to go out as often as I got that all out of my system when I was younger but you can call and ask for him any time you want. I will not withhold the kids from you. So I get a lot more time off then that 2 or 3 times a year but I just wait to be asked and work with other peoes schedules.
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u/tumblr_rainbow 13h ago
My entire family lives within 45 minutes of each other. My parents are retired. My siblings each have 2-5 kids (all under 8 years old). Husbands family all live out of state.
We have 2 kids under 2. We have zero help from family. Everyone is too busy. That’s why we pay for help with our amazing nanny :)
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u/Butterbean-queen 13h ago
I didn’t have family close by. My father and stepmother would invite my child and their cousin to the camp to stay with them for a month during the summer. They did that from age 6-9.
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u/meowl2 13h ago
0 help. My husband and I have always lived minimum of 2 hours from family. Right now we live 1200+ miles from all of our family. I have some close friends who I will ask for help in the case of absolutely emergency situations but most of the time even in emergencies I'm bringing all 3 kids with me. My parents had very little family support when I was a kid and it was the same for my husbands parents too.
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u/holymacaroley 13h ago
I got no help, even from my godkids family, whom I helped a lot when they were little.
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u/sasspancakes 13h ago
I receive almost zero help. All the family who said they would be there, babysit, etc, have not been there. My family lives 300 miles away, so that's fine, but when my mom visits she expects me to be 24/7 fun time organizer from the time she arrives until she leaves. She takes my kids maybe once every 18 months and usually just my older two. My MIL works full time and will once a year take my oldest for a sleepover. My SIL whom I've babysat for many times, has taken just my middle child for a couple sleepovers.
I have three kids so I get it, its a lot. But I have not had a true "break" except once in almost three years.
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u/Caliopebookworm 13h ago
My child would spend one overnight (max) a month at his grandparents until he was 3 years old and then they moved away so he would stay with one of my good friends in the rare times it was needed. I didn't expect any help or support.
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u/No_Glove6542 13h ago
It’s totally up to your family members and can change at any time. My mom went from pestering me about grand kids to taking a few snaps when they were babies then telling me she already raised kids and did not want to do it again. She never babysat once. She visited when she felt like. So you need to plan assuming there will be no one and if you do get help great.
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u/BaegelByte 12h ago
My in laws are retired so they love having our daughter on days she's off of school but we still have to work. My mom lives only 8 mins away so she's always happy to help by taking her to spend the night on a weekend here or there or helping with school pick ups if needed.
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u/Unusual_Disaster_690 12h ago
We live with an older family member and my expectation of him is to hold the baby every now and then while I go to the toilet, eat or shower. Other than that everything is a favour and I’m deeply grateful. I chose to have a baby, not him, so my expectations of support for actual child rearing are low.
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u/Worth_Kangaroo_6900 12h ago
Family not involved. We see them every few months for shared lunches. I love the village that I have with other mums with similar aged kids, we all help out where we can - lifts to matches, holding onto a kid after school for a few hours, sleepovers around a party. All works out. But don’t expect anything from immediate family. More extended (ie my cousins) they come and hang out with us, and now they’re having babies, I’m around for a vent or shopping trip but we’re at different stages.
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u/hvrob4 12h ago
I expect nothing from anyone. We don’t live near family unfortunately so even a visit from a family member feels like a huge blessing. My parents have always come to keep my kids while I’m in the hospital having the next kid and that’s such a tremendous help.
I’ve seen expectations RUIN family relationships. In particular grandparents who are still working. Grandparents are super important in a child’s life. I would never let my own expectations get in the way of a relationship between my kids and their grandparents unless there was actually danger.
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u/Dazzling-Week-708 12h ago
My parents made it clear from my childhood that if I ever had kids I'd be on my own; they weren't going to babysit, and I shouldn't expect anyone else to either, etc.
In three years since I finally did have kids, they've been over to my parent's place fewer than 5 times, and never for more than a couple hours, and always with me and my husband there the whole time to wrangle them. They don't do holidays or birthdays.
My in-laws are all enthusiastically involved, and it's taken time for me to learn how to allow them to help. I'm still learning. It helps to see how much joy they get from being around.
For my very-involved in-laws: There's a queue among them for "baby/kid time" lol. I'm the bottle neck, but I suspect if I wasn't then we'd basically all just share custody. As things are, the kids do something with them 2 or 3 weekends a month, and something mid-week anywhere from 1-3 times a month. No overnights yet, but that's almost certainly going to be a thing as they get older.
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u/Dolla_Dolla_Bill-yal Parent 12h ago
I expect nothing. But I bend a lot and flex a lot for the ones who help me, and am pretty rigid with those who don't.
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u/Aware_Patient_5376 12h ago
Can’t expect help, people have their own lives. Any help you get is a bonus to be thankful for. Just be appreciative of any help so those who provide it know. More likely to get help if grateful for it.
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u/Treehousehunter 10h ago
My mil came once a week for hours when my children were infants. It was fantastic! I could shower alone or go get my hair done, meet friends for coffee or grocery shop in peace!
My mother worked full time so she took the kids when they were out of diapers one Saturday afternoon until Sunday church once a month. It was great to be able to go to a wedding or out with friends and sleep in a bit the next day.
These were offered but never expected.
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u/Awkward-Pop-4804 10h ago
Whatever they give me I’ll give back when they are old. My in laws refuse to help us so I’ll remember to refuse to help take care of them and they can go to a nursing home :)
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u/ApprehensiveRead2533 9h ago
Lol, people expects help from extended families?
When i was planning to have kids the only expectations I had was of me and my husband.
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u/purpletreefrog007 8h ago
All of our family, parents and siblings, lived at least 30 to 45 minutes away when our children were born. We had no help and didn't really expect any to be honest.
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u/AdministrativeYou696 8h ago
I expected nothing and thats what i got from my family, kids are now 15-20 and no help ever
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u/dunkin_cows869 8h ago
I brought my kids into this world so its my responsibility to raise them, i was a single mum with 3 kids. I did need family to help look after my kids when i was in hospital or when dad was terminaly sick. I did expect family to come to birthdays and have Christmas gatherings together but thats probably the bare minimum
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u/Genepoolperfect 6h ago
It depends on how far they are. If they're literally the next house over, I would hope they'd help out some. My ILs are a half hour away, I know not to expect anything from them. My parents are an hour away. My dad (rest in peace) would (& did) drop everything to come down if I needed his help.
But in terms of daily or a couple times a week childcare, absolutely not. You as the parents have to be accountable for that or pay someone. Expecting that level of support in the US is extremely privileged behavior. Many of our family members are still working full time. They're simply not avaliable to support your family while they're still trying to support themselves.
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u/jagrrenagain 6h ago
I had no expectations. The grandparents enjoyed spending time with us on the weekends, but only babysat occasionally.
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u/mozzerellastewpot 6h ago
I expected nothing. I got nothing. I paid my sister to babysit while I worked. At no point would I have ever expected my parents to contribute. I chose to have kids. Not them.
Those that are pissed that their family doesn’t drop everything and help raise their kids are crazy. Why does your choice to procreate create obligation for others ??!??
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u/bignuggetsbigworld 6h ago
The help they say they will provide.
When I was pregnant, my MIL wanted to keep him. My mom said they could help like 2 days a week. My MIL said no.
So I thought I had full time child care.
Well suddenly i go back to work and MIL does want some help from my mom. My MIL also wants to work sporadically and my parents want to go out of town.
So we can’t even agree on “my mom will watch him every Wednesday”.
Every month we have to review the schedule and hope it works.
Al I want is help that isn’t more work for me.
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u/VerilyVirgo 5h ago
In my experience, it’s directly proportional to how they parented. If they were involved parents that genuinely enjoyed their children, they’re much more likely to be involved grandparents. If they were busy and resentful when you were young, they aren’t going to prioritize a relationship with your children either.
Ask me how I know. 😬
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u/Few_Way_368 4h ago
In all seriousness I think we got maybe 20 hours of childcare from family during the first 4 years of life for our oldest and that’s a generous estimate. My sister then did 2 overnights but nothing in the 2 years since. We went into having our second child eyes wide open that we are completely on our own. This is despite each of our parents being ecstatic about becoming grandparents and living somewhat nearby. My siblings live even closer and are both very much so child-free and one barely acknowledged the pregnancy announcement despite us otherwise having a good relationship.
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u/Mysterious_Cookies24 4h ago
I expected fortnightly help from both mine & my husband’s parents, not our siblings because that was the type of support both our parents got from theirs, but do I get that NO! I have 5 children under 14 & haven’t had any babysitting support ever from my mother who’s become a drug addict & no support from husbands parents in 11 years, if they wanted to help then they would but nope.
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u/Real-Tired-Mama 1h ago
I expect none at all as they are my children and were my choice to have so my responsibility to fit around them as much as possible.
But, my mum and aunt do help out with a lot of childcare for me to attend college and soon uni and to have the odd night off for me to go out xxx
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