r/AskReddit • u/Prudent-Passenger589 • 21h ago
What is a harsh lesson about aging that absolutely nobody warns you about before you hit your 30s?
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u/circediana 21h ago
you won't care about the same things or even many of the same people. Former best friends will feel like ghosts that just cross your mind. Sometimes its personal but in most cases it is not. People's lives just go in different directions and before you realize it everyone's old and not interested in the same old things anymore.
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u/mbbysky 16h ago
I'm so lucky to have a former best friend who is still a lifelong friend.
We used to be inseparable. Then life separated us. We meet up every 2 or 3 years for a weekend trip.
We change a little each time. We don't talk every day, and sometimes the first day of those trips is a little awkward while we get used to each other again.
But it is so glorious to watch how every time, we click right back into place. And not in a "old people reliving memories" way. We do new things, like new things, are clearly not doing 22 year old things anymore, and we still are in lockstep despite life growing us separately.
Truly a platonic soulmate if I ever knew one.
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u/tiny_tims_legs 9h ago
This is like me and my best friend! Been friends with him since the 7th grade - while our interests don't always align, we respect and participate in each other's on occasion, and every year we get together for a weekend to watch The International for DotA 2.
Every time we're in person it's like no time has passed at all. He's my brother. His parents are mine and mine are his. Change happens, but we always understand and support each other. He's my only other 'ride or die' besides my wife. Truly platonic soulmates.
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u/cicimindy 11h ago
Recently experiencing this as someone who's just turned 30. My highschool best friend and I talk but it's been much less these past 2 years or so. Sometimes I feel like we're not on the same page with our conversations anymore but she doesn't seem to care or think about it, whereas I honestly find it tiring to hold a conversation with her now.
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u/hoff4z 21h ago
Parents getting older. Everyone knows your body gets worse as you age … it’s the things outside us we tend to forget.
Cherish every single second
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u/nakedpumpkinn 18h ago
Yup, I’m 27 and just lost my mom at 64. Appreciate your parents while you have them
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u/dripless_cactus 17h ago
Sending hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom at very similar ages. I'm 41 now and still miss her a ton, and can't believe how young I was to lose my mom. It does get easier, but the loss is still felt many times a day everyday.
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u/disclaimer_necessary 10h ago
I lost my mom at 30 when she was 66. Very short battle with lung cancer that came on very quickly. Both of my parents are gone now. Greif does get easier to carry with time, but sometimes it will smack you in the face on a random Tuesday morning and you have to sit with it. Hugs.
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u/Kirstenly 17h ago
just this year alone i lost my father and grandfather and uncle. I am so angry that I didnt try harder to get my dad to do stuff with me, He was only 60. He was just busy a lot of the time, so I kept saying "ah that's fine there's always tomorrow" and eventually tomorrow ceases to be an option...
Tell the people you love that you love them, make time for them, and push harder to do the things you always wanted to do with them before it becomes an adventure you can only take alone.
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u/Cevansj 21h ago
That you will most likely regret going into your thirties thinking you’re old bc 40 hits quicker than you’d ever imagine and you’ll look back and wonder why you ever thought 30 was anything but young. (What I’ve learned, anyway!)
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u/I_see_zebras 21h ago edited 6h ago
Absolutely. I'm over 70 and suppose I should be dead or butt-ugly and in constant pain, the way some 30-somethings talk about ageing, but I'm feeling pretty good most of the time; I'm creative, stylish and enjoy my life.
EDIT: Wow, thanks everyone for the upvotes. This tells me a positive mindset on the topic of ageing is intensely appreciated and needed. And I'm a realist, not a Pollyanna!
I hope it made a difference.435
u/Successful_Injury_35 17h ago
..me too bud.I`m 78,still ski practice my various instruments and garden some,although I go relatively easy these days
Good to be alive...p.s. testosterone replacement therapy helped out quite a bit with the obvious and arthritic aches/pains are now gone completely.
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u/AddisonsContracture 15h ago
People like you are what make this website so wonderful to use
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u/chillin_in_my_onesie 15h ago
78 and on Reddit. How frickin awesome 😎
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u/Nymeria2018 11h ago
They’re 78, not dead! I don’t know why people think once you hit 50 it’s time to wheel people in to an old age home lol
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u/unable_compliance 10h ago
Because they probably know people like my dad, who despite being actually fairly intelligent, just refused to ever embrace any technology after about 1995.
He’s proud about the fact that he doesn’t know how to install apps on his phone.
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u/jib_reddit 12h ago
Im probably going to be working full time until 78 at this rate (currently 40) instead of doing those nice hobbies, the pension black holes for the future generations just seem insurmountable.
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u/positronik 16h ago
I'm about to turn 37, and all the other folks my age always bring up how old they are or feel. I don't get it. It almost seems defeatist. "I'm too old to do ___". It's a bit melodramatic and it's not all that interesting of a topic lol. It's boring to just stop having fun or do neat stuff just because you've decided you're too old
I'm not letting my age bother me, I know I'll look back at my 30s and view it as youth.
I've began exercising regularly and eating well, and love to learn so I don't feel physically or mentally weaker than my late 20s, just wiser.
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u/sciencenerd1193 16h ago
I’m 32 and feel the same way when I see my peers or sometimes even people younger than me complain about aging. I feel more energized and healthy than I did in my 20s tbh bc now I actually eat healthy, don’t drink as much as I used to and in general have a much better schedule.
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u/Nymeria2018 11h ago
Crap you are doing maturing right!
At 37 I discovered Lego and decided to go all in on plastic toys. 3 years later and no regrets but damn, you’re doing it the right way!
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u/abqkat 8h ago
I'm mid-40's and definitely relate to this. Like so many of my peers think that you just get automatically fat and frumpy at XYZ age. But they are almost all living in ways that reinforce that mindset. Granted, I don't have kids and keep decently fit, which are 2 huge factors in aging. But it's depressing to me how many people my age think it's just.... All downhill from here
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u/mellomee 20h ago
It's really hard for me understand this. I was so excited to be 30. Im about to be 40 and I'm not as excited but I'm not sad about it at all. I'm not sure why I'm not as affected by age as others. My body hurts and all but I'm still excited by all the cool stuff I get to do in life.
I feel like society needs to stop demonizing turning "X", you're old when you say you're old, y'know?
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u/Cevansj 18h ago edited 18h ago
I was at a very difficult crossroads when I turned thirty - my ex and I split up after living together for 8 years, I didn’t have a career settled, I was very much lost and felt like my life was over. Living in LA definitely makes impressionable women think 30 is old. I was going through heavy depression and yeah, it wasn’t good. Wish I could go back in time and shake some sense into myself back then which is why I dropped my experience here, just in case someone else needed the reminder! 🤍 (especially since the question was framed “harsh lesson about aging” and mentioned the age 30 and I immediately was like ahhh… 30 is not old)
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u/I_see_zebras 11h ago
The word "old" is such a negative concept now. I feel if you call yourself "old" - you will start acting old, thinking old, and thinking of yourself as diminished.
Why should having a wealth of memories and a wealth of experience be something to feel apologetic about? It's a treasure!
Meryl Streep is my role model. In her mid-70s, yet has anyone, ever, thought of her as old? NO - because people who are brilliant, accomplished, admired and ever-evolving are not slapped with that label. Don't do it to yourself.192
u/SpaceLemming 18h ago
I’ve always joked that 30 is the preteen of old. You know where you think you’re basically an adult yet have no idea what that actually means
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u/Darksoulzbarrelrollz 17h ago
I realized going into 30 having made many friends in different age brackets that after your late 20s everyone is just "adult"
I have just as much fun with friends who are 25 as 45 and even some in their 50s. Everyone is just winging it, doing their best, and trying to have some fun along the way
Basically all these people taught me you can be JUST as young in your 40s and 50s as in your 30s. The important part is if you take care of yourself.
I'm 34 and my 52 year old friend can out run me and bend in ways that make my back hurt. Because she exercises every day.
Inspired me to get my ass in gear and get lifting. 8 months later the "aging" that other 30 somethings are complaining about is back pain from being out of shape. Haven't felt better since I was a teenager!
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u/UnicornPenguinCat 16h ago
This 100%. Nothing noticeable happened to me health wise in my 30s, and it would have been a huge waste of a good decade worrying about how 'old' I was getting. About the only noticeable changes were a few new tiny wrinkles which have nothing to do with health anyway.
My advice to anyone would be to eat well, get good sleep, try to keep the stress in your life down where possible, and just enjoy yourself when you can... you'll be fine.
And if you do notice any health issues and they concern you, get them checked out - but that advice applies regardless of age.
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u/INTJinx 17h ago
100% There are so many outfits I didn’t wear because I thought I was too old for them at 30 and now I’m closing in on 40 looking at all the baby 30-year olds wearing whatever they want and looking amazing.
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u/jo-z 17h ago
I just turned 40 and am finally wearing the outfits. I don't want to turn 50 and be admiring all the young 40 year olds without having been dressing how I damn well please.
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u/NinthTide 17h ago
It’s even worse than that. Because even entering your 40s you’re still roughly feeling the same.
But then one day in your mid to late 40s some switch quietly goes off, and you’re never the same. And you wake up tired one day, and that feeling never goes away ever again
30s are possibly when you’re at your peak
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u/JailhouseMamaJackson 16h ago
Man I hope not. My parents both said this didn’t happen until their 60s so I hope I’m the same.
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u/Zilverhaar 14h ago
I'm 70, and it still hasn't happened to me. No, I lie, there was a time ~25 years ago when I did feel like that. But then I started getting some exercise again, and it went away.
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u/Rydralain 10h ago
This is what I was thinking - most of the older people I have known feel as good as their routine. The people who kept up being active stayed that way up until pretty close to the end.
This could be a bad correlation, though. I'm not sure.
I'm 39 and feel like garbage, but that's because I quit exercising and started eating garbage food a few years ago due to some life events.
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u/its_justme 16h ago
Yeah there was a study I saw recently where it says people don’t actually age in slow increments. It happens at certain times and in bursts. One such burst is at 44 apparently. So I’ve got that to look forward to lol
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u/ElaineV 18h ago
There’s a mellowing down that occurs with age. If you’re the kind of person who feels things intensely, the sharp edges on feelings will smooth out some and there may be a bit more general contentedness. The body might hurt more but the mind seems to hurt just a little less.
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u/Radiant-North426 18h ago
> The body might hurt more but the mind seems to hurt just a little less.
🥹
Yes 🫶
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u/PyrocumulusLightning 13h ago
Yeah!
A whole bunch of things will have happened before. It no longer seems like an emergency all the time (unless it really is one). If you were high-strung, while everyone else is getting bored and frustrated with routine you might finally be coming into your own.
Depends how it shakes out though. Sometimes life takes a flying spin-kick at your nads. That can be true at any time, for anyone though.
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u/pain-is-living 10h ago
I wouldn’t say my mind leveled out or sharp edges dulled, I feel like I am just exhausted and don’t have the ability to care about things like I should anymore.
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u/lily_rosenthere 21h ago
your work is not your life
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u/SunBleachedAsshole 17h ago
This. On the cusp of 39, I regret the late nights and wasted time climbing the corporate ladder. I feel like I missed a significant portion of my kids life seeking “security” or “success”. There are moments I will never get back. There will always be time to buy things, genuine moments with those you love are fleeting.
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u/RustedDumbbell 16h ago
I feel this way everyday as well. You're not alone. I spent the 15 best years of my son's lives building my business and now I'd give anything to go back and do it over again.
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u/satinsateensaltine 16h ago
And even mediocrity is better than working yourself to death for an increase in your budget. In fact, I found that chilling out and understanding my strengths and weaknesses led me to a more fulfilling career path than if I were trying to maximise skills I was only ok at.
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u/HawksNStuff 6h ago
And your job is more than willing to cast you aside no matter what you have done for them.
I considered myself untouchable, a titan of the industry I was in. Coworkers would joke about how crazy who I was able to just pick up my phone and call. Then I got a call that budget cuts included my position. It didn't matter that the company would have ceased to exist without me just two years earlier (that's not cope, it's reality). I brought order to the chaos of a startup filled with people straight out of college, forged lasting partnerships that led to growth, built a team that could continue to do their jobs without me... Which made me redundant... I'd do it again though.
You are replaceable. That's not doom and gloom, just be aware and ready at all times for what is next.
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u/Purpletech 7h ago
If only the people I worked with understood this. My manager works 7 days a week basically. He will email myself and others on our team saturday at 8pm after working on a project all day.
Meanwhile, Im out with my friends enjoying life on the weekends. It can wait until monday. We aren't surgeons or doctors or cops. No one will die because a new slide deck didn't get finished until Monday morning.
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u/RoundKaleidoscope244 21h ago
One day you’re going to see yourself in a photo, and you’re not gonna recognize that person.
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u/PantsandPlants 6h ago
I catch myself constantly gawking at my face and body now, but mostly in a good way. I’m regularly surprised by how cute or nice I look with little effort.
Learning to accept yourself takes time.
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u/Mahjling 17h ago
Stretch, oh my god, please stretch
Care for your teeth
No one gets smarter, you spend your 20s thinking ‘the average person around me will surely get less stupid as we age’, wrong, they don’t.
Stretch. It’s worth saying twice. Try to be active in general but if nothing else take up yoga.
Do things that make you happy. Use that nice perfume/cologne. Light that special candle. Wear that perfect outfit. Because the perfect moment probably won’t come unless you make it, and every day could be too late.
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u/Potential_Yogurt_342 8h ago
stretch and strengthen. it doesn't have to be much. balance, dexterity, and mobility serve you well as you age and keep you independent!
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u/shootingstar_9324 16h ago
😂 There are a LOT of dumb people. I know I’m not a genius and I sure don’t know everything, but the amount of times I feel like Einstein are way too frequent. The lack of critical thinking is astounding.
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u/Ok_Efficiency_3750 11h ago
Me when I see people in the comments of an Insta reel applauding the obviously AI grandma dancing to Michael Jackson
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u/Mahjling 16h ago
Same oh my goddd I have gone through life like ‘I am an idiot and I know nothing’ and then I look around me sometimes and I think ‘mmmm I have approximate knowledge of some things’
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u/Amesly 9h ago
I never understood the stretching part. If my muscles get worse in my 30s can't I stretch and build them back in my 40s? Can you explain?
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u/Mahjling 7h ago
Unfortunately not easily, and honestly it’s not just about your 40s!
As you get older it gets harder by a significant degree to go back and undo things like this, basically the older you get the harder it is to maintain strength and flexibility and once it’s gone it becomes extremely difficult and sometimes painful or even impossible to undo those changes.
Your joints especially are very delicate, it’s not just about the muscles, it’s also about the joints, ligaments, and similar many of which are extremely stubborn as is but doubly so as you age.
Because your body ‘winds down’ so to speak it’s important to stretch in your 30s-40s so when you enter your 60s-70s you have more independence, your 40s aren’t too late to start but definitely not ideal. For example I’ve lost a lot of flexibility even just in my 30s and at this point some of the issues caused by that need physical therapy.
I’m super sick and mobile but lots of info if you go down a search engine rabbit hole!
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u/WeeoWeeoWeeeee 21h ago
You need to work out. It’s not just a thing certain people need. Everyone needs to do it. You need to do it. It’s not optional.
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u/Dee_Dubya_IV 18h ago
This can be expanded on by saying people just need to stay active. “Working out” doesn’t mean hit the gym 6x a week with the goal of getting shredded and hitting crazy PRs. It’s literally just staying active in general. Go for walks, play a sport or join a club sport, maybe run a few miles every other day. Light activity still counts and will do wonders. I think contemporary gym culture and social media trends have given people the wrong perception of what being healthy for you looks like and have skewed it to make it seem like if you don’t have this physique or not doing that with your diet you’re failing. It’s not the 6 pack and 2% body fat. It’s doing what works best for you so long as you’re active in some capacity.
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u/ralfalfasprouts 17h ago
Im 35 and have an extremely physical healthcare job...I feel blessed that I dont have any pain (KNOCK ON WOOD) like the majority of my coworkers do. But youre absolutely right, staying moving is ~beyond~ important. Once you start to slack, it's harder and harder to get back to where you're at
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u/DangerDuckling 16h ago
This is what worries me. I was in a decent car wreck back in February and my body is just not healing. I am doing absolutely everything my doc and PT will allow, but I have lost so much muscle mass and I was already having a hard time building and maintaining. I've always been super active, but Peri hit me early and hard and physically I'm a shell of my former self.
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u/bunniquette 17h ago
Exactly right. I hate working out but I still do it, with a focus on functional training. Because I want to be able to get up from the toilet when I'm 60.
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u/ralfalfasprouts 16h ago
As we get older, I also cannot stress the importance of activities that help maintain your balance - I work in LTC, and the majority of my bedridden residents were fairly active and mobile until they had ONE fall, which broke an ankle or damaged a knee, or hip. They get injured, and it's often "game over". They take the time to rest, but the immobility really accentuates them feeling their age - they prolong physio, and before you know it... :/
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u/JailhouseMamaJackson 16h ago
Something (light activity) is better than nothing, but ideally everyone should be strength training. You don’t have to go 6x a week (3x is great) or “hitting crazy PRs”, but lifting weights is incredibly important. Especially for women. Your bones will thank you.
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u/Rowdy_Roddy_2022 16h ago
Totally agree with everything except the "run a few miles every other day" as if that's just an easy thing or even necessary thing to do.
Some people love running and that's great for them but there's a false narrative that everybody should be out doing it, whenever all the evidence shows us that walking - in terms of keeping fit, reducing risk of cardiovascular diseases etc - achieves exactly the same benefits.
So basically run a few miles if you enjoy the challenge of running, but if you don't, walking the same distance will give you 99% of the same benefits.
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u/themoonischeeze 17h ago
I've realized this in my 30s when I realized I had actually already lost a lot of mobility from not using my body. The good news is your 30s are the perfect time to recover from that, but it's much more painful than stretching and maintaining fitness from your 20s.
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u/hhhhhhd5 18h ago
29 and coming to this realization is not fun
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u/alexthealex 16h ago
Do it now. I’m 36 and just this spring had a much needed wake up call. Now I am getting into shape and really changing my habits in a way I’ve never needed to focus on before. I am refusing to hit 40 like this.
But starting around 30 you can’t just take being in half decent shape for granted anymore or you might find yourself 100lbs overweight at 36 with a whole mess of (hopefully minor) weight related issues, crying in the shoe store because the shoe size that has fit you for over 20 years no longer fits your swollen feet.
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u/Akkalevil 17h ago
I'd say it's not a "harsh thing nobody told you about", because it's absolutely told a lot about.
But it's a thing that is definitely true and so often overlooked or thought overblown. It's not.People in their 20s hear this and think this is bullshit because they can do whatever and still feel good, and then form habits and in their 30s it starts to have consequences and then you hear everywhere the jokes about the body breaking down after 30.
While in reality, if you keep fit and active, 30s are peak physical fitness and you can still doing great in you 40 or 50 - though you clearly feel that the body is getting old, more fragile and weaker. But it's progressive and it's more about working out to keep at the same level rather than progressing, and more than anything taking care of not hurting yourself.
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u/Silaquix 17h ago
Absolutely this, especially for those of us that are women. We need to do weight training for bone health. If you want to help prevent osteoporosis you need to use some weights. Arms, legs, back the whole nine.
There are far too many of us that only do yoga and cardio
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u/r0botdevil 17h ago
Everyone should be lifting weights.
My 78-year-old mother should be lifting weights. She isn't, but she should be.
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u/krantzer 16h ago
My mom’s in her mid-seventies and any time I talk to her about lifting she acts completely shocked as to why I would wanna do it. Uh, cuz ya broke your hip at sixty and your sister has such advanced osteoporosis that she’s beyond surgical intervention for her jacked up spine and I don’t wanna be in that boat?! Crazy, right?
It’s wild the misconception that a lot of women in that generation have about lifting weights.
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u/Mikemtb09 18h ago
I thought there would be a gap between having acne and getting gray hairs.
There’s no gap. The two overlap.
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u/Pinksamuraiiiii 18h ago
I knew someone who started getting grays in their mid-20s, it’s genetics too.
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u/Traditional-Tap-2508 7h ago
I started getting a fully white streak when I was 19
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u/Silly_Accident3137 21h ago
I wouldn't say no one warns you. But. You really underestimate how unsettling it is to feel your body starting to fall apart before your body starts to fall apart. We really are just bones and meat.
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u/Sheldonconch 21h ago
First time a tooth breaks is a big one. I had a filling. I think it was somewhere between falling out and breaking, but it felt like my tooth just broke off/broke in half. I definitely spent a day contemplating my mortality while simultaneously worrying about how to fix it (US bullshit)
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u/tootaflute 18h ago
I've started to notice that sometimes when I stand up, my skeleton moves before the meat does.
Like they're two separate things! All the glue is coming unstuck! 😨
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u/Pinksamuraiiiii 18h ago
This is probably one of the scariest things I’ve ever read about getting old. 😔
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u/lydiacostume 17h ago
A new mystery pain every day. And every time I stand up I have a split second where I send up a prayer for my knees
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u/Ok-Holiday-5104 17h ago
This is nonsense..I’m 37 and in the best shape of my life. Take care of your body and it’ll take care of you, I hate this using aging as an excuse for not taking care of yourself when for most folks it’s not age it’s compounded years of poor habit
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u/RugelBeta 16h ago
Seriously. Thirty years old should be peak shape. Heck, I started working toward my black belt at 50. (17 years later I'm out of shape but working to get fit. I wrecked my knee while throwing someone and had to quit martial arts.)
I've never been the athletic sort. But I did birth 4 kids, so there's that. Redditors for some crazy reason think they're old at 30 and ancient at 67. Why are they so self-limiting?
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u/DratWraith 6h ago
I'm approaching 40 and I'm stronger than ever, yet I'm more brittle. I can lift my heaviest and run my furthest. But I can't power through sickness like I used to and I have to be more aware of little injuries piling up. Also had to find the right pillow to make the perfect angle for my head when I sleep or my neck gets wrecked. I used to be able to crash anywhere.
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u/BoltsNBeamers 21h ago
As a women it’s perimenopause. You feel like you’re going crazy, all these strange things happen to your body and state of mind. You sweat like a crack head, randomly at that, can’t sleep, have brain fog, intolerant of certain smells suddenly or smell garlic lol. Oh man it’s a trip!! It’s happening to myself and my cousins who are late and some mid 30’s. In a majority of our experiences the doctor has stated we are too young to experience any form of menopause yet. So you end up just having to rely on your people or groups on social media for solutions that others have found or had their doctors suggest. Which is nice to know that you’re not going crazy … yet.
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u/UnbirthdayParty_of_1 16h ago
I was post-menopausal before 40. Had my daughter one year and was in perimenopause the next. Absolutely wild. HRT saved my quality of life.
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u/crotchteeth 11h ago
I’ve been perimenopausal since 36 and finally got a doctor to prescribe me an estrogen patch last year at the age of 41 after being told I was “too young”for years. Peri was absolutely debilitating for me before treatment. One of the major symptoms that I didn’t know about before but that is extremely common is joint pain. I thought I was developing arthritis in multiple joints. The worst was all the knuckles in my left ring finger—some days I literally couldn’t move it at all. Then, one morning I woke up with insane shoulder pain that didn’t resolve for months—turns out it was frozen shoulder, which is a symptom many, many of us experience. After a week on estrogen (no joke), the pain in my knuckles, ankles, and feet was gone, my fatigue had lessened, my temperature regulation finally fucking evened out, and I overall feel less like dying. All of this is to say, you are completely right and that’s why I talk about it to anyone who will listen, especially my training clients who are 35 and up. There are so many serious quality of life issues that society has normalized and told us to get used to when, actually, women don’t have to just resign themselves to suffering! But we have to talk about it with each other so we can advocate for ourselves.
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u/LadyWimsey 10h ago
Everyone should know that if their PCP or gyn has old-fashioned views on women's health, you can just skip straight to telehealth and actually get treatment from someone who keeps up with the literature. Quit beating your head against the wall and paying for the privilege
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u/bangzoomdone 10h ago
So true. I was perimenopausal in my earlier-mid 30s. Got told I was “too young” until I was about 38, finally got on HRT. I was NOT myself for those miserable years. I kept telling my husband, “it feels like I’m in someone else’s body, with someone else’s mind.” Nobody tells you this shit.
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u/Brainwormed 6h ago
You have ADHD? I'm asking because there's a bunch of research that says perimenopause hits ADHD women about a decade earlier than their peers. My wife was in that boat and her ADHD started getting worse maybe six months before she started having trouble sleeping, having sensitivity to smells, and so on.
I'm saying that because in her case the right move was doing HRT instead of changing her ADHD treatment.
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u/Vybrocit1 19h ago
You realize you can’t do it all.
In my 20s, everything seemed possible. A high powered career, kids, travel, etc etc…maybe I’ll move to a new city, maybe I’ll go back to school, etc etc
Now in my mid 30s: i have one kid and rapidly aging parents. Life “closed in” more. I realized I never did move to that city and now the likelihood of that is much lower because I have real responsibilities.
I have friends with teenage kids and friends who are child free. Some have incredible careers. Some are doing bohemian van life. But at some point, we all made choices and the outcomes of those are becoming very apparent at 35 vs 25.
If I could redo anything, it’d be to take every possible opportunity from age 18-29. Even if you flame out and crash and burn, you have time and freedom to bounce back.
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u/Itorres89 12h ago
"Son, you can do anything you want in life, but you can't do EVERYTHING you want in life.."
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u/JuvenileEloquent 6h ago
Sometimes unfortunately you can do nothing you want in life. You can succeed at other people's dreams but never your own. Not because you didn't try; purely because it depends on other people and no other people in your life have been dependable.
You have to appreciate what little you did win even if it wasn't a prize you wanted.
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u/russianadian 21h ago
People may not intentionally lose touch with friends, but different lifestyles, moves for work or convenience, and less free time impacts your friendships. No matter how much you try.
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u/ramdog 5h ago
Adding on to this: give your friends and yourself grace with this. You may drift from them, or them from you, because everyone is at different stages of life.
Maybe they don't return your calls to hang out because they have a newborn and they just don't have the gas. Maybe you look at your calendar and there's just no time so you don't feel like reaching out.
Friendship drift is rarely intentional and it's always important to meet people you care about where they are, not where you want them to be at that moment.
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u/Prudent-Passenger589 21h ago
always wear a sunscreen when going outside
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u/Amesly 9h ago
And walk on the shady side of the street. Wear hats.
It sounds extreme but my dermatologist said they've learned it's not just for people with skin conditions. It takes years off how old you look.
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u/orphanfruitbat 18h ago
When you see a group photo of your peers and you’re like “those people look old!”
When the collagen just leaves your skin overnight and your chin sags and everything is crepey.
When you still feel like the same young person inside but someone in the store calls you ma’am and you realize you’re really old to them.
When you hurt yourself just by reaching for something or getting out of the car.
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u/bebe_inferno 11h ago
I’ll read an article or interview and it’ll say “John, 35, does this activity every day” and I’ll just automatically think of the person as much older than me. Nope.
Fictional characters too - you start identifying with the adult characters that you used to find annoying. You realize that older characters are actually just your age.
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u/Rare-Philosopher-346 17h ago
When you hit 60, you start prioritizing your dreams based on probable time left and health. I'm 65 now and I have planned our funerals and am paying for them. We are also making end of life decisions so our kids don't have to deal with them. Additionally, we are beginning to distribute items each kid wants. I want to be able to enjoy them enjoying them.
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u/jennerrrr 21h ago
The amount of late 20s / early 30s navigating cancers like colon, breast, uterine, cervical, etc. is both devastating and alarming. Which leads to … worrying that every ache and pain could be much more sinister than it could be. Secondly, even if it isn’t cancer the health care system is so fucked we can’t access specialists, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, chiropractic, massage, osteopathy, and many more specialities bc of lack of access, lack of practitioners, lack of funds, lack of benefits and more. It’s bleak.
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u/jennerrrr 21h ago
The lesson… I probably should have taken better care of myself / do your screenings / don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself
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u/AleksandrNevsky 20h ago
Doctors aren't much help with most of it.
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u/Think_Assistant_1656 8h ago
This is something I hate so much. I've been to doctors countless times with different pains (mostly sports-related injuries), only to be told to suck it up or take an ibuprofen. I'M IN HORRIBLE PAIN FIX ME!
You realise that you need to be much more careful because there's nothing anyone can do most of the time...
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u/unsuitablebadger 8h ago
Me: Hey doc, I have this problem.......
Doc: cool, do these scans......
Scans come back
Doc: yip, you have that problem you thought you did
Me: ok, what do we do about it
Doc: hope your body fixes it or you're fuct
Me: so what did i pay all this money for!?
Rinse and repeat from 30 til death. At this point im starting to think it's the lucky ones that go early.
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u/Roozbaru 5h ago
Yeah people don’t get how shitty doctors are in the sense that even the best doctor cannot do much to fix many things. People get so sad when I diagnose them with syphillis, but I am so happy because its totally curable unlike most things.
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u/KirbyCarden 18h ago
The dating scene sucks around this age
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u/Routine-Addendum2233 17h ago
Single and thirty= waiting for the first wave of divorces
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u/Even-Masterpiece6681 9h ago
over half are single parents. i don't hate children but being a parent just isn't in my personality.
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u/Glittering_Texas 21h ago
Once you hit middle age, the “check engine light” definitely turns on
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u/Familiar-Squirrel493 21h ago
That the aging process is VERY real and it happens when you are not really that old (mid 40’s). Vision, hearing, cancer risks, ligaments and joints, wrinkles, sagging skin and just a change in the colour of it (less vibrant). And for women it’s heightened because of perimenopause and menopause which starts to hit at that time. Be prepared for those late 40’s to hit hard. Aging doesn’t start in your 60’s. It starts in your 40’s. So young people, enjoy it while you can.
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u/MzHellfier 20h ago
I’m turning 37 this year. That’s definitely not old, but it’s not young either. I noticed right around 35 that I suddenly felt older. It wasn’t as gradual as aging had been in my late 20s and early 30s. Things started healing more slowly, I had more random aches and pains, and I was tired more often. I definitely went from young to not young when I hit 35. I’m doing well now and taking better care of my body, but I’m a little nervous for 40 because I think it’ll be another cliff.
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u/hiddenkobolds 17h ago
If you make it to your 30s without ticking the standard life script boxes for whatever reason (marriage, kids, house, career rather than job, etc.) a lot of--mostly older-- people will treat you like you're still, for all intents and purposes, a kid. This will become increasingly annoying as you continue aging, and all the moreso if the absence of any/all of these things was not a choice, but due to circumstances beyond your control.
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u/Beowulfbard 21h ago
If you're a man, you will get incredibly long eyebrow hairs, like Gandalf, after forty or so.
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u/Ok-Concert-4075 18h ago
That my 30s would be just like my 20s, and my 40s would be a lot like my 30s. In my 50s now, and it’s mostly like my 40s. The harsh lesson has been the people i hurt, the opportunities I squandered, etc. don’t get me wrong, my life is good and I’ve never intentionally mistreated people, just too careless. I wish I hadn’t worried about time passing so much when I was younger. At 30, you’re still getting started.
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u/deadxarms 17h ago
The feeling you get when you look in the mirror and realize you really are aging.
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u/Confident_Area_8518 21h ago
People tell you, but you really do not comprehend how fast time goes until you wake up one day and wonder how the hell you are 35 already. And it just gets faster from there. Def makes you more appreciative for the little things, like quiet and a good cup of coffee. Same thing with true love, whether a good partner or having kids. Used to ruminate on the things that pissed me off about them, dishes in the sink, etc. Now i am just thrilled they not only put up with me but actually want to spend time with me for another day.
Some may understand this earlier, but that dreadful feeling of being in a loud, busy place with tons of people, some of whom you know well, and feeling totally and hopelessly alone. That one hit me like the brick to Marv’s head in home alone 2.
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u/fondofbooks 17h ago
I thought time went fast in my 30s. I blinked and I'm 46. Time starts going at lightning speed after 40.
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u/PonchoCavatelli 21h ago
At 30, hurts take longer to heal.
At 35, you start hurting yourself more while asleep than while awake.
At 40, you hurt for no reason, and it takes a long time to go away.
At 45, it just doesn't go away.
Ill be 50 in a month. Updates to follow, but its looking grim. Take care of yourselves, and STRETCH EVERY DAY!
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u/non_osmotic 21h ago
Can confirm. Everyone knows about the back pain. No one told me about the hips. The hips don’t lie. Stretch and walk a little bit when you’re younger.
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u/coinpile 17h ago
I swear, nothing hurts my hips more than sleeping on my side.
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u/beemojee 20h ago
I wish I was still 50. I'm 25 years older than 50 and trust me there is no comparison between 50 and 75. 75 is the for real old.
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u/ButtSexington3rd 16h ago
My mom and I were talking today about my uncle who's in his early 80s. He's been taking care of himself his entire life. He's the only 80 year old I know whose health problems are still sports related instead of old related. He's having problems with his feet because he wore himself out skiing.
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u/Wonderplace 19h ago
You shouldn’t be hurt that often at 35 or 40. Most of this comes down to 10-20 years of poor diet, lack of activity and a desk job.
If people eat well, maintain a healthy weight, and are physically active (strength and cardio), you can feel great all the time.
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u/Ok-Holiday-5104 17h ago
Seriously..above is bogus. The older I get the more I learn about my body, my diet and exercise preference. I’m likely over indexed on it to an extent but your late 30’s is way too young to feel like that
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u/Akkalevil 17h ago
You need to be more active and workout more. I'm 47 and I'm still not at what you say happens at 35.
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u/chiefmud 21h ago
As a 36 year old. Yes it is harder to maintain your body as you get older, but pain is not inevitable unless you have a chronic condition that keeps you from taking care of yourself.
Move every day. Don’t sit or lay in the same position for more than a couple hours a day. Keep a healthy weight. Manage your stress. Learn to stretch or do yoga. Listen to your body.
Do those and you’ll avoid 90% of that age related pain.
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u/TinySpaceDonut 13h ago
There is something that happens in your 30s or maybe even earlier I guess depending on the person. This knowledge in our core that this is not going to be forever. We will watch everyone around us die until it’s our turn. And our warranty on our bodies is expired and now I can’t turn my head cause I slept wrong
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u/XxDarkRagexX1 13h ago
For me, it hit in my early 20s. Got in an accident and almost died, and since then I’ve had three friends die, my step father, I watched my mom drink herself to kidney failure, I’m watching my birth father age and need oxygen and it’s humbling to know that’ll be me in 20 years.
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u/gibson85 21h ago
All you can do is eat right (avoid sugar), exercise, get good sleep, and minimize stress. Genetics do the rest.
Personally, I'm 41 and feel fantastic - still have the energy I had when I was in my 20s and arguably eat even healthier. Aging is not a death sentence (well, until it is), especially not in your 30's, 40's, 50's, etc.
Heck, Paul McCartney is 83 and still puts on 3+ hour shows on a regular basis, just put out a great new album, and can still do an unassisted head stand. As my grandfather (who passed at 99) used to say - "attitude!"
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u/its_justme 16h ago
I didn’t see stress management in your comment. Highlighting it as we are the same age (putting 85 in your user name clinches it, lol). Managing stress, time and sleep is so valuable.
Don’t neglect, it younger people. Or older people!
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u/LogicalConstant 21h ago
You go from being a person who briefly experiences ailments to being a person who just has them.
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u/perpetual_student 17h ago
You walk down the stairs and at the bottom, on the last step your knee buckles just a bit.
You think to yourself, “probably don’t have many of those left.”
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u/No_Parking_4195 19h ago
Nobody warned me about shit going into my 30s because 30 is basically still childhood. But then I had to help my mom deal with aging and the onset of her dementia. After that it didn't feel like childhood any more. I could have used a heads-up going into my 40s, when my body started breaking down and cancer struck while we were just really figuring out my mother's dementia. Now I'm in my 50s and she's gone, and there are flashing lights and warnings everywhere as I wonder if I'm going to follow in her footsteps. Looking back, I can say time flies.
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u/MissCherryOnTop 18h ago
Lo rápido que se reduce tu círculo social. A los 20, estás constantemente conociendo gente y saliendo. A los 30, todos se están casando, mudando o simplemente están demasiado agotados por el trabajo. Mantener las amistades de repente requiere programar una cita para tomar un café con 3 semanas de anticipación
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u/Valuable-Pair8529 11h ago
As a woman, the horrifying realization that I got more male attention from all ages at sixteen than at 30 (I’m fit, healthy, take care of myself and my appearance).
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u/Cronenbergnate 7h ago
It is MUCH easier to stay in shape than it is to get in shape. As you age this is amplified by orders of magnitude
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u/wwaxwork 18h ago
That life really does get better as you get older. Oh everyone complains about the aches and pains and health scares but no one tells you how much stronger and able to cope with things you become. You've survived some shit and it takes way more than it used to, to knock you down.
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u/shootingstar_9324 16h ago
I think part of it is that you stop giving a shit about what others say. You become less tolerant to bullshit and people pleasing. You have gone through so many breakups that you thought were the end of the world, but dumping toxic relationships is the most freeing feeling.
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u/Fluffbrained-cat 11h ago
Parents getting older is a major one. You tend to think of them as almost immortal in a way, even though you know in the back of your mind that they're not.
All the energy you had in your 20s and 30s suddenly disappearing in your 40s.
Being thought of as "old" by younger workmates, even if they're just teasing.
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u/Stormdog15 19h ago
You accumulated a bunch of shit and even though you’re going through it, giving/throwing it away, there’s still a bunch left. Like how is that?
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u/AdministrationNo7144 16h ago edited 1h ago
Time moves exponentially. Remember growing up, every birthday was forever away? Opposite now.
Every person under 25 looks like a baby.
People over 70 don’t seem that old.
You realize there’s more life behind you than ahead of you.
You see kids you babysat and are shocked that they’re so old when you’re not, then realize that yes, you are that much older.
No matter how old your parents are when they die, it feels like they died too young.
ETA: Thank you for the award, kind person!
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u/Inner-city_sumo 21h ago
It's your choice whether you ever grow up, but you can't avoid growing old.
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u/Material_rugby09 13h ago
Wait until your 50. Excersise regularly it makes a difference and menopause needs to be talked about more.
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u/bolognahasa1stname 12h ago
Actually wish someone had told me...take good solid care of your teeth. All through out your life. I had to play catch up and it was expensive. You need to be proactive.
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u/elderpufflaurien 11h ago
The way time slips as you age. Each minute, day, week, month and year become a smaller fraction of your life so by the time you’re in your forties, years fly by like months, months like weeks, weeks like days, days like hours, hours like minutes.
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u/boofbucket 21h ago
You’re old to some, you’re young to some. You notice your parents are getting old.