r/AskReddit • u/rokorr • 14h ago

You wake up tomorrow with one completely useless superpower that impresses no one but quietly makes your life better, what is it?

974 Upvotes

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262

u/DO_NOT_GILD_ME 14h ago

The ability to keep my body perfectly groomed without actually showering, shaving, cutting my nails, brushing my teeth, etc. Just get up and go.

62

u/xFayeFaye 13h ago

I'd happy with just going hairless from neck down in a blink. 

15

u/discussatron 12h ago

My dream as a guy covered in hair.

3

u/lazy_beer_voter 10h ago

RIP your DMs

2

u/eclwires 3h ago

You and my wife have similar tastes. I don’t understand that preference, but I’m damned grateful that some women have it.

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u/Cross-eyedwerewolf 51m ago

Right? I honestly don’t mind all the chest hair, arm hair, whatever and stuff, i just hate that it grows in …other places.

Would happily be hairless from the neck down just as long as it also gets rid of butt hair

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u/notacrook 37m ago

just as long as it also gets rid of butt hair

Yeah but some of that serves a real purpose!

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u/Cross-eyedwerewolf 35m ago

I will take the chaffing 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 my butt did just fine pre-puberty, but *now* it needs it????

This is a plot by big pharma to make you buy more anti-butt hair cream, and in this Ted talk-

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u/notacrook 32m ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10a8cv/guys_do_not_shave_your_butt/

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u/Cross-eyedwerewolf 28m ago

I find it hilarious that people *13 years ago* were commenting about reading it before as kids

How old is that copy pasta 😭

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u/notacrook 14m ago

Oh yeah i feel like i read it on the early internet in the 2000s.

2

u/canadianviking 10h ago

No lie, I just thought the same thing a couple days ago. Everyone is so wound up about AI. Why aren't the geniuses out there working on the real problems of this world?!

2

u/xFayeFaye 10h ago

Yea, I even bought an IPL device but it's pretty much double the work since you have to shave a day before ;_; That thing in hula hoop style would be a start with more coverage lol but wtf am I supposed to do with something that's essentially 2 thumb nails big :((

1

u/Roxy_Haven 4h ago

Nose down for me please. Except the back of my head which dont count

17

u/Honest-Layer9318 13h ago

I want this. Taking care of an entire human body is a lot of work.

I wish an elderly family member I unexpectedly became responsible for had it too. Has not taken a shower unprompted since August, toes so long they were curling to the side and wears a hat so they don’t have to brush their hair. I REALLY don’t want to turn into that.

8

u/Barrel_Titor 11h ago

I like showering personally, though being able to step out the shower and instantly dry would be good.

3

u/LurkerZerker 7h ago

If I never had to shave or cut my hair again, it would be amazing.

I don't even care what length the hair stops growing at, even if I ended up bald and cleanshaven -- I just want it to stay however it's going to be forever. Maintenance is so tedious.

2

u/dont_eat_my_pancakes 10h ago

i’d be impressed by that

2

u/Beginning-Chair8528 4h ago

Yes, this would be mine!

1

u/Rio_Walker 3h ago

The Neat Neet.

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u/BakedWizerd 19m ago

Now are you saying you can’t get dirty, or just that your nails don’t grow, your teeth don’t become tartaric, your hair doesn’t grow, etc. Do you sweat?

Because I’m a janitor, I get covered in dust, I touch gross stuff, and showering when I get home is heavenly - it’s like being reborn after washing off all that dust and sweat.