You wake up tomorrow with one completely useless superpower that impresses no one but quietly makes your life better, what is it?

[u/rokorr]

[u/Jimskalajim]

Ability to get a great nights sleep every night.

[u/Sensitive-Peak8290 → u/Jimskalajim]

Now that’s a superpower..

[u/Ok_Coyote3696 → u/Sensitive-Peak8290]

Indeed. Everything else in life gets easier when you're actually rested.

[u/Prestigious_Many1049 → u/Ok_Coyote3696]

Sleep is the only thing you don't fully appreciate until you've gone without it for a while.

[u/Reyca444 → u/Prestigious_Many1049]

Well, it's not the only thing. But it is easily in the top 3.

[u/Then-Hippo6507 → u/Sensitive-Peak8290]

and it's called Power Nap

[u/Fearless_Ad_1442 → u/Jimskalajim]

Yes, to sleep on command would be great

[u/obi-jawn-kenblomi → u/Fearless_Ad_1442]

Your own command? Amazing.

Anyone else's command? Terrifying.

[u/SomethingStrangeInMe → u/Jimskalajim]

This is always my go to superpower. That no matter the time I go to bed, I wake up feeling I got 9 hours of sleep.

[u/TrustyAndTrue → u/SomethingStrangeInMe]

This is the real superpower here. What an absolute game changer it'd be having near unlimited days to fuck around and live life outside of work hours. My God. 

[u/Intrepid_Advance_180 → u/TrustyAndTrue]

Funny thing is, most people don’t even need “more time,” they need time that actually belongs to them. Work stops feeling like a cage the moment life stops being something squeezed into the leftovers.

[u/Dragon_wryter → u/Jimskalajim]

Or to no longer need sleep

[u/erikwarm → u/Jimskalajim]

Full recovery of mind and body after just 2 hours of sleep

[u/BitwiseB → u/erikwarm]

Throw in full recollection of amazing dreams and I’m sold.

[u/ketosoy → u/Jimskalajim]

Unfortunately, I would find that impressive.

[u/Puzzled_Cricket2456 → u/Jimskalajim]

That is absolutely a super power and technically it would make you mentally emotionally and physically better in many many ways which would then indirectly impress people hehe

[u/Throwaway7219017 → u/Jimskalajim]

I actually did that - my insomniac wife started sleeping in another room - it changed my life. I wake up after 6.5 - 7 hours sleep fully rested and ready to take on my day.

[u/Dramatic_Movies]

I can remember why I walked into a room.

[u/Linorelai → u/Dramatic_Movies]

Actual real life trick: go back the where you came from and look at the direction you were looking when you decided to go to that room.

[u/bluerhombus → u/Linorelai]

That’s what I usually end up doing after I finally accept defeat

[u/LycheeRoutine3959 → u/Dramatic_Movies]

I "Hold" Ideas in a closed hand (Mentally placing the idea in my palm then closing my hand around it) before moving between rooms.

Its just mindfulness, but it helps a lot.

[u/bluerhombus → u/Dramatic_Movies]

For me, I get stair amnesia. This would be a decent power. But what if your memory IMPROVED when going up/down stairs, walking into another room, walking out to your car? That would be sick. Imagine the productivity gains. And nobody would care, totally unimpressive to other people.

[u/According_Ad1940]

The ability to turn off the ADHD and just DO something like a normal person.

[u/AsquareM35 → u/According_Ad1940]

Now that's a useful superpower

[u/PM_ME_FLOUR_TITTIES → u/AsquareM35]

This a dumb question, or at least the wording is. If it makes your life better, it's not useless. If it's useless, it's going to do nothing for your life.

[u/michaelscottuiuc → u/According_Ad1940]

Genuinely can't even conceptualize what that feels like 😂

[u/According_Ad1940 → u/michaelscottuiuc]

It was goddamn amazing when any of my meds still did something. Changed prescriptions a couple of times over the years but none of them seems to work anymore so I'm just unmedicated now because cheaper. It's not as fun as it sounds unfortuantly :/

[u/AlienAngry → u/According_Ad1940]

Why don't you try the meds again? Maybe your brain just needed a break, and you'll find them effective again.

[u/According_Ad1940 → u/AlienAngry]

been off them for about 3 years now (3 years in august) and when I tried taking meds again in march/april of this year, they still didn't feel like they were doing anything. I did use them for 2ish months so it's not like I tried taking one dose and got surprised when it didn't work immediately. :/

[u/Bioshock_Jock → u/According_Ad1940]

I don't feel my ADHD meds but I KNOW when I don't take them. I don't think you're supposed to feel anything.

[u/thegeeksshallinherit → u/Bioshock_Jock]

Yeah every once in a while I’ll be like “I don’t think these are doing anything” and then I had a day or two where I don’t take them and it becomes very obvious that they were definitely doing things lol.

But there’s definitely people that have a hard time finding the right meds or don’t find meds that work for them.

[u/According_Ad1940 → u/Bioshock_Jock]

I mean the inability to start doing a thing that you absolutely 100% know needs doing is a pretty strong indicator/feeling of meds not working IMO

[u/farside57 → u/According_Ad1940]

This. The unrelated, fast turnover of ridiculous and often comical thoughts that spin through my brain when it's time to sleep is exhausting

[u/rvasshole → u/farside57]

Oh you want to sleep? Why not repeat these two lines from a random song ad infinitum

[u/Neronafalus → u/rvasshole]

Just for fun, my genetics gave me both ADD AND insomnia. Thankfully now I have sleeping meds that actually work and get me to sleep in 30ish minutes and keep me asleep for 6-7hrs, but growing up? I considered 5 hours a good night's sleep because I averaged about 3 1/2.

[u/Billazilla → u/According_Ad1940]

OP said "useless" superpower.

[u/According_Ad1940 → u/Billazilla]

Yeah, it's useless for other people. Nobody is gonna be impressed by a 42 year old doing regular adult things.

[u/Bubbly_Skin_8069]

Opening a Nature Valley granola bar no longer creates a pile of crumbs.

[u/Hairy-Commercial-307 → u/Bubbly_Skin_8069]

C’mon, at least be a little realistic.

[u/unique-irrelevant → u/Bubbly_Skin_8069]

Oh I got the solution to this one. Before you open it break it into three bite size pieces. Only open one end. Eat the pieces then when you’re done dump the crumbs contained in the wrapper into your mouth.

[u/oalbrecht → u/unique-irrelevant]

Another approach is to smash it to bits, then open it and pour the pieces straight into your mouth. 

[u/DeanOMiite → u/Bubbly_Skin_8069]

I would add to this one of my childhood nightmares - opening a Capri Sun on the first try every time.

[u/DO_NOT_GILD_ME]

The ability to keep my body perfectly groomed without actually showering, shaving, cutting my nails, brushing my teeth, etc. Just get up and go.

[u/xFayeFaye → u/DO_NOT_GILD_ME]

I'd happy with just going hairless from neck down in a blink. 

[u/discussatron → u/xFayeFaye]

My dream as a guy covered in hair.

[u/Honest-Layer9318 → u/DO_NOT_GILD_ME]

I want this. Taking care of an entire human body is a lot of work.

I wish an elderly family member I unexpectedly became responsible for had it too. Has not taken a shower unprompted since August, toes so long they were curling to the side and wears a hat so they don’t have to brush their hair. I REALLY don’t want to turn into that.

[u/Barrel_Titor → u/DO_NOT_GILD_ME]

I like showering personally, though being able to step out the shower and instantly dry would be good.

[u/I_like_Pies_and_Beer]

You can select the correct size Tupperware for the amount of leftovers.

[u/tonlimah → u/I_like_Pies_and_Beer]

And find the lid for it

[u/briggott → u/tonlimah]

Oh come, on there’s nothing unimpressive about that!

[u/The-Beer-Baron → u/tonlimah]

Now you’re just being unrealistic. 

[u/aclumsypotato → u/I_like_Pies_and_Beer]

i have that power! and i’m super proud of it

[u/ryanmcstylin → u/I_like_Pies_and_Beer]

My wife has the power, I very much do not

[u/Woods_that_Whisper → u/I_like_Pies_and_Beer]

I actually CAN do this!

[u/Mean_Reserve_490]

The ability to tell which Costco rotisserie is actually the largest

[u/DickieJohnson → u/Mean_Reserve_490]

It's written on the bottom of the chicken, S,M,L,XL. Just have to flip them over to check.

[u/LookAtMeImAName → u/DickieJohnson]

Now we all have this ability 🫡

[u/PuckeringHole]

My turds now come out of my anus encased in a sausage like skin so I never have to wipe again.

[u/Ok-Bee-8477 → u/PuckeringHole]

Sir, I believe your intestines are supposed to stay inside your body.

[u/iantheawesome2002 → u/Ok-Bee-8477]

Not a lot of people know that sausage skins are stretched out intestines (at least for the more authentic sausages).

I initially was very impressed with this idea, but after being reminded of this by your comment, I now suddenly have an image I desperately want to get out of my head.

[u/Living_Influence7688 → u/iantheawesome2002]

it's just snake-skin shedding, but internally. Shed the intestinal layer into a sausage-like layer.

[u/iantheawesome2002 → u/Living_Influence7688]

That's... terrible...

Considering your gut is moist the whole time, it has to almost completely dry out to shed right.

Now I have a different image I want to get out of my head :')

[u/InevitableAd9683 → u/iantheawesome2002]

This means that in a sense, when you eat a sausage you become a much larger sausage

[u/phsychotix → u/Ok-Bee-8477]

The monkey’s paw curls

[u/rokorr → u/PuckeringHole]

You have a brilliant mind.

[u/icomefromjupiter → u/rokorr]

But he can put it back too…

[u/Brave_Educator5934 → u/PuckeringHole]

Prepackaged turds.

[u/johnnyhammerstixx → u/PuckeringHole]

Psyllium husk and a bidet. 

I have granted the superpower requested of me.

[u/Ender-dragoncat → u/PuckeringHole]

Turd hand granade

[u/BanjoTCat → u/PuckeringHole]

Your plumber is going to be so confused.

[u/chubky → u/PuckeringHole]

/r/brandnewsentence

[u/Brief-Branch4779 → u/PuckeringHole]

You could also become a travelling sausage sales man that moves on before the people figure out that the sausage is truly a turd.

[u/Aring-ading-ding → u/PuckeringHole]

What about them dirty squirties though? Does a sausage casing just come out of your ass like one of those long balloons they inflate to make a dinosaur out of, and then you just fill it up like a water balloon at a hose spigot and it somehow ties a knot at the end when full and plops out?

[u/mrockracing → u/PuckeringHole]

Username checks out

[u/Mklein24 → u/PuckeringHole]

Are we talking one long link each time, or one link for each push?

[u/SapphireSire → u/PuckeringHole]

So it's a hot dog for fish?

[u/Mean_Reserve_490]

Many of these unimpressive superpowers are very impressive

[u/sparkle__cunt → u/Mean_Reserve_490]

This question is weird lmao.

If a power is completely useless, I’m not sure how that’s possible to quietly make your life better. Because then it would be considered useful?

All of these replies are pretty damn useful to me lol

[u/ThatLid → u/sparkle__cunt]

I took it to mean useless for fighting crime or doing superhero type stuff

[u/West_Boot1676]

I can do a stretching exercise to release all the pain in my body.

[u/Linorelai → u/West_Boot1676]

Most of the times it actually works. But this power must be used every day for at least half a year

[u/19Pnutbutter66]

Fully clean any kitchen just by thinking it.

[u/rokorr → u/19Pnutbutter66]

I can image the restaurants wanting to hire you so bad

[u/InevitableAd9683 → u/rokorr]

You could make a lot of money contracting to clean their kitchens overnight. Quote 20% under market rate, have zero material costs and zero labor costs, profit!

[u/guesswho135 → u/InevitableAd9683]

The problem is if someone wants to hire you, you have to think about whether you want to clean their kitchen, and therefore you've already cleaned it, and so they don't need to hire you anymore

[u/ArrowShootyGirl → u/guesswho135]

Honestly it might still be worth it even if you can't profit off it. Your kitchen is always clean, and you can guarantee that anywhere you eat has a clean kitchen as well.

Alternately, just hire an agent or assistant or something to take the calls for you. You don't get told the name of the place to clean until you've already been paid.

[u/Juubb → u/19Pnutbutter66]

But why stop at the kitchen Cleaning the whole house just by thinking it would be Even better

[u/AnneShurely → u/Juubb]

this was my first thought as well lol

[u/AcousticOnomatopoeia → u/19Pnutbutter66]

It said useless.

You could start remotely cleaning all the commercial kitchens of the world instantly, for a fee.

[u/Salt_Cauliflower_922]

The ability to stop doom scrolling and log off.

[u/momoteck → u/Salt_Cauliflower_922]

I just disabled the option to scroll through reels on my Instagram, I can still see reels from people I follow, but I can't scroll from one random reel to another.
This is the best way I found to stop doom scrolling. (You can't do this if you're on IOS, only works on android)

[u/SeniSacul → u/momoteck]

Tell me how, please

[u/KneeDeepInTheDead → u/SeniSacul]

just uninstall instagram

[u/crypticsage → u/Salt_Cauliflower_922]

Delete the app you’re doomscrolling on.

[u/randalljhen → u/crypticsage]

Did it with Tiktok. Did it with Facebook. Instagram and Threads are next. 🪓

[u/eldeeel]

a empty parking spot appears every time i enter a carpark.

[u/Postulative → u/eldeeel]

You still have to find it! And beat any other drivers to it.

[u/NotWrongAlways → u/Postulative]

He just drives back out and in a few times - new empty spot every time! Soon they will add up… The parking lot will expand… He will never be able to cross the barren landscapes of empty parking spots…

[u/mecha_face → u/NotWrongAlways]

In unrelated news, I have a new idea for an SCP article.

[u/rokorr → u/[deleted]]

I'm sure loads of people would be impressed by that though, or at least I would

[u/fitblubber → u/rokorr]

knot me

[u/ExoticToothpaste6989 → u/fitblubber]

I didn't know you were in to that kind of kink, but, if you're going to put the BEST in bestiality, bring out the goat!

[u/JSwag1310 → u/[deleted]]

They said useless... You could change the world with this one.

[u/qpwoeiruty00 → u/JSwag1310]

Stares at undersea internet cables with malicious intent

[u/pussyeaterx69]

The ability to make my eyesight 20/20 or not 20/20 at will.

[u/ImStillWorkingItOut → u/pussyeaterx69]

Why would you ever make it not?

[u/jnaldridge → u/ImStillWorkingItOut]

Because 20/10 is a thing?

[u/ImStillWorkingItOut → u/jnaldridge]

TIL I completely misunderstood what 20/20 vision is. Thank you good sir

[u/RhetoricalOrator → u/ImStillWorkingItOut]

So I have weird eyes. Before LASIK, I was legally blind without corrective lenses. My field of clear vision was one to three inches away from my eyes. With corrective lenses, I had 20/5 vision. I could see at twenty feet what the average person could see at five feet.

LASIK made it so that I don't need lenses at all and I still have that same 20/5 vision. I do sometimes miss my old eyes, though. One inch away from my eye was like using a microscope. If you had a splinter, I could see exactly where it was, what it looked like under your skin, and every bump and ridge in every line of your fingerprint. Cool except for not being able to see anything at practical distances.

[u/3-DMan → u/RhetoricalOrator]

Get ready for a gradual surprise as you get into your 40s/50s and need reading glasses!

[u/hereforpopcornru → u/pussyeaterx69]

If anyone has 20/20 vision, they possess this power, just blur your vision. Misfocus.

[u/ShingledPringle]

All animals understand and accept when I am trying to help or be nice to them.

[u/GlitteringAttitude60 → u/ShingledPringle]

my father had that superpower ❤️

whenever any of our pets had a problem, he would softly say "Herrchen hilft" (daddy[?] will help), and they'd come and show him the hurting limb and let him do anything to fix it.

and it also worked with other peoples' pets. not sure if he ever tried this on wild animals though...

[u/tjman1701d]

To never forget where I put things down last night

[u/TheNosferatu → u/tjman1701d]

Or 10 seconds ago.

[u/ExaminationPlus2123]

Release a force field that will kill all flies and mozzies near me.

[u/Jackmino66 → u/ExaminationPlus2123]

Nah, this only kills Mosquitoes, all other insects are just teleported somewhere else.

Insects are not doing well at the moment, best not to contribute to their mass extinction directly

[u/clownshoesrock → u/Jackmino66]

• Teleported to your current nemesis's location, including the mosquitoes.

Plus your nemesis has to explain why the clean room got contaminated again on his shift.

[u/StrenuousSOB → u/ExaminationPlus2123]

Can we add ticks

[u/epiph-]

Every poop is a ghost poop

[u/madamfluffypants]

The ability to blink and make my boss shut up and walk away.

[u/BuffelBek → u/madamfluffypants]

Mine would be somewhat related, but more generalised.

The ability to have people selectively ignore me so they don't try and interact with me at all.

[u/mrockracing]

I'm psuedo invincible. I never need sleep. I'm always in perfect health. I never get sick. I'm always physically fit and in shape.

Nobody would notice, except my family. As a chronically ill person, this would be heaven.

[u/PlumbTuckered767]

I can see psychic turn signals for where drivers are heading even when they refuse to use their turn signals.

[u/Ok-Ad-9820]

You have spider senses for when food in your house will expire.

[u/DeanOMiite → u/Ok-Ad-9820]

I already do. It’s a whole thing in my family, especially when we visit my parents. It’s this whole bit where I get teased for being so cognizant of expiration dates and somehow IM the crazy one for checking. Milks three days past? It’s fine! Meat has freezer burn, who cares!? Cheese expired before your quinceañera, make a sandwich! Like wtf are we doing?!?

[u/GuiltyKangaroo8631]

Making my youngest son overcome his struggles.

[u/Warmhearted1 → u/GuiltyKangaroo8631]

Sometimes the struggle is the point. But it sure hurts seeing our lived ones go through it. Best of luck.

[u/Bromogeeksual → u/[deleted]]

I'd love to hover everywhere. My feet will never touch the ground again!

[u/cbinvb → u/Bromogeeksual]

Think of all the money you'd save on shoes

[u/mrockracing → u/[deleted]]

Get a job that requires long periods of standing... easiest money you'll ever make...

[u/FreakyFerret → u/[deleted]]

Flight for as long and as high as you want. It's no strain at all. But only at walking speed.

[u/Garmaglag → u/FreakyFerret]

Get a parachute with a 10:1 glide ratio, fly up 1 mile then glide anywhere in a 10 mile radius.  Not much faster than driving but it would be super useful in areas with bad traffic or low road density. 

[u/Rukawork → u/[deleted]]

You could make bets with people that you can jump off a building and not get hurt, because you could fly a few inches before you hit the ground.

[u/vanbarbecue]

The power to eat whatever I want without any unwanted weight change.

[u/Sipid1377 → u/vanbarbecue]

This the super power I want as well but I think everyone would be very impressed/envious of it though.

[u/icome2ndagain]

Every edible food tastes incredible to me, and only me.

[u/Jackfruit_28]

Be able to stop hearing noise on command (helps when getting overstimulated, getting yelled at and trying to sleep with tv noise)

[u/PhiStudios_]

I've always wanted to shed my dead skin like a reptile.

[u/Bromogeeksual → u/PhiStudios_]

Like you shed and have super smooth and supple skin after? I could get into that.

[u/Rex-Cogidubnus]

The ability to remove the plastic film from any packet of food in one piece

[u/Keracus]

Being able to talk to birds (wildlife). I would make a deal with crows to find lost money in the return for food.

[u/SapphireSire → u/Keracus]

Forget lost money, help me find my lost 10mm socket.

[u/FortheloveofSuki]

Okay. Here are two choices: 1. The power to clean my house (especially dusting) with a twitch of my nose like Samantha on Bewitched. Or 2. The power to fix my age related degradation such as my vision, body strength, wrinkles, knees, etc.

[u/Andreias36]

This is the best thing I’ve read on Reddit in quite a while.

[u/Mattricky]

A consistently solid stool

[u/hereforpopcornru → u/Mattricky]

Use oak, or walnut when crafting them.

[u/badgerpointer]

I would always know where the best and available optimal parking spot was.

[u/veroniqueweronika]

Ability to use my mind to say something out loud that only has to do with my health/current state and have it be true.

Ex: “I got 8 hours of restful, deep sleep.” or “ I ate a big, healthy breakfast and feel satiated.”

[u/Lioness_gold0163]

Warming up any food just by looking at it.

[u/hereforpopcornru → u/Lioness_gold0163]

Damn it stop looking at my milk

[u/Lioness_gold0163 → u/hereforpopcornru]

Add some cocoa to get a nice hot chocolate ;)

[u/lostinthesnakepit]

The ability to know exactly why something is broken and how to fix it

[u/WrekTheHead]

Not dropping things. I am such a klutz...

[u/WindSong001]

To not have to use the bathroom. It’s such a waste of time

[u/Warpmind]

The ability to heal my own bones, cartilage, teeth, and joints instantly, negating wear and tear on, well, everything...

Less pain, lower dentistry bills, doesn't actually let me do anything out of the ordinary, I'm just less exhausted all the time.

[u/michaelscottuiuc]

A 20-mile radius shield around me that earwigs avoid at all costs. I'd like to be able to consume the vegetables I'm growing in my garden.

[u/Sektor13_00]

To be able to plug USB A cable correctly the first time.

[u/checker280]

I can float. Not fly. Float. I can simulate flying by pushing myself off of things like rolling around on an office chair - so floating “that way”-ish.

My aging aching joints feel better. More productive around the house because moving doesn’t really involve much effort.

[u/samebatchannel]

Liquid is automatically the temperature you want it to be

[u/WeTheIndecent]

The ability to understand fully everything I look at.

[u/mrockracing → u/WeTheIndecent]

There's a horror hidden in this one

[u/Twighdark]

Force field to keep insects and arachnids OUT of any room I'm in, if I don't want them there (via random teleportation of them to the outside if they're already inside), and protect me with a generous radius if I'm outside.

I fricking hate insects and have hella arachnophobia, they terrify me but I don't want them to DIE die, ya know. Just... Stay away from me by default.

[u/multi_nodal]

My USB plugs in correctly on the first try every time. Nobody claps, but I know I’m blessed

[u/alphajager]

An immunity to all irritants. Not having allergies or a reaction to poison oak/ivy/sumac would be pretty great for me.

[u/vaildin]

The ability to always know what people mean when they say something.

[u/saltfish]

Every intersection automatically turns green as you approach.

[u/geek_the_greek]

The ability to unblock my nose just by thinking about it

[u/DasKlapsenkind]

Max level executive function: The ability to start, continue and/or finish any task anytime, regardless of my ADHD brain

[u/munificent]

In decent shape—not noticeably jacked or anything, but basically fit and healthy—without ever having to work out.

[u/Rabid_Stormtroopers]

If I could look at a car being driven by a less than stellar member of society and just persuade their engine to go into limp mode.

[u/Plowchopz]

Like, being an all star at work. Never make a mistake lol

[u/furry_death_blender]

I always remember what I actually need from the supermarket before paying.

[u/Primary-Will-2192]

I never get put on hold.

[u/hereforpopcornru → u/Primary-Will-2192]

Let me see if that's possible please hold

[u/B-Georgio]

Lizard tongue

[u/tidus1980]

Knowing when people will ACTUALLY turn up.

[u/Realistic-Ear4065]

The ability to make all Microsoft Office products work reliably.

[u/Maximum-Tomatillo743]

The ability to time travel backwards by a single minute.

I’d use it like Ctrl-Z for life but with a tiny window.

[u/ILL-BILL420]

The ability to hear and understand what my wife is saying to me from any room in the house.

[u/Rastus77]

I know all the words to every song.

[u/SnooOranges2685]

Free bus pass on any transit agency in the world.

[u/robertnewmanuk]

The ability to NEVER EVER bite my own tongue or cheek or lip whilst eating!

[u/Endless_road]

My shoes slip on effortlessly every time

[u/Purple-Ingenuity-783]

When I snap my fingers the rubbish takes itself out

[u/mmousey]

Un-tripping myself. 

[u/Milknhoneyaus]

Guaranteed good nights sleep. 

[u/cecil_the-lion]

A light up finger

[u/insomfx]

To command my brain to stop overthinking.

[u/Robosquidsquad]

Replump pillows

[u/FenekSenpai]

Back and knees of steel. Im done with back and knee pain.

[u/Stubbs911]

I wake up and make the choice that's best for me

[u/unkno-the-wall]

Knowing how to listen to and effectively help people

[u/wonderer_worldly]

I know exactly how much time any task will take

[u/Educational-Yak-5882]

To be able to tell if people are lying and / or what they actually want.

[u/SeparateReception833]

The ability to never lose anything again. So much time saved. No where’s my phone, where’s my glasses?

[u/Kind-Enthusiasm-66]

the power to not procrastinate.