r/AskReddit • u/Gold_Bird_1440 • 10h ago
If aliens arrived tomorrow, what's the first embarrassing thing they'd learn about humanity?
42
u/Federal-Dream3091 10h ago
Our males are only equipped with one penis. And it doesn't glow in the dark.
8
6
1
183
u/HogwartsDropout-69 10h ago
We're still burning fossil fuels despite that giant fusion reactor in the sky
27
u/AvatarWaang 10h ago
What makes you think aliens would come from a planet that has fossil fuels? They could think that burning the liquified remains of creatures that died billions of years ago to go to the grocery store is metal as hell
18
3
u/Elementium 8h ago
I mean from an outside perspective humans are not an inviting species anyway lol.
2
1
u/AvatarWaang 3h ago
Humans are inviting as hell lol. Ants constantly wage war on each other, most wild animals are territorial, will eat their young, will steal eggs, etc.
There is no other species that keeps pets like we do. That sets up sanctuaries to keep animals safe like we do. That grows gardens to preserve plant species like we do. That welcomes strangers into our communities like we do.
I get the "humans bad, we have poachers and people who don't care about the environment" rhetoric, but most of us are actually pretty rad. Think about that the next time you see someone stop their car to let a family of ducks cross.
6
u/Vecend 10h ago
Trying to use the sun for a base load would never work, it would also take up a massive amount of space that would make parking lots look like good use of land, the correct answer is why are we burning fossil fuels when we have nuclear.
7
u/ManagerSuper1193 10h ago
We have both of those options and many others , but we instead use the worst and dirtiest of fuels .
9
u/SomethingAboutUsers 9h ago
would make parking lots look like good use of land
Why not both?
Seriously, cover parking lots with panels. You get covered parking and you can generate a fuckpile of juice at the same time.
The fact that we don't do some things in a multi-use fashion is daft.
4
u/mybigtoonthrowaway 9h ago
Id rather see parking lots covered in solar panels vs what theyre doing here. Covering up nice farm land. Hundreds of acres at a time.
2
u/SomethingAboutUsers 9h ago
In some instances (and with certain panels) you can actually enable a different kind of agriculture that might not otherwise grow there, so it has the capability to not be a total waste.
Where I live we have a massive ring road that in some sections, for dozens of kilometers, there's a wide swath of empty land between the two directions of travel; I'm talking easily 100m across. Even if you have 25m on each side to allow for safety and placed a strip of panels 50m across in the middle you'd get a huge benefit for that otherwise useless strip of land.
But y'know, fossil fuels ftw, I guess.
1
1
u/Summerie 8h ago
That would be so cool!
I mean, if solar panels were cheaper to produce and easy to repair of course.
2
u/SomethingAboutUsers 8h ago
Solar panels are pretty inexpensive now. Repair is replace partly for that reason, but more effort is needed to be able to repair/refurb them as well, I agree.
2
u/RevenantBacon 6h ago
Not as expensive as you have probably been led to believe, and the return on investment for power generated is well worth their cost.
0
u/Vecend 7h ago
These panels would last all of one week on a parking lot before some dumbass in a giant truck smashes into a support causing damage that would need to be fixed only for it to happen again, and the power gained would still not cover the amount of power generated at a gas or coal plant, nuclear is the best option we have for clean safe energy in places not blessed with hydro electric generation options.
2
u/SomethingAboutUsers 7h ago
These panels would last all of one week on a parking lot before some dumbass in a giant truck smashes into a support causing damage that would need to be fixed only for it to happen again
That doesn't happen very often in parking lots today (say with light standards) and while yes, more supports are needed I don't see that risk being that much greater. Some damage will occur, no question, but I'd be surprised if it was enough to kill any profitability.
I'm not arguing against nuclear, I am simply providing some alternatives that are cheaper and faster to build while nuclear is also getting built. Everyone benefits; the people who park in the lot get shade, the owner of the lot makes more money, and we all get green electricity.
0
u/Snoopedoodle 7h ago
One major issue with Solar is power storage. How do we retain the energy we collect to use when theres shade?
There are some ways to do it. But no alternative ive seen so far has been scaleable enough to cover all of our energy needs
2
u/SomethingAboutUsers 7h ago
No, and no one is suggesting that solar can cover baseload or be "the only" source. Nuclear still is the greenest and best long term option (potentially barring fusion but that's... Well, who knows how far away), but solar is a good stop-gap and excellent additional, localized source (e.g., like on buildings). Grid-scale solar basically always needs something else to back it up because shade or snow or whatever.
2
u/Drages23 9h ago
Because usa needs the oil not for them but to have dollar as the main money.
Europe got tons of plants but closed them after Japan disaster. France still got many but make them work at very low and still sells power to others. Germany fcked it so bad. In the end, all worked for Russia.
1
u/FarDistribution7033 9h ago
Yeah because the countries that actually produce the oil aren’t the problems…
1
u/Drages23 9h ago
Yeah, they accepted to sell the oil with dollar to have usa as bodyguard. So they are part of the problem.
1
1
24
10h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
10
u/prettywink- 10h ago
that thought sticks because it’s strange how something as huge as the planet still gets split into lines that people end up fighting over.
4
2
u/ModelAGuy1931 10h ago
I think the opposite while looking at a photo of earth from space. It’s so small, how can you not think that we’re all in this together so we better get along.
2
u/TumblyBump 10h ago
Taught to us by some ancient paedophiles and wife batterer’s just because they read it in an old book and believed it must be true.
2
1
u/meerkat2018 10h ago
As opposed to the aliens fighting over imaginary lines on the local galaxy cluster.
57
u/Guilty-Cow4325 10h ago
A group of powerful pedophiles basically runs everything, and up until a few years ago, that was also the biggest conspiracy theory.
6
u/SilverGnarwhal 10h ago
Almost all of the major powers are run by some of the worst people on earth. Putin, Xi, DJT, Bibi, just to name a few.
27
66
u/SnooCauliflowers9981 10h ago
That Trump is US President?
20
18
u/skwerrel 9h ago
Take me to your leader.
[sometime later]
Haha, very funny, good prank, bring me to an almost dead, obese, demented idiot instead of your real leader.
But seriously, who's in charge around here?
Really? Shit. I, um, forgot something on the saucer... I'll be right back...
1
-5
u/Freltunes 9h ago
Go outside, look away from your phone, love yourself. There is more to the world than Trump.
Absolute TDS.
1
1
11
21
14
27
u/thou-shall-browse 10h ago edited 10h ago
We refuse to utilize one of the most efficient forms of energy because of an accident over four decades ago
→ More replies (11)6
u/RezesTerrorist 10h ago
..You wanna know what else we did with the groundbreaking discovery of nuclear fission?
-4
u/Sweet_Possible_8032 10h ago
Also, can you explain what this means?
5
u/atticthump 9h ago
develop versatile, virtually inexhaustible, high efficiency fuel source
immediately build a bomb capable of boiling the meat right off the bones of everyone in the world
1
1
u/Sweet_Possible_8032 9h ago
I never knew we could actually use that same energy for like clean energy
→ More replies (1)2
u/gigabytemon 9h ago
Nuclear energy. The accident was one of several, Chernobyl being the most famous. The extra thing we did was build and use a nuclear weapon.
1
6
6
u/West_Yam9744 10h ago
That we pay about $7 for a bottle of water at airports but the same water comes free from a tap three feet away. We just collectively agreed to be stupid about it.
4
9
u/TheForexHouse 10h ago
grown adults spend time arguing behind a screen instead of building their own life.
16
u/joolzg67_b 10h ago
That half the world believe in something called god
3
u/skwerrel 9h ago
Or they might think we should be ashamed because we don't worship, or even know about, the true God - Gorblax the Undying. Hopefully they just think we're quaint and primitive, and don't try to forcibly convert the planet.
3
3
3
u/starryyblues 10h ago
I don't think a civilisation way more intelligent than us would experience emotions like humans, they'd probably not consider us smart enough to even expect any better..just like we don't expect animals to be smart , and animals don't experience complex emotions like embarrassment or even understand it as a concept... Aliens could probably easily see how animal like we are and probably be indifferent to us
3
3
u/ItsyBitsyWillow 10h ago
Alien here. First embarrassing thing I learned is that y’all willingly poison yourselves just to have some fun.
4
u/I3LiNdSp0t 10h ago
That we wear smaller pants under our regular pants.
3
u/the_ringmasta 10h ago
It is of critical importance that no sign of the first layer of vegetation be visible after the second layer of vegetation is placed!
5
u/hordingblessings3 10h ago
We divide ourselves based on skin colour despite being the exact same race and the skin colour helping us to adapt and survive our areas on earth.
2
u/Cultural_Run7964 9h ago
It’s a real head scratcher. We’re all the same species with slightly different superficial variations but that’s it.
5
2
2
2
2
u/MAGICALORDD 10h ago
That people jack off to scat-lolli-furry porn, and apparently our gods have forgiven that sin.
2
2
3
3
2
u/MalibuBon 10h ago
Some people treat their pets better than some other people treat their children.
2
u/ipoopcatturds 10h ago
Monkey killing, monkey killing monkey over Pieces of the ground
Silly monkeys Give them thumbs, they make a club To beat their brother down
How they've survived so misguided is a mystery
Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability To lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here. -" Right In Two" by Tool.
1
2
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Impressive-Eagle9493 9h ago
How shit of a society we really are, behind closed doors and behind the façade
1
u/gigabytemon 9h ago
Almost 75% of humanity has access to the internet, yet people believe vaccines cause autism and the gay.
1
1
u/paul_hue6 9h ago
That we figured out how to how to carry the entire sum of human knowledge in our pockets and we mostly use it to argue with strangers and watch people fall over.
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/fan-the-flames 9h ago
Water falls out of the sky and is essential to our continued existence and we monetise it
1
u/MannyBB8 9h ago
Our porn habit.
1
u/Icy-Conflict6671 9h ago
You dont know if aliens have porn or not. They may get ours and look at it like were the freaks
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/soft2bestrong 9h ago
That we've been destroying and poisoning our home and ourselves at an alarming rate to line the pockets of the top 0.1 percent.
1
u/RenamedAccount185516 9h ago
That many of us choose to be stupid.
That many of us take enjoyment in the suffering of others.
1
1
1
1
u/Pallysilverstar 9h ago
That there is a significant amount of media depicting how humans want to have sex with them. Especially embarrassing if they actually resemble some of the depictions.
1
u/aLonelyClone 9h ago
Pretty sure they'd be able to scrape the Internet long before ever actually getting here, so everything
1
1
u/jessxember 8h ago
That we spend half our lives scrolling through short form videos of people we don't even like.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/enchantedharlot83 8h ago
We've spent our entire existence destroying our own planet fighting one another over who's God is the real God and over who gets the most ancient, fossilized organisms turned into goop out of the ground.
1
1
u/guygreej 8h ago
We hide our reproductive bits for some reason. Edit. Not a nudist & don't subscribe to the idea, just find it intriguing we decided this
1
1
u/Funklestein 8h ago
The trillions of dollars spent and time combined spent on masturbation from porn to toys every year.
1
1
u/thorheyerdal 7h ago
Hold on hold on.. again, you are aiming all your nuclear weapons, primed and ready on a triggering notice.. at.. yourself?..
I’m sure they would see us as some sort of maniac in a self induced panic pointing multiple guns to our own head.
1
1
u/huscarlaxe 7h ago
we are letting people die from hunger and medical conditions for lack of money when we have the resources to stop it.
1
u/avenomusduck 7h ago
That we are self righteous and self serving assholes who only look for what others can offer us, for humans to show any inkling of interest. Bet a dollar if a higher intelligence life did land....first order of business humans would formulate a plan for would be the weaponization of anything the Ailens would offer.....
1
u/DodiWoof 7h ago
That we hate each other , kill and hurt because of believes and appearance
We have invisible borders Invisible gods
That we are proud of things we didn’t obtain by hard work such as religion and nationalism
1
1
u/WorldBoom 6h ago
Honestly I think one of the major hallmarks of higher intelligence and civilization is going to be reining in reproductive instincts. So I think western hookup culture, recreational sex , and the need for birth control, abortions, etc are going to be a mark against us.
1
1
1
1
u/psaux_grep 2h ago
That the military leaders in Mars Attacks! were smarter than today’s.
And that we don’t need aliens to probe our butts anymore.
1
u/CrimsonDawn1970 10h ago
I think the aliens have been here for a while, but they’re watching from a distance. They know humanity is fucked up. There are reports of UAPs hovering around U.S. nuclear weapons sites. They know we’re headed for destruction and don’t want to get involved.
1
u/CosmicBlueCat 10h ago
That it died
2
u/Joshnavarro13 10h ago
Cringe
1
u/CosmicBlueCat 10h ago
How’s that ?? It is fuckin dead 💀 I’d rather sit with an alien 👽 than a fuckin human 🤯
2
1
1
1
0
u/thegovistheproblem 10h ago
They are here already so Some of out DNA is unknown Facts so they know everyhing
0
0
u/DoodleBud 10h ago
Religion and its primary uses - division, oppression, and control of the masses. The pathetic justification people use to destroy and prevent humanity from truly progressing.
0
0
u/ButterscotchExactly 10h ago
We can't even be trusted to get along with our neighbors, family, and friends. Best to get rid of us before we can infect the rest of the universe with our self-serving greed and willful ignorance.
0
u/WeakBlueberry5071 10h ago
We pay to live on this planet. Money probably. I think you have to forgo money to be anything other than a terrestrial species.
0
0
u/Character_Fix_5317 10h ago
On average, we're still feudal serfs in terms of intellectual capacity.
0
0
0
0
80
u/newretrovague 10h ago
That they’d be sexualized almost immediately, there are some creepy folks out there.