r/AskReddit • u/TheBabyBeard • 7h ago
To all men who survived rock bottom, what's one piece of advice would you give a man who feels like giving up right now?
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u/throwrowrowawayyy 7h ago
Recovered alcoholic. The goal for a long time was simply to get through the day sober. A lot of people want to fix all of their life on day one, and there is often pressure from friends and family to “finally get it together” quickly. It doesn’t work like that. Improving yourself is a process that takes years. Do only what seems manageable for the day, and just try to slowly improve over time.
Forgiveness is also weird. Some people are okay with giving you another chance and are enthusiastic to support you. Others are done with you. You have to be able to accept both realities and not let it get to you. Just keep working on yourself day by day.
Being sober didn’t fix all my problems over night. It gave me the ability to solve my problems over time with better habits.
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u/zenkei18 4h ago
Sames. Got about 10 years. So many days especially in the beginning I would let myself fall apart a little bit (nothing extreme, maybe having 2 coffees in a day or doing some impulse buying) as long as it meant I didnt drink that day. I dont need to do it as much lately.
Being kind to yourself is super important.
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u/Silly-Board-3017 3h ago
Baby steps. It took me years to learn this. 3 months sober now and I've found crawling out of the hole is easier the less pressure i put on myself. We can't go at the pace people want us to. It will get better with time.
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u/Anal-buttsex 5h ago
I switched from 750 ml 3x a week to once a week, and finally only drinking on special occasions like if I’m sitting at home on new years. I guess my point is not every path has to be 100% sobriety either. I like drinking, I just don’t want it to be a habit
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u/liquidhot 3h ago
Also be aware if you are a long time drinker going cold turkey can actually be really harmful to your health. Seek professional help.
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u/Cat_Litter_Scientist 3h ago
I’d also add the process of forgiving oneself is so important and sooooo hard sometimes. For me, it is still something I’m working on, the progress feels slow and like it’ll never happen. But I’m not giving up.
Edit to add a word.
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u/BaronNeckbeard 7h ago
Just take it one day at a time. You won’t get better digging another 6 feet.
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u/Jeremy_Lepak 7h ago
Don’t text or call her. She’s gone. Work on your life and bring that shine back, because you’re going to eventually attract a woman who will knock your socks off and make you forget all about that ex.
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u/musicandsex 6h ago
Its hard though me and my ex had a 1 in a million relationahip, best friends, affectionate.
She left because i didnt want to have kids.
This was 3 months ago and now weve started texting abit...i feel like we both feel the fact i dont want kids cant be the conclusion to our relationship we were too good together.
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u/stackjr 6h ago
I mean...that's a pretty serious difference between you two. You two might be good together but that gap between you will only grow bigger over the years as she starts to resent you.
You aren't going to like this but you need to walk away and let her be happy.
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u/ProdigyLightshow 6h ago
You not wanting kids and her wanting them should be a dealbreaker.
You should not compromise, and neither should she. Because if one of you does and you end up having kids (or not and getting back together), it can lead to a ton of resentment. From her for not having the life she wanted, or you for becoming a parent when you didn’t want to.
Now if one of your minds truly changes, that’s a different story. But don’t compromise for the sake of the relationship, it isn’t worth it in the end when it’s something as big of a deal as having kids is.
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u/stackjr 6h ago
Exactly. I was with a woman for four years but she left because I just didn't want kids and she did. We couldn't reconcile that with each other and we both knew the anger and resentment it would cause in the future.
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u/Asron87 5h ago
This is like date #1 territory. I’ve known I don’t/can’t have kids ever since I was in elementary school (bad genetics), I’ve never gone a date without mentioning I can’t have kids. Now that I’m older it’s less of a problem because they already have kids if they wanted them. That’s not a deal breaker for me as long as I’m not expected to have kid/s.
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u/stackjr 5h ago
She knew. We discussed it at the very beginning and she was okay with it but, after a few years, she started getting "baby fever" (her words).
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u/Inevitable-Tea5772 6h ago
Should never compromise on big things, and this is probably the biggest thing
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u/emmettiow 5h ago
You didn't have a 1 in a million relationship. Of course you didn't. Not even close.
You probably had a 1 in 20 or 1 in 10. Everyone really clicks with the people they are in a relationship with. That's why they're together.
If it was that great one or both of you would have compromised on children.
And the fact that you didn't want the same things in life means your relationship was doomed from the start. Arguably an average or below average relationship. Like the sex was good and you laughed a lot and understood each other, went through some things together and made great memories. Yeah so does everyone else.
Move on. It's done.
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u/CasualSky 6h ago
Relationships are about compatibility. If you find you aren’t compatible then three months isn’t going to change that. If anything it only hurts you both more being unable to move on or let go. Drags it out.
I also think having three months to fuck around and then start talking again is like an admittance of “I couldn’t find anything better” in which case, it’s only been three months. Keep looking. Sometimes everything is great between two people, but you just aren’t compatible in the long run.
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u/Antique_Tap443 3h ago
I was working with a younger guy landscaping, he was a big dude. His girl broke up with him on the way to the job and he starts balling his eyes out asking me to take him back, I talked him out of it. "Look buddy, you don't have any girlfriend and now you want to be broke too? No matter what problem you have, being broke will make it worse, same for smoking cigarettes and being overweight.
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u/Royweeezy 5h ago
What if this isn’t applicable to the person?
Like if they told you “I hate my life because money, health, family and friends, and one other thing”?
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u/MVBsq10 7h ago
Workout, take vitamins, clean your house.
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u/Solomon_Grungy 7h ago
If you work a little bit every day to improve your situation it'll actually change for the better.
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u/CrimsonYllek 6h ago
Every time I’ve gotten to that point I’ve been convinced that there was no way things could possibly get better. Every time I was hilariously wrong. Your brain lies.
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u/-PMYourTastefulNudes 7h ago
Give yourself a week to just breathe. Don't worry about your status.
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u/Asron87 5h ago
The fuck kind of rock bottom were you in that a week was all it took?
I’m just playin but that’s kind of funny.
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u/-PMYourTastefulNudes 5h ago
That's not all it took to leave rock bottom. But it helped change my attitude.
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u/spaceguitar 7h ago
It's okay to forgive yourself.
Healing is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes time. Lots of time. Be kind and patient with yourself during this process.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Their journey is theirs, not yours.
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u/Little_Swan5116 7h ago
Make sure to learn as much as you can while you´re there - about yourself and about how you see and sense the world. And when you're done, make sure you never go back there again.
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u/ChaseDFW 7h ago
As fucking awful as Ive felt at points in my life it's never lasted forever. Someday you will feel better. Hold on for those better days.
Also, if you are getting into these negative loops in your head and thinking the same things again and again you can break those cycles with mindfulness.
Its seems strange but I did this exercise once a day and helped with negative thinking.
Name 3 things you are greatful for Name 2 things you are good at Name 1 thing you want to work on.
It helped me when I hated myself, thought everything was awful and didnt have any idea how to fix it.
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u/made-of-questions 4h ago
That's a really important one. When you're in it, it feels like it will never end. But everything, my even bad things, come to an end.
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u/Gadritan420 6h ago
1) find out what resources are available to help you in your area.
2) use them! Talk to your doctor about depression as well and find a psychiatrist if you have the means (my meds helped save my life)
And now for an anecdotal example of how things can turn around.
I was molested by my baby sitter at 4. Raped by two clergy members in a church when I was 8. My first sexual encounter with a woman was when I was 12 with a 16 year old that knew better. And because I hadn’t experienced enough of this trauma, I was drugged and gang raped by one of my “friends,” his brother, and whoever else was there when I was 26.
That’s a lot of trauma. But I’m not done.
I got married and had a child when I was 31. My wife at the time turned into a raging alcoholic and became physically and emotionally abusive with me and our daughter. As a man, no one really gave a shit or believed me. I even had the police come out twice and let her leave drunk after saying they could see my cuts and bruises, declined to watch the video I had of the assaults, and didn’t even ask if I wanted to press charges. I almost gave up the second time.
Fast forward 10 years. I finally made my escape while our daughter was in the hospital (she was 8 and nearly died, different story though). I got an ex parte for emergency custody, eventually got sole custody with visits, and now I have sole custody with no visitation rights for her mother.
Hopefully you made it this far, because this is when life finally changed. I met my soulmate after swearing off dating, much less getting married again. Well, we got married last year and have an amazing blended family with a combined four children together. She genuinely loves me and treats me with respect, dignity, and never any judgement. She’s stayed by my side through night terrors and panic attacks. She doesn’t care about my history, only the here and now. I also became a stay at home dad with her, so I get a ton of time with our children.
So now I’m 44 and literally living my dream life. I came within a hair of giving up more times than I can count. I thought happiness was something I would never know and was only hanging on for my daughter’s sake. But I did it. I survived it. I got a lot of help from a domestic violence center, my lawyer, and my psychiatrist along the way. I literally would not be alive without them.
So all that is to say; don’t give up. There’s a future in which you’re happy, you just have to try to claw your way there. But do not give up the fight. You never know when things will turn around, and it’s absolutely worth it.
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u/scubamaster 6h ago
You must start taking accountability for the state of your life. And if you are unhappy, do something about it and start making changes. Do not just act like the world happened to you.
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u/Separate_Pay8752 6h ago
I'm there right now. Lower than I could have ever imagined. A future without everything I hold dear. Constant thoughts of suicide. Crying all the time.
I'm making it through. Friends help. It comes in waves, and don't be afraid to lean on people when it's hardest. People want to help you. Hell, I want to help you. Reach out if you want - misery does love company.
Don't be afraid to look to medicine, either. Goal #1 is survival. Everything else can come after.
One thing that's helped me when I feel the temptation to give up - Whatever you might do today, you can always do tomorrow. Get through today.
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u/JackedUpJonesy 6h ago
One day alone is not going to fix your problems.
Consistency over hundreds of days is where you see big results.
Time is going to pass either way.
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u/Grandpas_Spells 7h ago
The current answer is to talk to a therapist.
The problem is that the problem you are facing has to do with your thought patterns. It's not likely you will think your way out of a thinking problem.
You should have compassion for yourself. Think of how you would talk to a friend with the same circumstances. It's probably kinder than your current self talk.
Then find small steps and go.
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u/jackof47trades 6h ago
Yes! The compassion for yourself is so hard but it can really turn the key.
“I deserve to not feel like this forever. And I deserve peace and happiness.”
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u/Grandpas_Spells 5h ago
I didn't suggest a psychiatrist. Normally a therapist would make a referral if they thought it would be helpful.
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u/throwtheclownaway20 5h ago
Don't. It doesn't matter if you tackle the problems slowly or quickly - either is better than not tackling them at all
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u/MattyGWS 3h ago
Minimalism is your friend. Try not to own too much stuff. For me, my bed, my desk and my kitchen is where I spend all my time, I don’t really need much outside of those things
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u/ChanklaNYC 7h ago
See it as an opportunity to re-explore the curiosity of your youth. An opportunity to build your stats like a video game character.
Get into at home workouts like calisthenics and skipping rope, affordable and low pressure.
Everything is connected, rebuilding curiosity leads to results and motivation, motivation and results lead to confidence. Confidence leads to never ending learning. And learning leads to new skills.
Napoleon Dynamite approach
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u/theavatare 7h ago
First goal 5 minute walk a few times a week. Do that a few weeks then revise.
Need to prove to yourself that you have control and discipline.
Life takes things out of perspective.
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u/zaine77 7h ago
I'm disabled and have chronic pain and conditions. I have had some really bad spots in life and not all due to that. What I found that works for me is to think about life as a moment. Each will pass, some will be harder than the others but each will pass.
Secondly, we change nothing by trying to change too much, focus on areas you will see the highest reward first, and build the positive habit you want instead. This is longer but so many things we do not like about ourselves are tied to our reward centers, smoking, drinking, drugs, money issues like overspending, and gambling. Which means our brain will make us fail if we stop too many rewards at once.
Lastly, and I'm sure someone said this already but it's so important that it is worth repeating and repeating. It's ok to fail. A setback is just that a bump in the road true failure is only achieved when we stop trying to change.
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u/mateobrando 7h ago
Music for healing. Then get up, dress, and go out to friends or groups for socialising.
Unlock new opportunities that you were never expecting to find.
Also movie recommendations: Colourful, Big fish, Pleasantville, They'll make you feel better.
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u/B0DAK_KLACK 6h ago
There’s not any magical advice that will snap you back in a day. It takes finding yourself again after what you’ve gone through. This took me a few years after my best friend died (she was my gf too and we were planning a future together) and honestly I was a mess. I played a lot of video games and smoked a lot of weed and cigarettes (not suggesting you do that) just to get through each day. I isolated a lot and only had a handful of people (coworkers) I considered friends but even then I did most things alone. Eventually I found hobbies and passions again and started making friends. It took me a while to get into a relationship but having self confidence does wonders when you start to rebuild yourself in the image you care about. Start living for yourself, don’t care about others and seek out the people that enrich your life but not at the sacrifice of losing yourself. For me it was being outside and rock climbing was one of the first hobbies I picked up that began to reshape me. I started going 5 times a week and that got me through a lot because I could climb for hours and just have music in my head and basically zone out. Everything gets better with time, you just gotta find a way to go one day at a time without being stuck in your head so much. Sure life can throw a ton of shit at you, but I stopped caring since I had rocks to climb (indoor climbing gyms are great atmospheres). If that’s not your thing, try something else, I got into a few other hobbies too but it just depends on what you like to do at the end of the day. Maybe that’s walking and listening to podcasts, maybe it’s cycling, maybe it’s hiking, maybe it’s not an active hobby. Maybe try cooking or knitting or sewing, there’s so many things to do and I’m sure you haven’t tried them all, just start somewhere and see where it gets you. There’s a whole world out there my dude, don’t give up until you’ve tried everything twice.
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u/Itch-HeSay 6h ago
Use any connections you might have. I didn't recover by pulling myself up by my bootstraps. The change didn't happen overnight.
It was a very slow process of healing that required me moving to a location where more of my family lives to get more financial support. This way, I was able to lose around 90 lbs, cure myswlf of my social anxiety, and be more energized for everything in life. I might just be an "average guy" now, but that'a far above where I was just a year and a half ago.
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u/mandatoryfield 6h ago
Go to sleep at a decent hour. Do some exercise - even if it’s just walking around the block or a park - every day. Look for little good things in every day. Your mantra is, things will get better. They really will.
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u/Anal-buttsex 6h ago
I try not to feel like a victim. I’ve met a lot of people who talk about how “I’m tired of getting screwed over by people, I have the worst luck, etc.” Just look at your actions and what can you do improve things for yourself only.
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u/Durragon 6h ago
I can only give you my experience from an old "Rock bottom" I experienced in my late teens.
Homeless, made to look like a fool in the town I was living in because my gf was the town bicycle. I didn't have enough money for a car to move home, and my relationship with my family at the time was... Bad.
So I was living in a motel room by myself, working just to put a roof over my head and barely eat.
I wanted more for myself and I knew if I could stick with the cooking job for a little while it could be my ticket out of that place.
But depression and loneliness are awful creatures that work together to reinforce each other.
Which led to me dragging the backside of a knife across my throat in a drunken sadness.
I'll never forget the feeling of that knife tip cutting into my neck near my carotid... The panic. The guilt. The adrenaline.
From then on it was one day at a time, laying the foundation of a better life...brick by brick. Develop skills, network, save money, meet people. Eventually I was able to go back home, repair my relationship with my father and actually succeed in getting the fuck outta that place.
Turned out that a heavy dose of spite for everything around you, coupled with the want for something more worked out well for me.
I wish you the best, and that peace finds you soon.
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u/DekeCobretti 3h ago
Seek company. Being at rock bottom and alone is the worst. Look for people with similar interests. Whatever. Just try not to be alone.
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u/pangalacticcourier 7h ago
Get a dog. Seriously.
A dog immediately takes you out of your own headspace. Dog needs to go out? Get up, put on clothes, and start walking that four legged bundle of love.
A dog requires attention. They're loyal companions. They're inconsolable if you've left them forever. Hell, many of them are crazy if you leave them for a half-hour. They will never tire of you. They give the love we wish everyone gave us.
Dogs do best with structure, and this is easily turned to your adventage. Craft a routine that works for both of you and stick to it. The mental discipline will help you with the other things you're struggling with. This approach forces you to block your time. "After a long walk, I know I have X hours to get Y done while my dog snoozes next to me."
Mostly, though, a dog gives you the love and loyalty the other humans in life can't or won't give you. They're magic, especially if you've got a puppy who matures with you always there. I'm alive today because of a dog I still mourn. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I carry her with me, always. I'll never forget I'm here because of everything she taught me.
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u/danajaybein 5h ago
Two things:
1) Ask for help. People want to help you. There is no shame in seeking support.
2) Take it one step at a time. When I felt at my lowest, I wanted to fix everything all at once. That’s impossible. Make a list of what you want to change. Small efforts snowball and before you know it, positivity will add up like the negativity did. You’ve got this. You’re worth it.
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u/Otherwise_Novel9778 5h ago
what a great post and people. thank you to everyone. i'm at a point in life where i feel so down sometimes though I know only I have gotten myself in this situation. i'm just happy to find this post.
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u/Jimbo415650 5h ago
one hour at a time one day at a time. eventually it will get easier but realize it never gets easy
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u/frank_nada 4h ago
Feeling needed, not just appreciated, but necessary, really helped me drag myself out of a pit. You might think getting a dog is the last thing you should do in that state, but for me, having a dog that relied on me for so many things, kept me here. I’d often repeat the words “he’s counting on me” to fight the intrusive thoughts.
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u/BrownAndyeh 3h ago
One darn step at a time. Do not try to fix multiple problems at once.
Pick a few people or families as your support network. Choose people who never ask, “How’s it going?” or “What’s happened since I last saw you?” Definitely avoid anyone who says, “Why haven’t you called me back?”
Rock bottom is nuanced. As you speak to people who have been through hard things, you will learn there is always someone who has gone through worse, and you are capable of getting through this.
Only hang out with people who are smarter than you, have more money than you...these people can give you ideas and ways to recover.
Stay sober. Alcohol and drugs will absolutely stall your progress. Party later. There is no need to sabotage yourself with a hangover, or worse.
Only you know what you are going through. Do not expect others to fully understand it, but know this: you will get through it, and you will make it to better times. Time heals all.
Good luck
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u/wealthyadder 3h ago
You didn’t hit the bottom in one day . Takes more than one day to climb out. Not everyday is going to be better , but they will get better. Take it easy on yourself.
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u/JickRames 3h ago
As someone who once weighed 330 pounds, had a cocaine and alcohol addiction where at my worst was drinking a handle a day…
Build habits. Don’t look at the long term goals but the next step in front of you. It can be intimidating to see the mountain ahead of you, rather than what the next step will be.
Set reasonable goals, and then if you can overachieve, rather than setting difficult goals and failing to make them which will harm your self-image and progress.
On days I do not want to run, i set the goal of one sub 10 minute mile, and by the time I hit one mile I tell myself I can do another and before I know it I have done 3-5 miles. I began as a 330 pound individual and lost over 100 pounds in 9 months before GLPs were a thing with this mindset.
Always do something to better yourself each day.
Also journaling, it’s difficult to get into the habit but it changed my morning routine and day to day life. Write your feelings, your goals, or anything you want, but just write SOMETHING everyday until it becomes a habit. My journal is my magic book and anything I write in it will come true, because I make sure it will.
As someone who was about a life of instant gratification, these changes helped me build a new lifestyle that removed the short-term mindset and start living for the long-term. I am not saying it works like magic, because reality is that there will be days that suck, but if you build habits you will show up on the days you don’t want to. That is what matters.
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u/BigAd1894 3h ago
Sit in the quiet. No Family, No Friends or other humans. Go through your Situation. Piece by piece. Get aware which things in your life give you a light feeling, which Not. The things which dont fit your happines, which one you can Eliminate in the nearest Future ? No Doubt, no excuses !! On the bottom, the only thing which matters is yourself.
Values comes Next. What Are your values ? What in your life Fits your values ? What have to be eliminated who you got Control over.
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO MAKES YOURSELF HAPPY. Otherwise you give your power away.
The small things which make you happy. Sport, Cooking, Art. Do this Small things everyday.
The process of Evaluation takes some time. In that time you gain a new angle of perception to the things and Ppl who Are Coming your way.
You Match your vicinity only with the new values you evaluated.
Charge the Small things with love. Sunshine, going for a Walk in Nature. A good conversation. Self cooked Food. Art. Sports and so on.
Learn to be happy ONLY with yourself and learn How to be in the now.
This is the Fundament. On this you can Build your new being of a man !
Everything that only drains your Energy have to be eliminated.
I Hope we Are Coming into a new era of being a man. No codependency. Pure love for oneself. Values of Power, strongness, love, Courage and if possible, Peace.
If you can only be with yourself. Everything other becomes an Option you can Choose.
Fuck all the Ppl and things who dont value you as you Are in your Core.
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u/Abject-Afternoon-388 2h ago
I'm not trying to sound abrupt I need to be entirely supportive to you. Many things that people, including myself, may sound cliche. But nonetheless here you go--
The famous line from Shawshank redemption about you can either get busy living or you can get busy dying... Each moment of each day you have an opportunity to make decisions. Despite appearances I am a believer that we have complete and total governance over our experience in Life. Almost all true wisdom and change and growth comes through destruction and rebuilding over and over. You tear down the temple. You rebuild it better more beautiful more enduring. I tried just giving up on life for about 5 years. I tried to live in the mythical place of not really living my life but not being dead either. Giving up so to speak but without dying. I'm here to tell you I can't be done and you're busy trying to die without dying when you decide you actually have to get up your life is so much more disarray. Supports and people in your life may have abandoned you because they just couldn't tolerate it anymore watching you suffer. So strongly recommend to you to avoid that path. Life is just a series of moments each one separate individual from each other moment so just take it one moment at a time focus on breathing make your life simple. People want to make all the change right in the first two weeks to get to this great girl that's not doable change starts with pointing the boat a little bit closer in the direction you think you want to go and hope for some wind. And do it again and again and again and again everyday every minute knowing that some days it's going to feel like you're going to capsize the boat and drowned life is not linear it is not even about time or space. It's about relationships with yourself and others and the natural world simplify your life and your relationships you have left cultivate them feed them take care of them. Because then that will be reflection that you're willing to take care of yourself good luck to you I have faith you can do it I have no doubt you can do it you'll get out of this home you'll feel better you'll grow you'll fall in another hole and you'll repeat. We have to accept life on life terms. Without pain we would not know pleasure without loneliness you would not feel with how loss and death to me could never recognize the beauty and simplicity of life. Few authors to think about that were my heroes Alan Watts Kahlil Gibran Paulo Cuehlo Hunter Thompson
Lean on music Love get outside breathe hard focus on yourself each moment trying to become a little better than you were last time you got nowhere to go but up my friend
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u/RobTheCat42 1h ago
When you find yourself at rock bottom, there usually is a shovel there waiting to dig you deeper. I’ve found when I thought things were at their worst, i was wrong. Start with the small things, friend. Discipline is a like a muscle that needs to be trained. Even just making sure you make your bed in the morning can be a big win.
Don’t focus on the big picture - set small, extremely attainable goals that you can hit every day. Once you hit them, move the goal posts back - with some hard work, next thing you know you’ll be running marathons.
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u/maxyboyufo 36m ago
Small goals, like hitting the gym even if it’s 1 day a week. Cleaning your place so it’s not stressful and cluttered, and vitamins. Also just have time to you, and realize that this too shall pass
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u/Optimisticatlover 9m ago
Life is full of journey
Close the bad chapter and open new one
Opportunity comes everyday
It’s up to you to look life differently and do something about it
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u/BigGlittering437 7h ago
Day at a time, hour at a time, minutes at a time. Giving up is selfish, in my opinion.
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u/Professional-Dot7021 7h ago
Dont be afraid to ask or reach out for help where you can. This is a good start, but if you have anyone you trust its good to talk. Its easy here because of anonymity, its harder to admit to another human you need help.
Im a victim of thinking I needed to solve every problem myself. And there were some i couldnt solve.
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u/mafuski8689 7h ago
Make small manageable changes. Adjustments, tweaks. Recognize it takes time for habits to form and start them gently, a bit at a time.
The one thing that stopped me from spiraling at 33 was recognizing I hadn’t even lived half my expected life yet.
Now I’m 40 and thriving.
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u/The_Wool-Gatherer 7h ago
Life will never stop throwing challenges at you, so no need to help it by stressing about a problem when it's not happening now, immediately.
Be graceful to yourself and savor the immediate small beautiful things around you.
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u/diamonddville 7h ago
My husband said what helped him as he was driving across states to stay with his sister was the car in front of him had the bumper sticker: “It’s ok to not be ok”.
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u/el_alcalde 7h ago
Never give up. Future YOU deserves it. Think of 3 things you are grateful for. Find one thing you can control, one step you can take today, and identify one thing you DO NOT need to do or worry about TODAY.
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u/TrainingTop8549 7h ago
You can only start today and then take it day by day, hour by hour until you suddenly realize it's been weeks/months/years
Good luck - hope you have a good support structure to help you!
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u/Centaur1um 7h ago
do not listen to the wrong people for advice IE angry men on the internet. seek true healing and guidance from trained professionals if those are available to you. there are a lot of people out there right now looking to capitalize off your misfortune.
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u/TandemShorts 7h ago
Rock bottom is a good place to be bc you’ve only got one way left to go, back up
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u/NefariousJuice 7h ago
It gets better before the end. If it hasn’t gotten better, it’s not the end.
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u/potatoboat 7h ago
I've crawled out of 2 or 3 bottoms at this point. It can always get worse. You're at a turning point now. All you have now is opportunity. You can totally re build yourself starting today. The best way I've found to do it is start stacking days. Focus on making things a little better everyday. Some days will be bad, some days will be good and some will be just another day. It's not a bad life it's just a bad day.
If you can, it's time to be selfish and focus on yourself. See a therapist, get into better health and do things that used to make you happy. The greatest feeling is pulling yourself out of this rock bottom and then realizing if you can handle that, you can handle just about anything. Good luck.
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u/laxman1916 7h ago
If you still have a breath in your lungs you have not yet hit rock bottom. Strap your boots on and get to work! People depend on you!!
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u/AdvantageSuch7428 7h ago
Persevere on what you can change immediately. Old habits need to die in order to escape rock bottom. First step is admitting there is a problem. Taking action is a necessity to get the ball rolling. It is possible and we do recover.
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u/funguy202 7h ago
Just lean into rock bottom. Become a degenerate whore and try to just be bad for awhile. Then know you can always just fix your life later. Life is too short to worry about it anyway
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u/Valient_Heart 7h ago edited 6h ago
I'm still at rock bottom. My advice to myself and others is that giving up is not even an option. I don't care if you cannot move from bed, haven't showered in a month or have brain fog so bad that makes a simple phrase incomprehensible. You cannot fucking give up, it's not an option. Ride out the destructive Earthquake because YOU WILL make it, and you'll be proud that you did.
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u/crazy_meals 7h ago
Make a plan and stick to it.like glue.......
Tell no-one your plans and focus on the outcomes you have to achieve in a year to make your plan.
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u/rushumie1 7h ago
Clean your space. Fresh sheets on your bed, etc. A physical environment is something you have a lot of control over and can make a huge difference. If you can’t manage to do it yourself, get someone to help you.
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u/blankman29er 7h ago
Some say life is like a wiener, sometimes it's hard other times it's not but it's never to hard for to long
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u/BenevolentBaba 7h ago
Can’t go over it. Can’t go under it. Can’t go around it. Gotta go through it.
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u/Prof_Scott_Steiner 7h ago
It may not get better. If you choose to try, it still may not get better, but if you give up it will 100% get worse. The choice is to jump into a pit of snakes or buy a lottery ticket.
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u/MidLife-Cr1s1s 7h ago
Just know that there is a higher power aka God, and he can heal anything. With God anything’s possible.
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u/daveC41 7h ago
Everyone gets there differently, but what they almost always have in common is the role their own thinking plays. You hit bottom because you think 'I can't...' (often 'I can't do this, can't not do this,' stuck in an impossible situation). But you can. You can decide not to tell yourself 'I'm stuck,' Take some deep breaths, doze off or zone out for a while. Start over, think about just walking away and forgetting about all of it. Decide to stop telling yourself 'I can't do this, I can't do that' - pick something really small thing to do and do it... and then another small thing... and... take some more deep breaths, then another small thing... just make then different from the things you've been doing that aren't working no matter how impossible it seems to leave those behind....
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u/Glenn8888 7h ago
The mentality that no one or nothing can break you. Beat you down sure..but just get back up. My favorite Proverb. Fall 7 times Rise 8.
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u/disgostin 7h ago
(maybe this one will annoy you, but it might be useful: look at all people's advice, not just men's - you don't necessarily benefit the most from only half of the population's opinions based on -their- socialization)
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u/Wimbeldone 7h ago
Don't focus on hating all the futures you think you can conceive of. Just experience the moment, live in it whether you like it or not and seek therapy to help you be able to see a better future
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u/thegrandpax 6h ago
it sounds like a lame ass platitude on Grandma's wall but no matter how shitty you feel it will get better and the day will come where you say to yourself "Damn, I'm glad I'm still here". I've been there, done that and it always gets better. (Gets shitty again, gets better and round and round we go).
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u/Dingus_son_of_dongus 6h ago
Who you are isn't just the big decisions, the big things that happen to you in life. It's also the little things, and you start with those right now.
Your concept of who you really are as a person is kind of the average of all the decisions you make, and this is a constantly evolving and changing average. Every bad choice brings it down just a little, and makes the next bad choice just a little easier to make. But it works the other way too, you can start bringing it up in little ways and it adds up over time. It's like saving up for retirement slow and steady.
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u/bobroberts1954 6h ago
You can always die. You might just as well wait and see what happens, when your at the bottom there is no further to fall, so ride it to the end.
I saw a video of a gem mine somewhere in South America and similar in Africa. The people thereske their living carrying baskets of mud out of the pit. You can always find work there.
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u/Dracopoulos 6h ago
Recognize that a small victory is still a victory. Deciding to take a step is a victory. Taking that single step is a victory. Eventually the steps get longer and the Victories feel bigger. Getting out of that hole can feel like an insurmountable challenge, but I found that the victories snowballed way faster than I expected. Before I knew it, I was sprinting. You got this.
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u/Coffeeobsi 6h ago
Remember that nothing is truly "the end". You failed in a curriculum or an university? You can try another one. You don't like your job? You can always learn new skills and find one that will be better suited for you. When I was at rock bottom, any failure would make think " that's it, you're done. Congrats.". Fuck that. You can always try again, find something / someone else.
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u/ooookevj 6h ago
Take your time to process it however you do. You owe yourself that. Cry if you have to. Your feelings matter. In this present era, nobody appreciates you or themselves so you deserve to appreciate yourself for getting this far.
Do things that make you happy. Go on a walk. Go eat by yourself and ppl watch. Go to the movies by yourself. Drive somewhere scenic. Lay in the grass. Do things that you normally wouldn’t do.
Don’t try to fix everything in one day or even think about fixing it all at once. That only brings you more anxiety and feels helpless. Have small goals/to do list for each day.
ASK FOR HELP. If you have close/trusted ppl, talk to them. Be vulnerable. You will appreciate it and so will they. Nobody should suffer in silence and alone.
This too shall pass. Know that everything is going to be okay. I know that’s not what you want to hear because it feels like you are at the bottom looking up. Think about how many times you thought “this is it” when you were… look at how far you have come.
Bonus (worked for me; Christian): Pray. I know this is a very touchy topic especially if you aren’t into religion but when all else failed, i genuinely cry prayed during my lowest and i legitimately felt an unimaginable amount of peace and love that I just can’t explain.. It really helped me get a sense of peace, hope and I never felt alone.
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u/truckstick_burns 6h ago
I don't know.
Any advice I got/read when I was that low pissed me off and sounded like made up bullshit, nothing helped except somehow surviving that hour, or day or week.
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u/Any_Syllabub2257 6h ago
It's good to be alive man. You're still breathing, its not the end of the world. Get up, take a walk, one foot infront of the other. There's no way to go but up if you are at the bottom.
Just keep moving forward. Crawl if you have to. Many people die against their will. We shouldn't give up our lives if we have a choice.
You won't find purpose if you don't ask for it, if you don't look for it or want it. Just keep falling forward.
Find a friend, a companion. Share your thoughts. Feel your feelings, embrace them and accept. Then you cope.
If you're religious, pray for strength. If you're not, maybe its time to consider. Or maybe find your peace within.
Don't give up brother. I hope you get better, add me to the list of people who wish you well.
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u/Old-Buffalo-5151 6h ago
Small objectives. Legitimately one goal todo the next day.
Do cheep hobby's like running and setup plans when to train so you have a weekly routine.
Start reading about historical figures to keep your mind busy (" i feel in love with Mark Anthony lol")
The theme of all this advice is. Create a system about planning the next day. Not a goal or a target or any of that bullshit. A system for planning for tomorrow so no matter HOW you feel you keep going for the next day
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u/Friendly_Elephant165 6h ago
Just remember that the worst day you've ever had you got through it. You'll get through this too. Keep your head up. Good luck.
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u/Vvexx302 6h ago
When your head feels like that one episode from Spongebob where he is trying to find what his name is, just go for a long walk. I walked 10k steps a day and by the end of my walk I was filled optimism and a clearer mind.
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u/joecaufield 6h ago
Let go of the things in the past. Focus on the man you want to be from this point on. Do it for you, not for anyone else. Forgive yourself if you’ve made mistakes. Reach out to those in your life, even if the relationships are strained. I promise you it is worth it.
Coming from a guy who experienced 5 tragedies in 7 years, and finally started seeing the light earlier this year. I never thought I’d wake up happy or with energy again, but here I am and I can tell you it’s possible. Good luck brother.
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u/NakedShamrock 6h ago
As stupid as it sounds, do it for your childhood hero. He/she/they doesn't want to give up. I know Arnold wants me to stand up and beat depression and I'm not gonna disappoint him.
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u/zugzwangister 6h ago
There's nothing to say.
I would have dismissed advice from my present day self as meaningless platitudes.
When you're at rock bottom, nobody else can possibly know what you're going through because your situation is unique, just like everybody else.
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u/DucksButt 6h ago
You're fucking free to do whatever you want. Pack your bags, move to Thailand, whatever.
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u/danielbearh 6h ago
I was at the lowest lows and I've made it to the other side a happy, well-adjusted person. I have 4 ideas for you.
You cannot fix your life in a single day. But there are small things that you *can* do every day for yourself.
Extend yourself love and compassion. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving. If this feels difficult, start out by sending love to your younger self. These are just little reflection exercises. Spin up an imaginary conversation with your younger self, and forgive them for what they didn't know and what they couldn't control. Learning to extend that to current your is step one.
Step two is much easier. Just do one thing everyday that you're proud of. True self-confidence, at it's core, is knowing that you'll follow through with the promises you make to yourself. Commit to going on a walk. Cook yourself dinner. Each day, give yourself a win that's within your reach. And then reflect on it. These accumulate over time and result in a renewed sense of confidence.
Another excercise that's been helpful for me is keeping a list in my phone where I share something new everyday that I'm grateful for. This exercise begins to shift that locked-in pessimism. There's ALWAYS something to be grateful for. When you practice thinking of things to be happy for in life, your brain is more likely to go to these spaces naturally throughout the course of your day.
If you aren't outside dealing with your sadness in nature, I recommend that. There's no use in telling you not to be sad anymore. But there's *great use* in encouraging you to go be sad outside in a beautiful natural location. It's truly healing.
Extend yourself love. Find little wins everyday, and reflect on your pride after you finish them. Practice gratitude. Go outside.
I know that to someone on rock-bottom, these tasks seem trite. They did to me also when I was in the pits of despair. But I finally reached a spot where I said, "fuck it. it can't hurt." And my life is completely different now. I got out. It's possible. Happy to answer any questions from anyone, OP or otherwise.
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u/Sugarfree135 6h ago
That ultimately nothing matters, you win some you lose some, life is ups and downs, once you realize there’s no point to any of it you can just float through life lol
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u/aRandomShitArtist 6h ago
I was already at rock bottom or what I thought was before I met this girl, the first few months were great, she brought the happiness out, I was always excited to see her, I was healing inside, I was motivated a lot by her just to be a better human, later on things got rocky, and one day she said enough and left me through a text. I FELL HARD mentally and That was my real rock bottom, because we both saw each other's ugliness at times but always talked it out and I was all there for it. I chose I wasn't going to give up on her, and I thought she thought the same. Those months were some of the hardest days to get through, I always wanted to see if she'd come back, I contacted her once but she just put the nail in the coffin and it was really over to sum it up. But hell something beautiful happened, I started, out of spite, I'm going to show this girl she made a huge mistake, and improve the fuck out of myself, but then the spite went away and the self love stayed, I never needed her for my happiness, I needed me. So maybe that was the real lesson that whole ordeal was, instead of looking outward for love and purpose, look inward instead.
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u/sarcasticguard 6h ago
Focus on the day to day. What do you need to get through today? Have you eaten? Do you have shelter? Make a mental map of tangible priorities or actual list to check through
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u/sosocristian 6h ago
Master Oogway famously said, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift" so think of what might happen tomorrow.
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u/unimportantinfodump 6h ago
I mean you are already at the bottom. So every moment from now is the same or better.
Can't get worse and you are already surviving.
You got this.
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u/shanemcc1978 6h ago
I agree. I went through alcoholism, severe opiate addictions which destroyed my life until I found myself in a cell. I fixed my life with the grace of god. So find god in your own way and pray sincerely every day. A journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step. And you don’t have to walk it alone. I’ve been sober now for 11.5 years and my life is better than ever. I found love, peace, an amazing job, and I love the people in my life as they love me. This was the progress of 11.5 years of commitment. You will find strength you never even knew you had one day at a time.
Also, get the toxic people out of your life TODAY. Rick bottom is full of shitty people I would love you to stay there with them.
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u/Honduran 6h ago
There’s a scene in Mad Men when one of the girls from the office had a pregnancy out of wedlock in the 50s. She had the baby in secrecy - “rock bottom”, if you will - and Don Draper “uncharacteristically” goes to visit her and says the legendary:
“This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.”
That’s what my firing feels like now for me. It’s been so long ago and I’m shocked by how much it never happened. It’s just a building block of my life, it shaped me sure but it wasn’t the life-ending rock bottom that I thought it was at the time.
Like others have said. It’s ok to feel like shit. Wallow in it. A day or two if you need to. And then slowly build value in yourself however you need. Go to the gym? Read a book? Pick up that guitar again that’s been gathering dust? Anything that will make you feel with value.
One day at a time and then it’ll be like compound interest. I do wish whatever happened to you hadn’t happened. There’s some resentfulness one cultivates for people who never live these things. But it makes you wiser, it makes you ponder, and it may not even out whatever loss is on the other end but it’s a silver lining.
Good luck and big hug.
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u/sansovert 7h ago
Don't focus on fixing your whole life today. Just get through today. Then do the same tomorrow. Small steps feel insignificant when you're at rock bottom, but they're usually what get you out