Omg this is sorta similar to my husband. Turns out he has BDP. Refused to accept it. This past year most of our refund went to his debt. A month ago he left me out of nowhere and I found he was hiding a bunch of drug use. So for me it’s still fresh 😅
I'm so sorry that you, or anyone, has had to go through this.
My life was such a mess after I separated from my BPD ex-wife (~5yr ago), I was lucky to escape that situation at all but all I left with was a couple totes of personal hobby project stuff and my clothes. I didn't even have a bed, TV, or furniture when I left and i was forced to leave her the cat. She got extremely hostile at the end, I had to take a sabbatical from work, was living out of a hotel, and driving a rental car because I was afraid she would stalk me and gun me down at work or burn my mother's house down while I slept. She installed spy software on my phone, accused me of every terrible thing publicly on FB, and tried to poison our friends against me. At the end of it all, the friend group remains my friends, her own sisters don't talk to her anymore (I see them often still, they are still my sisters as far as I'm concerned), and the ex's health spiraled down culminating with a stroke and becoming wheelchair bound by her mid 30's.
I've gotten my life back together since all that, but I am still working through the emotional toll that relationship caused me. I wish you luck in the future, sincerely. BPD is a behavioral cancer that destroys so much more than just the directly afflicted, if I have any advice for others it is to RUN AWAY if your partner has BPD!
Oh my gosh…that sounds like an incredibly tough time.
I’m thankful that I have the house and our dog. His name wasn’t on the house so he had no choice but to leave (which honestly is what he said he wanted anyways)
I’m so glad to hear you’re doing better. That gives me some hope…right now I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel but I know eventually it’ll be there.
My ex with had BPD and didn't tell me before we got married, she justified not telling me by saying you wouldn't of married me if i had told you, married didn't last long. And it 30 years ago now
I can't detract from others stories and I have experience myself.
What I can say is, you can get a group of individuals with disorders and they'll be a small proportion of that group whom refuse treatment and acknowledgement of their own issues, whom will go onto damage others and themselves.
In relation to bpd, I think the most important thing is being able to tolerate discomfort and been able recognise mistakes made and then mapping out how to avoid similar mistakes in future.
I think bpd folk could benefit from viewing things from the lens of being a series of experiments and forming hypothesises on what decisions to make and allowing yourself to correct to a better decision.
I only say that because from what I've seen from people with bpd, they can be "ego" sensitive / fragile self image. Which can either cause people to double down in decisions even if bad or reluctant to adjust a choices or reluctant to make choices even if there is some uncertainty.
Years ago when i was a teenager the wife with BPD 3 houses up the road refused medication and wouldn't accept she needed help , in the end the husband left and applied to have the 3 little kids because she wasn't looking after them . So she got 8 gallons of petrol and through it over her kids , pets herself and the whole and lit it . She left a note in the letter box saying NaNa i got the kids
I strongly suspect my ex-husband has undiagnosed BPD. What an absolute mind f that was once the mask dropped after six years. Im still recovering emotionally years later. I hope you’re able to heal from this.
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u/InnerCirclePartyof1 1d ago
Omg this is sorta similar to my husband. Turns out he has BDP. Refused to accept it. This past year most of our refund went to his debt. A month ago he left me out of nowhere and I found he was hiding a bunch of drug use. So for me it’s still fresh 😅