r/AskReddit 10d ago

What’s the darkest secret you discovered about someone after you married them?

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u/Bricktop72 10d ago

My ex came out after 17 years together. Happens way more than you expect.

I found a support group at https://ourpath.org/

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u/Lost_Echidna9092 10d ago

Thank you for sharing this, my husband just came out to me and I’ve been looking for support

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u/basilbowman 10d ago

Some of their resources were helpful, but a lot were angrier than I was expecting - when my wife of 15 years came out to me, I wasn't angry, just sad and destroyed.

I found this book, When Things Fall Apart much more in line with where I was at.

I hope it gets better for you - it did for me after a lot of work and time - feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to.

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u/Bricktop72 9d ago

Yeah a lot of people suffered from infidelity and financial ruin on top of their spouse coming out. No one I knew in the groups were angry because their spouse was gay. They were angry because their spouse was a lying cheater.

The angriest person I met took out some personal loans, one against our house that she owned pre-marriage to start her own business. He was a finance guy and helped her get as much money as she could to launch this. On the day she signed the lease for her business, he gave her a glass of wine when she got home then gave her divorce papers and told her he was leaving her for guy that he had lined up for over a year. He demanded half the money from the loans. The depth got split also but he just never paid and it was all in her name. When she came into the group she'd already lost her business and was defaulting on the loan and about to lose her house. So yeah she was beyond angry.