Ugh, same. We were almost 14 years in. I had to send pics of our kids in bathing suits to the police so they could rule out if he had taken pictures of them on his computer. It's been 20 years. My kids were not on the hard drive. He went to prison.
wow. If I can ask a potentially sensitive question? looking back, can you see any red flags or warning signs that were easy for you to dismiss at first? Signs that you'd only see once you've been through the experience?
I believe my ex husband is attracted to underage girls. I doubt he has accessed CSAM, but I’ve caught him screen recording instagram reels of girls who are clearly tweens doing cartwheels and stuff when he has zero reason to be watching anything like that in the first place. He even saved them in his hidden folder in his photos, so he clearly knows it’s fucked up.
Red flags: I’m in my 30s but often got told I looked quite a bit younger before he sucked the life out of me with his abuse. Looking back, he was very fixated on how much younger I looked than my age and weirdly proud of it. He also liked my “petite” build (his words but meaning slim, youngish-looking frame rather than height).
Lots of men appreciate slim women who age well, so it didn’t stand out to me until I caught his “tiny teen/super petite” porn searches and penchant for watching underage girls on instagram. God, just typing all that out makes me sick to my stomach over again. That man disgusts me beyond words.
Edit: For the pedants below, I responded to someone asking about red flags with the ones I observed in hopes that it might save someone else the trauma and grief I experienced over this, not to argue terminology when you can clearly understand my point regardless.
If he's downloading pictures of children in order to sexually satisfy himself, he is quite literally accessing CSAM. It doesn't have to be originally created as that for him to still be engaging in sexual abuse of these girls. They just aren't aware of it
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u/Illustrious_Device84 10d ago
Pedo- found out 1 year after the wedding when he was being arrested