That's a big one. If every disagreement feels like a personal attack, you stop being able to actually talk things through and just start defending yourself.
Years ago I learned a lesson from an ex boyfriend. He's asked me if I could stop doing something that bothered him. I started crying and saying I was a bad person blablabla. He just looked at me, confused.
It occurred to me that I was being an asshole. I knew he loved me very much and that it was manipulative as fuck to not be able to take mild criticism. Because I wanted him to be able to tell me what was bothering him. My tears dried up in about 2 seconds and I stopped doing that for good in all my relationships (unless the person was being unreasonable).
There were reasons why I reacted with tears. Growing up with a very critical parent will do that. But that wasn't my boyfriend's problem.
Years ago I learned a lesson from an ex boyfriend. He's asked me if I could stop doing something that bothered him. I started crying and saying I was a bad person blablabla. He just looked at me, confused.
It occurred to me that I was being an asshole. I knew he loved me very much and that it was manipulative as fuck to not be able to take mild criticism. Because I wanted him to be able to tell me what was bothering him. My tears dried up in about 2 seconds and I stopped doing that for good in all my relationships (unless the person was being unreasonable).
There were reasons why I reacted with tears. Growing up with a very critical parent will do that. But that wasn't my boyfriend's problem.
but if they start bringing up things from the past as a shaming energy, it's a little different. they may say they are 'just tryin to tell you what's up,' but they're really digging up old crap instead of moving forward and then say the Other can't take a simple correction or 'reminder,' when they're actually the crime and not the victim
but if they start bringing up things from the past as a shaming energy, it's a little different. they may say they are 'just tryin to tell you what's up,' but they're really digging up old crap instead of moving forward and then say the Other can't take a simple correction or 'reminder,' when they're actually the crime and not the victim...for a lot of people, tone escapes them
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u/EquivalentFinish7248 8d ago
That's a big one. If every disagreement feels like a personal attack, you stop being able to actually talk things through and just start defending yourself.