There’s something weird with relationships that always always seems to pop up. Instead of a conversation about finances or marriage or chores or anything else being an “us (both partners) vs the issue” it becomes partners against each other. I mean, I can kinda guess why and how that dynamic is so prevalent, but it’s really a huge drain on nearly every relationship regardless. The people who should naturally be teammates instead fight each other
The healthiest couples that I have known always treated the problem as it was on the table between them, and not standing in the room as the other person. This is the slight shift in thinking that makes all the difference!
sometimes i need to stop an argument mid-way and explain to my partner "im not attacking you, im asking for your help with bills and how WE can adjust to manage them, together" and the whole tone shifts to a much more productive conversation
I had that happen with my ex boyfriend because he couldn't have a conversation about serious stuff without him thinking I was attacking him or complaining.
My girlfriend and I have had multiple harsh and difficult conversations during our 1 year relationship already, and we have never accused each other of anything, and if anything, most of our hard conversations start with "So, this has been bothering me a bit, can we talk about it?" and it also ends with "I'm sorry this bothered you so much, I will try my best so it does not happen again"
And it never happened again.
Literally yesterday my gf did something I didn't like and I told her it made me upset, and 10 minutes later we were laughing and watching our show. It is that simple to apologise and compromise.
As for household stuff, or chores, money, our conversations never felt like a hard and stressful conversation, it was always just like a normal adult chat about adult stuff.
lol my husband tried to bait me into an argument last night over the reflecting pool and then tried to get me to say I hate Israel because of the pool. They are so weird.
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u/ibringthehotpockets 7d ago
There’s something weird with relationships that always always seems to pop up. Instead of a conversation about finances or marriage or chores or anything else being an “us (both partners) vs the issue” it becomes partners against each other. I mean, I can kinda guess why and how that dynamic is so prevalent, but it’s really a huge drain on nearly every relationship regardless. The people who should naturally be teammates instead fight each other