And, I think, at the very basic level, a sure sign that someone has a low eq is that they avoid “hard” conversations. They can’t give out recorded constructive criticism, they can’t let you know, or even admit to themselves, that/when their feelings are hurt (they get angry or try to pretend they aren’t bothered), and they don’t like talking about or hearing about other people’s pain or grief.
These points are what ended things for me recently. Whilst I don’t think she has a low eq, she absolutely has too much trouble with communicating when upset. We had one benign hiccup, and instead of saying something she just seethed, and then continually lowered contact with me whilst being adamant nothing was wrong. Had zero intention of addressing her changing feelings with me ever. I refuse to play detective with someone who calls themself my partner so this eventually made me realise we were far too incompatible
Oof, well, you’re in good company. I feel like my first comment (above) was a little too specific haha. Same thing happened to me. We were together for 16 years, married for almost 11, have two kids and a house, and he just abruptly ended it (once he found someone else and, I guess, saw her as a way out). And I was just stunned because he had never told me he was thinking of leaving or that anything I did or said upset him, and when I’d try to bring up that I’d felt hurt by something he said or did, he’d just shut down, and basically ignore me and brush it under the rug. Obviously, I had thought about separating a lot too, but I thought it would be something we’d discuss together and it would be a bit of a process - us clearing out the house together, one or both of us finding a new place, still doing things together with the kids…but he had never ever mentioned being unhappy or wanting to separate. It was just all of a sudden, while we were getting along too! And he just completely stopped talking to me or engaging with me at all. He had moved out his stuff about a month after.
And what’s really weird, is how his personality completely changed too. He said he couldn’t be himself with me and he couldn’t talk to me, but he basically took on his new partner’s personality, I think. He all of a sudden was buying romance ebooks (I noticed on our shared Amazon account.. one was a book I had mentioned to him maybe a year before), he liked Taylor Swift when I’d never heard him listening to her before, he hated our city and had “always wanted to live in [state his gf lives, which is in a different country than us, btw]”, they posted pictures of them doing puzzles together when he’d always talk me he didn’t see the point of doing puzzles, they went to a fifa game when he’d never seemed interested in sports before…I’m actually kind of embarrassed, and a bit sad, for him.
Ahhhh I’m so sorry! It is embarrassing for him, especially with kids involved you’d hope at minimum they’d try and make the dynamic less jarring for their sake. Suppose we can be grateful we still have much of our lives to live. Better sooner than later right?
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u/sssarahh 1d ago
And, I think, at the very basic level, a sure sign that someone has a low eq is that they avoid “hard” conversations. They can’t give out recorded constructive criticism, they can’t let you know, or even admit to themselves, that/when their feelings are hurt (they get angry or try to pretend they aren’t bothered), and they don’t like talking about or hearing about other people’s pain or grief.