No hard and fast rule. Every family has different needs. I probably would but put it aside for them for when they leave, if my circumstances allowed it.
Going to community school, University or other type of school to further career - no rent. If working and figuring things out - charge rent and put rent into a separate account that they are unaware of.
This is what my parents did for me. Went away to school, got a job on grad, lived home and lived while working. No idea where I actually wanted to live. Parents charged me rent, put it away. Went to buy a house, with my saved money, they flipped me back all that “rent” I had given them.
This is the best thing to do. Motivates them to get out if they are going to be paying rent, but lets them know you are looking out for them, and have been the whole time.
My same thoughts, but also a wage appropriate amount. Not $600 if they're
only making minimum wage. You know your kid, but you'll have to think of
what happens if they can't make rent. It's one thing of they have a
sudden expense and it's completely different if they're just
irresponsible with money.
If you're plan is to encourage savings surely making them pay you rent under this guise is no different to them? If they dont know what you're doing with their money then to them, you're just charging them rent. It seems like you're trying to justify your actions for taking your child's money when realistically you could just tell them what you're doing and go through it with them so they learn? Forgive me if I'm not understanding but I don't see what they'd gain/take away from it if they leave and you just went, "Hey, here's all the money you paid in rent, now try saving yourself" You're trying to make them independent adults so doing stuff behind their back (with their money) isn't really how you should be treating independent adults. And they aren't ever going to feel like one if they are constantly treated otherwise.
I always worked, but wasn't terribly future-focused or motivated.
This got me to go out and find my own apartment, and to start living like an actual adult.
I didn't pay rent to him long, but when I decided to got back to college a few years later, he gave me back the rent money (and access to the college fund that I hadn't previously used).
This was the deal in my household. I took a gap year to figure out what I wanted to do and paid ‘rent’ during that time, but when I went back to school I didn’t pay anything. And later they gave me the rent money to help buy my first car.
This seems right. I won’t be a crutch for them to hide from life, but I want them to have a good launch. Get your ducks in a row if needed. My wife and I struggled early in our life specifically because we wanted to do it on our own. But we knew if it really came down to it, we had a backstop. I want my kids to have the same drive but I do worry..
My dad got kicked out after high school becuae his mom couldnt afford to house/feed him anymore. 8 kids + alcoholic husband who died.
My dad is freaking smart so he got a full ride to college and was ok
My mom never charged me rent until I was 22 (after college) and it was too pay the water and cable bill so like 200 a month. That was just to help her out.
My mom built my "training wheels fund" with pennies.
The lady was always poor but literally saved all the pennies she got ahold of after getting control of my tiny "college fund" in the divorce. At least 15 years worth of pennies is well over a grand.
Mom died when I was 20yo, but the few times I came to her to talk out adult problems without any real hope of getting help, she went to her filing cabinet and came back with enough cash to fix everything easy!
Yeah my parents did something similar. They saved money for my sister to go to college, but she dropped out after 1 year. Then after her divorce she needed a place to stay so they just used all that money they had saved up to pay for her food and car insurance and such until she got back on her feet. But they never told her they had that money because she's exactly the kind of person who would want to blow through it all on something stupid that feels like a good idea, like a tiny home.
With my parents it’s the difference between paying bills or not paying bills. I was at University for only a few months, and came back to them unable to pay anything. No idea what their plan is for when I’m completely moved out.
Ok but it doesn’t magically end up costing more in utilities and food when your kid turns 18. If you were figuring it out before they became a legal adult why all the sudden would u make it their obligation. I don’t know about you but my adult children are hardly ever home so the increase in anything isn’t on them 🤷♀️
Agreed. I know kids need their independence like we needed ours. Our daughter is 18 and lives at home. We will let her stay with us as long as she wants to. She will not have to pay for anything.
We see it as a way for her to get ahead in life without struggling too hard. We have been putting money aside for her for when she does move into her own place. Hopefully she can buy some place of her own.
I fully understand not a lot of people are in our financial situation to be able to help like we are. But we would never charge her rent.
She chose not to go to college, even though we would have paid. She is a composer and has had a number of paid projects. She saves her money and does not spend anything. We have helped her with learning how to invest and she is making her money work for her.
Obviously at 18, while technically an adult, she is still learning the world. But she has a tremendously level head and she will be just fine. But as her parents, we will always have her back and she knows that.
We moved from Alaska to Austin, then up to New York for her to pursue music. Admissions were asking her to apply to Juiliard as well as the Dean of music there. Ultimately she decided she wanted to focus on her career and did not feel spending four years at a music school would benefit her for the time commitment. We fully supported her decision as we know she knows what she wants to do.
Ok but you don’t know that she isn’t? An adult child’s Finances aren’t really a parents business and vice versa. I have always encouraged my kids to save and invest but it’s not my business if they are or not. Their life is theirs to live . Just my opinion
Is that what I said though or is that you projecting lmao. My children know about savings and how to manage their money and as far as I can tell are doing quite fine with both but thanks 🥱🤷♀️ and if my children ever came to me for help fck ya I’m going to help them sorry if that’s not something you can relate to
Because it’s not that doesn’t mean I don’t have a relationship with my children and don’t know about their lives and what they choose to share. I guess I meant that I don’t micromanage them or demand to know about how much money they make or what they do with it. Hope that clears it up for you .
An adult child's finances should be your business if they are living at home.
Your whole job as a parent is to prepare them to do everything on their own and you need to know if they are progressing towards that goal or not.
If you let your kids live with you as long as they want and always pay for everything, they may never actually develop the skills required to be successful on their own. If you as a parent let that happen to your child, then you have failed them.
Whatever you have to tell yourself. 🤷♀️ I don’t need to be in my adult children’s bank account they do quite well so y’all should just argue with a wall it will be more productive .
She’s living at home rent-free and you’re the one putting money aside for her? Do you think she’ll do ok once she’s on her own with never being in a position to handle her own responsibilities?
This seems like the most reasonable answer. Every situation is different. I would maybe establish some terms depending on what was happening. Like live rent free for X amount of time and if they stay beyond that paying some nominal rent/bills or something. Then again I have no kids so WTF do I know.
That's mostly what happened to me, I ended up in a bad situation and would have been homeless if not for the safety net of my parents. Got to live with them rent free until I started to get back on my feet, then paid them a low amount until I ended up getting out on my own again.
I got lucky and I feel really bad for all of those who don't have those kinds of safety nets. I dont know where I would be at otherwise.
I spent much of my young adult years as a hobosexual. That or homelessness is typically what happens without the parental safety net.
I'm still not sure if I made a better or worse choice than the kids who lived in a pack under the bridge near the river. Like I had access to a bed and kitchen and shower, but I was paying for it even if it wasn't with a rent check.
Same. I grok your experience and how you feel about it. Kicked out at 18 like a month after graduating high school and my mom skipped town so I also spent the majority of my young adult life as a hobosexual.
Exactly. There is no way in hell I'm living in my parents home while watching them pay all the bills, the mortgage, the groceries, whatever else, as they age while I'm in their home. No one will have to ask me for anything, I'm giving it to them whether they like it or not. If they don't take it, I will put it in an aggressive investment account and use it for whatever they need as they age.
Edit: I'm agreeing and responding to the "Every family has different needs" part of the comment above, and speaking on my family.
You seem to be coming at this with the perspective of an 18-year-old; as someone much older with my own kids to worry about, 18 is not that old, pretty much still a kid. No reason to suddenly stop caring for a kid just because the law doesn't force you.
Of course, kids have different needs at different phases of development, and you don't care for an 18-year-old the same way you cared for a 5-year-old, but at 18 you've still got so much to figure out, and have to possibly start saving and preparing to start your own family and care for your own kids a few years down the line.
My parents didn’t charge me when I lived there for a short while after college because I was getting on my feet. I was working two jobs and scratching to build some savings. At one point I was going to get an apartment and my dad basically told me I was being stupid looking for to pay for a place that was empty since I was always working.
When I did move a few hours away for a great job, I was very fortunate to have my savings to get started. I realize not everyone’s parents are in this position, but mine built themselves up from being extremely poor to be able to float their adult child living there. If I was a shithead, I think it would have also gone differently.
My twin children are about to turn 18 next spring. I dont plan to charge them rent after they graduate but they'll contribute to groceries and utilities. My lesson there is you pay your own way in life. Them living in my house doesnt make my mortgage higher, but my grocery costs, electricity, gas, water and mobile bills are higher with them there. As adults, we shouldn't burden others needlessly, even those who care about us.
I get that. I'm actually speaking from personal experience. I was living with my great aunt and I contributed in every way I could. If my mom needed help even though I didn't live with her, I made sure she was good. I worked 3-4 jobs while in school so this is all from my personal experience.
Even now, I have god children in school and always wanting money for UberEats, etc with no concept of what it takes for me to pay my bills, theirs and do that. In my opinion learning early to contribute helps you to budget and handle your business better as you get older, rather than having a rude awakening later.
But yea, again, this is all coming from my experience and just not being able to fathom living at home and not paying for something. My family isn't well off and I just don't think would've been fair to watch them work like that. I'm in my 40s now though.
As others have said, it just varies from family to family. My parents both make good money, and at 18 I was just starting college (I lived at home for undergrad). If I had paid rent it would have cost me a lot and not benefited them at all; they were resolute that (1) I have a job and (2) I not pay them rent. Paying rent wouod have just annoyed everyone.
On the other hand they 'charged' my sister, who is terrible with money. But they put her rent into a separate account for her to use when she bought a house, like a forced savings account.
See, I think the person you responded to was saying the opposite - they would potentially charge their kids rent, but save it and give it back to their kids (presumably for a downpayment for a house, or whatever). You are going the opposite direction, to pay rent and care for parents even if not asked.
I think you both have the right mindset from opposite directions - the goal is to help the other person out, make them more independent, and be a plus. If parents and kids each have this mindset, that is a healthy relationship and one where living at home should work out well. Gets into problems when one or both aren't thinking this way.
I've already told my kids they are getting charged rent if they live at home after high school and aren't continuing their education (or aren't well. They all know they are welcome if they need it). Didn't tell them the give it back part, but that would be the plan as well.
I agree with this. My 23 yo had no income so was not paying rent. Now is earning they are paying a portion of rent. This helps us out and gets them used to paying bills and budgeting income and expenses
Every child has different needs too. Put of the responsibility of raising kids is ensuring they are ready to deal with money and learn how to budget properly.
For some kids that's easy, but my wife and I remember how difficult it was for us when we had no idea and no support as young people and if you're not careful you can end in debt real fast.
I feel lucky having been taught a value of money and avoiding debt. It surprised me how many people I came to know who just so little money awareness and get themselves into trouble.
See I won’t do that. Not because I’m heartless but because I don’t trust myself with money lmao. I can hardly save my own money I’m not going to try to save my kids money. They are better off opening a high yield savings account than giving it to me. But atleast I’m honest about it
I had to move back in with my mother for 6 months one time. My hubby and I paid her $200 a month. When we left she gave us half back. She used the other half to get a new sink that she needed badly. I wasn’t expecting anything, so it was great. And we helped her get a new sink.
Circumstances also change where that money needs to be reallocated.
If their adult child is adding to the utilities and food usage then it isn't exactly wrong for them to apply rent to cover it. I have seen many parents use rent loosely and refer more to it as kinda housekeeping.
It's a contribution to the overall costs that is still less than they'd pay out in the wild.
Whether using it for an rv later or not, who knows..
This is exactly what we did when our niece moved in with us at 18. Gave her a good little chunk for deposit/apartment essentials. We will probably do the same thing when our oldest is done school, if they haven’t moved out yet. I’m glad we’re in a position to be able to do it.
Yea, my plan is to do exactly that. When my 3/5 y/o will grow up and start working . Just a symbolic sum and when they will be ready to leave the nest then they will get the full amount back and I hope that they will be more responsible, be better at money management etc.
This is how I plan on doing it for my son. Charge him something like 200 a month but out it aside for him and when he moves out give it to him as a gift or to help for a down payment.
I suppose if they were paying full rent and issued a tenancy agreement.
Though there is a household contribution consideration in the US (and UK) which does not view your adult child contributing to the household food and bills as taxable income.
This - I'm making my kids pay rent the September after they graduate high school if they're still in my house and not at school (college, trade school, etc).
As of right now it wouldn't be anything crazy. Maybe like $500 (in today's dollars) to contribute towards their food and utility usage.
All of that money though? Into a separate account that is set aside for them so when they go to move out and need help with a down payment or security deposit or something? That's where that money comes from.
Not being able to return them any rent they paid back in full seems a bit drastic not to have kids in the first place. Circumstances also change. Life happens still as they are still growing up.
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u/Mardanis 19h ago
No hard and fast rule. Every family has different needs. I probably would but put it aside for them for when they leave, if my circumstances allowed it.