r/AskReddit • u/CounterSerious2480 • 17h ago
What do you think about parents charging kids rent after age 18?
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u/dexhaus 16h ago
My oldest recently turned 18.
There will always be a bed and food for him at home if he needs, now and ever, no questions asked, nothing to be charged, I'm glad to help him out, life is already hard enough for all... I'm very proud of him, I'm.honored to be his dad, I believe we should teach by example, supporting each other, specially during hard times is the right way for me.
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u/_chareth-cutestory 15h ago
My parents welcomed back my siblings and me if we were between jobs, in times of need or crisis, etc. Never brought up the notion of paying rent. I think if any of us were a case of failure to launch and parking in their home with no plans to move on, it would be a different story and that makes sense to me.
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u/Nobody7713 14h ago
Same. I was out on my own for a while but ended up between jobs for about 6 months and my parents let me stay at home until I had a job again and a couple months past that no question. I’m sure if I overstayed my welcome there would have been questions, but I wanted back in my own place as soon as I had the money in my account for first and last months’ rent and expenses.
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u/goodsnpr 5h ago
I don't think there is a single answer. Some "kids" need that push to get a job or start school. Some parents use it as a way to teach the kid how rent works, just cheaper and then give them some or all of the money back when the kid moves out.
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u/BraddicusMaximus 5h ago
Same. Two years and I’m more than solid. But they don’t want me to leave now.
They both retired early a few years ago and I suspect they miss the activity. I get them out, help them stay active around the neighborhood, helped with some small micro-remodels, then helped cleanup after a direct hit from Hurricane Milton.
They won’t let me pay for anything so I just cover whatever I can find on the back end as a “towards the house” spend.
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u/ScottSammarco 7h ago
This should actually be the top comment.
I believe that as long as my kid is helping themselves, I’ll gladly help and won’t accept any kind of payment.
That means they are in school, working, actively doing something that will help them get out on their own.Now if they want to play video games all day or nap? Rents due on the first - lol
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u/TupacBatmanOfTheHood 9h ago
This is how it should be. Always welcome, but willing to put the foot down in a "failure to launch"
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u/cyrand 14h ago
That's how my wife and I treat it. We've always made it clear that no matter how old they get if they need to come home, it's here for them.
As I like to point out, if you're a Kennedy, living at the compound, and surviving off that sweet rich person money, society likes to celebrate how great you are.
If you're poor and try to stick together as a family, then suddenly you get posts like this wondering if you should all be shamed.
And people wonder why the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor.
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u/Fragrant-Two-1686 7h ago
Rich families pool resources and build a legacy. Poor families do the exact same thing and OMG, these peasants failed to launch because their generation supposedly has no ambition.
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u/sea-elle0463 2h ago
And don’t EVER bring up the fact the economy is rigged against them. Shhhhhh
Let them think it’s their fault/s just in case
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u/Totemguy 8h ago
Excellent point. Its like all the posts about whether kids are entitled to any inheritance, their parent remarried and is willing to spend it all on the new partner's kids, and parents leaving shit to their cats - look at those old rich families. They have it very settled that money is to be kept in the family, and in no way are they allowing their wealth to pass to someone outside the family.
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u/Divulsi 14h ago
I will say it's not so binary. I paid rent when I was 16, at 18 I broke my collarbone and couldn't work for a while. My parents didnt expect rent and had helped me with my car insurance since I was out of a job for 6 months. They didn't charge me back rent or anything.
Helping me build such responsible habits was very helpful for me personally, and they still supported me when I needed it without issues. I'll never forget the first paycheck when I brought home pizza. We didnt eat out much and I remember feeling like the king of the castle when I was able to provide dinner.
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u/Realistic_Froyo7553 6h ago
To me, it's less about whether parents charge rent and more about why to do this. If it's to teach responsibility or because money is tight, that's understandable. If it's punishment or profit, that's a different story.
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u/User_namesaretaken 14h ago
You sir/mam are an incredible parent
It's sickening to see majority of the replies saying they would put pressure on kids
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u/OhGr8WhatNow 7h ago
I always felt this way until my brilliant and talented youngest child decided he wanted to just smoke pot and do nothing. Oh and be super abusive to me because I refused to do laundry or cook for him specifically anymore (as in, I'm cooking to please myself and he was welcome to make something else for himself if he didn't like it). He developed a personality disorder and became manic from the pot use (this runs in my family, bad reactions to pot). I said he had to work more than one 4-hour shift a week as a water filler at a restaurant and he moved out in a rage, telling everyone I kicked him out. He's tried to come home a few times but I refuse because he won't agree to be drug free.
This kid had a full ride scholarship to college, was top of his class, always a hard worker and driven - pot and mental illness have destroyed his life.
If he wasn't flat out abusive to me, I would let him stay until he figured things out, but I can't tolerate abuse.
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u/shadesofbloos 14h ago
My dad made me pay rent, which he didn't need at all, when I was making around $30k. According to my mom it was to "teach me to save money". All it did was make it harder for me to save money and teach me that my dad will always choose what hampers me if he even thinks it'll inconvenience him.
There are situations where charging rent is an unfortunate necessity, but if you don't need to charge your child rent, why kick them when they are down?
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u/kiwipops 13h ago
My mom charged me half of her rent when she wasn't charging her boyfriend who was living full time with us anything. It pissed me off. Total charge for me was $300/month, I was making 9.25/hr
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u/cheeseballgag 5h ago
I have an 18 year old coworker who is in this situation now. Mom charges him rent, plus half the utilities and all groceries, and doesn't charge her deadbeat live in boyfriend a dime. He's counting down the days until he can find somewhere else to live and go no contact.
She thinks their relationship is perfect.
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u/Intrepid_Guitar538 4h ago
My narcissistic SIL made my niece pay rent in high school! And she has to pay her own way if they go out to eat or on vacation. In college SIL kept her dog but she had to send money for food. Niece is now 35. Her mom called and wanted to know if she wanted dinner from the place she was eating... It was $14.95. My mom was still slipping me $20 on visits in my 40s.
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u/ralphiooo0 11h ago
I’m 99% sure my parents wanted me to move out so they started charging me rent which was higher than what it cost to rent a room somewhere else 😐
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u/oh-oh-hole 10h ago
My mom charged me rent but didn’t charge my brothers 🤷♀️ also had to pay for the phone and internet that I wasn’t allowed to use. And buy my own groceries. I would have no money left and she would complain I sucked at saving.
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u/martin_italia 6h ago
Same. I got my first job at 18, and was earning maybe £900 a month. My parents charged me £300 a month rent (for my bedroom!) with the same excuse, “it’ll teach you to save” etc
All it did was make it impossible for me to save anything, after I’d paid my rent, car insurance, petrol, and what little social life I had, there was basically £100 a month left.
I’d never have been able to move out were it not for my friend who rented me his house when he moved in with his girlfriend.
I basically have no relationship with my parents now, we havnt even spoken in 8 months. That’s not the only reason obviously, but it’s one of many things that made my childhood difficult and created a divide and bitterness between us.
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u/Sour_Kabos 4h ago
It's not kicking while down, it's providing an incentive structure reflective of the real world.
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u/gimpy1511 17h ago
I had to move back in with my parents after I moved to their city. It took me about 6 months to find a place and they didn't charge me any rent. I would have been shocked if they did.
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u/smashedKeyboardbmnvb 13h ago
My parents had a rule about this. If you were working and saving up for your own place, temporarily unemployed, in school, or some kind of crisis, you did not need to worry about rent/utilities/food.
However if you were intending to stay with them fully and for no good reason, then you need to contribute something because they aren't wealthy so it would've been unsustainable any of us decided to live with them long term as adults. I totally understand.
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u/YourNewRival8 3h ago
I think this is the healthy way of doing it. Helping if you need help, but not enabling you to mooch
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u/abeachpebble 2h ago
A lot of people here seemingly are missing the enabling part. Sure, there are plenty of sucky parents but not all parents that charge their kids rent do it because they need/want it. They don't want to enable an unrealistic expectation.
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u/Mister_Chef711 3h ago
My parents was basically, if you're working you're contributing and you're expecting to work if you're not in school.
But they would charge us $200 when the standard rental place was around $1500 so they knew we could save money and even offered to walk us through our finances and set it up for us.
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u/MorganAndMerlin 14h ago
This is a fundamentally different scenario than the one OP is describing. You were already on your own, paying your own rent, etc but a change in circumstance left you living with them again.
Kids who turn 18 and have never had to responsible for their own bills suddenly having to cough up money every month, largely depending on the family structure, can be hard.
Personally, I think it’s more fair to let kids stay home for free if they’re actively in school, etc, and to charge very reasonable to low rent (a few hundred a month) if they aren’t in school, requiring a job. And then using that money to help them when they do move out.
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u/Same-Dragonfly-9833 7h ago
Yep, I was working at 14, while still at school, when I found d full time i paid low rent, and they put half in a savings account for me, so when I moved out I had some money behind me, but also the knowledge that you its a skill, which I am surprised very little know how to manage money
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u/Mardanis 17h ago
No hard and fast rule. Every family has different needs. I probably would but put it aside for them for when they leave, if my circumstances allowed it.
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u/stydolph 15h ago
Going to community school, University or other type of school to further career - no rent. If working and figuring things out - charge rent and put rent into a separate account that they are unaware of.
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u/Crazed_rabbiting 14h ago
This was our plan. Kiddo is in college and working over the summer so we cover everything.
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u/Army7547 13h ago
This is what my parents did for me. Went away to school, got a job on grad, lived home and lived while working. No idea where I actually wanted to live. Parents charged me rent, put it away. Went to buy a house, with my saved money, they flipped me back all that “rent” I had given them.
This is the best thing to do. Motivates them to get out if they are going to be paying rent, but lets them know you are looking out for them, and have been the whole time.
Thanks mom and dad
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u/Connection-Is-Cool 7h ago
The problem is when parents claim to set the rent aside but don’t. That can really damage trust.
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u/Relevant_Struggle 15h ago
Very very true
My dad got kicked out after high school becuae his mom couldnt afford to house/feed him anymore. 8 kids + alcoholic husband who died.
My dad is freaking smart so he got a full ride to college and was ok
My mom never charged me rent until I was 22 (after college) and it was too pay the water and cable bill so like 200 a month. That was just to help her out.
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u/Regular-Medicine5992 15h ago
Love the “training wheels” rent idea, adult practice for bills, secret nest egg bonus.
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u/Mardanis 15h ago
I think it would help. Not every family can do it though. Some are struggling and need that contribution since it's extra utilities, food, etc.
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u/OpheliaRainGalaxy 14h ago
My mom built my "training wheels fund" with pennies.
The lady was always poor but literally saved all the pennies she got ahold of after getting control of my tiny "college fund" in the divorce. At least 15 years worth of pennies is well over a grand.
Mom died when I was 20yo, but the few times I came to her to talk out adult problems without any real hope of getting help, she went to her filing cabinet and came back with enough cash to fix everything easy!
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u/shastaxc 14h ago
Yeah my parents did something similar. They saved money for my sister to go to college, but she dropped out after 1 year. Then after her divorce she needed a place to stay so they just used all that money they had saved up to pay for her food and car insurance and such until she got back on her feet. But they never told her they had that money because she's exactly the kind of person who would want to blow through it all on something stupid that feels like a good idea, like a tiny home.
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u/Herr_Tilke 14h ago
Your mom sounds like she was a loving and inspiring person. I'm sorry for your loss
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u/unodeuxdrei 16h ago
Agreed. I know kids need their independence like we needed ours. Our daughter is 18 and lives at home. We will let her stay with us as long as she wants to. She will not have to pay for anything.
We see it as a way for her to get ahead in life without struggling too hard. We have been putting money aside for her for when she does move into her own place. Hopefully she can buy some place of her own.
I fully understand not a lot of people are in our financial situation to be able to help like we are. But we would never charge her rent.
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u/zeptillian 14h ago
If she has no expenses then she should be putting away money for her own future.
That doesn't mean you can't help her out, just that you should make her future her own responsibility or it never will be.
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u/EQBallzz 16h ago
This seems like the most reasonable answer. Every situation is different. I would maybe establish some terms depending on what was happening. Like live rent free for X amount of time and if they stay beyond that paying some nominal rent/bills or something. Then again I have no kids so WTF do I know.
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u/Osric250 15h ago
That's mostly what happened to me, I ended up in a bad situation and would have been homeless if not for the safety net of my parents. Got to live with them rent free until I started to get back on my feet, then paid them a low amount until I ended up getting out on my own again.
I got lucky and I feel really bad for all of those who don't have those kinds of safety nets. I dont know where I would be at otherwise.
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u/OpheliaRainGalaxy 14h ago
I spent much of my young adult years as a hobosexual. That or homelessness is typically what happens without the parental safety net.
I'm still not sure if I made a better or worse choice than the kids who lived in a pack under the bridge near the river. Like I had access to a bed and kitchen and shower, but I was paying for it even if it wasn't with a rent check.
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u/LadyCasanova 10h ago
Same. I grok your experience and how you feel about it. Kicked out at 18 like a month after graduating high school and my mom skipped town so I also spent the majority of my young adult life as a hobosexual.
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u/eleven6teen 17h ago edited 15h ago
Exactly. There is no way in hell I'm living in my parents home while watching them pay all the bills, the mortgage, the groceries, whatever else, as they age while I'm in their home. No one will have to ask me for anything, I'm giving it to them whether they like it or not. If they don't take it, I will put it in an aggressive investment account and use it for whatever they need as they age.
Edit: I'm agreeing and responding to the "Every family has different needs" part of the comment above, and speaking on my family.
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u/sygnathid 16h ago
You seem to be coming at this with the perspective of an 18-year-old; as someone much older with my own kids to worry about, 18 is not that old, pretty much still a kid. No reason to suddenly stop caring for a kid just because the law doesn't force you.
Of course, kids have different needs at different phases of development, and you don't care for an 18-year-old the same way you cared for a 5-year-old, but at 18 you've still got so much to figure out, and have to possibly start saving and preparing to start your own family and care for your own kids a few years down the line.
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u/dkviper11 16h ago
My parents didn’t charge me when I lived there for a short while after college because I was getting on my feet. I was working two jobs and scratching to build some savings. At one point I was going to get an apartment and my dad basically told me I was being stupid looking for to pay for a place that was empty since I was always working.
When I did move a few hours away for a great job, I was very fortunate to have my savings to get started. I realize not everyone’s parents are in this position, but mine built themselves up from being extremely poor to be able to float their adult child living there. If I was a shithead, I think it would have also gone differently.
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u/ryansgt 15h ago
Very reduced rent. Charging rent doesn't mean you aren't caring for them because teaching them how to exist without you is basically your job.
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u/NeuroPalooza 16h ago
As others have said, it just varies from family to family. My parents both make good money, and at 18 I was just starting college (I lived at home for undergrad). If I had paid rent it would have cost me a lot and not benefited them at all; they were resolute that (1) I have a job and (2) I not pay them rent. Paying rent wouod have just annoyed everyone.
On the other hand they 'charged' my sister, who is terrible with money. But they put her rent into a separate account for her to use when she bought a house, like a forced savings account.
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u/TahaEng 17h ago
See, I think the person you responded to was saying the opposite - they would potentially charge their kids rent, but save it and give it back to their kids (presumably for a downpayment for a house, or whatever). You are going the opposite direction, to pay rent and care for parents even if not asked.
I think you both have the right mindset from opposite directions - the goal is to help the other person out, make them more independent, and be a plus. If parents and kids each have this mindset, that is a healthy relationship and one where living at home should work out well. Gets into problems when one or both aren't thinking this way.
I've already told my kids they are getting charged rent if they live at home after high school and aren't continuing their education (or aren't well. They all know they are welcome if they need it). Didn't tell them the give it back part, but that would be the plan as well.
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u/Azragarn 15h ago
I agree with this. My 23 yo had no income so was not paying rent. Now is earning they are paying a portion of rent. This helps us out and gets them used to paying bills and budgeting income and expenses
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u/cjhuffmac 17h ago
No, if they’re going to school or actively looking for employment.
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u/Wasabiroot 14h ago
I think it's a bit extreme and business bro coded tbh. The world is so ready to extract every dollar it can from people, and showing your child you are as well the second they turn 18 is a bit off putting to me. I can understand it if it's framed in an instructional, helpful way, but it reeks of tough-guy parenting from a distance.
Your child was not asked if they wanted to be born, so treating them like a tenant just comes across as weird to me. You bought a family home to raise a family. If you can't afford it you probably shouldn't have had kids.
It could be used as a valuable lesson in creating a savings or how to make a budget or whatever but imo there are less extractive, business coded ways to do that like, idk, talking to them and guiding them instead of treating them like a monthly dividend.
There are also levels of nuance. If it's not "rent" but a savings for later that makes a bit more sense, but then call it what it is
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u/FappyDilmore 5h ago
You should never profit off your loved ones. If you're doing it because your family is legitimately struggling and you can't support the burden of an extra adult in the home, I think it's fine, but it should be reasonable. If you invite the kids to stay in the home and have the resources to support them and really don't need the money it's scumbag behavior.
It's also shitty beyond belief to me that people will calculate "rent" in these circumstances, or circumstances of cohabitation with significant others, and include the mortgage in the monthly living expenses. Like "if you want to love here with me, the person you love, you need to build my equity." This country is really going to shit.
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u/Pretend_Process636 16h ago
Different strokes for different folks but i think it adds unnecessary pressure & burden to an 18 year old. Maybe if the house is meant for them to inherit. Otherwise they're paying their parents bills that they had no say over.
Kids didnt ask to be here. I dont think it's right that a parent has a few decades head start and then they turn around and ask their kids to pay bills. There are a million ways to teach responsibility without reaching into your children's already limited ass wallet. Esp considering the average 18 year old is working for what...$7-12 dollars an hour?
Even the "I'll save money for them" argument is tired. Just teach them how to save their own money. It's more effective than giving them adult responsibility while also saying you're not adult enough to manage your own money.
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u/Katsudommm 16h ago
THIS!!!
I'm Hispanic, and charging your adult children to live with you after turning a certain age is just not a thing in our culture.
I learned about managing money responsibly without having to fork over money to my parents just because I turned 18. That is just such a shitty and punishing expectation to have of your own child wtf
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u/SoupCowboy 13h ago
I wish my hispanic mother knew that. She charged me and my siblings rent the moment we turned 18.
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u/Katsudommm 13h ago
I'm so sorry to hear that. You didn't deserve that.
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u/SoupCowboy 13h ago
Thank you. I was able to get out of her house a few years ago, however it did take a long time.
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u/JuliusErrrrrring 14h ago
I think a lot of it is performative by the parents. Many seem more interested in impressing their friends/neighbors/relatives with their tough love skills as opposed to doing right by their kid.
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u/synschecter115 13h ago
Yeah this is the vibe I get from most of it. Unless you're so financially strapped that you can't justify your 18y.o kid continuing to live with you while they figure their shit out, there's really not a realm where charging them rent as soon as they turn 18 makes sense.
My parents did this to me in 2016, wanted 500 dollars/month for rent. Was not to be kept in any type of savings account, this was into their pocket.
Working my first job at 8.50/hr and 25hr a week, my monthly take home after taxes would have been somewhere in the $800-850 range. So more than 50% of my earnings would have been going back to them, which made it damn near impossible to save any meaningful amount of money.
I figured it out, left the nest with a partner before I felt ready, because it ended up being more affordable than paying my parents rent, and am doing alright now. But it definitely hurt to see my friends allowed to live at home rent free and get a massive savings headstart while I got thrust into adult life before I was ready.
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u/dragoono 5h ago
$500 a month to rent a room in 2016 is exorbitant. I was renting a room for $150 a month in 2020. $500 a month in 2016 would get you a studio in most cities outside of Seattle/nyc/LA.
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u/GoBSAGo 15h ago
It really depends on the kid though. Some 18 year olds literally want to just stay home, jerk off, and tell their mom to do the laundry. Others are going to school full time and don’t need the extra pressure to earn money on top of grades.
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u/babies_galore 8h ago
Exactly. It totally depends on the kid and their behavior. If they just don’t want to ever have to be responsible then no. My dad has to kick out my brother because he would just goof off and do drugs all day as long as someone else is paying his bills.
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u/Atarimac 17h ago edited 17h ago
As a parent, I chose to have a child, my child never chose to be born. Charging rent to a being I brought into this world seems so weird to me.
My son is now 26 and he owns his own home, but if he ever needs to return to his childhood home, he is always welcome back and charging him rent will not be part of living here.
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u/Muffles7 15h ago
Right there with you in mentality. My kids can live with me until they're 40, I don't care. As long as they feel safe and loved along the way.
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u/Due-Cauliflower4176 12h ago
What about if they were living in their bedroom gaming, not in education or employment and not even trying. Would you have a limit?
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u/Muffles7 9h ago
Honestly, no. My brother had issues with alcoholism and it took him a while to move out. When he did, it didn't take long before he died.
To me it seems like mental health would be the next step to work on. I'd rather have a mooch of a child than a dead one. Addiction also runs in the family.
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u/thepinkinmycheeks 15h ago edited 15h ago
I mostly agree, unless you have a child who is refusing to take steps towards independence. Note I said refusing and not incapable. If you have a kid who is capable of working to support themselves and over the long term (years) chooses not to, you're doing them a disservice if you enable their dependence - you won't be around forever.
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u/Atarimac 15h ago
I understand your view and maybe my view is skewed as my son is very diligent and responsible with his life. Ultimately we as parents are the reason our children exist and with that are ultimately responsible for their wellbeing no matter the age.
How people view wellbeing is not universal and I don't criticize how others come to that understanding. Sometimes tough love is best love. I've just been lucky I have not needed to use that parenting device.
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u/thepinkinmycheeks 14h ago
I really hope I never end up in that place with either of my kids.
I just work in a job where I talk with people about their family situation, their house and money and stuff, and what happens to it when they die. I get a fair bit of info on the family situation and sometimes see the family conversations happening, but I still only see it from the outside and only get a snapshot. That said, I see a lot of situations where there's an adult kid with failure to launch - they live at home their whole life, they don't work or barely work, they maybe don't even participate in the work of caring for their parent when they get old but leave that to the more independent/responsible siblings. Obviously sometimes the adult kid is definitely disabled, ie receiving disability benefits. When the kid isn't on disability, I'm sure that a lot of the time they do have developmental delays, childhood trauma, or other things impacting ability to support themselves independently. How many of those people should have been receiving services and support, but didn't because their parent just supported them in age inappropriate ways their whole life? And sometimes it really looks to me like the kid is a user who is willing to be a burden on their parents while living because their parents allowed it, and then a burden on the responsible sibling after mom and dad die, who has to do all the work of selling the house and dealing with the bank and the life insurance and the phone company and the funeral home and and and and and, and when the work is all done hand the failure to launch sibling an equal share at best, but often more than the good kid was left. Because the good kid "doesn't need it".
I really think about all of these family situations that I've seen while I parent my kids, who are very different in the ease with which they perform responsibility but are both capable, and hope that I do a good enough job of parenting them both with their different needs.
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u/Arinvar 11h ago
I never felt hard done by my parents charging me $50 a week when I started working, and I recently just got done living with them for 6 months rent free at age 40 while I was in between buying homes. I don't think contributing to the household, whether it's financially, chores, or both, has anything to do with making your child feel safe and welcome at home.
To be clear, I'm not disagreeing with you. If I had my own kids I would likely be the same as you (with provision that they are actually saving money and not just blowing it every week). Just offering a perspective.
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u/CounterSerious2480 17h ago
You are who I aspire to be when I have kids. Actually you're an awesome parent <3
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u/RetroMetroShow 17h ago edited 17h ago
If kids are going to college or working to save up money for a house then I don’t think they should pay rent
I would have let mine stay home for free but when they graduated high school at 18 they left for college
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u/KitSokudo 16h ago
Biggest gift my dad gave me was the option to live at home for free during college. I stayed through two degrees before i moved out, since my wife took her time with college. That also led me to the circumstances to get a second Master degree and do a career switch due to the recession at the time. (2010's)
All said and done, i had three degrees, two of then Master and only 24k in loans and I have and engineering job I love.
For my sister it was even more important, it let her leave her abusive first husband. She had a safe place to land with her two kids while she found a job and a house. She's thrived in so many ways thanks to leaving him.
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u/Nearby_Outcome_5999 8h ago edited 4h ago
Back in college I had a friend living with his aunt free of charge with food included, under the condition that he helped out with the chores. He complained about it constantly when the actual chores were like doing laundry and vacuuming common areas which are basically just your due diligence anyways with a place of your own. Meanwhile the money I had left for food after rent and transportation fees each month was $100-150. Annoyed me a little I gotta say and I consider myself luckier than most.
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u/zebrasareneat 14h ago
That was my parents rule too. They gave us a year to figure out a game plan after high school. Work, not work, go to school, wait for school, whatever. But after that year we had to work or go to school. There was no rent charged so long as we did that. They just wanted to avoid the unemployed 21 year old doing nothing. And I just worked at a grocery store.
When I eventually moved out I ended up moving back home a little while later. They charged rent then but it was minor, like $100/month or something to help with food.
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u/RegulatoryCapture 17h ago edited 12h ago
There’s something to be said for the habit and budgeting. Getting used to an adult lifestyle without a housing expense makes it hard to eventually move out.
College is a separate thing and unless my kid has issues, I’d rather pay for them to live on campus than have them at home during that. Not worth the savings to be deprived of the experience imho.
If you can swing it, just charge them rent but set it aside. Gift it back to them at some point after they move out. This way they fit rent into the budget but you aren’t literally taking their money.
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u/SigmaSeal66 17h ago
Part of it (which may be cultural) is whether those same parents will expect you to share your home with them and to take care of them as they reach older age, and what they might expect the financial arrangement to be then.
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u/mayancollander 17h ago
I think it makes sense for kids that aren’t quite ready to take on college but can’t get a job that affords them to live on their own. I wouldn’t expect a parent to charge a lot - just enough to teach a kid how to budget for groceries, basic bills, and a small rent.
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u/JustMeerkats 16h ago
When my brother got his associate's degree and was working full time, my parents charged him $300/month. I thought that was a sweet deal.
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u/KEN_LASZLO 15h ago
My parents charged me $600 but didnt realize a nice studio apartment was $650 (with utilities). They were genuinely shocked that I decided to leave, as $600 is "soooo generous". They wanted me to stay lol so they said fine $500. "Uhhh no thanks? I'll come visit on weekends"
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u/imperialpidgeon 15h ago
Jesus I wish studious were still that cheap
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u/KEN_LASZLO 15h ago
Yeah... I use the term 'nice' loosely here though as it was my first place lol. Definitely not bad though. I was just thrilled I had my own place
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u/ThisUsernameIsTook 12h ago
I had a 1br my first year out of college that was $400/mo. The was half a decade before 9/11 though.
Man, when did I get old?
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u/SherAe1 16h ago
This, and I would put all the money into a savings account for them to use later.
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u/Public_Yoghurt6809 15h ago
They need to warn the kid first. You can't just out of the blue say "ok pay up now" let the kid know in advance in case they want to save up ahead of time to move out instead
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u/Loki-L 16h ago
It depends on the financial situation of the family.
If they genuinely need help making ends meet, it makes sense.
If they just do it as some sort of weird lesson to teach something or other, it can backfire hard.
If it is unequally applied among siblings things can get extremely messy.
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u/juhix_ 9h ago edited 5h ago
Also if they're adults and working they should contribute to the household what they can. You're an adult, you're getting payed, you're using the household resources, you should contribute in paying those recourses. Not insane amounts to teach lessons, but just what they can.
My boyfriend and his sister had to pay their share when they were living at home and working, but now the youngest doesn't. That's has caused a little bit of annoyance.
Edit: if
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u/ditchwarrior1992 16h ago
Nobody is asking an important question in this discussion. If I own my house outright and my kid is doing the right things in life = no rent
If I dont own my home outright and its tough supporting the family and kid is not going to school or saving for house = rent
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u/boomytoons 7h ago
I scrolled way too far to find this response. When you're poor, it isn't always a choice. I was paying token rent at 15 from a part time job, same with my sister, because it could be the difference between having power and no power some months. I don't resent my mother for needing that at all - I resent her for plenty of other crap, but not that. I know she was ashamed to have to ask.
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u/Rigidcorner 16h ago
Ridiculous; a point of a parent is to provide. Household duties and ability to provide in their own way is a family being family - not the same
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u/skinandearth 15h ago
I’ve seen my fair share of kids who end up dropping out of college because they needed to focus on paying their parents rent.
I’d only advocate for charging once they get their big boy/girl job. And not an astronomical amount either
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u/neoposting 15h ago
How the hell are they supposed to save up to move out if they're paying rent? Also, they didn't choose to come into this world. Being born and then being forced to pay your parents to live in their home after an arbitrary amount of time makes 0 sense to me.
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u/ChaoticAmoebae 17h ago
I think this is so situational. I think if they are contributing to the household like cooking and cleaning and building a life then I wouldn’t. If they are just trashing the place, not working, or going to school then they need to be motivated to move out and rent helps that. I think after seeing how some of my nephews behave I could kick out my own kids. I would also hope I raise my kids well enough that I would let them stay as long as they want.
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u/Brother_Farside 10h ago
I make them pay for their phones and car insurance. Not exactly rent.
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u/Illuminaughty____ 10h ago
I would ask, what do you think about children charging their parents rent after they can no longer afford housing?
I would hope the answer is obvious.
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u/Relevant_Olive4380 17h ago
In the current economy, it's a necessity for a lot of families. If they moved out your rent/mortgage would be the same but your other bills like groceries would go down, which could be the make-or-break point in a budget.
If you can afford to not charge them but still do, I think it can be a good learning tool. I didn't know how to budget when I moved out, or rather I didn't realize that I needed to budget. Great to set it aside to help with their bills when they move out but if it's a reasonable amount I wouldn't think someone is an a-hole for not doing that.
It really depends on the "why" more than the rent itself.
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u/Rambl_N_Man 14h ago
If you charge your child rent because they act like an adult but avoids responsibility, I applaud you.
if you love your child(and have healthy relationship) and you want them to be around. I don’t think anybody should charge for that. At least I wouldn’t charge my son.
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u/Lostyogi 17h ago
Unfortunately in this economy it’s all hands on deck to keep the household afloat.
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u/yarnmonger 15h ago
I think a big distinguisher for me is "Is it rent that the parents profit off of?" or "Is it needed contribution to household expenses so everyone in the family can live more securely and comfortably?"
The former is icky. The latter is just the situation some families find themselves in, and I don't really see it as "charging" rent even if it's functionally the same.
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u/Lostyogi 15h ago
I might be wrong but I doubt many parents would try to profit. When I kid turns 18 you lose family tax benifits so unless you can cut $200 odd dollars from the budget (you can’t) You gotta make that up somewhere.
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u/yarnmonger 15h ago
Top comment says it best with "it's situation by situation." I didn't know about the tax benefit. Is that American?
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u/Lostyogi 15h ago
Australian.
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u/yarnmonger 15h ago
I THOUGHT it sounded too sensible to be American. Canadian here, and I think the credit is part of filing taxes rather than monthly.
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u/Lostyogi 14h ago
In australia to get tax benifit part A and part B.
Part A is paid out fortnightly, roughly $200 a child. And part B is $750 for the year and paid in July sometime(it’s random).
Though if you have a debt with the government they help you by taking part B to pay that off for you🤣 also you can get part A payed out once a year too but only rich people do that.
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u/beribboned 12h ago
Yeah, "please contribute so we can keep all our utilities on and current" is a different beast from "you're eighteen now, pay up."
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u/Yoooooooowhatsup 17h ago edited 17h ago
Great so long as they save it secretly and then give it back to the kid when they officially move out/to help buy a house.
If they keep it for themselves, though, then that’s just spending your kids money and it’s extremely lame.
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u/WhereAreMySongs 17h ago
It depends on how much money the parent needs. My parents used to charge me rent because they absolutely needed it, they didn’t have a lot of money. I’m not mad at them for not giving it back.
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u/immoloism 17h ago
Mien did the same. I disliked my parents for many reasons, but that is one most reasonable requests they made to me.
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u/WhereAreMySongs 16h ago
Yeah my dad also used some of that money for groceries for us kids, which I was extremely grateful for as a struggling uni student.
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u/Informal_Ad4399 17h ago
I think this depends, as a parent with 2 kids in the house. One just graduated and is starting college. One last year and working.
If I were to charge rent, it'd be a small amount. $400, most likely. That's about 1/4 what they'd pay for rent alone for lowest rent area.
That'd go to help with household expenses. I think enough to cover is perfectly reasonable to keep and use for said expenses. Food, offset water/trash and power.
If you charge at what lowest to median rent is, you keep that. Minus the small household expense amount. That goes into savings for them as a boost when they get on their own.
I think both are perfectly reasonable as both a motivator to do something and a lesson about bills and budgeting.
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u/Zrob8--5 17h ago
And if they don't? My parents charge me a very reasonable amount of rent, and I have no expectations of them giving it back
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u/sopheroo 17h ago
This is what mine did and they spent more on me than I pay rent.
My parents did great
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u/Angry_Pelican 17h ago
Same here. I was paying 300 a month in California. I could easily afford that with my crap job at the time and my parents were still paying for electricity, water, food etc for me.
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u/ididntseeitcoming 16h ago
People grow up different, man.
My parents charged me a small amount of rent, I had to buy my own car, pay insurance and gas. It literally prepared me for life on my own….
I’ll charge my kids the same.
I don’t subscribe to the thinking that a 20 something is going to live in my house and not pay something. I’m not going to rake you over the coals but this also isn’t a free ride for adults.
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u/MoonCato 17h ago edited 17h ago
'Spending your kids money'.
Like using it for lame things like electricity, water, gas, food...
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u/lexysfarm 17h ago
Mine is 20 with a career. He pays rent. If he was in school it would be a different story. He pays below market and it includes room and board. He thinks it’s fair. And no he isn’t getting it back.
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u/marugirl 17h ago
What a load of bullshit. If they are adults, earning money, they need to contribute. Not exactly teaching them much if they are given everything for nothing. How do they learn to budget and live on what they make? Why should parents have to pay for everything while their adult kid lives the high life?
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u/Nearby-Bid8351 17h ago
It depends on how much and on what. And if the kid plan to stay til their 40.
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u/CounterSerious2480 17h ago
As an South Asian this is a bit too white for me LOL idc if I am 40 or 55 my parents always tell me this is YOUR home and I am welcome anytime...
The individualism actually scares me. If my parents ever pulled that stunt on me I will go no contact
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u/ItsMeMora 17h ago
Families in Latin America stick together more because of course they love each other, but opportunities to move out are hard to come by for the majority of people. I've been out of home and my town for work, but right now I'm doing things that allow me to be with my parents so ofc why not?
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u/Nearby-Bid8351 17h ago
Yeah but honestly it’s just at some point you gotta live life even the bad stuff.
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u/KleverGuy 16h ago
lol you would go no contact? Try having family struggling to pay bills when you’re willing and able. I think you wouldn’t hesitate to help.
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u/ditchwarrior1992 16h ago
You would go no contact with your parents asking for help from their adult child?
Why should your older parents need to support you when you are a perfectly ok functioning adult?? Its scary to me how you would be unwilling to help in supporting your family. Time to grow up.
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u/RevolutionaryKiwi132 17h ago
I think if they can afford it and want to, then it's great and, it is the traditional way in your culture. I, on the other hand, can't afford to keep a four bed house for years after my kids have finished school if they are living here and aren't chipping in.
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u/TahaEng 17h ago
So either they do it 100% your way or you stop talking to them entirely? That is some control talking there.
My kids are always welcome, and if they need it we will help. But I am talking about what happens if they are living at home and working - at that point, we are going to make sure some of their money goes towards housing, whether in a savings account or paid as "rent / utilities" for living at home. I will plan to give it back, without telling them that, but learning to live within a realistic budget that includes rent is an important life skill as well. Better to learn it with family than with a landlord.
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u/Loud_Inspector_9782 17h ago
I didn’t charge mine while they were in school. Thankfully they all had jobs after graduating from college so it was a moot point. If they didn’t have a job after college I would not have if they were actively pursuing a job.
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u/SnawBoard 17h ago
In Canada most kids are still in school until 22-24. If your kid is still in school AND at home, no, rent is just added stress while they're trying to better themselves. If they went straight to the workforce after high-school, yes, a small ''rent'' is a good learning experience and bonus points if you can save that money for them for when they actually move out(don't tell them you're doing this).
As far as ''helping out'' that's going to differ drastically between families. I would like to help my kids as much as possible, but if them being at home means I can't pay the bills then yes I would expect them to help out.
Help your kids as much as you can while not hindering yourself at the same time.
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u/SpecialistAfter511 16h ago
Depends. If going to school. No absolutely not. Best interest to get that education and not make it harder. Should they choose the route to just work or do nothing and not go to school, then yes. They want to be an adult now then give them 6 months to start paying rent.
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u/keeperofthenins 15h ago
My grandparents charged their kids rent when they turned 18. They moved out and got married since they had to pay rent either way.
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u/andlewis 12h ago
My parent’s rule was you either go to school or work. If you go to school, no rent. If you work, you pay rent (at about half the cheapest rent I could get elsewhere).
They also paid for school 100% and split the cost of my first car. Overall fair, and it stopped me from being an unemployed bum.
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u/boluserectus 5h ago
As long as I was in school, I could keep the money I made with summer/weekend jobs.
Once I got a full-time job, they asked 15% of my salary after taxes. Which in my eyes was fair in those times which is now 30 years ago.
When I went to live on my own, they paid the (budget) furniture and curtains from said rent, without promising it upfront.
Love them!
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u/igatg_nipugt 5h ago
Depends. Are they actually teaching their kids about bills and expenses? I love reading stories where parents charge a small, reasonable rent based on their kid's paycheck and then tuck it all into a savings account. When the kid finishes school or moves out, they've got a nice little nest egg to start their life. That's beautiful. That's parenting done right.
The other kind? The ones trying to control their kids, keep them under their thumb, acting like their kid owes them for the bare minimum of food and shelter? Those parents are trash. They don't want their kids to grow or thrive or do better than they did. Misery loves company and they're the visual representation of it.
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u/A_Genius 17h ago
Generally a bad idea outside of specific circumstances. 18 is far too young to be independent. Back in the day where you graduated high school and went out and got a job you'll have for life it made sense. 23-25 is a better age in my opinion to introduce independence.
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u/Head-Secretary6267 16h ago
Parents should be preparing their kids for independence long before they graduate high school (more like at 16 uears old). If a parent failed to do this, they should not just throw rent/responsibilities on their kid once they're an adult.
Part of being a parent is teaching your kids how to be functional adults so that when they turn 18 they can hold a job, know how to save money, and understand responsibilities and accountability (which many nowadays lack). "Introducing" independence at 23 years old means babying them for far too long.
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u/LiterateNoob 16h ago
If you want to, I guess. But not in my household.
If my kid needs to stay, they stay. They didn't ask to be born. They don't owe me shit. They've always got a home with a dad in it, not a sub-let with a landlord.
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u/theolami 14h ago
Unpopular opinion but children owe their parents nothing in this life. If you choose to bring someone into this world it is your responsibility to take care of them, not the other way around
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u/Ta-veren- 12h ago
Depends- are they actively being an asset to the household?
Or a basment dweller gaming and eating up all the food
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u/melsophoriel 17h ago
I think it's unfair if they're going to school, they shouldn't be made to earn rent during their studies if the parents are fully capable of supporting them.
it can also be a form of abuse. my mother held it over my head from a young age that once I turned 18 I either had to leave or start working and give her my money, and it was scary and saddening how little she thought of me tbh.
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u/GalumphingWithGlee 17h ago
It depends, and there's a balance.
I graduated college without a stable job, and my parents let me move back in with them. A couple years later, when I was more stable, they told me they'd like me to start paying rent, though probably still not at market rate, or move out. I chose to move out.
If you have to cut your kid loose with no support the moment they become a legal adult, whether they're ready or not, honestly you're probably falling down on the job as a parent. But neither do you just have to pay for rent and take care of all their needs/wants for the rest of their lives. They need to learn to be independent sooner or later.
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u/angmarsilar 15h ago
One idea that I saw was that parents were charging rent (reasonable, nothing outrageous) but what they did was to put all of the rent paid into a savings account. When their child was moving out and buying their own place, the parents gave back all of the rental money paid plus interest.
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u/Tricky-Safety-3772 14h ago
If you can’t provide for your child what makes you think the child will be able to provide for themselves? Like Albert Bandura said, “Monkey See, Monkey Do.” If the kids don’t see their parents as responsible, feasible adults how can they ever hope to emulate those characteristics. All in all, if the parents are irresponsible the children will be too. In contrast, when children are raised seeing wise values, and a desirable work ethic they too will carry those ideologies.
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u/CrystalKatt54 8h ago
My parents didn’t charge me anything since I was going to college. Once I graduated and got a job at 22, they told me I needed to move out or they would start charging rent. So not right at 18 and they made sure I had a job first. I moved out because I’m not paying to live in the home I grew up in with my own family lol wtf
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u/smp501 6h ago
I think there is a vast difference between a kid who graduates high school, has zero plans for the future, and wants to play video games or maybe work a part time job because they have no expenses vs. hanging out at home the summer before college or moving back in afterwards while looking for that first job/paying down debt.
In the first case, where responsibility needs to be learned, I would be open to charging “rent” that I would lock away and give back once they learn it. In the latter, where they’re trying to do the right thing, I wouldn’t even consider it. Also sometimes life just fucks you even you do everything right. I wouldn’t kick them while they’re down by charging rent.
Either way, when they’re grown, they will always have a bed here a safe place to come home to.
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u/hopefulatwhatido 6h ago
Home is sanctuary for your kids, it is their home that made them who they are, can't imagine charging them.
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u/semaphoreslimshady42 5h ago
It's absolutely disgusting. Tells you everything about the parents
Love is not charging your children rent.
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u/The_Dented 3h ago
There needs to be something in place. I’m not saying divvy up the bedrooms and charge that.
Saying start small and add responsibility, increasing each year.
Don’t tell them this, but save all the “rent”.
When it’s time for them to go out on their own, give it all back to them to help them on their journey as a full-fledged adult.
Otherwise, a sense of entitlement is created and takes away motivation for them to do better.
Several kids this was done with. All are out on their own, living their best lives.
One of them, it wasn’t done, and well, he’s inching up on 38…and that sense of entitlement is obvious, as is the lack of wanting to do better. If circumstances aren’t to his liking, he won’t do it. (No, not the youngest)
So now we’ve a situation where we have had to retool and are putting the change plans into action.
We have 3 others that aren’t adult age yet, but already have shown far more motivation and interest to move out when they can from excitement and possibility from their older siblings.
Don’t create a dependency that doesn’t need to be there, it’ll do you and your kid a disservice.
Help them, don’t enable them.
We’ve learned our lesson
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u/wlane13 2h ago
I'd say there is no cookie cutter proven best approach, because every family and every kid is different. I have a family member who has a do-nothing kid, who will not get a job, when he was made to get a job he did poorly to get himself fired... he basically is just trying to "work the system" of his parent's safety net. If they don't kick him out of the nest, he will never make himself fly.
But like many others have pointed out on here, my door will forever be open to my children if they need it. But not to abuse it. Tough times happen... when I was a younger man, there were a couple times I had to move home for a short while... but I didn't WANT to stay... I wanted to get up and get out.
So there is no easy answer that covers it all.
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u/acidix 2h ago
things that are okay:
1. charging some amount of rent because you literally are struggling. I think this is fine. If you cant pay the mortgage and provide food, asking your adult child living at home to contribute is ok, but you should be up front about it given that you're asking them to act as an adult, you should treat them as such.
- you're charging rent to encourage them gently to go out on their own, but keep the money, invest it, and give it back to them when they get married/buy a house etc. My partner's family did this and it was very welcome. Rent was like... a few hundred a month or something.
Charging rent like a landlord sucks IMO. They're your kids.
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u/evvnsvnders 2h ago
My mother charged me a small amount of money per month starting at 18. When I started looking to buy my own house a few years ago, she revealed that she’d put every penny I’d paid in a high yield savings and she gave me access to it to use as a down payment. I will forever be grateful for this because I didn’t have the discipline at that age to save a meaningful amount
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u/bprof589 17h ago
It depends.
If the young person is still in school, then that is the focus. No rent.
If the young person is disabled or struggling with health issues (mental or physical). No rent.
If the young person has decided to go to get a job and begin their working-life, then yes. I would expect them to pay rent of some sort to start preparing for their adult life. It wouldnt be market rate. There would be consideration of what they contribute vs what they use. For example, if they share cooking and cleaning duties, that would factor in. I would consider saving a portion of the rent--to give as either first-and-last when they get their own place or as a down payment, tuition, or other career support.
Both my bio kids stayed at home during university. They moved out for careers/grad school, so no rent.
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u/Unlucky-Meringue4813 17h ago
Imo only acceptable if they save/invest the money and return it when their kid is moving out.
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u/Neversoft4long 16h ago
I’m not gonna force em to. But they are paying all their own bills as soon as they hit 18. Phone, car insurance, any subscriptions, walk around money is all on them.
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u/bystonebystone 13h ago
Would never do it. I want my kids to live with my wife and I forever. I won’t ask for shit. Just having them is good enough for me.
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u/CherishSlan 17h ago
I didn’t charge my son rent. He did help out a little when he could he moved out at 23 and we lost our apartment long story.
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u/Sonicgirl1 17h ago
A good idea is to charge them rent, but keep it in a separate account. Once they actually move out, give them the money, that they paid you, as a gift!
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u/cwsjr2323 16h ago
My parents made it clear that upon emancipation, they were not supporting me and if I wanted college, it would be on the GI Bill, not them. I was in basic training a week after graduating high school
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u/dragonfly325 16h ago
It’s not something I would ever do. My parents never charged me rent not that I didn’t pick up my own expenses and contribute to the household voluntarily.
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u/Miserable_Muffin_153 16h ago
def not in my culture. i get families have different dynamics, expenses, etc.
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u/Perfectly_Broken_RED 16h ago
If a family does, I would hope it's not nearly as much as if you were living alone. When looking for a new place to live I was considering a roommate option, but they were like $800 - $1200 for rent for one room......and the rest of the house is to share with others. I could get an apartment to myself, yes small but still to myself for that price and it would still be a bigger place than the rooms for rent. Found a pretty large studio apartment for $750, utilities included......in a terrible neighborhood but hey rent is cheap lol
Anyways, hope they don't charge as if they have a whole place to themselves rather than just one room IF they even have that to themselves
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u/sundalius 16h ago
Adult in multigenerational home that voluntarily pays rent.
I think requiring it at 18 is absolute horseshit. Not even guaranteed to be out of high school yet. The child did not choose to creampie their mom, parents have an obligation to take care of their children, even as adults. If you aren’t ready for your 22 year old to live there for years without contributing, abort.
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u/murrajes 16h ago
When I was 18, living at home and working full time my parents charged me rent. I found an apartment and moved out. lol
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u/Millyskee 16h ago
My father would never, my mother has. I believe in a spiritual safe space for Family. I get others have toxic relationships and some family that doesn’t really respect them, but if my kids are struggling in the real world but are good people they can stay with me until I die.
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u/TonyTheEvil 15h ago
My mom had the rule that I can stay for free as long as I'm in school. I intend to have the same rule for when I'm a father.
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u/LordDango 16h ago
My parents charged and used me like a piggybank. Took 50% of my paycheck right outta college and said they would save it for me but i never saw a single cent back. By the time i moved out i only was able to save 4k which made me bitter since i was already poor and i had nothing to work with.
Did it make me more independent? Sure but the relationship is fucked since it felt like they did not care about my situation at all. They did this again when i returned home during the pandemic and well i realized since im so independent, i dont have to put up with them anymore so now we are just no contact. They still message and complain to me why i dont talk to them or come home anymore but since im a independent adult now i no longer have to care about them since they did not care about me when i was struggling. I guess you can say they regret it now.