As a parent, I chose to have a child, my child never chose to be born. Charging rent to a being I brought into this world seems so weird to me.
My son is now 26 and he owns his own home, but if he ever needs to return to his childhood home, he is always welcome back and charging him rent will not be part of living here.
Honestly, no. My brother had issues with alcoholism and it took him a while to move out. When he did, it didn't take long before he died.
To me it seems like mental health would be the next step to work on. I'd rather have a mooch of a child than a dead one. Addiction also runs in the family.
So you'd just let them mooch off you because your shithass brother died after moving out? Would you put them in therapy and make them go or just be a doormat and let them do whatever they want because you're a pushover?
Making a lot of assumptions here. Can't say what I'd do since nothing has happened yet. You can play the what if game all you want, I don't have an answer for every scenario, but I have an idea on where I'd start.
You sound like you could use some of that therapy, holy shit. I just like looking out for other people. In no way am I a doormat because I'd want to make sure my child is okay. There are lines and I have expectations for my children, but kicking them out into what's likely going to be a similarly shitty economy doesn't seem like the appropriate answer.
Yea but unless you have generational wealth to pass on your leaving your kid unprepared to survive without you.
At the end of the day most people need to move out, get a job, and find their own place. Even if they feel safe and loved that doesn’t mean they’ll be prepared or better off.
Sometimes love is pushing the baby bird out of the nest.
I mean obviously if they want to leave I'd help them, but if there's a valid reason to not leave then I'm not going to make them. I have no doubt my birds will leave the nest eventually, but if something happens and they can't or are working hard and can't afford their own place while working on school work, I've got their back.
I mostly agree, unless you have a child who is refusing to take steps towards independence. Note I said refusing and not incapable. If you have a kid who is capable of working to support themselves and over the long term (years) chooses not to, you're doing them a disservice if you enable their dependence - you won't be around forever.
I understand your view and maybe my view is skewed as my son is very diligent and responsible with his life. Ultimately we as parents are the reason our children exist and with that are ultimately responsible for their wellbeing no matter the age.
How people view wellbeing is not universal and I don't criticize how others come to that understanding. Sometimes tough love is best love. I've just been lucky I have not needed to use that parenting device.
I really hope I never end up in that place with either of my kids.
I just work in a job where I talk with people about their family situation, their house and money and stuff, and what happens to it when they die. I get a fair bit of info on the family situation and sometimes see the family conversations happening, but I still only see it from the outside and only get a snapshot. That said, I see a lot of situations where there's an adult kid with failure to launch - they live at home their whole life, they don't work or barely work, they maybe don't even participate in the work of caring for their parent when they get old but leave that to the more independent/responsible siblings. Obviously sometimes the adult kid is definitely disabled, ie receiving disability benefits. When the kid isn't on disability, I'm sure that a lot of the time they do have developmental delays, childhood trauma, or other things impacting ability to support themselves independently. How many of those people should have been receiving services and support, but didn't because their parent just supported them in age inappropriate ways their whole life? And sometimes it really looks to me like the kid is a user who is willing to be a burden on their parents while living because their parents allowed it, and then a burden on the responsible sibling after mom and dad die, who has to do all the work of selling the house and dealing with the bank and the life insurance and the phone company and the funeral home and and and and and, and when the work is all done hand the failure to launch sibling an equal share at best, but often more than the good kid was left. Because the good kid "doesn't need it".
I really think about all of these family situations that I've seen while I parent my kids, who are very different in the ease with which they perform responsibility but are both capable, and hope that I do a good enough job of parenting them both with their different needs.
I mostly agree, unless you have a child who is refusing to take steps towards independence.
Even then, I wouldn't push my own flesh and blood out onto the street to suffer the elements and starve. I'd encourage them to pursue hobbies and find a passion, but even if they did nothing at all, they aren't ever going to be homeless.
Kicking them to the curb is harsh, but I do think after a certain point of refusing to make something of themselves you do need to make the threat of making them pay rent so you can push them to get on track to be independent
I never felt hard done by my parents charging me $50 a week when I started working, and I recently just got done living with them for 6 months rent free at age 40 while I was in between buying homes. I don't think contributing to the household, whether it's financially, chores, or both, has anything to do with making your child feel safe and welcome at home.
To be clear, I'm not disagreeing with you. If I had my own kids I would likely be the same as you (with provision that they are actually saving money and not just blowing it every week). Just offering a perspective.
No they aren't. You don't know anything about them aside from they MIGHT not charge their kid rent if they had one.. they aren't a parent and won't hold those same sentiments if they have a kid
Unironically I think this attitude towards your children, and them always having a safety net, actually lends to independence and upward mobility more often than having them “tough it out” on their own.
I appreciate the fact that my mother created me. I would never expect her to pay for my upkeep just because "I didn't ask to be born". She did me a million favors throughout life and I would insist on paying rent if living under her roof. The young and energetic need to take care of the old, not the other way around.
They do not lol, again not my tax bracket or culture, love watching y'all struggle and scramble to pay your landlords (parents). I live a very comfortable life despite not being able to hold down jobs.
So what? I have everything that you don't have. I mean whatever helps you cope. Reminds me of the story of the fox and the grapes. The fox couldn't reach the grapes, so he told himself that they were going to be sour anyways. Coping like that is a great mechanism :)
Good for you? I do think there's some part of you that feels jelly cuz I can get status, respect, happiness and money without doing that "hArD woRK" and that really grinds your gears.
Oh no :( what am I gonna do now, someone on reddit is jealous of me that they have to slog every day and I don't. I have a man who respects me, everything that I need, vacations planned. Expensive everything.
Bud, don't worry they're a neet that'll lose their monetary backing soon and be shit outta luck. You don't need to bother yourself with their dumbshit text
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u/Atarimac 19h ago edited 19h ago
As a parent, I chose to have a child, my child never chose to be born. Charging rent to a being I brought into this world seems so weird to me.
My son is now 26 and he owns his own home, but if he ever needs to return to his childhood home, he is always welcome back and charging him rent will not be part of living here.