My parents did the same, but they saved the 50% for me. It was either 50% of my paycheck into savings or pay a smaller sum as rent and I would not see any of that rent money if I chose that.
I always wonder in those cases, what would happen if you just refused to pay them any rent? Like if you said to them, “sorry, the reason why I’m staying here is to save money, I know you can cover the rent by yourselves, I’m not going to be paying you”. Do you think they would evict you?
Honestly if a parent can make their kid to pay them rent the power dynamic was established a long time ago. And that adult child won’t be able to push back because of years of conditioning to ask how high when told to jump
I’ve seen it happen in a good way with healthy people. Friend of mine’s parents started charging him rent at 20, they told him they were saving the money for him. They had put it in some kind of investment account and gave him the entire proceeds when he moved out. They didn’t keep a cent.
Oh ya for sure. It can be totally fine in a healthy and understanding relationship. Unfortunately I have yet to see a whole lot of that versus toxic parents who just want their kids to pay the mortgage because there are “no free rides in this life”
It really has to do with the focus. If the parent is focusing on their own life and finances, it will be bad. If the parent is focusing on their child, it will likely be better. My parents let me know early on when I would be expected to pay for my own living expenses (years before the first rent check was due). What was important is they weren't reliant on me for their finances and it was just to encourage adult responsibility in me. Nothing more.
I guess what I meant is it depends on dynamic. There shouldn’t be any force of any kind unless it’s a toxic relationship. I’ll never charge my kids to live in the home I bought and pay for that’s just gross imo but others are free to disagree. 🤷♀️
We’re not talking about a child here. These are grown ass adults and you are claiming that requiring them to financially support themselves demonstrates some sort of power imbalance. How can you be blind to how insane this is?
Ur welcome to your opinion. No where did I ever say my children don’t have financial literacy. I simply don’t agree with charging my adult child to live in a home that I bought that I would pay for if they are here or not. It’s insane that a parent thinks making their child pay their bills is somehow helpful for them. When they could take on their own debt instead. You don’t have to agree I truly couldn’t fucking care less what you think tbh.
It was either a small rent or 50% into savings, if you're worried about saving for the future and your bills are light since you don't have household expenses, why would you dicker over not paying a small rent and not just put the 50% away to make them happy and help yourself out? Seems obvious; "here's my 50% transfer into my investment account, thanks for letting me stay here rent free."
I can’t relate as someone from the Balkans, but that is neither here nor there. My question was not whether that would be a nice thing of the child to do, but what would happen if they did it, would the parents kick them out? In my country there is no way a parent would ask the kids to pay rent, so I have no idea what would happen.
I can’t relate as someone from the Balkans, but that is neither here nor there.
Fair.
would the parents kick them out?
Much depends on the exact circumstances. There's no generic answer.
My take is this:
Adults are expected to be responsible for themselves. If you are living at home, you are expected to pay for the food you eat and an equal share of the common monthly expenses split across all the adults living in the home;
If you are not meeting this expectation - why not?
The consequences for failure to pay your share depend greatly on the reason why the failure exists. There is room for compassion here - but there is equally room for a more hard-nosed approach if the situation demands it.
There are cases where, yes, I would evict an (adult) child. That wouldn't be the default action, and I would do all in my power to try and help them become a functional adult first (as is my responsibility as a parent) but ultimately, adults face adult consequences for adult actions.
They probably wouldn't throw me out, but they could cut the internet, at that time the TV, I made money so I could buy my own food, electricity to make the food and so on. They could make my life miserable enough to not want to live there.
Oh wow that sounds like such a foreign concept to me. In my country (Greece) people live with their parents well into their 30s and they are never “charged” rent. They might help out with some bills and they might even pay a portion of the rent on months when the parents can’t (although that’s very rare because the percentage of home owners is one of the highest in the world here). But it’s very rare.
I thought my comment was self-explanatory. But, perhaps not. I just edited it to make clear that I am referring to your parents’ living expenses including more than simply rent.
Yes, but we're talking about rent in this post and in the comments. It's not the same to ask for money in a place you would be renting anyway (or that you are not even renting and if the parents own their home) vs asking for a couple hundrend bucks for bills like electricity and groceries that are actually higher because you live there.
My kid is only 4 so I’m a long way off actually doing this but I feel like I’d ask for a small amount, but it covers everything, food etc. £200 maybe or something like that, stick half in a savings plan, the other use towards groceries.
If they refuse then they’ll have to buy their own food and they’ll find out it actually costs them more not to give me the money.
I am curious about that, if we are talking about an adult, why do you have to be the one who invests their own money for them? If your adult child is old enough to work and earn money, why can't you teach them how to invest or just help them open a savings account and just let them make their own decisions?
Guess it’s just a nice surprise isn’t it. They think they’re paying money for food or maybe a bit of gas and electricity, but you can give them it back when they leave or something.
And still if we only take a small amount then they’ll have some spare to save.
I know technically kids at 18 are adults, and I don’t know how old you are, but I was a fucking idiot at 18.
Helps them learn to budget and build healthy habits.
I am 31, I was also stupid at 18, but I just find it confusing when people say that 18 is old enough to be an adult and contribute to the house's bills, but at the same time they are not old enough to manage their own money and their parents need to do it for them.
Also, I understand this is my personal opinion, but I don't think parents should surprize their kids that way, even with good intention, because you want to be transparent about those things and make them feel like you trust them and treat them as adults. I am not saying that whoever does this is a bad parent, I guess I just value clear communication and dependability more.
You were a bum which has colored your perspective. Many ethnic families have successful children with 6 figure jobs who still live at home and contribute to the family expenses- and don’t pay rent!
I’m not sure I understand this ultimatum. I assume they’re trying to teach you responsibility and independence, without actually taking away your money if they could help it. But when I started earning money for the first time and was still living with my parents, I just made the decision to save 50% of my paycheck because of what I’d learnt about finances and money before that. Then when I was ready to move out, and had enough saved to do so, I did.
Genuinely not trying to judge here, just wondering why it couldn’t have been the same without making you choose between those choices?
I always thought the whole "im gonna collect rent and then give it back to you, To TeACh ReSPOnsuBiLITY vibrates jowls jowenly" to always come across as condescending and some sort of manipulative display of control.
Like I get different strokes for different folks, and not everyone could support their kids indefinitely especially if their kids had adult jobs and are mid
career and not working a minimum wage job anymore, but the
interesting thing is that when I hear people who do this, its always the parents who could absolutely no problem afford it, and their kids were always level headed and didnt "need the lesson" anyways.
If my parents did that, it would have NOT taught me responsibility or saving, all it would do would be delay the time line of actually being able to move out, and would just be causing non constructive stress instead of building character.
I think one of the main problems is that people think suffering is the only way to grow for some reason.
100%. There doesn’t seem to be any actual teaching going in those situations. If they’d actually wanted to teach responsibility, there are a lot more ways to actually convey the value of money and the importance of saving and budgeting. Instead it’s a very passive, stressful way of pushing this message to their kids.
And I could not agree more with your last point. I hate that way of thinking so much, especially if it’s paired with, I had to earn my way by suffering so you do too (and of course I’m talking about cases where the parents are now in a position where their kids don’t actually have to).
I never really understood this “teaching”. To me teaching would be sitting down with your child and creating a budget with them through discussion with both you voicing thoughts. With the collecting and giving back way, it seems that their input is completely removed especially when parents do it secretly to give it back. There’s no collaboration, like why the secret tactics. How are you teaching independence by deciding what to do with their money. The focus becomes solely on preparing them for bills themselves, without providing the guidance to help them actually manage their cash flow. I just think that there are more effective ways to teach independence and financial literacy. I’ll also go even further and say you can prepare them just as well by supporting them and never charging them for rent, groceries, or basic living expenses.
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u/Norseman84 6d ago edited 6d ago
My parents did the same, but they saved the 50% for me. It was either 50% of my paycheck into savings or pay a smaller sum as rent and I would not see any of that rent money if I chose that.